Cheaper by the Dozen 2003

Tom: Hey, guys. Remember Shake? We played college ball together.Nigel Baker: Yeah, the hot dog.[Tom gives him a look]Nigel Baker: Mom said it first.Shake: Were having adult time here, boys.Kyle Baker: No idea what that means.Tom: Well, its this crazy thing where grown-ups actually get to have a conversation without being interrupted by kids.Kyle Baker: Sounds wicked boring.Shake: It is. So why dont you run along?Kyle Baker: Moms right. He is a weiner.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 time

Tom: [when Kate leaves] Little Vampires, my plan worked. Shes gone. Now I can raise you children the way I want to! Mwa ha ha, ha ha, ha![kids stare blankly]Tom: Cmon, its going to be fun. Your dream has come true. Moms gone. Weak old Dad is here. You can get away with murder. You can do anything you want. Dylans birthday party is coming up. You can get all hyped up on sugar and cake and go crazy.[kids continue to stare blankly then turn and walk away]

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 art

[last lines]Kate: [voiceover] I guess you could say that when Tom and I left Midland we had a mess of theories about how to raise children. We still have a mess of children, but no theories. Sure, 12 is still our number. Its the number of months my book was on the bestseller list. Its the number of job offers Tom turned down before we found one close to home. And each day its the number of times Im thankful theres such a thing as family.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 time

Hank: Its gettin so as I can hardly go out in public any more. I mean, really, between the autograph hounds and the paparazzi...Kate: Autographs and everything? I mean, just the one commercial, and you have paparazzi?Hank: Yeah. Ive never actually seen them, but, you know, they hide in the bush and... they get their shot.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 you

Tom: You soaked his underwear in meat. That is so wrong. Funny, but wrong.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 funny

Charlie: Did I mention I dont like you very much?Tom: Yeah, you mentioned that.Charlie: Then Im good.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 men

[Sarah has just orchestrated a major practical joke against Hank]Tom: You have a dark gift, Sarah Baker.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 dark

Nora: Oh honey, there just welcoming you into the family.Hank: They set me on fire.Nora: Just your pants.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 family

Kate: My books getting published.Tom: Did I tell you were going to have it all?Kate: Youve never said that.Tom: [Sweeping Kate onto the bed] Im telling you now, baby.Lorraine: [Rushing from the room] Oh my god, can you guys just please wait till I leave the room?Tom: [Between kisses] Can you hurry?

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 god

Tom: [after him and Dylan and the chandelier have crashed to the floor] You know, for the entire minute and a half we lived here... l really hated that chandelier.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 hate

Tom: You were checking me out, werent you?Kate: Yes, I was. You got a problem with that?Tom: Twelve kids later and we still got the heat.Kate: Whoo!

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 you

Kate: Sarah, your suspension from lacrosse for excessive force has been lifted, so youre going today.Sarah Baker: Yes!Kate: Henry, you have band practice, all right? I cleaned your clarinet. Please dont play with food in your mouth again. Kim and Jessica, your teacher called and has made a request that you do not correct her in front of the class. Mike, you have show-and-tell today. And please, honey, remember that body parts do not count. Kyle and Nigel, you have a dentists appointment at three oclock, so youre going to work with Dad.Nigel Baker, Kyle Baker: Yeah![yells]Tom: [yells]

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 art

Jake: Dude, two words: need new skates.Kate: Dude, three words: paper route.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 words

Jake: I heard you were dissing my family.Cooper: I dont even know your family loser.Mike: You do now![Mike knocks Coopers latte out of his hand]Cooper: My latte!

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 family

Lorraine: Black works Mom. Jesus like had his funeral on Christmas.Henry Baker: He died on Easter, Barbie!Jessica Baker: He was resurrected on Easter, moron.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 work

Hank: So, you guys popping another one anytime soon?[Tom and Kate looking shocked]Hank: Curiosity!

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 time

Sarah Baker: [hits the bathroom door with her lacrosse stick before Tom pulls her away] You can only put on so much lip gloss, princess!Lorraine: [sighs] You blew my concentration.[smiles happily]Lorraine: Now i get to start all over again. Ha.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 art

Nora: Did you not hear me? My brother is missing!Hank: Did you not hear me? Im on TV!

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 sin

Mike: Were gonna move![Henry, Jake, Sarah, Jessica, Kim and Mark all look surprised and let go of the rope, sending Mike to fall down the chute]Mike: Ahhhh!

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 fall

Lorraine: [walks into kitchen] I am totally aware that this family doesnt value self-presentation in the same obsessive way that I do. Fine. Whatever. But one of my life goals aside from being, like, a fashion guru is to indicate to the local community that the Baker family actually owns a bar of soap. So, as self-appointed in-house rep of style and hygiene, I think that I should be allotted at least five extra minutes in front of the mirror.Tom: Three.Lorraine: Done.Tom: Good now help your sister butter the toast.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 life

Tom: Clean up on aisle 12.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003

Tina Shenk: Is Jake your only child?Kate: Oh no. We have 12.Tom: I couldnt keep her off of me.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 you

Lorraine: Call me crazy Pops but things are getting pretty twisted around here.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 rain

Nora: Ive searched everywhere. Nothing.Tom: Wheres Hank?Nora: Hes not going to make the cut.Tom: I hope the family isnt to blame.Nora: [smiles] Theyre totally to blame.[hug]

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 hope

Sarah Baker: Great. In Midland we were a Family. Now were a support system?Lorraine Baker: A Family is a Support System, Butch

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 family

Tom: [phoning a nanny service] Hello my name is Tom Baker and I am interested in hiring a domestic helper.[responding to question on phone]Tom: I have twelve kids.[person on phone says something]Tom: Actually I am serious.Tom: [next call] Just twelveTom: [next call] Theres only two, oh plus ten.Tom: [next call] How many kids? Well, uh, when you get here we can just count em up.Tom: [next call] Well, theres twelve. But one doesnt live with me and one you never see cause hes so mad.Tom: [next call] Uh, a dozen.Tom: [next call] Just, just twelve.Tom: [last call] Hello, Ill just hang up by myself.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 self

Tom: Theyre like kittens.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003

Jake: Yeah, without you, we wouldnt be the twelve Bakers anymore. Wed be,[looks real serious]Jake: eleven.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 you

[phone rings and Mike gets it]Mike: Hello?... Whos this?...[hands the phone to his mom]Mike: Somebody from somethin somethin.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 hell

Jessica Baker: Dad! Nigel hit Kim with a dart and I assume he will be punished!

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 art

Kate: You need a paramedic?Tom: No, just a pair o knees.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 you

Kate: [seeing Nora making out with Hank on the couch in front of the family] Nora, sweetie, want to help me in the kitchen?[after Nora doesnt respond, she claps]Kate: NORA, STOP![Nora breaks away from Hank]Kate: Yeah, uh huh.Kate: Wanna help me in the kitchen? Get a pie, look at a picture of Grandma, say the rosary. Come on, kids. Here we go. Everybody out.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 family

Kate: [referring to Hank] Hes not a doorknob.Jake: He irons his jeans, Mom.Kate: Yeah thats weird.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 weird

Jessica Baker: [about Mark] Your eccentricities and vision problems could be linked to any number of the Baker ancestors.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 vision

Tom: [picking an athletic cup out of the spaghetti sauce] Ah... Pasta de la croch.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 past

Hank: All Im saying is families are inevitable theyre like death or taxes.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 death

Hank: Twelve kids... thats nuts.

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 kids

Hank: [with passion] Every once in a while, I carve a pumpkin with a knife made of lollipop sticks...Nora: [talking on the phone] It totally sucks!

— Cheaper by the Dozen 2003 passion

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