Bill Watterson

#8905 Bill Watterson

Calvin: So long, Pop! I'm off to check my tiger trap! First line of the first Calvin and Hobbes strip.Calvin: I rigged a tuna fish sandwich yesterday, so I'm sure to have a tiger by now! Calvin's Father: They like tuna fish, huh? Calvin: Tigers will do anything for a tuna fish sandwich! Hobbes is eating sandwich and caught upside down in trap Hobbes {talking to himself}: We're kind of stupid that way. .

Bill Watterson Quotes about self
#8906 Bill Watterson

Calvin: Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar? p12 Susie Derkins' first mention by name - she would appear in the strip for the first time the following day .

Bill Watterson Quotes about time
#8907 Bill Watterson

WAP! WAP! WAP! Calvin is hammering nails into a coffee table Calvin's Mom: CALVIN!!! What are you DOING to the coffee table?!?! Calvin: pauses, looks at the table Calvin: Is this some sort of trick question, or what? p. 23 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about you
#8908 Bill Watterson

Hobbes: What's that cereal you're eating? Calvin: It's my new favorite, "Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs". Have a taste. Hobbes: Thank you. (clutching throat) MFFPBTH!!!!! S-Sw-Sw SWEET!!!!!!!!! Calvin: Actually, they're kinda bland till you scoop sugar on 'em. p61 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about you
#8909 Bill Watterson

Hobbes: How come we play war and not peace? Calvin: Too few role models. Calvin: I'll be the fearless American defender of liberty and democracy... and you can be the loathsome godless communist oppressor. We're at war, so if you get hit with a dart, you're dead and the other side wins, OK? Hobbes: Gotcha. Calvin: GO! (WAP-WAP they shoot each other simultaneously) Kind of a stupid game,isn't it? p62 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about god
#8910 Bill Watterson

Calvin: Somewhere in Communist Russia I'll bet there's a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppression. But maybe he's heard of America, and he dreams of living in this land of freedom and opportunity! Someday, I'd like to meet that little boy...and tell him the awful TRUTH ABOUT THIS PLACE!! Calvin's Dad: Calvin, be quiet and eat the stupid lima beans. p70 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about dreams
#8911 Bill Watterson

Hobbes: Look, it says you have to be eighteen to buy cigarettes. Calvin: EIGHTEEN?!? By then I'll know better! p90 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about you
#8912 Bill Watterson

Calvin: Boy, what a day! I went to school, played outside, and did my homework. I'm exhausted. [to his dad] You know what time it is now? Calvin's Dad: Uh, 7:35. Calvin: It's Miller Time. Calvin's Dad: Get back here! p28 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about time
#8913 Bill Watterson

Calvin: Were there dinosaurs when you were a kid, Dad? Calvin's Dad: Oh, sure! Your grandfather and I used to put on our leopard skins and hunt brontosaurus for all the clan rituals. Calvin's Mom: [to Calvin's dad] Listen, buster, I think Calvin's grades are bad enough already, don't you? p29 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about you
#8915 Bill Watterson

Susie: Do you have your line memorized for the nutrition play, Calvin? Calvin: I'm still learning it. Being an onion is a difficult role, you know. What are you? Susie: I'm "Fat". Calvin: No, I mean in the play. Susie: [punches Calvin] Anyone ELSE want to say it?!? Calvin: Aackk! Understudy! Understudy! p43 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about learning
#8916 Bill Watterson

Calvin's Dad: It's going to be a grim day when the world is run by a generation that doesn't know anything but what it's seen on TV. p100 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about world
#8917 Bill Watterson

Susie {to Calvin}: Talking with you is the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience. p72 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about experience
#8918 Bill Watterson

Calvin's Dad: Go break his little legs, will you, honey? p77 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about you
#8919 Bill Watterson

Susie: I was going to ask you to play House, but I think you'd be a weird example for our children. p36 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about children
#8920 Bill Watterson

Calvin: If I was in charge, we'd never see grass between October and May. p6 .

Bill Watterson
#8921 Bill Watterson

Calvin's Dad: I think "Santa" would rather have a cold beer. p15 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about think
#8922 Bill Watterson

Hobbes: Strange that Santa would go to the trouble to wrap a box of coal. p15 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about trouble
#8923 Bill Watterson

Calvin's Dad: (spotting Calvin's macabre snowmen) You can always tell when you get to our house. p41 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about men
#8924 Bill Watterson

[Hobbes eating "Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs" to help Calvin get proof of the purchase seals to get a beanie.] Hobbes: Blechh. I feel sick. Calvin: Oh, c'mon. That's only your second bowl of cereal. Hobbes: This stuff is pure sugar. Calvin: But it's fortified with eight essential vitamins, so it's good for you. Hobbes: Give me a break. This is like eating a bowl of Milk Duds. Calvin: Look, it says right here, "Part of a wholesome, nutritious, balanced breakfast." Hobbes: And they show a guy eating five grapefruits, a dozen bran muffins... Calvin: (shaking) You know why you shake like that? Vitamin deficiency, I'll bet. p43 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about art
#8925 Bill Watterson

Calvin's Mom: I haven't seen Calvin for about 15 minutes now. That probably means he's getting in trouble. p76 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about trouble
#8926 Bill Watterson

Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world. Hobbes: Isn't your pants zipper supposed to be in the front? p100 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about world
#8927 Bill Watterson

Calvin's Mom: How can kids know so much and still be so dumb? p109 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about kids
#8928 Bill Watterson

[Calvin and Hobbes are waiting for the school bus] Calvin: How long have we been waiting for the bus now? Hobbes: (looking at his watch) About two and a half hours. Calvin: I think mom put me out here this early on purpose! p123 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about purpose
#8929 Bill Watterson

Calvin's Dad: I'm going to the office and get some sleep. p124 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about sleep
#8931 Bill Watterson

Calvin {as they are walking and come upon some trash in the woods}: I was reading about how countless species are being pushed toward extinction by man's destruction of forests. Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. p29 (08 Nov 89) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about life
#8932 Bill Watterson

Calvin: Look, Hobbes! My newest invention! Hobbes: Isn't that your transmogrifier? Calvin: It was, but I made some modifications. See, the box is on its side now. It's a duplicator! Hobbes: Ah. Calvin: It combines the technologies of the transmogrifier and a photocopier, so instead of merely making a reproduction on paper, this machine actually creates a real duplicate! Hobbes {happy}: So our financial worries are over? Calvin: And counterfeiting is just one of its many uses around the home! p. 55 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about man
#8933 Bill Watterson

Hobbes: Have you tested your duplicator machine yet? Calvin: I was just about to. You can help. Hobbes: Oh boy! What will we duplicate first? Calvin: Me! Hobbes: You?? Calvin: Yeah! Mom wants me to clean my room, so I'll duplicate myself with this, and let the duplicate do the work! Smart, huh? Hobbes: I can picture the look on your parents' faces when they find out they've suddenly had twins. Calvin: Twins, heck! This summer I can make a whole baseball team! p. 55 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about art
#8934 Bill Watterson

Calvin: OK Hobbes, press the button and duplicate me. Hobbes: Are you sure this is such a good idea? Calvin: Brother! You doubting Thomases get in the way of more scientific advances with your stupid ethical questions! This is a brilliant idea! Hit the button, will ya? Hobbes: I'd hate to be accused of inhibiting scientific progress... here you go. [presses button] .

Bill Watterson Quotes about hate
#8935 Bill Watterson


Bill Watterson
#8936 Bill Watterson

Hobbes: Scientific progress goes "boink"? Voice from under the box: It worked! It worked! I'm a genius! Second voice from under the box: No you're not, you liar! I invented this! p. 55 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about work
#8937 Bill Watterson

Calvin's Dad: Numb toes build character. p64 (21 Jan 90) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about character
#8938 Bill Watterson

[Calvin and Hobbes are playing Scrabble.] Calvin: Ha! I've got a great word and it's on a "Double word score" box! Hobbes: "ZQFMGB" isn't a word! It doesn't even have a vowel! Calvin: It is so a word! It's a worm found in New Guinea! Everyone knows that! Hobbes: I'm looking it up. Calvin: You do, and I'll look up that 12-letter word you played with all the Xs and Js! Hobbes: What's your score for ZQFMGB? Calvin: 957. p76 (28 Feb 90) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about you
#8939 Bill Watterson

Susie: I see you're bringing a glove today. Did you sign up for recess baseball? Calvin: Yeah, don't remind me. You're lucky that girls don't have to put with this nonsense. If a girl doesn't want to play sports, that's fine! But if a guy doesn't spend his afternoon chasing some stupid ball, he's called a wimp! You girls have it easy! Susie: On the other hand, boys aren't expected to live their lives twenty pounds underweight. Calvin: And if you don't play sports, you don't get to make beer commercials! p99 .

Bill Watterson Quotes about love
#8940 Bill Watterson

Calvin's Dad: I have all these great genes, but they're recessive. That's the problem here. p8 (20 Jun 90) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about great
#8941 Bill Watterson

Calvin: Nothing spoils fun like finding out it builds character. p9 (23 Jun 90) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about character
#8942 Bill Watterson

Calvin: It seems like once people grow up, they have no idea what's cool. p19 (01 Aug 90) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about people
#8943 Bill Watterson

Hobbes: Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous? p38 (15 Nov 90) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about time
#8944 Bill Watterson

Hobbes: Van Gogh would've sold more than one painting if he'd put tigers in them. p52 (14 Oct 90) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about pain
#8945 Bill Watterson

Calvin: They say winning isn't everything, and I've decided to take their word for it. p53 (19 Oct 90) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about winning
#8946 Bill Watterson

Calvin: In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks. p58 (29 Oct 90) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about sea
#8947 Bill Watterson

Calvin: It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning. p62 (08 Nov 90) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about people
#8948 Bill Watterson

Calvin's Dad: I don't know whether your grasp of theology or meteorology is the more appalling. p68 (23 Nov 90) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about theology
#8949 Bill Watterson

Calvin: I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification. p90 (19 Jan 91) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about courage
#8950 Bill Watterson

Susie: Uh oh... here comes Calvin - the Incurable Weirdness poster child. p125 (31 Mar 91) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about child
#8951 Bill Watterson

Calvin's Dad: By the finite patience vested in me, I hereby dub thee "mud." You may rise. p126 (10 Apr 91) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about patience
#8952 Bill Watterson

Hobbes: So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met? Calvin: Right. We should take pride in our mediocrity. Hobbes: Remind me to invest overseas. p23 (11 Feb 92) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about mind
#8953 Bill Watterson

Calvin: Mom and Dad drive me crazy. They don't understand me and I don't understand them. It's hopeless! I'm related to people I don't relate to. p25 (13 Feb 92) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about hope
#8954 Bill Watterson

Calvin: [as Spaceman Spiff] Free to roam the heavens in man's noble quest to investigate the weirdness of the universe! p50 (29 Mar 92) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about man
#8955 Bill Watterson

Calvin: Do you believe in the Devil? You know, a supreme evil being dedicated to the temptation, corruption, and destruction of man? Hobbes: I'm not sure man needs the help. Calvin: You just can't talk to animals about these things. p54 (06 Apr 92) .

Bill Watterson Quotes about evil
#8956 Bill Watterson

Hobbes: I don't know which is worse...that everyone has his price, or that the price is always so low. p56 (08 Apr 92) .

Bill Watterson

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