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Clerks 1994

Dante Hicks: You get me slapped with a fine. You pick fights with the customers and I have to patch everything up. You get us chased out of a funeral home by violating a corpse. To top it all off, you ruined my relationship with Veronica! Whats your encore? Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?
— Clerks 1994 relationship
[after a customer got his hand stuck in a can of Pringles]Dante Hicks: A little word of advice, my friend. Sometimes you gotta let those hard-to-reach chips go.
— Clerks 1994 time
[Randall is watching hermaphroditic porn]Caitlin Bree: What are you watching?Randal Graves: Childrens programming.
— Clerks 1994 children
Silent Bob: [His only line] You know, theres a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But they dont all bring you lasagna at work. Most of em just cheat on you.
— Clerks 1994 women
[repeated line]Dante Hicks: Im not even supposed to be here today!
— Clerks 1994 day
Blue Collar Man: Excuse me, I dont mean to interrupt, but, uh, what are you talking about?Randal Graves: The ending of Return of the Jedi.Dante Hicks: My friend heres trying to convince me that any independent contractors who were working on the uncompleted Death Star were innocent victims when it was destroyed by the Rebels.
— Clerks 1994 death
Dante Hicks: You hate people!Randal Graves: But I love gatherings. Isnt it ironic?
— Clerks 1994 love
Dante Hicks: 37! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks!Customer with Diapers: In a row?
— Clerks 1994 friend
[after losing a hockey ball from the roof]Dante Hicks: Are there any balls down there?Jay: About the biggest pair you ever seen, dingleberry!
— Clerks 1994 sin
Randal Graves: Embolism in a pool.Dante Hicks: What an embarrassing way to die.Randal Graves: Thats nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died.Dante Hicks: How did he die?Randal Graves: He broke his neck.Dante Hicks: Thats embarrassing?Randal Graves: He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick!
— Clerks 1994 sin
[on his past relationship with Caitlin]Dante Hicks: She was supposed to meet Brad Michaelson in a dark bedroom. She picked the wrong one. She didnt even know I was at the party.Randal Graves: Oh, my God.Dante Hicks: Great story, huh?Randal Graves: That girl was vile to you.Dante Hicks: Interesting post script to that story - do you know who wound up in that dark bedroom with Brad?Randal Graves: Your mother?Dante Hicks: Alan Harris.Randal Graves: Chess team Alan Harris?Dante Hicks: The two moved to Idaho together after graduation. They raise sheep.Randal Graves: Thats frightening.Dante Hicks: Takes different strokes to move the world.Randal Graves: In light of this lurid tale, I dont even see how you can romanticize your relationship with Caitlin. She broke your heart and inadvertently drove men to deviant lifestyles.
— Clerks 1994 life
Dante Hicks: Hey, whatcha rent?[reads the cover to Randals videotape]Dante Hicks: Best of Both Worlds?Randal Graves: Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame.Dante Hicks: And you rented this?Randal Graves: Hey, I like to expand my horizons.
— Clerks 1994 world
Randal Graves: Hey, you know, you and I have something in common - we both eat Chinese.Caitlin Bree: Dick.Randal Graves: Exactly.
— Clerks 1994 you
[Randal has a sign that says I EAT COCK]Dante Hicks: Who eats cock?Randal Graves: Bunch of savages in this town.
— Clerks 1994 age

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