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Alexander Woollcott

The two oldest professions in the world — ruined by amateurs.

— Alexander Woollcott world

Once in pre-war days, when curiously-bonneted women drivers were familiar sights at the taxi-wheels, I cried out to one in my dismay: "Is there no speed limit in this mad city?" "Oh, yes, monsieur," she answered sweetly over her shoulder, "but no one has ever succeeded in reaching it."

— Alexander Woollcott war

All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

— Alexander Woollcott real

At 83 Shaw's mind was perhaps not quite as good as it used to be, but it was still better than anyone else's.

— Alexander Woollcott mind

I've never had the impertinence to be sorry for . I'd as soon be sorry for Niagara Falls. But now as I bring the story up to date, I'm shriveled with shame when I recall that at times in my life — my easy life — I've actually been sorry for myself. You too? We've got our nerve, haven't we?

— Alexander Woollcott life

I have no need of your God-damned sympathy. I only wish to be entertained by some of your grosser reminiscences.

— Alexander Woollcott path

[You look like] a dishonest .

— Alexander Woollcott you

There is no such thing in anyones life as an unimportant day.

— Alexander Woollcott life

Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

— Alexander Woollcott

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

— Alexander Woollcott real

Once in pre-war days, when curiously-bonneted women drivers were familiar sights at the taxi-wheels, I cried out to one in my dismay: Is there no speed limit in this mad city?Oh, yes, monsieur, she answered sweetly over her shoulder, but no one has ever succeeded in reaching it.

— Alexander Woollcott war

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