Ambrose Bierce (Writer)

#1945 Ambrose Bierce

Brain, n. An apparatus with which we think that we think... In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about intelligence
#1946 Ambrose Bierce

Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about happiness
#1947 Ambrose Bierce

Cabbage, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about man
#1948 Ambrose Bierce

Callous, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about evil
#1949 Ambrose Bierce

Cannon, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about men
#1950 Ambrose Bierce

Cartesian, adj. Relating to , a famous philosopher, author of the celebrated dictum, Cogito ergo sum -- whereby he was pleased to suppose he demonstrated the reality of human existence. The dictum might be improved, however, thus: Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about art
#1951 Ambrose Bierce

Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about nature
#1952 Ambrose Bierce

Christian, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ so long as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about life
#1953 Ambrose Bierce

Circus, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about women
#1954 Ambrose Bierce

Clarionet, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet -- two clarionets. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about men
#1955 Ambrose Bierce

Congratulation, n. The civility of envy. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about envy
#1956 Ambrose Bierce

Conservative, n. A statesman enamored of existing evils, as opposed to a Liberal, who wants to replace them with others. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about evil
#1957 Ambrose Bierce

Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about responsibility
#1958 Ambrose Bierce

Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about vision
#1959 Ambrose Bierce

Dawn, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about time
#1960 Ambrose Bierce

Defenceless, adj. Unable to attack. .

Ambrose Bierce
#1961 Ambrose Bierce

Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about work
#1962 Ambrose Bierce

Diplomacy, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about art
#1963 Ambrose Bierce

Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about understanding
#1965 Ambrose Bierce

Electricity, n. The cause of all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. It is the same thing as lightning, and its famous attempt to strike Dr. Franklin is one of the most picturesque incidents in that great and good man's career. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about men
#1966 Ambrose Bierce

Erudition, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about book
#1967 Ambrose Bierce

Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about knowledge
#1968 Ambrose Bierce

Freebooter, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about business
#1969 Ambrose Bierce

Freemasons, n. An order with secret rites, grotesque ceremonies and fantastic costumes, which, originating in the reign of , among working artisans of London, has been joined successively by the dead of past centuries in unbroken retrogression until now it embraces all the generations of man on the hither side ofand is drumming up distinguished recruits among the pre-Creational inhabitants of Chaos and Formless Void. The order was founded at different times by , , , , , , , and . Its emblems and symbols have been found in the Catacombs of Paris and Rome, on the stones of the Parthenon and the Chinese Great Wall, among the temples of Karnak and Palmyra and in the Egyptian Pyramids — always by a Freemason. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about success
#1970 Ambrose Bierce

Friendless, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about truth
#1971 Ambrose Bierce

Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about art
#1972 Ambrose Bierce

Generous, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about nature
#1973 Ambrose Bierce

Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about sin
#1974 Ambrose Bierce

Heaven, n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about good
#1975 Ambrose Bierce

Helpmate, n. A wife, or bitter half. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about wife

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