Big Daddy 1999

Nazo: [at Sonnys door] I had call for delivery in building, but I think it was crank call.[holds up a bag]Nazo: Want some chocolate cake?

— Big Daddy 1999 live

Sonny: Man this Yoohoo is good, you know what else is good, smoking dope. I aint gonna rat you out. You know, puffing the cheeba, go by the see saw smoke a j. You know what Im talking about?Jeff: I have a belly button.Sonny: You have a belly button, well we all have belly buttons. You know what? We all love Yoohoo, especially Yoohoo with a little rum.Jared: Whats rum?Sonny: You dont know what Rum is?Jared: Rumplestilskin?Sonny: Rumplestilskins a good man. So are you guys. Hey, stay clean, stay focused, stay strong. Frankenstein, have fun with your friends.

— Big Daddy 1999 love

Sonny: What, you want a father figure? Stop pulling your sisters hair!

— Big Daddy 1999 you

[Discussing Vanessas new senior citizen boyfriend]Vanessa: He has a five year plan.Sonny: What is it? Dont die?

— Big Daddy 1999 sin

[at McDonalds]Sonny: Okay, what do you want?Julian: Cheerios.Sonny: Cheerios? They dont got Cheerios. What else?Julian: Lasagna.Sonny: Lasagna? What the hell is the matter with you? Um, well take hot cakes and sausage...Employee: Sorry, sir, we stopped serving breakfast.Sonny: What are you talking about? Were FOUR seconds late.Employee: No, youre 30 minutes and four seconds late. We stopped serving breakfast at 10:30.Sonny: Aw, HORSESHIT!

— Big Daddy 1999 age

[Julian and the Delivery Guy are learning how to read]Julian: Electricity! Constitution! Philadelphia!Nazo: Fish! Pony! Hip, Hip Hop, Hip Hop anonymous? Damn you! You gave him the easy ones.

— Big Daddy 1999 learning

Julian: ...but I wipe my own ass, I wipe my own ass!

— Big Daddy 1999

Homeless Guy: Sonny was real nice to the kid. Wish my father was like him. My father was a military man. Guess I wasnt such a good soldier. Anyways, when I was 35, he tried to give me a crew cut while I was asleep. I woke up, broke his arm, havent seen him since. Id rather live in a dumpster then under his freaky ass rules! (Notices a McDonalds bag in Sonnys hand) Anyways, I think Sonny Koufax should be acquitted of all the charges. If O.J. can get away with murder, why cant Sonny have his kid? (points at a black man) This guy knows what Im talking about! No more questions!

— Big Daddy 1999 man

Julian: But after my nap I always watch the Kangaroo Song.Sonny: Its overtime right now and theres a penalty shot about to take place. This happens about once every ten years so...Julian: Kangaroo song, kangaroo song, kangaroo song, KANGAROO SONG!Sonny: ALLLRRIIIGGGHTT! God you were normal yesterday!

— Big Daddy 1999 god

Julian: I wipe my own ass.Nazo: Me too.

— Big Daddy 1999

Tommy: How long have you delivered food to Mr. Koufax?Nazo: I deliver food for six years. Plus, Im stripper. But Ive gained weight so thats a problem.Tommy: I see. And, in your experience, was Sonny a good father to Julian?Nazo: Oh, yes. They make terrific pair. They went together like lamb and tuna fish.Tommy: Lamb and tuna fish?Nazo: Maybe you like spaghetti and meatball? You more comfortable with that analogy?Homeless Guy: Yes, considering were in America. I mean, if you dont like spaghetti and meatballs, why dont you get the hell out?Nazo: Listen, Ill come down there and give you a crew cut, Mister.Homeless Guy: Lets see your clippers.Nazo: Not my problem your father was sick.Homeless Guy: That - well - -Stop yelling at me! AAAhhhhhhhh!

— Big Daddy 1999 food

Sonny: Hey! You just made the biggest mistake of your life, baby. I know youre gunna be missing me when you have that big, white, wrinkly body on you with his loose skin and old balls... gross! Ugh!

— Big Daddy 1999 life

Sonny: [Julian is bouncing up and down in front of the TV on a rubber ball] Hey.Julian: Hey!Sonny: You like hockey?Julian: You like hockey?Sonny: This is a big, important game.Julian: This is a big, important game!Sonny: Cut the crap.Julian: Cut the crap!Sonny: Im being serious, dont do that.Julian: I;m being serious, dont do that!Sonny: [quickly] How much wood would a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood?Julian: [stops bouncing]Sonny: Thats what I thought. Shut up.[Julian resumes bouncing in front of the TV]

— Big Daddy 1999 thought

Sonny: Say Happy Halloween.Reluctant Trick-or-Treat Giver: Happy Halloween.Sonny: Yeah, next year be prepared!

— Big Daddy 1999 happy

Sonny: [steps on Julians Scuba Steve Doll] Ow, Scuba Steve! Damn You!

— Big Daddy 1999 you

Customer: [while Jullian is crying] Nice parenting.Sonny: Hey, thanks! Who are you? My therapist?[tosses the guys fries over his shoulder]Sonny: Take a walk!

— Big Daddy 1999 parenting

Corinne: Whats this I hear about you doing laundry with my sister?Sonny: Did she say we were doing laundry? Because where I come from, its called doing the hibbidy-dibbidy.

— Big Daddy 1999 you

Ted Castellucci: Objection, Your Honor! The court is interested in the truth, not the opinion of the defendants father.Lenny: You want my opinion? My son is a moron.Ted Castellucci: I withdraw my objection. Please proceed!

— Big Daddy 1999 truth

[afternoticing Julian had wet the bed]Sonny: My God, thats a shit load of piss.

— Big Daddy 1999 god

Sonny: Have a good sleep there, Corrine. Pleasant Hooters!

— Big Daddy 1999 good

Sonny: That was your girlfriend. Shes Hooterific again.

— Big Daddy 1999 you

Nazo: This is bullshit! Should have same rules for everyone, no matter what age!

— Big Daddy 1999 age

Sonny: Everyones so busy with their crap lately, no one ever comes.Mr. Herlihy: Like Im not busy?Sonny: Hey Mr. Herlihy, how bout you shut up before i smack you threw the wall like last week?Mr. Herlihy: Last Monday was a fluke. Bring it on woman. Oh... hah... hahahahahahahaSonny: He drinks alot of soda.

— Big Daddy 1999 man

Sonny: Im going through a rough patch in my life right now. Syracuse is 0 and 3. I got those medical problems.Vanessa: Medical problems? A cab runs over your foot 2 years ago, you spend one night in the hospital.Sonny: First of all that cab was huge. And a jury decided that one night of pain was worth two hundred thousand dollars, so there ya go.

— Big Daddy 1999 life

[Music playing in the background]Layla: This is Styx.Sonny: Yeah.Layla: Theyve been my favorite band since I was, like, twelve.Sonny: Youre kidding me?Layla: No, no, I cant help it, I just love them. My friends make fun of me all the time.Sonny: My friends make fun of me all the time, too. Ive seen them, like, twenty-five times. Tommy Shaw, when I was, like, sixteen years old, I was at the concert, he actually reached out and grabbed my hand, pulled me up on stage, and I got to do the robot voice for Mr. Roboto!

— Big Daddy 1999 love

Sonny: I know this is the right thing because I would die for this kid just so he wont feel one ounce of sadness. Thats why youre here right now, to protect me, to be scared for me to be a good father. And thats exactly what Im gonna be.

— Big Daddy 1999 sadness

Sonny: [Mocking Corinne] We wasted the good surprise on you!

— Big Daddy 1999 good

Sonny: Whats your name, hell write it on the wall... mind your business!

— Big Daddy 1999 mind

[Sonny has left his apartment leaving Nazo in charge of Julian]Julian: [jumping on the couch signing along to the kangaroo song] Would you like to come and play? Well hop, hop, hop, hop...Julian: [hits Nazo on the head with a paperback book] ... WHAT DO YOU SAY?[the doorbell rings]Nazo: Get the door![Julian leaves to answer the door]

— Big Daddy 1999 art

[about the Kangaroo song]Sonny: [to Julian] I cant take this shit. Are you serious?[Julian continues jumping to the Kangaroo song]Sonny: [under his breath; about the character in the song] Douchebag kangaroo.

— Big Daddy 1999 character

Corinne: We wasted the good surprise on you!

— Big Daddy 1999 good

Mr. Herlihy: Goddamn Jets!Waitress: Hey, cutie! What are you doing here?Julian: Watching football.Waitress: Oh yea, who do you want to win?Julian: The Goddamn Jets.

— Big Daddy 1999 god

Nazo: [to Arthur Brooks] Hey, I remember you. You always order three piece of cheesecake![Arthur Brooks looks embarrassed]

— Big Daddy 1999 art

Nazo: What are your cards?Julian: I got a 6, a 5, a Jack, a 4 and a 8. I win!Sonny: What do you mean you win? I had a hand just like that before, I didnt win?Julian: Because I win.Nazo: This is bullshit!Sonny: Alright, take it easy man.Nazo: Every time different cards, he still wins?

— Big Daddy 1999 time

Sonny: Congratulations! You and Big Boobs McGee are gonna get along just fine.Kevin: Dont call her Big Boobs McGee.Sonny: Youre going to explain to your kids that you met their mother while she was waitressing at Hooters?Kevin: Sonny that was five years ago! Shes a doctor now, and my fiance. So from now on, Dr. Big Boobs McGee.

— Big Daddy 1999 sin

Sonny: Get cleaned up and well go to Barneys.Julian: Barney?Sonny: Not that Barney, a different Barney. A much more expensive Barney.

— Big Daddy 1999 different

Sonny: Hes the smelly kid in class!, I let him become the smelly kid in class!, What the hells the matter with me?Ms. Foote: Oh yes, Ive had some smelly ones before, but your son is by far the smelliest.

— Big Daddy 1999 lies

Sonny: Hey, stay away from the frozen food section, Corinne! Your boobsll harden.

— Big Daddy 1999 food

Sonny: Hey, the money I won in the cab accident is kicking ass in the stockmarket, so relax!

— Big Daddy 1999 money

Sonny: What do you eat?Julian: Food.Sonny: Oh yea? Well I eat food too.

— Big Daddy 1999 food

Sonny: Whats in the bag Corrine? Chicken wings? Booby tassles?

— Big Daddy 1999 win

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