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adam carolla

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.

— adam carolla life

A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money. Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.

— adam carolla love

People look at me, and they go, ’You’re white, you’re smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.’

— adam carolla art

The very definition of ’beauty’ is outside.

— adam carolla beauty

I don’t know anything about computers.

— adam carolla

I’ve never really broken this down before, but, in movies, you almost have no connection to fans. And if you do TV, you’re kind of connected, but they know you as the TV name not your real name. If you do radio, there’s more of a bond there. And then if you do a podcast it’s like you’re literally inside of your fans.

— adam carolla you

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money... and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand up, but I wasn’t very good at it.

— adam carolla art

My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.

— adam carolla education

Maybe I’m delusional but I’m usually funny. It’s not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.

— adam carolla funny

When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.

— Adam Carolla art

You dont realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. Its a card you get so you can navigate society.

— Adam Carolla society

The very definition of beauty is outside.

— Adam Carolla beauty

The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

— Adam Carolla experience

Im a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.

— Adam Carolla

Ive always boxed, I always taught boxing.

— Adam Carolla

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and youll have a good life.

— Adam Carolla life

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

— Adam Carolla story

Id never hurt another person.

— Adam Carolla hurt

Ive got a great eye for color. Im like a chick.

— Adam Carolla great

If youre conservative in Hollywood, youre on a list of people who need to be put in their place.

— Adam Carolla people

No, I had not read any other comedians book. Not that I dont enjoy other comedians; Im just not a reader.

— Adam Carolla joy

The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you dont have a compelling host then you have nothing.

— Adam Carolla good

I was a horrible student.

— Adam Carolla

Im like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

— Adam Carolla present

If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?

— Adam Carolla war

Maybe Im delusional but Im usually funny. Its not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.

— Adam Carolla funny

People look at me, and they go, Youre white, youre smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.

— Adam Carolla art

Im a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. Im into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.

— Adam Carolla win

I could definitely see myself making a serious movie or a drama in the future.

— Adam Carolla future

I dont have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.

— Adam Carolla family

I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, Ive worked with women, Ive never had an issue with women.

— Adam Carolla love

I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.

— Adam Carolla art

Im not sexist, Im just a realist.

— Adam Carolla sex

If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.

— Adam Carolla women

Its funny when youre a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.

— Adam Carolla funny

People are stupid. Theres a lot of dumb stuff thats successful.

— Adam Carolla success

The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.

— Adam Carolla hate

I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

— Adam Carolla money

Alls the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.

— Adam Carolla men

I dont normally vote. Im lazy and I never bought into the Every vote counts.

— Adam Carolla

I like radio and live performing stuff. I dont like the television stuff as much.

— Adam Carolla live

Rich people dont pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesnt pay taxes.

— Adam Carolla people

I swear my car wont run unless Im picking my nose: At least, Im that superstitious about it, so I dont want to take any chances.

— Adam Carolla chance

My first car was a motorcycle.

— Adam Carolla

I dont think Ive ever seen pie advertised. Thats how you know its good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeezus out of yogurt, but I havent seen one pie commercial.

— Adam Carolla good

Honestly, Ive always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed, that kind of stuff.

— Adam Carolla win

I dont have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

— Adam Carolla war

I have no connection with Hollywood. Im not interested. I dont care.

— Adam Carolla care

Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just dont vote that way.

— Adam Carolla think

I didnt have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.

— Adam Carolla success

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. Im not interested in hurting their feelings.

— Adam Carolla people

I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.

— Adam Carolla people

Im not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I dont even want them to laugh half the time.

— Adam Carolla time

If in 1989 I said, I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer, they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

— Adam Carolla vision

I am not a good cue card reader.

— Adam Carolla good

I dont burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.

— Adam Carolla world

I get depressed at airports.

— Adam Carolla

If youve driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, its like a golf course... Real estate values go boom!

— Adam Carolla value

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