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Armageddon 1998

Max: [shouting into the microphone] A home run! The Cubs win the World Series! Ah!
— Armageddon 1998 world
Rockhound: [leafing through the Rorschach inkblots] Woman with large breasts... woman with medium breasts...
— Armageddon 1998 man
Chick: Blew the tranny... blew the tranny.
— Armageddon 1998
Chick: This is turning into a surrealistic nightmare!
— Armageddon 1998 surreal
[getting arrested by a policeman after a strip club brawl]Rockhound: You are SO messin with national security right now, man! You are FIRED tomorrow morning, Im tellin ya! Ill get the CIA and the FBI, youll be workin security at Toys R Us!
— Armageddon 1998 work
Oscar: I tell you one thing that really drives me nuts, is people who think that Jethro Tull is just a person in a band.Psychologist: Who is Jethro Tull?
— Armageddon 1998 people
Rockhound: [still looking through Rorschach inkblots; to the male psychologist] This one looks like you... *with* breasts.
— Armageddon 1998 you
Tommy: Mom, that salesmans on TV.Denise: That mans not a salesman. Thats your daddy.
— Armageddon 1998 man
Truman: [before shuttles launch] OK gentleman, youre our warriors up there. God be with you. Youre already heroes, just sit back and enjoy the ride.
— Armageddon 1998 god
Vinnie the loanshark: This is a pretty big loan. Why dont you count the cash?Rockhound: Nah, this feels like a hundred grand to me.Vinnie the loanshark: Im giving you this for 60%, I hope you know what youre doing, because Ill bust your head with a sledgehammer.Rockhound: [grinning] Youll get your money back!Vinnie the loanshark: You dont look too healthy, youre not gonna die on me are you?Rockhound: Lets just say no more than you are.[laughs]Rockhound: Thanks Vic!
— Armageddon 1998 hope
Max: My favorite dish is haggis. Heart, lungs, liver. You shove that all in a sheeps stomach, than you boil it. Thatll put some hair on your ass!
— Armageddon 1998 art
Ronald Quincy: I know the presidents chief scientific advisor, we were at MIT together. And, in a situation like this, you-you really dont wanna take the advice from a man who got a C- in astrophysics. The presidents advisors are, um... wrong... and Im right.
— Armageddon 1998 advice
Colonel William Sharp: Miss Stamper? Colonel Willie Sharp, United States Airforce, maam. Requesting permission to shake the hand of the daughter of the bravest man Ive ever met.
— Armageddon 1998 man
A.J.: Just tell Grace that, uh, that Ill always be with her. Okay? Can you do that?Harry Stamper: Yeah. Okay, kid.Harry Stamper: [pulls AJs air hose out and rips off his own mission badge and hands it to AJ] Give this to Truman. Make sure Truman gets that! Get in there.[pushes AJ back into the hatch and closes the door]Harry Stamper: Its my turn now.A.J.: Harry! Harry! You cant do this to me! Its my job!Harry Stamper: You go take care of my little girl now. Thats your job. Always thought of you as a son. Always. But, Id be damn proud to have you marry Grace.A.J.: [beginning to cry] Harry.Harry Stamper: You take care of yourself.[pushes a button sending the hatch up]A.J.: Harry, no!Harry Stamper: I love you, boy.A.J.: Harry, I love you! Dont Harry! Wait a minute! Harry, no!Harry Stamper: Bye, son.
— Armageddon 1998 love
Bear: Whats up, Harry? Did NASA find oil on Uranus, man?
— Armageddon 1998 man
Ronald Quincy: [holds out his hand] Imagine a firecracker in the palm of your hand. You set it off, what happens? You burn your hand, right? You close your fist around the same firecracker,[clenches his hand into a fist]Ronald Quincy: and set it off. Your wifes gonna be opening your ketchup bottles the rest of your life.
— Armageddon 1998 life
Colonel Davis, USAF: [Independence is going down] Good luck, Freedom.Tucker, Shuttle Independence Co-Pilot: [Windshield starts cracking] Oh my God, this is it.[Large rock shatters windshield]
— Armageddon 1998 god
Lev Andropov: Dont touch my uncle! You know? Hes a genius of my family.
— Armageddon 1998 family
Lev Andropov: Its stuck, yes?Watts: Back off! You dont know the components!Lev Andropov: [annoyed] Components. American components, Russian Components, ALL MADE IN TAIWAN!
— Armageddon 1998 america
[military guys are talking to Harry]Rockhound: Harry!Harry Stamper: What?Rockhound: Man, I swear to God, she never told me her age.Harry Stamper: Its all right, relax. Its about me.Rockhound: Oh.[to military guys]Rockhound: Forget it!
— Armageddon 1998 god
Rockhound: Its a god damn Greek tragedy!
— Armageddon 1998 god
Rockhound: Just wanted to feel the power between my legs, brother.
— Armageddon 1998 power
Rockhound: What does that mean?Colonel William Sharp: It means weve got a busted ship.Rockhound: A busted ship? And Im strapped in here? I had a great spot picked out there!
— Armageddon 1998 will
Rockhound: Yeah, I remember this one. Its where the, uh, the coyote sat his ass down in a slingshot then he strapped himself to an Acme rocket. Is that - is that what were doin here?Harry Stamper: [under his breath] Rockhound.Rockhound: No, no, really, because it didnt work out too well for the coyote, Harry.Harry Stamper: [talking over him] Hey, Rock. Knock it off.Truman: Well, actually, we have a lot better rockets than the coyote.
— Armageddon 1998 work
Rockhound: You wanna compare brainpans? I won the Westinghouse prize when I was 12, big deal. Published at 19, so what. I got a double doctorate from MIT at 22, Chemistry and Geology. I taught at Princton for two and a half years.
— Armageddon 1998 you
Walter Clark: [to Grace, after AJ resurfaces] Your boyfriends back.
— Armageddon 1998 friends
A.J.: Have you ever heard of Evel Knievel?Lev Andropov: No, I never saw Star Wars.
— Armageddon 1998 war
A.J.: If you had like little animal cracker Discovery Channel thing watch the gazelle as he grazes through the open plains, and now look as the cheetah approachs. Watch as he stalks his prey. Now the gazelle has looked spooked and he could head north, to the mountainous peeks above, or he could go south. The gazelle now faces mans most perilous question, north... Or south...
— Armageddon 1998 man
Biker Customer: [Seeing Rockhound and the rest of the gang with all of the women] Who the hell do you think you guys are? Youre hoggin all the action.Freddy Noonan: Hey pinhead, why dont you go find your own party.Biker Customer: Why dont you share the wealth, pal.Rockhound: [Tosses the biker a 100 dollar bill] Here, you can buy yourself a neck.Max: Hey, Mr. Clean.[the Biker grabs Rockhound by the shirt and Max hits the biker over the head with a glass bottle and a fight ensues]
— Armageddon 1998 women
Colonel William Sharp: We have visual of the target, Houston.
— Armageddon 1998 will
Dan: Tell me you never let anybody down.Harry Stamper: I never quit yet...
— Armageddon 1998 body
General Kimsey: If youre trying to make me feel better about this scenario, give it up.Truman: To tell you the truth, Im kind of encouraged. This guy Chick here was an Air Force commando for six years.General Kimsey: We got robbery, assault, arrest, resisting arrest. We got a collection agent for the mob. Two of these guys have done serious time.Truman: Look, theyre the best at what they do.General Kimsey: So am I. And Im not so optimistic. We spend 250 billion dollars a year on defense. And here we are. The fate of the planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards I wouldnt trust with a potato gun.
— Armageddon 1998 truth
Grace Stamper: First time I got my period, Rock had to take me into Tai-Pei for Tampax. And then he had to show me how to use them, Harry.[off Harrys stern look]Rockhound: Ho-ho. I ju- No I-I told her how to use it. I didnt show her, Harry.
— Armageddon 1998 time
Grace Stamper: Hi Harry.Harry: I have repeatedly asked you to call me dad.Grace Stamper: Sorry Harry.
— Armageddon 1998 grace
Harry Stamper: Grace, I know I promised you I was coming home.Grace Stamper: I-I dont under-understand.Harry Stamper: [sighs] Looks like Im gonna have to break that promise.
— Armageddon 1998 grace
Harry Stamper: You wanna go home? Is that it? You wanna be fired?A.J.: No, I dont. My crew was doin the right thing.Harry Stamper: [Interrupting] Your crew?A.J.: Yeah.Harry Stamper: Your crew just blew the whole transmission, A.J.A.J.: Listen, that NASA computer is just playin it safe. The machine you built - the rig - can do it.Harry Stamper: [Interrupting] Shut up! Just shut up! Shut your mouth! Those men in that room have zero tolerence for showin off, hot doggin, going by your gut instinct or you tryin to be a hero. You got that? Say the words, A.J.A.J.: I got it.
— Armageddon 1998 words
Karl: Sir, Im retired navy, I know all about classified. But one more thing. The person that finds her gets to name her right?Dan: Yes-yes thats right, thats right.Karl: I wanna name her Dottie after my wife. Shes a vicious life-sucking bitch from which there is no escape.
— Armageddon 1998 life
[last lines]Dan: Welcome back, Cowboy.AJ: Uh, Harry wanted you to have this.[A.J. hands Dan the Shuttle Mission Patch]Dan: He did, huh?
— Armageddon 1998 you
Rockhound: Harry, this is illegal man.Harry Stamper: Im temporarily insane, Rock, its all right.
— Armageddon 1998 man
Rockhound: Were in segment 202, lateral grid 9, site 15H32 - give or take a few yards. Captain American here blew the landing by 26 miles!Colonel William Sharp: How the hell do you know that?Rockhound: Because Im a genius.Watts: The gauges will not read; theyre all peaked like were plugged into some magnetic fieldRockhound: [sarcastically] Well, who on the spaceship wants to know why?Gruber, Munitions Specialist: By all means.Rockhound: The reason we were shooting for grid 8 was because thermographics indicated that grid 9 was compressed iron ferrite. Which means you landed us on a goddamn iron plate!
— Armageddon 1998 god
Rockhound: Were staying, were going, were staying, were going, make up your mind!
— Armageddon 1998 mind
Rockhound: Wow, this is a goddamn Greek tragedy.
— Armageddon 1998 god

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