Ambrose Bierce (Writer)

#1966 Ambrose Bierce

Erudition, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about book
#1967 Ambrose Bierce

Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about knowledge
#1968 Ambrose Bierce

Freebooter, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about business
#1969 Ambrose Bierce

Freemasons, n. An order with secret rites, grotesque ceremonies and fantastic costumes, which, originating in the reign of , among working artisans of London, has been joined successively by the dead of past centuries in unbroken retrogression until now it embraces all the generations of man on the hither side ofand is drumming up distinguished recruits among the pre-Creational inhabitants of Chaos and Formless Void. The order was founded at different times by , , , , , , , and . Its emblems and symbols have been found in the Catacombs of Paris and Rome, on the stones of the Parthenon and the Chinese Great Wall, among the temples of Karnak and Palmyra and in the Egyptian Pyramids — always by a Freemason. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about success
#1970 Ambrose Bierce

Friendless, adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about truth
#1971 Ambrose Bierce

Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about art
#1972 Ambrose Bierce

Generous, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about nature
#1973 Ambrose Bierce

Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about sin
#1974 Ambrose Bierce

Heaven, n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about good
#1975 Ambrose Bierce

Helpmate, n. A wife, or bitter half. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about wife
#1976 Ambrose Bierce

Hers, pron. His. .

Ambrose Bierce
#1977 Ambrose Bierce

Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action, but "pervades and regulates the whole." He has the last word in everything; his decision is unappealable. He sets the fashions and opinion of taste, dictates the limitations of speech and circumscribes conduct with a dead-line. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about power
#1978 Ambrose Bierce

Incompossible, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both — as 's poetry and God's mercy to man. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about poetry
#1979 Ambrose Bierce

Infancy, n. The period of our lives when, according to , 'Heaven lies about us.' The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about war
#1980 Ambrose Bierce

In'ards, n. pl. The stomach, heart, soul, and other bowels. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about art
#1981 Ambrose Bierce

Insurrection, n. An unsuccessful revolution. Disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about success
#1982 Ambrose Bierce

Justice, n. A commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about war
#1983 Ambrose Bierce

Kilt, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen [] in America and Americans in Scotland. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about time
#1984 Ambrose Bierce

Land, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure. Carried to its logical conclusion, it means that some have the right to prevent others from living; for the right to own implies the right exclusively to occupy; and in fact laws of trespass are enacted wherever property in land is recognized. It follows that if the whole area of terra firma is owned by A, B and C, there will be no place for D, E, F and G to be born, or, born as trespassers, to exist. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about art
#1985 Ambrose Bierce

Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about art
#1986 Ambrose Bierce

Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about ignorance
#1987 Ambrose Bierce

Liberty, n. One of imagination's most precious possessions. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about imagination
#1988 Ambrose Bierce

Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about art
#1989 Ambrose Bierce

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about time
#1990 Ambrose Bierce

Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves; at odds with the majority; in short, unusual. It is noteworthy that persons are pronounced mad by officials destitute of evidence that they themselves are sane. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about action
#1991 Ambrose Bierce

Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about age
#1992 Ambrose Bierce

Mayonnaise, n. One of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about religion
#1993 Ambrose Bierce

Monday, n. In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about day
#1994 Ambrose Bierce

Neighbor, n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about love
#1995 Ambrose Bierce

Non-combatant, n. A dead Quaker. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about dead
#1997 Ambrose Bierce

Once, adj. Enough. .

Ambrose Bierce
#1998 Ambrose Bierce

Opportunity, n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about men
#1999 Ambrose Bierce

Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the Government from running amok by hamstringing it. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about politics
#2000 Ambrose Bierce

Optimist, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white. .

Ambrose Bierce
#2001 Ambrose Bierce

Past, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance. A moving line called the Present parts it from an imaginary period known as the Future. These two grand divisions of Eternity, of which the one is continually effacing the other, are entirely unlike. The one is dark with sorrow and disappointment, the other bright with prosperity and joy. The Past is the region of sobs, the Future is the realm of song. In the one crouches Memory, clad in sackcloth and ashes, mumbling penitential prayer; in the sunshine of the other Hope flies with a free wing, beckoning to temples of success and bowers of ease. Yet the Past is the Future of yesterday, the Future is the Past of to-morrow. They are one--the knowledge and the dream. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about knowledge
#2002 Ambrose Bierce

Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about despair
#2003 Ambrose Bierce

Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about man
#2004 Ambrose Bierce

Pig, n. An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about man
#2005 Ambrose Bierce

Politeness , n. The most acceptable hypocrisy. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about hypocrisy
#2006 Ambrose Bierce

Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about age
#2007 Ambrose Bierce

Positive, adj. Mistaken at the top of one's voice. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about voice
#2008 Ambrose Bierce

Pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about universe
#2009 Ambrose Bierce

Prejudice, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about wit
#2010 Ambrose Bierce

Quotation, n. The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. The words erroneously repeated. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about words
#2011 Ambrose Bierce

Rational, adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation, experience and reflection. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about experience
#2012 Ambrose Bierce

Religion, n. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about nature
#2013 Ambrose Bierce

Resign, v. To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about age
#2014 Ambrose Bierce

Revelation, n. A famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about men
#2015 Ambrose Bierce

Road, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go. .

Ambrose Bierce
#2016 Ambrose Bierce

Sabbath, n. A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh. .

Ambrose Bierce Quotes about world

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