Conkers Bad Fur Day

Conker: Well, here I am. Conker the king, king of all the land! Whod have thought that? But how did I come to this?, I hear ya say. And who are those strange fellows that surround my throne?, that you also say. Well, its a long story. Come closer, and Ill tell ya. It all started yesterday, and what a day that was. Its what I call A Bad Fur Day.

Conker: Wow. Just what I needed. In fact, it would seem to me that these gave me just what I needed at that moment in timeohI see what he means. Context sensitive. Cleverhmand I feel loads better! Right. Lets get out of here. Oh, and by the way. If for whatever reason you want to skip all these wonderful cutscenes, then just press the L button. But, you will have to have watched them at least once.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day time

Gargoyle: No. I dont think so. Ive only just got comfy. Have you ever sat on a piece of Gothic architecture for 200 years? Gets right up your arse, you know. Thought it was about time to move on to a bridge, say. And Im not moving now.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day time

Gargoyle: Yes. But the designer thought it wise change the training level a bit, to fool the audience into thinking that the rest of the game would also be different. Im afraid youll have to try something else.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day change

Gregg the Grim Reaper: Well, how many grim reapers have you met before, mate? What, what am I supposed to look like?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day man

Gregg the Grim Reaper: The Squirrel. The squirrel oh, bloody hell! You would have to be a sodding squirrel, wouldnt you?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day hell

Gregg the Grim Reaper: Why, yes, there is, actually. Its like those bloody cats, such a pain in the arse! Youre one of these special cases.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day pain

Gregg the Grim Reaper: Tshah! Just you wait, smart arse. You dont get out of it that easily. Now, the thing is, you may not be dead, but that doesnt mean you cant die. You just have few more, shall we saychances. Yeah, like cats. I dont like those things. Right! Distributed around your little world are these tail things, squirrels tails. If you can get them, Ill give you an extra chance. Understand?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day art

Gregg the Grim Reaper: Strange? Its the best bloody deal youre going to get, you little prick. Right, thats it! piss off! Ive got some cats to see. Bloody things. I dont like those bloody cats. The way they meow and they piss everywhere, and their crap smells just bloody awful, all over my furniture, I just

— Conkers Bad Fur Day strange

Gregg the Grim Reaper: I dont bloody believe it. Theyve got fish versions of the little bastard now. Come here! Ill show them. Ah! Missed the little fecker again. Ive got your number, mate. Its down to two for you. Ah! Theres a oner. Ha ha, yes. Not long for you now, you little prick.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day believe

Conker: Hma shotgun. Yeah. Dont like the sound of zombies, though. Still, if it gets on his nerves, then thats all right by me. And what was that about an ancestor, undead ancestor? Hm. Well, if hes undead, then technically that makes him kind of dead, which means I should get the inheritance. I mean, how bad can a handful of dead people be? Theyre dead! Well, undead. Now, lets seeshotgun. I think its one of those B pressing moments, dont you?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day people

Gregg the Grim Reaper: Ah! Not bad, I suppose. Thats another twelve souls. Right. Come on. In you go. And I think youll find that youre the one thatll be needing a will. Inheritance, Pah!

— Conkers Bad Fur Day soul

Conker: Hey. Uh, could you help me out here? Theres a guy over there. He says he wants tosomething to do with stigmasnot quite sure. Pollinate you? Sounds a bit strange, but

— Conkers Bad Fur Day strange

Paintpot: Hey, Franky. I think theres a little fella over, hes just coming in through the door. I think its your turn to kick his Is it? Is it your turn? Is it his turn?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day pain

Paintbrush: Yeah, go on over there and kick his ass. Somebodys gotta kick his ass, it aint gonna be me. Im a brush, I dont kick ass.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day pain

Franky: I dont rightly recollect liking your type,there i conclude i is gonna kick your butt around this barn like theres no tomorrow.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day you

Paintpot: Ive seen some kicking ass in my time, and that was the crappiest-shittingest, shittingest-crappiest, kick ass Ive ever seen.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day time

Paintbrush: Yeah, that was pretty crap. As far as kickin ass goes, it was abysmal, and you is a shit bastard, stupid bastard. Isnt he?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day pain

Paintpot: Yeah, he sure isso what are you gonna do now, kill yourself? Cause thats what Id recommend.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day pain

Franky the Pitchfork: What kind of friends are youin that case I is gonna kill myself, Im gonna kill myself right now. Thats all there is to it. Forget you!

— Conkers Bad Fur Day friends

Paintbrush: Yeah, look at him hanging up there. Stupid bastard hasnt even got a neck. He hasnt got a neck, has he?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day pain

Franky: Well, whadya know, I dont appear to have a neck of any description. In fact I dont even have an esophagus! Oh, diddle-die-dam, I is gonna be up here for a long time.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day time

Franky: Why, thank you, Mr. Squirrel. I was hanging up there by my purdy little neck. It was like one of them there executions ya hears about.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day ya

Franky: Well, um, what dyou wanna do about him? Ill do anything for you, cause you is my bestest buddy in the whole wide world!

— Conkers Bad Fur Day world

Great Mighty Poo: Ah! You cursed squirrel! Look what youve done! Im flushing! Im flushing! Oh, what a world, what a world! Whod have thought a good little squirrel like you could destroy my beautiful clagginess! Ah! Im going! Oh! Ahh! No! Aaaaaaah!

— Conkers Bad Fur Day world

Count Batula: Ah! Velcome to my house. Please enter of zyour own free vill. And bring vith you some of the happiness that is so evident in your face, and so lacking in my own.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day happiness

Conker: Huh! Hes not kidding there! Okay, Ill just cross this threshold here. Hm, Im sure thats of some significance, but cant think what it is. Anyway, nice hairdo.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day think

Count Batula: So? Ve seldom have visitors in these parts, vat being out here, in ze middle of nowhere, on such a cold and gloomy night. Pray, follow me.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day art

Count Batula: You look as if you are in need of sustenance, and I have many zings to eatand drink! Pray, follow.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day man

Count Batula: As you can see, the house is in some-vat a state of repair. Ve are having a few refurbishments doing at ze moment andI vas going to have all zis knocked through, to make one big, ehbut anyvay, I think vell just stick to ze conservatory, for the present. Ah, my dining room.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day men

Count Batula: Mmmmy forefather. He vas a crusader in a war of long ago. When ve were alliesvit ze squirrels and ze panthers. Zat union – alas! – vas not successful.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day success

Count Batula: Enough! Who are you to criticize me or my ancestors, whose blood runs in zrough zhese veins? You are not of noble birth, and never vill be.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day you

Count Batula: Pray, accept my apologies. Vhenever I talk about my ancestors, I get somewhattouchy.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day pray

Count Batula: Ah, shit. Ze villagers again. Sounds like zhere is more of zem zis time. Zis could be your lucky night, Conker. I vas going to kill youand drink your blood. But now I think I will be needing your help. Pray, come here.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day time

Count Batula: Ah yes, I forgot. You can only speak like vat you area bat! Right, chop-chop, fetch me ze villagers. I am hungry.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day age

Conker: So, here I am, King. King of all the land. Whod have thought that? Huh, not me. I guess you know who these guys are now, because I certainly do. I dont wanna know them. And yup, I may be king, I have all the money in the world and all the landand all that stuff. But you knowI dont really think I want it. I just wanna go home, with Berri, and I dunno, have a bottle of beer. Hmmmits not gonna happen. Its true what they say, The grass is always greener, and you dont really know what it is you have, until its gonegonegone

— Conkers Bad Fur Day money

Conker: Geee! So many people round here want me to solve their problems. What are you gonna do for me then?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day people

Jack: Ill tell ya what Im gonna do, I say, Ill tell ya what Im gonna do. You get rid of that freaking mouse critter, and maybe Ill help you out. Just maybe. Oh, just one more thing, I say, just one more thing. You might run into my friend, Burt. Just mention my name, Jack, and everything will be just dandy.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day men

Jack: Aahh! I couldnt a lasted a moment longer there. Thank you very much, Mr. Squirrel. Now, theres somethin real neat inside that barn. You just gotta get in there, sonny.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day men

Quentin: Well, hello. Arent you the handsome one. Tell me, would you be prepared to do me a small favor? For a little help, of course.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day hell

Quentin: You see, my other self has lost a few of his — shall we say, friends — and if you dont get them back, my life will be a misery. It already is.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day life

Gregg the Grim Reaper: Tshah! Just you wait, smart arse. You dont get out of it that easily. Now, the thing is, you may not be dead, but that doesnt mean you cant die. You just have few more, shall we saychances. Yeah, like cats. I hate those things. Right! Distributed around your little world are these tail things, squirrels tails. If you can get them, Ill give you an extra chance. Understand?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day art

Gargoyle: Yes. But the designer thought it wise to change the training level a bit, to fool the audience into thinking that the rest of the game would also be different. Im afraid youll have to try something else.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day change

Gregg the Grim Reaper: Strange? Its the best bloody deal youre going to get, you little prick. Right, thats it! piss off! Ive got some cats to see. Bloody things. I dont like those bloody cats. The way they meow and they piss everywhere, and their shit smells just bloody awful, all over my furniture, I just

— Conkers Bad Fur Day strange

Don Weaso: So this is the wise guy who tried to steal my dough! Whaddaya gotta say for yaself, boy?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day self

Conker: A job? Oh, yeah, cool. But I mean, Im gonna have to Ill have to consider it first. Um, what is it? What do you have to do?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day you

Conker: Ah, yeah. This is more like it. An appreciative audience at last! Somebodys please to see me! Hey! Yeah, I know, Im great Oh, I knew this was too good to be true.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day good

Conker: Not quite sure what going on here, but there seems to be door over there. So I think Ill just mousey on over and say my farewells.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day think

Conker: Oh, hi. Youre going this way, too, I take it. Yeah, Ill just wait here and follow you guys.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day you

Buga the Knut: Ah, well. Some more entertainament. Sendee infanta. We need some more entertainment. Send in the infantry.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day men

Buga the Knut: Uh, oh, yikes! Dis not supposed to happen! Oh, dear. That was not supposed to happen

— Conkers Bad Fur Day

Buga the Knut: No mistake de big boner. Gia fooka tiide! Nobody remarks about my bone. Youre going to get it squirrel!

— Conkers Bad Fur Day body

Don Weaso: Whoa! I thought I told ya to leave town! But seein as youre here Anyways, we have a little job for you.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day ya

Don Weaso: Am I interruptin something here?! When you two little lovebirds are finished with your reunion tête-a-tête crap, maybe we can get on with job at hand, please?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day love

Don Weaso: Okay, since our little escapades with those cavemen, kinda put me outta business. Now I need to replenish my funds. Here we have it: the Feral Reserve Bank.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day men

Lady Cog: That do concur, ladies, we are free at last; to exact our revenge on this evil cog! Grab him!

— Conkers Bad Fur Day evil

Weasel Guard 1: Hey, Im not finished yet. Were looking for a squirrel. And I think, by the description given to me, that you are a squirrel!

— Conkers Bad Fur Day you

Weasel Guard 1: Well short, red fur, a big bushy tail, and a twitchy nose. Youre a squirrel alright, and youre coming with me!

— Conkers Bad Fur Day you

Gregg the Grim Reaper: I dont bloody believe it. Theyve got fish versions of the little bastard now. Come here! Ill show them. Ah! Missed the little fucker again. Ive got your number, mate. Its down to two for you. Ah! Theres a oner. Ha ha, yes. Not long for you now, you little prick.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day believe

Franky: I dont rightly recollect liking your type,there I conclude I is gonna kick your butt around this barn like theres no tomorrow.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day you

Don Weaso: So! This is the wise guy who tried to steal my dough. Whaddya gotta say for yourself, boy?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day self

Conker: A job? Oh, yeah, cool, but I mean, Im gonna have to Ill have to consider it first. What is it? What do I have to do?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day job

Franky the Pitchfork: What kind of friends are youin that case I is gonna kill myself, Im gonna kill myself right now. Thats all there is to it. Fuck you!

— Conkers Bad Fur Day friends

Don Weaso: Am I interruptin something here?! When you two little lovebirds are finished with your reunion tête-a-tête shit, maybe we can get on with job at hand, please?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day love

Tedi: Nah! No! Sourde ente arms! Sourde aim!Present arms! Take aim! Ectorit, ectorit Wait for it, wait for it.. Choosa targ! Choose a target! Soure Fire!

— Conkers Bad Fur Day present

Conker: Yeah, well, theyre dead now. Say, I noticed that your outfit is a little bit different to the usual army regulation attire. What is it?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day you

Rodent: Its the only one. Very expensive! Anyway, stick behind me and you should be alright. I can be your operation squirrel shield. What do ya say?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day ya

Conker: Whats that up there? Looks like bombers. Hmm, theyre bringing out the heavy stuff. You go first.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day you

Conker: Uh, its a little girl. Its dangerous around here, little girl. I dont think you wanna be here.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day anger

Little Girl: What? Get up! Get up! I command you to get up! Oh, this is the end! My little babies! Yes, my little babies.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day man

Rodent: A bit sore but, you know what? I reckon that that suit really works! I was flying through the air, next thing is, bam! I saw this thing coming towards me! Kinda like a windmill. Uh, doesnt seem to be there anymore. Ah, well, never mind. At least Im still here. So whats happening?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day war

Conker: Um, Im not really sure. But the war seems to be over. You may as well go on your way. Give my regards to the guys.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day war

Rodent: It was a real privilege working with you. I would have to say that if ever I needed to go through an operation such as that again, I hope that its with you.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day hope

Conker: A red squirrel? Oh, I think he means me. I dont recognize this guy, unless hes the fabled Panther King. But he lives just in stories, like my mum used to tell me to get me to sleep. Looks like he was real after all, the fairy Panther King.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day stories

Conker: No, no, as in like fairy, as in ephemeral, like a fable, like a legend You know, like, doesnt exi Doesnt matter.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day you

Panther King: Not good! The sooner we get this squirrel in place, the Ill get my milk. Its getting worse!

— Conkers Bad Fur Day good

Professor: Since this squirrel got rid of my Tediz, bastard! I zink ze latest addition to my plans is about to take shape. Ze incubation period is just about complete, not a moment too soon. Yes Yes, my liege, let us kill two birds vit one stone!

— Conkers Bad Fur Day men

Conker: Oh, no! I felt sure that was it! Oh, this is the end! And to think it would end like this, so near!

— Conkers Bad Fur Day think

Conker: Um, hello? Uh, if there are any software engineers who can here me, just.. type something in.

— Conkers Bad Fur Day war

Conker: Alright, yeah, hello. Right! Hes the plan: I wont tell anyone that theres been a lockup, quite a bad one at that, left in the game. If you will, say I dont know, help me out with this guy here? Whadya think?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day ya

Conker: Cool! Now, Mr. Alien, lets see. Okay, lets get into position. Steady Just check the shot, there we go. Right. On my mark, and not a moment sooner. Three two one and action!

— Conkers Bad Fur Day men

Franky: Well, if it isnt Conker! How you doin, Mr. Squirrel? You have defeated the evil Panther-type King!

— Conkers Bad Fur Day evil

Lady Cog: I heard the good news, we came back from holiday as soon as we could, just to celebrate with you on this wonderful momentous occasion! Didnt we, ladies?

— Conkers Bad Fur Day men

Panther King: Not good! The sooner we get this squirrel in place, the sooner Ill get my milk. Its getting worse!

— Conkers Bad Fur Day good

Share your thoughts on Conkers Bad Fur Day quotes with the community: