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50 First Dates 2004

Henry: Its gonna be alright, Luce.Lucy: [to Henry] Dont call me Luce. I barely know you.Marlin: Sweetie, youre sorta dating him.Lucy: [Lucy looks at Henry]Henry: Sorry Im not better looking.
50 First Dates 2004 dating
Henry: Happy birthday, sir. What are you, like, 200 today?
50 First Dates 2004 happy
Henry: Appreciate your time. Not everybody would have stopped like you. Youre real sweet.Lucy: Oh, yeah. Thank you.Henry: Okay.Lucy: Okay.[Henry pretends to get electrocuted while jump-starting his car]Henry: Hah! I cant believe you fell for that!Lucy: Well... my grandfather died while trying to jump-start a car...Henry: Oh... Im so sorry. I was just joking around.Lucy: I cant believe you fell for THAT!
50 First Dates 2004 time
Young Woman: So, you must be Lucys friend. The one who made the tape.Lucy: I think hes more than my friend. Youre my boyfriend, right?Henry: Yes, maam.Stacy: So every day you help her to realize what happened and you wait patiently for her to be okay with it... then you get her to fall in love with you again?Henry: Yes, maam.Stacy: [softly, almost beneath her breath] Gosh![a longing sigh, then back slaps her husbands chest right over his heart]Stacy: You asshole! You dont even open the fricking car door for me anymore.Jennifer: [everyone breaks out in laughter] Youre in trouble![even more laughter]Jennifer: I gotta go tinkle.
50 First Dates 2004 love
[at the Callahan Institute]Security Guard 1: Hey Lucy, good to see you again![Lucy walks by quietly]Security Guard 1: What the hells her problem?Security Guard 2: She doesnt remember who you are, brah.Security Guard 1: Oh yeah, I suck at this job!
50 First Dates 2004 good
[to his children]Ula: You kids suck; youre good at everything!
50 First Dates 2004 children
Lucy: Yeah, thats right. Take that! And that! And that! And that! And that!Henry: You got him. You got him. Enough. Enough.Lucy: Are you okay?Henry: Yes.Lucy: Okay, Ill be right back. Hey! Come here!Henry: No, no, no. I think hes had enough. Im sorry.Ula: My eye!Henry: You got him!Lucy: Not good enough.Ula: Oh, Kamehameha!Henry: He learned his lesson!
50 First Dates 2004 good
[Henry is pretending to cry to get Lucys attention]Lucy: I wonder whats the matter with him.Old Hawaiian Man: Looks like a stupid asshole to me.
50 First Dates 2004 man
[repeated line]Lucy: Nothing beats a first kiss.
50 First Dates 2004 kiss
Henry: [after Ula speaks in Hawaiian] Thanks buddy. What does it mean, again?Ula: Bring me back a t-shirt
50 First Dates 2004
Marlin: Doug, once again, off the juice.Doug: Itth not juithe. Itth a protein thake.
50 First Dates 2004
Nick: Hey, Mr. Peanut Butter Cups!Henry: Hey, Mr. Could-Kill-Me-In-One-Punch!
50 First Dates 2004 kill
Ula: Hey! Kikikuloa! No flippies off the dock! You could get hurt! Let the Master show you how its done.[after doing a painful belly flop off a dock]Ula: One of you kids go down there and find my nuts!
50 First Dates 2004 pain
Dr. Keats: And now ladies and gentlemen I would like to introduce you to our most distinguished clinical subject: TomTen Second Tom: Hi, Im Tom.Henry: Henry.Marlin: Marlin.Doug: Doug.Lucy: Lucy.Ten Second Tom: Hi. Oh, those are cool flip flops. Where did you get them?Doug: You like those? Its interesting story. I was over on the North Shore the other day...Ten Second Tom: Hi, Im Tom.Henry: Henry.Ten Second Tom: Hi.Marlin: Marlin.
50 First Dates 2004 men
Dr. Keats: [to Marlin] Sometimes I wish my wife had Goldfield Syndrome. That way she wouldnt remember last night when I called her mother a loud, obnoxious drunk with a face like J. Edgar Hoovers ass.
50 First Dates 2004 time
Patient #1: Do you know who that guy is?Patient #2: Dude, I dont even know who I am.
50 First Dates 2004 you
[repeated line]Ten Second Tom: Hi, Im Tom!
50 First Dates 2004
Lucy: What are you doing?Henry: Nothing, I was just getting some lint off for you...Lucy: You were going for a feelski!Henry: All right, Im sorry... But this is like the twenty third time weve made out already and... theyre getting blue!
50 First Dates 2004 time
Lucy: Did Alicia marry that guy?Marlin: yea.Henry: Doug, did you win the Mr. Hawaiian contest?Doug: I didnt know there wath gonna be a urine tethst.Lucy: [to Henry] Did we have sex?[Marlin and Doug look at Henry]Henry: No, we didnt. Just so everyone knows[Marlin and Doug turn away]Henry: We want to![Marlin and Doug look again]Henry: Just kidding.
50 First Dates 2004 sex
Henry: Okay, this is her. Start beating me up. Make it look good.Ula: Give me your wallet. Okay, haole, what do you think? You can come to this island, eat our pineapple.Henry: Help me! Not so hard. Take it easy.Ula: Try to bang our women. Making my sister clean your hotel room.Henry: Okay. What does that have to do with this? Relax. Hey! Hey! Help me, please!Ula: Stupid haole!
50 First Dates 2004 women
Henry: See what happens when you play with sharks.Ula: Sharks are like dogs, they only bite when you touch their private parts.
50 First Dates 2004 art
Old Hawaiian Man: Are you staring at me or her? Cause youre starting to freak me out.Henry: Settle down and eat your pancakes, huh.
50 First Dates 2004 art
Old Hawaiian Man: [about Henrys drawing on a napkin] Can I have that? I need something to wipe my ass with.Henry: Ha ha ha. Shut up!
50 First Dates 2004 man
Lucy: [to Henry] Can I have one last first kiss?
50 First Dates 2004 kiss
Update Video: Red Sox win series!... Just kidding.Update Video: Schwarzenegger becomes governor of California!... Not kidding.
50 First Dates 2004 war
Dr. Keats: All I know about walruses is that out of all mammals they have the second largest penis. I have the first.Henry: Thats my joke.
50 First Dates 2004
Update Video: April: Snoop quits weed.Update Video: May: Snoop back on weed.
50 First Dates 2004
Henry: I dont think thats an option, Lisa.Linda: Linda.Henry: I know. I changed your name for your protection.
50 First Dates 2004 change
Henry: Pardon me. Sorry to interrupt, but I notice we were both eating alone and I thought perhaps I could sit with you, maybe build a syrup Jacuzzi for your waffle house?Lucy: Oh, that would be nice, but I have a boyfriend. Im sorry.Henry: Youre making up a boyfriend so you can get rid of me?Lucy: No. Im not.Henry: Whats his name then?Lucy: Ringo.Henry: Is his last name, Starr?Lucy: No. McCartney.
50 First Dates 2004 art
Henry: The Beach Boys? How nice of that man to give me a CD that will remind me of all the wonderful times I shared with his daughter. What an asshole!Henry: [starts singing off key to Wouldnt It Be Nice, then breaks out in tears] WHY would you do this to me?Henry: [leans against the boat wheel and sobs] Oh my god, is he trying to tell me something?
50 First Dates 2004 god
Jet Skiier: [Henry jumps on a jet ski] What the hell is wrong with you?Henry: Just keep going, Ill give you twenty dollars.Jet Skiier: You got it. Hows your balls?Henry: Killing me. Hit it.
50 First Dates 2004 hell
Henry: Can I ask you guys something? Whats gonna happen down the line? Someday shes gonna wake up and look in the mirror and notice her faces aged ten years overnight.Marlin: You know something, Henry? I worry about that every day of my damn life.
50 First Dates 2004 life
Henry: Ula! Get back to cleaning the pool! And if thats one of your special brownies, dont let any of the dolphins eat that!Ula: How do you think I get the dolphins to do double-flips and play with the white kids?
50 First Dates 2004 you
Henry: Hey! Tattoo Face!Nick: Hey, Peanut Butter Cups!
50 First Dates 2004
Henry: [on First Date #1] You know, why dont you try this? Its a kind of hinge.Lucy: Now, why didnt I think of that?Henry: Youre too close to the object. Dont be too hard on yourself.Lucy: Youre right. Sometimes you need an outsiders perspective.Henry: Fresh eye never hurts.Lucy: Im Lucy.Henry: Yes. Im Henry Roth. Nice to meet you.Lucy: Nice to meet you.
50 First Dates 2004 time
Henry: [to Penguin] Okay, pal. When she stops, just let her pet you. Look cute. Go to the middle of the road. Thank you. Right there. Perfect.Lucy: Oh, shit.Henry: Here she comes. Smile. Where is she? Oh, my God! Oh no! Okay that didnt work. Shit your pants? So did I!
50 First Dates 2004 god
Ten Second Tom: Arent you a little old to still have wet dreams?[memory erases]Ten Second Tom: Hi, Im Tom!
50 First Dates 2004 dreams
Dr. Keats: It could be worse.Lucy: Yeah? How?Dr. Keats: I think you should meet ten second Tom.
50 First Dates 2004 you
Henry: [on video] The part of you for this reenactment will be played by my good friend, Ula.Ula: [on video] Aloha. Sorry about your brain.
50 First Dates 2004 art
Nick: [on video] Since you lost your memory, I became governor of Hawaii. No, just kidding. Im too smart.
50 First Dates 2004 art
Henry: Do you have any idea who I am?Lucy: No.Henry: No. That sucks.
50 First Dates 2004 you
Ula: Really? Even though in 10-15 years she could possibly let herself go and then sex would be like, nauseating, for you?Henry: What, are you nuts? Your wifes right over there.Ula: Im just kidding, Muumuu!
50 First Dates 2004 sex
Doug: [to Henry] Well, I may not able to kick your ath but my thithter thure can.
50 First Dates 2004 you
[to Jocko]Henry: Remember to use a condom, or in your case, a Hefty bag.
50 First Dates 2004 you
Ulas Kid: Hey, Dad.Ula: Not now, Keanu Mokokokakau.Ulas Kid: But your stitches are bleeding.[while playing golf, Ula has ripped the stitches over a shark bite on his waist]Ula: It must have been my huge back swing. You think you can stitch me up tonight after I get back from surfing?Henry: Yeah, Im looking forward to it.Caddy: I wouldnt surf with a bleeding wound like that. You might attract a shark or something.Ula: Whats wrong with that, cuz? Sharks are naturally peaceful.Caddy: Is that right? Howd you get that nasty cut anyway?Ula: A shark bit me.Caddy: Nice! Go smoke another one, bro!
50 First Dates 2004 war
Ula: Come on, I need some details. You get some booby, some assy, a pull on your poi-poi? Come on.Ulas Kid: Daddy, whats a nympho?Ula: Uh, the nympho is the state bird of Ohio.Henry: Youre the state idiot of Hawaii.
50 First Dates 2004 you
Dr. Keats: Tom lost part of his brain in a hunting accident. His memory only lasts ten seconds.Ten Second Tom: I was in an accident? Thats terrible.Dr. Keats: Dont worry, youre totally gonna get over it in about three seconds.Ten Second Tom: Get over it? I mean, what happened? Did I get shot in the brain... Hi. Im Tom.
50 First Dates 2004 art
Ula: [dressed up as Lucy, with a coconut bra on] Aquariums make me super horny!
50 First Dates 2004 wit
Ulas Kid: Whats wrong with that turtle?Henry: He has lung problems cause he smoked too much turtle weed, which is bad for you. Right Ula?Ula: What? I dont smoke weed.
50 First Dates 2004 problems
Henry: Let me ask you something, Alexa. If you made a promise to a girls dad that you would not see her anymore... would you consider that like a binding promise?Alexa: Absolutely.Henry: Yeah?Alexa: But then again, there are always ways around such things.Henry: Like?Alexa: For example. If I promised a womans father I would not see her... I would simply shut my eyes, while she serviced my manhood.[Jocko the walrus, slaps his face]Henry: Thats actually a cool way to look at it. And a very gross way.[Alexas smile drops]
50 First Dates 2004 man
Lucy: [to Doug and Marlin] I cant believe it... Bruce Willis is a ghost!
50 First Dates 2004 believe
Lucy: I dont know who you are, Henry... but I dream about you almost every night.[apprehensive pause]Lucy: Why?Henry: What would you say if I told you that notebook you read every day used to have a lot of stuff about me in it?Lucy: I would say that that makes a lot of sense.Henry: You erased me from your memories because you thought you were holding me back from having a full and happy life. But you made a mistake. Being with you is the only way I could have a full and happy life. Youre the girl of my dreams... and apparently, Im the man of yours.Lucy: [barely able to contain herself, she reaches out and shakes his hand] Henry. Its nice to meet you.Henry: Lucy, its nice to meet you too.Ten Second Tom: [just as they are about to kiss] Hi, Im Tom!
50 First Dates 2004 life
Henry: Ha-ha-ha... Shut up.
50 First Dates 2004
Man: [on phone] Henry Roth...Linda: Henry Roth, why didnt you tell me you were a secret agent?
50 First Dates 2004 man
Caddy: [to Ula] That was the stupidest looking swing Ive ever seen.
50 First Dates 2004 win
Noreen: Id like to do something extra fun tonight.Ula: Uh-oh.
50 First Dates 2004 night
Henry: I bet you twenty bucks, I can get her to have breakfast with me again.Nick: Youre on.
50 First Dates 2004 you
Henry: Jocko, this is Lucy. Lucy, this is Jocko.Lucy: Wow! Thank you. Nice to meet you. He is awesome! He is so smart.Henry: Check this out. Jocko, what does the teapot do when the waters ready? Very good.Lucy: Hey, can I ask him a question?Henry: Go ahead.Lucy: Jocko, do you think that Henry and I are ready to take our relationship to the next level? You sure about that? And do you think that I should bring him into the other room and take advantage of him? I saw that hand gesture. And Im glad you did it.Henry: Really?
50 First Dates 2004 art
Henry: [to Lucy] Good morning. Lucy! Lucy! Hey, hey, hey. Okay, I know this is hard for you to understand right now, but we are actually seeing each other.
50 First Dates 2004 good
Lucy: Stalker!Henry: No, no, no. Dont you remember me a little?
50 First Dates 2004 you
Doug: [gives Henry a box] Thith ith from Nick and Thue. They thend their betht witheth for a thafe trip.Henry: Thats very nice. Spam and Reeses. All right.Doug: I love Thpam and Reethes, can I have it?Henry: Um, I guess.[Doug grabs the box]Marlin: Doug!
50 First Dates 2004 love
Old Hawaiian Man: That was pathetic.Henry: Yeah? Why dont you choke on your spam!
50 First Dates 2004 man
Alexa: [to Henry] I guess I prefer sausage to taco.
50 First Dates 2004 age
Marlin: [to Doug] Okay, okay, okay! Enough with the titty dance!
50 First Dates 2004 dance
Nick: What did Sue say?Henry: She said that if I talk to Lucy youll kill me with a meat cleaver.
50 First Dates 2004 you
Dr. Keats: Little Sammy Sosas a bit shook up, but shell be okay. Shes watching the tape as we speak.Henry: Good. Hows my temporal lobe looking there, Doc?Dr. Keats: Dont worry. Youre not gonna suffer any short term memory loss. But was your head shaped like an egg before she hit you?Doug: Hey! Dont make fun of Henry, all right? Itth not hith fault hith headth thaped like that!Dr. Keats: Note the intense overreaciton. Thats the roids talking.
50 First Dates 2004 memory
Ula: Oh, you crazy bitch!Lucy: Yeah, keep running!
50 First Dates 2004 you
[Henry sticks a tooth pick in Lucys waffle house]Henry: Here, you should try this out. Put this here. Swivelly door. Waffleonians can come in and out now.Lucy: Oh, are you from a country where its okay to stick your fingers all over someone elses food?Henry: Uh, no, Im from this country.Henry: Were you gonna eat that?
50 First Dates 2004 food
[first lines]Young Woman: So tell me. How was Hawaii?Tan Friend: It was unbelievable.Young Woman: Oh yeah? What happened?Tan Friend: I met this guy.Red Head: [on the phone] It was the best week of my life.
50 First Dates 2004 life
[last lines]Henry: Grandpas here.Lucy: Hi dad.
50 First Dates 2004
Ula: [to Henry] My shirt size is medium husky.
50 First Dates 2004 sky
Doug: [flexing his pecs in the mirror] Hey Trathie, how you doin? Yeah, well things changed thince high thcool.
50 First Dates 2004 change
Alexa: I am grouchy due to lack of recent physical intimacy.Henry: Oooo...Alexa: Shut up, because here comes one-time only opportunity. What I will do now is go into your office and become naked.[Jocko the seal gives a disgusted growl]Alexa: Next move is up to you. I may not be as limber as I once was... but yeah, I make up for it with enthusiasm and willingness to experiment.[Snaps her neck]Henry: I dont know if you realize, Im not into guys.
50 First Dates 2004 time
Henry: And why is your foot on my pillow?Ula: Sorry brah[removes to reveal a dirty footprint and brushes it off, then sits on the pillow]Henry: And I dont want your ass on it either!
50 First Dates 2004 you
Dr. Keats: Sometimes I wish my wife had Goldfield Syndrome. That way she wouldnt remember last night when I called her mother, a loud obnoxious drunk with a face like J. Edgar Hoovers ass.
50 First Dates 2004 time
Blonde in Office: When I asked for his phone number, he told me hes...Woman #1: Married.Woman #2: Gay.
50 First Dates 2004 man
Blonde in Office: Ill never forget my week...Woman #1: ...With Henry Roth.Red Head: [on phone] Henry RothWoman in Car: Harry. Harry Paratesticles.
50 First Dates 2004 man
Henry: I need you to get me two fish from the barrel. Now.Alexa: Okay.Henry: Just hang in there.Alexa: Here.Henry: Its gonna be alright. Thats a little warm. Go to the bottom of the barrel please. Okay, there. Thats good. Thank you. Come on, buddy. Take it. Take it.Alexa: Hes not responding!Henry: I know, Alexa! Sorry I smacked you with that. You needed the fish-slap to calm down. Do you understand?Alexa: Yes.Henry: Are you calm?Alexa: Yes. Fish-slap calm me.
50 First Dates 2004 war
Henry: Okay, well, I had a great time.Lucy: Me too.Henry: Okay.Lucy: Would you like to have breakfast again tomorrow morning, same time? Because I teach art class at ten.Henry: Oh, really?Lucy: Yeah.Henry: I wish I could make it, but, yes, I will be there.Lucy: Take care.Henry: Okay.Lucy: One for the road. It is fishy.Henry: Got you good. Aloha.Lucy: Aloha.Henry: See you tomorrow. Oh, my God.Lucy: Oh, my goodness.Henry: Shit. I had a bee on me.Lucy: Alright.Henry: It was a big one.Old Hawaiian Man: [talks in Hawaiian] Which means look at those two shit heads.
50 First Dates 2004 god
Ula: Dude, I met this sexy blonde tax attorney from Florida at Starbucks today. I told her you the kahuna she wanna have fun on this island. You want her number?Henry: You pimping tourists for me again, Ula?Ula: Yes! I live vicariously through you, remember? My life sucks. Now, come on give her the Waikikiki sneaky behind the cheeky.
50 First Dates 2004 life
Henry: Actually Im not drunk at all, Noreen, and neither are you, because theres no alcohol in these drinks. Sadly, Ive used this technique many times. It helps lovely tourists such as yourself loosen up without impairing your ability to stay awake all night and have guilt free vigorous sex with me.Noreen: Wow!
50 First Dates 2004 love
Henry: I was petting my walrus all morning and I was thinking of you the whole time.Lucy: Okay, pervert. I think that you should leave.Henry: What? I was just joking around because of what we talked about yesterdayLucy: Yesterday? Ive never even met you.
50 First Dates 2004 time
Lucy, Doug: [sings] Happy birthday to you.Lucy: [spoken] And you dont look a day over twenty five.Marlin: Yeah, right. And Dougs muscles arent pharmaceutically enhanced.Doug: What are you talking about? I use a herb supplement that can be purchased at any health food store. Check this out. Check out these glutes. Rock hard, baby. Pretty sweet, huh.Marlin: Stop it! Youre gonna make me throw up on the cake.
50 First Dates 2004 men
Ula: You meet her, hang out, flirt, no commitment, nobody gets hurt.Henry: Shes got brain damage, you psycho.Ula: Okay, Ill give you that one. But I think itd be healthy for you. You havent allowed yourself to connect with a girl for many years.Henry: I appreciate your interest Ula, but leave me alone.Ula: Hey, youd be doing exactly what her father does: Giving her a wonderful day. Then when its time for you to go on your big boat trip, poof, you just leave. Shell never even know youre gone.Henry: See Im not sure about the poofing part, because Im not a very big poofer. Could you demonstrate a good poof for me.Ula: Quit busting my coconuts for five seconds.Henry: Alright. Would you stop poofing on that joint and do some work!Ula: Okay. Lets get this sucker ready. Then were gonna take her out for a spin.
50 First Dates 2004 time
Henry: [to Lucy] I drew this, its a picture of a father and son fishing off a fishing boat.[Lucy speaks in Hawaiian]Henry: You dont speak English.
50 First Dates 2004 you
Lucy: [to Henry] I just want to eat you up tomorrow and the next day.
50 First Dates 2004 you
Doug: [to Henry] Anything with Lucy is a one night stand, numb nuts.
50 First Dates 2004 night
Henry: Hi. Sorry for the delay. Should be a few minutes.Lucy: No problem. No worries.Henry: Where are you coming form? Breakfast?Lucy: Yeah.Henry: How was it?Lucy: I had waffles. They were delicious.Henry: I like making little houses out of waffles.Lucy: You do?Henry: Thats my thing. Whats your name?Lucy: Lucy.Henry: Hi, Im Henry.
50 First Dates 2004 you
Doug: Is this the guy?Marlin: Yeah. Mr. Roth, I have one simple request. Stay away from my daughter.Henry: [begging Marlin to let Henry see Lucy and apologize after she ate at the diner] Absolutely. I just, I think I hurt her feelings and I dont want it to end like that.Doug: Yeah, well, its gonna end like this![Doug runs to beat up Henry but then Henry holds him down]Henry: Calm down, little fella!Doug: Im gonna kill you. Youre a dead man. Okay Im calm! Im calm![pause]Doug: I coulda whooped his ass, Daddy but this gravel - I siped on it a fwell.Marlin: Then maybe you need to do a little bit more butt flexes.Doug: Cheap shot, Dad.
50 First Dates 2004 man
Henry: Ill see ya around.Lucy: Okay.[puzzled pause]Lucy: Really? Thats it?Henry: Thats what?Lucy: All that flirting and phony I cant read stuff, and then youre not gonna ask me out or for my phone number?Henry: I cant read.Lucy: Oh, shut up. That was one of the goofiest things Ive ever seen in my life, but I thought, Hey, if this guy is so desperate to meet me, he might be worth talking to. But then I get stiffed.Henry: No, no, no, this is what happened. I...Lucy: Mahalo for the ego boost.[drives off leaving Henry sputtering]
50 First Dates 2004 life
Henry: [to Jocko] Im gonna miss you buddy, but I gotta get the hell off this island.
50 First Dates 2004 hell
Marlin: You sure you dont want to take Doug with you?Henry: Hey! What the heck are you guys doing here?
50 First Dates 2004 you
Ula: [to Henry] Youre such a lau lau.
50 First Dates 2004 you
Henry: I just want to try something that will help her remember me.
50 First Dates 2004 help
Lucy: [to Marlin] Its a video tape.
50 First Dates 2004
Lucy: [to Henry] Ive never even met you.
50 First Dates 2004 you
Ula: [Ula falls through the deck of Henrys boat up to his chest] I think I pulled out my stitches again.[pause]Ula: Hey, did you get a cat? Because I feel something licking me...
50 First Dates 2004 you
Henry: Officer, I think theres been a misunderstanding.Police Officer: I dont.
50 First Dates 2004 understanding
Dr. Keats: Callahan Institute is the leading brain injury clinic in the Pacific Rim. We are funded out of Sandusky Ohio by T.B. Callahan, the automotive components tycoon...[fade out]
50 First Dates 2004 rain
[repeated line]Doug: Check this out.
50 First Dates 2004

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