ALF season 3

ALF: Im no longer a concern of yours. Im history, vapor, yesterdays old, stinky, smelly garbage with maggots all over it.

— ALF season 3 history

Willie: You know, when I married Kate, I loved her more than anything in the world. And then we had Lynn and Brian, and I found out I love them just as much.

— ALF season 3 love

ALF: Ah-Choo! laughs Kate will be bring it baby formula, Whatever that is. Brianll be reading to it. Ah-Choo! laughs Ah-Choo! Williell be changing its diapers, Taking it to the movies. And ill be--Ah-Choo! Ah-Choo! Ah-Choo! Ah, ill be sneezing my snout straight. I think im allergic to this thing. Ah-Choo! Ah-Choo! Ah-Choo! Ah-Choo! Ah-Choo! Ah-Choo! Ah-Choo! Ah-Choo! Ah-Choo! Ah-Choo!

— ALF season 3 reading

ALF: Oh, what a day. First I broke Willies windshield, then I broke Willies power saw. Now I broke Willie. Sometimes I think the Tanners would be better off without me. Sometimes I wish Id never come here. throws croquet stick I wish--I wish-- hits himself with the stick I wish I could figure out this thing called gravity. falls down

— ALF season 3 time

ALF: Well, just tell Willie, then. Hell take off his glasses, rub his nose, and tell you you dont have to go.

— ALF season 3 hell

ALF: Psychosomatic, whats that? A food processor at the Bates Motel? It means you may think that this baby is gonna take your place. Dont try to analyze me, Im too complex.

— ALF season 3 food

ALF: Somebody brought one to Kates shower and put it in the nursery. Soon as I went near the kid, I nearly sneezed up a lung. Ah-Choo!

— ALF season 3 body

ALF: What do you care? Youve got Kate, and Lynn, and Brian. And pretty soon youll have that B word.

— ALF season 3 you

ALF: Relax, Wilco. Theyre out in their garden seeing if any of their potatoes look like celebrities.

— ALF season 3

ALF: I found out Im allergic to babies. But dont worry, Ill make it up to you. Ill buy you a goldfish. Ah-Choo!

— ALF season 3 you

ALF: You want to name her The Witch of Endor? Ive got the perfect name-- Rin Tin Tanner. You want to name my child after a dog? A noble dog. A brave dog. A dog who saved lives. And if its a girl, well call her spuds.

— ALF season 3 live

ALF: Go into the kitchen. Go into the kitchen. As a woman, you should be sensitive to the demeaning undertones in that remark.

— ALF season 3 man

Trevor: Eh, nothing much, and even if there was, Im not the kind of guy that would burden you with my problems. Raquel just threw me out.

— ALF season 3 problems

ALF: My guardian angel. See, I wished I never crashed into your garage. So, Bob took me away from you. And Willie smoked a pipe.

— ALF season 3 age

ALF: Right. Wed eat the dog in one sitting. Ha ha! Isnt anyone going to get repulsed? Come on Tanners, talk to me.

— ALF season 3 right

ALF: comes in the house Oh, holy-owned subsidiary. You think your shin hurts, Wilco. Take a gander at the knot on my noggin.

— ALF season 3 hurt

ALF: Well, excuse me for bleeding. leaves the dining room What is this, freeze out the reckless alien?

— ALF season 3 free

Willie: Thank you, thank you. And welcome to the Second Annual Tanner Invitational Croquet Tournament.

— ALF season 3 men

Willie: Kate, you answer the door. Ill go to the drive-in and get ALF. I cant go to the drive-in, Lynns got the car.

— ALF season 3 you

Willie: Hes rhyming the last word of everything I say. Go ahead, ALF. to Kate Hes been doing it all day! Now hes got me doing it!

— ALF season 3 will

ALF: Oh, what a day. First I broke Willies windshield, then I broke Willies power saw. Now I broke Willie. Sometimes I think the Tanners would be better off without me. Sometimes I wish Id never come here. I wish--I wish-- I wish I could figure out this thing called gravity.

— ALF season 3 time

Raquel: Calling everybody about Trevor and me. Just because I occasionally make other peoples business my business doesnt mean my business is any of their business, so would you mind minding your own business?

— ALF season 3 people

Willie: Well, I certainly didnt tell anyone. I know Kate wouldnt tell anyone. You didnt tell anyone, did you, kate?

— ALF season 3 you

Raquel: Well, somebody told the Metcalfs, the Polmanskis, the Montenegros, the Gans, the Luskatuffs, the Metzgers, the Fetzgers, the Schmitkys, the Kipkys, the Feins, the Steins, The Limbecks, the Willards, the Hogans, the Logans, and the Kogans. So the next time that you want to drag somebodys dirty laundry through the suburban mud, try your own. Or better yet, Mrs. Holbuts. She just had a nose job, you know.

— ALF season 3 time

Willie: Do these names ring a bell: the Metcalfs, the Polmanskis, the Montenegros, the Gans, the Luskatuffs, the Metzgers, the Fetzgers, the Schmitkys, the Kipkys, the Feins, the Steins, The Limbecks, the Willards, the Hogans, the Logans, and the Kogans?

— ALF season 3 man

Willie: Before I pull every hair out of your neck I want to ask you something. Did you call those people and tell them about Trevor and Raquel?

— ALF season 3 people

Willie: I know that this is an inconvenience for all of us, but what youre doing is just making things worse.

— ALF season 3 you

ALF: Youre right, Willie. How could I have been so blind? You know, Ive only been thinking of myself.

— ALF season 3 self

Ed McMahon: Nice going, ALF. Youre two for two. Why dont you get the Pope out here and try for a shutout?

— ALF season 3 you

ALF: Yeah? Well let me know when that happens, and Ill tell them about the untimely demise of Kates porcelain ballerina.

— ALF season 3 time

ALF: Let me get a look at this dude. peers through kitchen window Yikes! Hes almost as old as Kate!

— ALF season 3 win

ALF: singing to the tune of Happy Birthday while in front of a dish of meatloaf Happy Fappy to me, Happy Fappy to me. Happy Fappy to the alien they kept under house arrest with a long list of donts and nothing but a plate of cold meatloaf, while they all went to a big party with lots of hot food . . . Happy Fappy to me!

— ALF season 3 art

ALF: I did it because its Thanksgiving, and because we should help out those less fortunateand because pastels do nothing for Willie!

— ALF season 3 past

ALF: reading from Willies list Dont call except for an emergency. looks thoughtful I wonder if boredom constitutes an emergency. Lets call and find out.

— ALF season 3 reading

Jake: You are welcome. Hey, I do not want to sound conspiratorial, but it looked as if the wires were cut just shy of being severed. Wonder why that is?

— ALF season 3 wonder

Jake: Actually, ALF may be on to something. There have been fraud cases where mechanics fix one part of the car then sabotage another part to create unneccesary repeat business.

— ALF season 3 art

ALF: If Lynn starts humming the Battle Hymn of the Republic, Im pulling the plug on this production!

— ALF season 3 art

ALF: I found out Im allergic to babies. But dont worry, Ill make it up to you. Ill buy you a goldfish.

— ALF season 3 you

Kate: No, I mean about last night when he apologized for every bad thing hes done since he got here. Alphabetically.

— ALF season 3 sin

ALF: This is the way we diaper our kid, diaper our kid, diaper our kid, this is the way we diaper our kid , and this is how we drop it.

— ALF season 3

Lynn: Its an expression, not a suggestion. Here, this is how you do it. You put the diaper on like this and you fold it over like this and you fasten it here and here. Like this. See? Here, now you try it.

— ALF season 3 you

ALF: So anyway, the Tanners decided I could stay. And here I am. Its not a bad place to live, actually. Kate takes a little getting used to, but you probably already figured that part out. Well, Willie said he needed me to help teach you about stuff. So I thought Id start with the most important thing, these are the channel control buttons.

— ALF season 3 art

Raquel: Well, somebody told the Metcalfs, the Polmanskis, the Montenegros, the Gans, the Luskatuffs, the Metzgers, the Fetzgers, the Schmitkys, the Kipkys, the Feins, the Steins, the Limbecks, the Willards, the Hogans, the Logans, and the Kogans. So the next time that you want to drag somebodys dirty laundry through the suburban mud, try your own. Or better yet, Mrs. Holbuts. She just had a nose job, you know.

— ALF season 3 time

Willie: Do these names ring a bell: the Metcalfs, the Polmanskis, the Montenegros, the Gans, the Luskatuffs, the Metzgers, the Fetzgers, the Schmitkys, the Kipkys, the Feins, the Steins, the Limbecks, the Willards, the Hogans, the Logans, and the Kogans?

— ALF season 3 man

ALF: Because Melmacians have a great respect for books. If you destroy a history book, you cheat future generations out of knowledge of the past.

— ALF season 3 knowledge

Willie: Youve been through a great deal of pain in the last twenty-four hours, ALF. Its just your body responding to that.

— ALF season 3 pain

ALF: There must be some reason Jake never told me about his mother. Were best friends! Blood brothers! Two sides of the same double-stuffed OreoI think in some cultures wed be considered engaged.

— ALF season 3 friends

Lynn: I have got a date to go bowling with Donny Duckworth, the geekiest guy in school, thanks to my brother, ALF.

— ALF season 3 school

Kate: Hold it right there bro, I think you have one more phone call to make this thing straighten down out.

— ALF season 3 you

Kate: I agree. We have 2 wonderful kids, a comfortable income, this great house with no aliens living in it.

— ALF season 3 living

ALF: Hello? Bloomingdales Perfume Department. Yeah, I have your next tremendous seller here. This stuff will be on the nape of every female neck in the nation.

— ALF season 3 art

Willie: Well, I certainly didnt tell anyone. I know Kate wouldnt tell anyone. You didnt tell anyone, did you, Kate?

— ALF season 3 you

ALF: Let me see. Which was the button for a cheeseburger? Uh Ahhh! Thats not it! Uh Ahhh! Ive got to label these buttons. Great. I wiped out half my childhood memories for celery? Hey, you! Come here.

— ALF season 3 memories

ALF: I can be logical if I have to. The mans name is Aaron King. Elvis middle name was Aaron and he was king of Rock n Roll.

— ALF season 3 man

ALF: shouts OK. Listen to this. Aaron Burr wanted to be King of America and he was from the South, just like Elvis.

— ALF season 3 america

Willie: sarcastically ALF, we are living two doors from Elvis Presley, and Raquel is Janis Joplin and Trevor is Buddy Holly!

— ALF season 3 living

ALF: WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!, no wonder your baby left you if youve been singing like that!. Stinkaroni.

— ALF season 3 sin

Aaron King: Look, I wish I was Elvis buddy, but Im just a truck driver from Tupelo, and thats as close as Ill ever get to being The King.

— ALF season 3 being

ALF: after getting the call from the blackmailer and trying to calm down Dont panic Willie will help you. He always helps you. looks at mess Im dogfood!

— ALF season 3 food

Jake: Lauras very curious about her secret admirer, so I was thinking like actually saying something to her.

— ALF season 3 thinking

ALF: Ah, he sees it. The illusive loin of Pork the most prized catch in the refridgidary jungle. Whats this?

— ALF season 3 cat

ALF: Oh, sure. When Kate makes a rhyme, its no big deal. Willie stares at him, then leaves Just for that, Im eating your meal. he takes Willies lasagna

— ALF season 3 lies

ALF: I think we need a referee with at least a nodding acquaintance with the rules. Now, see here. Croquet happened to be Melmacs biggest sport. Only there it was called muck sucking.

— ALF season 3 think

ALF: Except you need and Bob Eubanks. Oh, oh. And the swing was slighty different. Here, Ill show you. Block me, Willie.

— ALF season 3 light

ALF: Im here with my Tanners. Everythings back to normal, just the way I like it. A gift for you, Willie, From the bottom of my heart-- glass shattering Dont thank me.

— ALF season 3 art

ALF: Never mind. Hello, Mr. Littwhack? Uh, did you know that the Ochmoneks are Splitsville? Well, I care. Quick question. Can you put Trevor up for a week? How about a night? Well, when is it scheduled to freeze over?

— ALF season 3 mind

Trevor: Hey, Tanner, the only mistake I made was trusting you. If I ever catch you near my wife again, Im moving out of your house.

— ALF season 3 trust

Willie: Stay out of this! Entire-- Jake comes in Im just going now. Uh, Im going to try and straighten things out with Trevor, and when I come back, well be talking neck hair.

— ALF season 3 will

Willie: Do these names ring a bell? The Metcalfs, the Polmanskis, the Montenegros, the Gans, the Luskatuffs, the Metzgers, the Fetzgers, the Schmitkys, the Kipkys, the Feins, the Steins, the Limbecks, the Willards, the Hogans, the Logans, and the Kogans?

— ALF season 3 man

Willie: Wholeheartedly. I know that this is an inconvenience for all of us, but what youre doing is just making things worse.

— ALF season 3 art

Willie: Oh, my razor is-- Uhh? grabs razor out of ALF and sees his hair on it Why were you shaving?

— ALF season 3 you

ALF: Im here with my Tanners. Everythings back to normal, just the way I like it. A gift for you, Willie, from the bottom of my heart-- glass shattering Dont thank me.

— ALF season 3 art

ALF: Let me see. Which was the button for a cheeseburger? presses button Ahhh! Thats not it! presses another button Ahhh! Ive got to label these buttons. presses another button Great. I wiped out half my childhood memories for celery! Hey, you! Come here.

— ALF season 3 memories

ALF: Hey, Kate! hands her a stack of Tupperware containers tied with a bow Give this to the bride with my regards.

— ALF season 3 war

ALF: singing This is the way we diaper our kid, diaper our kid, diaper our kid, this is the way we diaper our kid, baby drops and this is how we drop it.

— ALF season 3 sin

Kate: indistinct Brian, I have told you a hundred times not to leave your baseball glove on the floor.

— ALF season 3 love

Willie: Look, ALF, a womans body goes through a lot of changes when shes pregnant. She cant always control her emotions.

— ALF season 3 change

Lynn: ALF, its time, its time. Dads taking mom to the hospital. Snoring ALF, ALF, wake up. Its really time. Poor little guy. There you go. Mustve dozed off.

— ALF season 3 time

Willie: You sure did. Lynn tried and tried to wake you up When we left for the hospital, but you were out like a light.

— ALF season 3 light

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