ALF season 1

ALF: singing life Bob Seger Just take those old records off the shelf, I sit and listen to them by myself, todays music aint got the same soul, I like that old time Rock-n-roll, Dont try to take me to a disco, Youll never really get me out on the floor, Ten minutes and Ill be late for the door, I like that old time Rock-n-roll, Still like that old time Rock-n-roll, That kind of music just soothes the soul, Reminiscin bout the days of old That old time Rock-n-roll.

— ALF season 1 life

ALF: Well, Lynn and I were talking last night and she seems to feel- tries on Willies glasses Jeez, youre blind as a bat, arent you?

— ALF season 1 lies

Army officer: I am Captain Blackstone of the Alien Task Force, an adjunct of Edwards Air Force Base. Have you seen an alien with orange fur, three feet tall, with a big nose?

— ALF season 1 war

Army officer: Our usual tests. Intense heat, freezing cold, injections with different toxins, and finally, dissection.

— ALF season 1 free

Army officer: Oh yes, that too. Well, I am going to assume you do not know what I am talking about. Good day, Mrs. Tanner.

— ALF season 1 good

Army officer: I am sorry Maam but that is classifed information. As such, the informant must remain Ochmonek-I mean anonymous.

— ALF season 1 man

Willie: ALF, I am sorry that you cannot watch Psycho, but if you can promise me you will stay in the bedroom and not make noise, then I will consider next time that you may babysit Brian when Kate and I are out. I got you a jigsaw puzzle.

— ALF season 1 time

ALF: Then it happened. He came into my life. At first, I thought it was Santa Claus. Then it hit me: Santa probably wouldnt smell of cheap wine. Besides, he was beginning to fill his bag with things that didnt belong to him. I was scared stiff, but I realized I had to do something; I realized I was the man of the house.

— ALF season 1 life

Policeman: If you come to the station and complete a report for us, you can have them backif you want them back.

— ALF season 1 man

Policeman: OK, OK! Mr. and Mrs. Tanner, this man claims he was motivated to surrender himself to us on account of seeing an odd creature with a big nose wearing a blue dress.

— ALF season 1 self

ALF: Your eyelids are getting heavy. You are getting sleepy. You are no longer a cat, you are a bagel.

— ALF season 1 sleep

Agent Hogarth: No, Sale of the Century! Well, OK, give me one moment. Please hold. calling the president Sir, there is an ALF who needs to speak with youAre you sure you want to take this?Very wellreturning to ALFGo ahead ALF.

— ALF season 1 art

Willie: The truth of course the truth. An alien took control of my radio. And why did he do that? theyll ask and Ill say Because I wouldnt let him use the phone.

— ALF season 1 truth

Willie: I dont know, he could be resting, he could be reading, he could be carrying our towels through the den.

— ALF season 1 reading

Kate: No, but you could help fold laundry, load the dishwaser. No, no, not that. Well think of something.

— ALF season 1 you

ALF: Im starting to see what this is about. The fingers are being pointed in the direction of the furry visitor. You think Im a parasite!

— ALF season 1 art

Dean Houseman: This is a dream, Tanner. Its purpose is to point out how inadequate you are compared to everyone else.

— ALF season 1 purpose

ALF: What do you mean you never complete it? How can you just jump to the middle and then return back?

— ALF season 1 you

ALF: The cat wont fit in the toaster. Never mind, Ill make a peanut butter sandwich, wheres the blender?

— ALF season 1 mind

Willie: By trying to keep a positive attitude! You might do that yourself INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING ALL THE TIME!

— ALF season 1 time

ALF: Here I am lighting the barbecue. Switches picture Here is the motor home going up in flames. Switches picture Here we are coming home by bus, thats me in the duffle bag. Switches picture Here I am being chained to a tree before the family took off for San Diego.

— ALF season 1 family

ALF: Alright. Let me see if Ive got this reindeer thing straight. Theresahtheres Dasher, Dancer, Comet, Cupid,Matthew, Mark, Luke and John!

— ALF season 1 dance

ALF: Hey, this place where you used to cut down your tree. Have you been there in person, or just in your mind?!

— ALF season 1 mind

ALF: A little background: My name is ALF. I come from the planet Melmac. Im a member of a civilization millions of years ahead of your own. And now I live in a laundry basket next to the washing machine. Cup of java?

— ALF season 1 live

Willie: discovering ALF ate the box of chocolates he was going to give to Kate for Valentines Day He ate the whole box.

— ALF season 1 will

Kate: Willie, its – its alright. Maybe he, uh – opens box he did! He forgot the second layer.

— ALF season 1 will

ALF: Dorothy, Id like to say something about this, and I dont mean to be too critical, but, uh, youre saving yourself for a corpse.

— ALF season 1 self

ALF: Okay, so let me get this straight Willy. There are people who want to hurt me. So to protect me, you lock me naked in your bedroom.

— ALF season 1 people

Kate: Hello, Dr. Snegmier? Well listen, well doctor, it seems that a houseguest of ours has come down with amnesia. No, we cant bring him in, isnt there some kinda home remedy we can try . . . breathing into a paperbag.

— ALF season 1 home

Kate: Hitting him on the head with a rolling pin. No, I do not think thats funny. No, I do not watch The Three Stooges. Yes, I know I should. Okay, I think were gonna try the hospital. Yes, Im sure he has insurance. Thank you, buh-bye.

— ALF season 1 funny

ALF: If you are holding me for ransom, you can forget about it. My company has a policy of not negociating with terrorists! We do however, have many other policies you might be interested in Willie.

— ALF season 1 man

ALF: First you strip me, now you wanna keep me here. Ive heard about this happening to other insurance agents. . .

— ALF season 1 age

Brenda: Well, listen Buster. If you think I am going to wait around for you forever, you are out of your mind. You ask for a divorce tonight or we are through!

— ALF season 1 mind

ALF: Okay, okay, Ill ask her for a divorce tonight. . . man, you have a couple drinks and a few laughs, they think its forever.

— ALF season 1 man

ALF: Fine, fine, fine. That reminds me. I need you to write out a couple of checks. One to Greenpeace and one to the Auto-club

— ALF season 1 peace

ALF: The last thing I remember was this big flash of light. I smiled because I thought someone was taking my picture. And thats about it. Oh and that Chung Insurance is cheaper than Whole Life.

— ALF season 1 life

ALF: Why would I be putting a cat in a suitcase? On a dinner plate, I can understand. Breast of cat but . . .wait a minute! Thats crazy, but it does sound tasty.

— ALF season 1 crazy

Lynn: Lets remind him of other things! Like the time you washed Dads camera in the washing machine.

— ALF season 1 time

Brenda: Look, if I have to share you, so be it. Theres enough of Wayne Shalgel to go around. So lets just forget this whole thing ever happened and Ill meet you at our usual place in half an hour.

— ALF season 1 you

TV Announcer: And 1, 2, 3, come on, trim that tummy, you cant hit the beach if you cant see your feet!

— ALF season 1 you

Willie: Hi Trevor, Raquel, I just came over to, I mean, I was hoping to get lucky. Raquel stares I mean, Lucky, our cat!

— ALF season 1 will

ALF: Brian, its me, the old ALFer, the one who taught you how to read minds. In fact, I know what youre thinking right now.

— ALF season 1 mind

ALF: Now Willie, you are not, I repeat, you are not to let me out under any circumstances. Is that clear?

— ALF season 1 you

ALF: You got a lunatic on your hands, you need to be prepared for even the most diabolical circumstances!

— ALF season 1 you

ALF: There you go, Luckheimer. Oh, yeah. Whod ever thought wed see the day, when theyd trust me to feed you? Right now Im in the catbird seat; sort of speak. Right now I can get away with murder; sort of speak. Right now, I could walk over to that refrigerator over there, grab a couple of slices of whole wheat bread, a little mayo, and slap together a B-L-T. Bacon, Lucky, and tomato. Yeah, I could do that. And they wouldnt even have the nerve to point their finger at the old Alfer. No, theyd probably blame Willie, before theyd blame me. Yep! I could do that. But I wont. And why is that? Because they trust me. But dont get too comfortable.

— ALF season 1 trust

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