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30 Rock

Jerry Seinfeld: No. Its not over until you pick up the phone. You say I dont love you anymore, they say I dont love you anymore either. You go great, Ill pick you up in twenty. Lets grab a scone.
30 Rock love
C.C.: Ive been going crazy the last few days thinking about our night together. How you wanted to brush my hair as foreplay. How you made me that Western omelet at 4 a.m. Ive never met anyone like you, Jack.
30 Rock thinking
Jack: Were just friends. Its platonic. I have elaborate fantasies of her husband dying in a boat explosion.
30 Rock friends
Liz: Maybe Im a little old-fashioned. Im sorry Im a real woman and not some over-sexed New York nympho like those sluts on Everybody Loves Raymond.
30 Rock love
Tracy: Yeah yeah yeah, I like risky. See, me and you, we play the game. We know how to be acceptable. Hello great meeting, I drink coffee please. This show is our chance to break the shackles cause the white dudes want to see us fail.
30 Rock hell
Tracy: Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets. Thats a metaphor.
30 Rock women
Jenna: There is no way that I am working with that guy. Do you know that he once got arrested for walking naked through LaGuardia?
30 Rock work
Tracy: But I want you to know something You and me, its not gonna be a one-way street. Cause I dont believe in one-way streets. Not between people, and not while Im driving.
30 Rock people
Tracy: So, heres some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: Live every week like its Shark Week.
30 Rock advice
Liz: No, Tracy took advantage of my white guilt, which is supposed to be used only for good, like over-tipping and supporting Barack Obama.
30 Rock good
Jack: All you have to do as the writing staff of an NBC show is incorporate positive mentions, or POS-MENS of GE products into your program. For example you could write an episode where one of your character purchases, and is satisfied with one of GEs direct current drilling motors for off-shore or land-based projects.
30 Rock writing
Dennis: Hold on a second, this place aint that nice, alright. Its got rats and roaches like every other restaurant.
30 Rock right
Jack: Whenever I have a problem, I tackle it head on. A year ago I was an inch and a half shorter. Sheer willpower.
30 Rock power
Liz: Nuh-uh. Wayne Brady has three Emmys. You have a Peoples Choice Award that you stole from Wayne Brady.
30 Rock war
Conan: I don’t know. He’s kind of a loose cannon, and I like to surround myself with people who don’t try to stab me.
30 Rock people
Conan: That’s what they said about Hasselhoff, then he tried to make out with me during a commercial break.
30 Rock wit
Tracy: Yeah then I could go Rodney, dont make me come over there and beat you in the head with one of my boom booms.
30 Rock you
Jenna: Hey, Ive gotta miss an hour of rehearsal today cause I just found out from my publicist that Ive been booked on The View.
30 Rock book
Pete: Oh, Jenna, thats great. For the first time in your life, youll be in a room full of women and youll be the least crazy one.
30 Rock life
Jack: I wanted to talk to you about our corporate Bottoms-Up Day. Once a year all the senior V.P.s spend one day doing the job of one of our lowest level employees. This year Ill be a page for a day and youll be my boss.
30 Rock age
Jack: Thats how the Bottoms-Up program works. Im going to be your bottom, Kenneth, and I want you to ride me as hard as you can.
30 Rock work
Jack: Lemon, I want to thank you. For showing me that I could have a pleasant evening with a woman my age.
30 Rock man
Jack: I want the art supplies I gave you on your fortieth birthday and any subsequent art projects you made with them.
30 Rock art
Cat Wrangler: They like you. Theyre very good as sensing debilitating loneliness in a person. Do you wanna adopt one?
30 Rock loneliness
Tracy: If you get rich off this stuff, just take care of my family. I dont want my kids to have to go to college.
30 Rock family
Steven: Liz, I wish it could be like that and maybe someday our children or our childrens children will hate each other like that, but it just doesnt work that way today.
30 Rock children
Jack: Thats where Donaghy Estates comes in. Now as you may have read in Robert Parkers Wine Newsletter, Donaghy Estates tastes like the urine of Satan after a hefty portion of asparagus.
30 Rock you
Tracy: I believe that the moon does not exist. I believe that vampires are the worlds greatest golfers but their curse is they never get a chance to prove it. I believe that there are 31 letters in the white alphabet. Wait what was the question?
30 Rock world
Jack: You should get to know Devon, tell him all of your television ideas. You know he started off as a page just like you.
30 Rock art
Jack: You say the right things, ask him the right questions, Im sure he could open some doors for you.
30 Rock you
Jack: Ill write them down for you. You call him and tell him you have two tickets for A Chorus Line for tonight. Now Kenneth, have you ever used bronzer?
30 Rock night
Devon: I think were way past that Jack. Lets be honest with each other. Ill go first. Im gay and I want your job.
30 Rock past
Jack: Devon, Im straighter than you are gay, and I leave particles of guys like you in my wind. Im not afraid of you.
30 Rock art
Devon: Yeah, lets Oh, by the way, little slim-waisted birdie in a page jacket told me you got nothing! Youre going down.
30 Rock age
Jack: To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you, but here we are.
30 Rock people
Phoebe: You know how John Lennon was better than all the rest of the Beatles but he never realized it until he met Yoko? Well Im gonna be Jacks Yoko!
30 Rock you
Floyd: If the whole world moved to their favorite vacation spots, then the whole world would live in Hawaii and Italy and Cleveland.
30 Rock world
Liz: Shes very well-read and shes very stylish, dont you think? And you know the most important thing is she makes Jack very happy. Shes like a white geisha.
30 Rock happy
Jack: Youve got to get back to work and come up with something with or without Tracy, or we are gonna be screwed.
30 Rock work
Jack: Maybe this is the drugs talking, but I think I got Nixon to agree to come on the show and say Sock It To Me.
30 Rock drugs
Jack: All of my summer replacement shows were big hits - Americas Next Top Pirate, Are You Stronger Than A Dog, MILF Island.
30 Rock men
Liz: Im telling you, this is my year. I feel like the shows going to be great and Im very positive that Im going to meet someone else.
30 Rock positive
Liz: Oh. No, no no no. I havent talked to him since Whew I dunno August 9th, four seventeen PM
30 Rock sin
Dr. Spaceman: Oh, Id like nothing better. Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing where the heart is. See, every human is different.
30 Rock art
Jack: I feel like Im back in that boiler room, making little piles of sawdust while Gilly plays with himself in the corner
30 Rock self
Jack: Lemon, let me explain something to you that you could have no way of knowing: emotionally unstable women are fantastic in the sack and their self-loathing translates into never mind.
30 Rock women
Liz: Hello, Im sorry, may I speak to Floyd, please? Oh, hes in the shower I am conducting a survey for the Ranford Group, and, uh, how old are you? And your weight? And when was the last time you had intercourse? Who is this? Who is you? I is your worst nightmare, is who I is.
30 Rock time
Liz: Oh, boy. This just went from a senior dating a freshman to Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili Fualaau.
30 Rock man
Liz: See, this is exactly the kind of thing that happens when theres no order, no planning. Hitler and Martha Stewart wouldve hated that wedding.
30 Rock war
Tracy: Black people, dont vote! Did you know that in the amount of time it takes to vote you could play three games of pool? Three! Now thats fresh.
30 Rock time
Tracy: Ive seen a blind guy bite a police horse! A puppy committed suicide after he saw our bathroom! I once bit into a burrito and there was a childs shoe in it! Ive seen a hooker eat a tire! A pack of wild dogs took over and successfully ran a Wendy’s. The sewer people stole my skateboard! The projects I lived in were named after Zachary Taylor - generally considered to be one of the worst presidents of all time! I once saw a baby give another baby a tattoo they were very drunk.
30 Rock success

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