Desperate Housewives

1 Season 11.1 Ah, But Underneath 1.2 Pretty Little Picture 1.3 Whos that Woman? 1.4 Come In, Stranger 1.5 Running to Stand Still 1.6 Anything You Can Do 1.7 Guilty 1.8 Come Back to Me 1.9 Move On 1.10 Every Day, A Little Death 1.11 Your Fault 1.12 Love is in the Air 1.13 Impossible 1.14 The Ladies who Lunch 1.15 There Wont Be Trumpets 1.16 Children Will Listen 1.17 Live Alone and Like It 1.18 Fear No More 1.19 Sunday in the Park with George 1.20 One Wonderful Day

— Desperate Housewives love

2 Season Two2.1 Next 2.2 You Could Drive A Person Crazy 2.3 Youll Never Get Away From me 2.4 My Heart Belongs To Daddy 2.5 They Asked Me Why I Believed In You 2.6 I Wish I Could Forget You 2.7 Color and Light 2.8 The Sun Wont Set 2.9 Thats Good, Thats Bad 2.10 Coming Home 2.11 Were Gonna Be All Right 2.12 Theres Something About a War 2.13 Silly People 2.14 Thank You So Much 2.15 There Is No Other Way 2.16 Could I Leave You 2.17 Please Dont Look At Me 2.18 I Wish I Could Forget You 2.19 Could I Leave You? 2.20 I Know Things Now 2.21 Remember

— Desperate Housewives war

3 Season Three3.1 Listen to the Rain on the Roof 3.2 It Takes Two 3.3 A Weekend in the Country 3.4 Like It Was 3.5 Nice She Ain’t 3.6 Bang 3.7 Sweetheart, I Have to Confess 3.8 Children and Art 3.9 Beautiful Girls 3.10 The Miracle Song 3.11 No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds 3.12 Not While Im Around 3.13 Come Play Wiz Me 3.14 I Remember That 3.15 The Little Things You Do Together 3.16 Dress Big 3.17 Liaisons 3.18 God, Thats Good 3.19 Gossip 3.20 What Would We Do Without You? 3.21 Come Play Wiz Me 3.22 I Remember That 3.23 The Little Things You Do Together 3.24 My Husband, the Pig 3.25 Dress Big 3.26 Liaisons 3.27 God, Thats Good 3.28 Getting Married Today

— Desperate Housewives god

4 Season Four4.1 Now You Know 4.2 Smiles of a Summer Night 4.3 The Game 4.4 If Theres Anything I Cant Stand 4.5 Art Isn’t Easy 4.6 Now I Know, Dont Be Scared 4.7 Somethings Coming 4.8 Welcome to Kanagawa 4.9 Sunday 4.10 Opening Doors 4.11 Mother Said 4.12 The Gun Song 4.13 Free

— Desperate Housewives art

5 Season 55.1 Youre Gonna Love Tomorrow 5.2 Were So Happy Youre So Happy 5.3 Kids Aint Like Everybody Else 5.4 Back in Business 5.5 Mirror, Mirror 5.6 Theres Always a Woman 5.7 What More Do I Need? 5.8 City on Fire 5.9 Me and My Town 5.10 A Visions Just a Vision 5.11 Home is the Place 5.12 Connect! Connect! 5.13 The Best Thing That Ever Could Have Happened 5.14 Mama Spent Money When She Had None 5.15 In a World Where the Kings are Employers 5.16 Crime Doesnt Pay 5.17 The Story of Lucie and Jessie 5.18 A Spark. To Pierce the Dark 5.19 Look Into Their Eyes and See What They Know 5.20 Roses Turn 5.21 Bargaining 5.22 Marry Me a Little 5.23 Everybody Says Dont 5.24 If Its Only In Your Head

— Desperate Housewives love

6 Season 66.1 Nice is Different Than Good 6.2 Being Alive 6.3 Never Judge a Lady By Her Lover 6.4 The God-Why-Dont-You-Love-Me Blues 6.5 Everybody Ought to Have a Maid 6.6 Dont Walk on the Grass 6.7 Careful the Things You Say 6.8 The Coffee Cup 6.9 Would I Think of Suicide? 6.10 Boom Crunch 6.11 If 6.12 You Gotta Get a Gimmick 6.13 How About a Friendly Shrink? 6.14 The Glamorous Life 6.15 Lovely 6.16 The Chase 6.17 Chromolume No. 7 6.18 My Two Yong Men 6.19 We All Deserve to Die 6.20 Epiphany 6.21 A Little Night Music 6.22 The Ballad of Booth 6.23 I Guess This is Goodbye

— Desperate Housewives love

7 Season 77.1 Remember Paul? 7.2 You Must Meet My Wife 7.3 Truly Content 7.4 Excited and Scared 7.5 A Humiliating Business 7.6 Sorry Grateful 7.7 Pleasant Little Kingdom 7.8 Assassins 7.9 Where Do I Belong 7.10 Im Still Here 7.11 Flashback 7.12 Farewell Letter 7.13 Searching 7.14 Everythings Different, Nothings Changed 7.15 Moments in the Woods 7.16 The Lies Ill-Concealed 7.17 Ill Swallow Poison on Sunday 7.18 Then I Really Got Scared 7.19 And Lots of Security 7.20 Come on Over for Dinner

— Desperate Housewives change

Susan: But only Im going. Because youre gonna come down with something semi-serious that requires bed-rest and fluids.

— Desperate Housewives you

Gabrielle: Well, you know what you need to do. You need to get there early, spend a little time with Mike before little barracuda gets there.

— Desperate Housewives time

Susan: Thats a good idea. Edie will get there at 5:45, which means her breasts will arrive at 5:30, so I should shoot for five.

— Desperate Housewives good

Edie: Oh God, look at all these things, all these beautiful things that my ex-husbands worked so hard for, burnt to a crisp.

— Desperate Housewives god

Paul: I dont care what her reasons were. Maybe she was depressed. Maybe she was bored. It doesnt matter. She abandoned her husband and her son. And Ill never forgive her.

— Desperate Housewives reason

Gabrielle: to Ashley, about kissing, And some people kiss their friends, its like a high-five on the lips!

— Desperate Housewives people

Martha: I was just thinking of that expression, Ill make mincemeat out of you. Mincemeat used to be made up of little bits of meat chopped up, so the expression was like saying, Ill chop you up into little pieces!

— Desperate Housewives art

Edie to Mrs. Huber: I hate Susan Meyer. Everytime I see those big doe eyes of hers, I swear to God I just want to go out and shoot a deer.

— Desperate Housewives god

Bree: I love to try out new recipes before the holidays. That way if the cookbook has it wrong, I can fix it.

— Desperate Housewives love

Bree: Rex. The truth is, with the kids gone, Ill be all by myself in this house for the first time in seventeen years.

— Desperate Housewives truth

Rex: Honey, I know its hard to hear, but the marriage counseling might not work out. You need to get used to being alone.

— Desperate Housewives marriage

Susan: I hate to bother you while youre umworking, but do you have change for a 5? Preferably in quarters.

— Desperate Housewives art

Bree after telling Zach the story of her mothers death.: Ive never told anyone that story before.

— Desperate Housewives death

Gabrielle: Well, before you get any friendlier, let me remind you, I can do things to you she cant even pronounce.

— Desperate Housewives mind

Bree: Is that how you see me? As some sort of prude who just lays there like a cold fish? I love sex.

— Desperate Housewives love

Bree: I love everything about it. The sensations, the smells. I especially love the feel of a man. All that muscle and sinew pressed against my body. And then, when you add friction. Mmm The tactile sensation of running my tongue over a mans nipple ever so gently. And then theres the act itself - two bodies becoming one in that final eruption of pleasure. To be honest, the only thing I dont like about sex is the scrotum. I mean, obviously it has its practical applications, but Im just not a fan.

— Desperate Housewives love

Susan: about borrowing the car Its no big deal. Its only for a couple of hours. I let you borrow my eggs for a whole year!

— Desperate Housewives you

Bree: How much longer is your mid-life crisis going to last because its really starting to tick me off!

— Desperate Housewives life

Lynette: Next Spring, were going to do Bambi and his mother is going to take a slug to the heart.and youre gonna like it!

— Desperate Housewives art

Mary Alice voiceover: Competition, it means different things to different people. But whether it’s a friendly rivalryor a fight to the deaththe end result is the same. There will be winners and there will be losers. Of course, the trick is to know which battles to fight. You see, no victory comes without a price.

— Desperate Housewives death

Susan: to Bongo, Mikes dog If you came in here to judge me, you can just leave. Bongo turns around No! Wait! Dont go!

— Desperate Housewives you

Susan: to Bongo What is wrong with you? Lassie would have had a fire truck here by now! Stupid dog. Bongo runs out Good boy Bongo! Go get help! Bongo brings back a dead bird Ohhew!

— Desperate Housewives good

Bree: Were you with a woman? Did you tell that you have a wife, or does that hinder your pick-up style?

— Desperate Housewives man

Rex: All right. Even if I was seeing someone, I have every right to. Exploring options is the whole point of being separated!

— Desperate Housewives right

Maisy: You’re not going to tell a soul. Bree, you may hate me, but you’d hate the humiliation a lot more.

— Desperate Housewives soul

Bree: whispering As of this moment, Rex, I am no longer your wife. I am going to go out, and find the most vindictive lawyer I can find, and together, we are going to eviscerate you. Im going to take away your money, your family, and your dignity. Do you hear me?

— Desperate Housewives family

Bree: And I am so thrilled to know that you still love me. Because I want whats about to happen to youto hurt as much as humanly possible. Im so glad you didnt die before I got a chance to tell you that.

— Desperate Housewives love

w:Paul: I just wanted you to know that everyone on Wisteria Lane is praying for your sisters safe return.

— Desperate Housewives you

Felicia: Loved one? Oh, Edie, let me be clear about this. I hated Martha. She was a wretched pig of a woman and the day she died, this world became a better place.

— Desperate Housewives love

Felicia: Look at them all. Vultures. Pretending to care when all they really want are the sordid details.

— Desperate Housewives care

Yao Lin: Why dont you hock some of your jewelry? Theres a lot of stuff you never wear, and most of its ugly.

— Desperate Housewives ya

Felicia: Hello. I want to thank you all for coming out here and expressing your genuine sorrow and disbelief. My sister, Martha, would have been so touched. I know that many of you have questions. Ive just spoken with the police who are still putting together the details of what happened. What they do know is, Martha died a violent death. Yes, I know. It’s hard to hear. Apparently, there was a struggle. They found scratching and bruising on her body, several broken bones, and traces of dirt in her lungs, which leads us to believe that she was still alive at the time of her burial, and probably in great pain. But the good news is, there are no signs that she had been molested. Now, I think its time that you return to your homes, to your loved ones. Oh, in lieu of a memorial service, Ill be holding an estate sale the day after tomorrow. Please, no personal checks.

— Desperate Housewives love

Rex: You take our timeshare in Aspen, and Im vindictive? Come on! Youll hardly ever use that place!

— Desperate Housewives time

Rex: I mean, fine. When I move out, I’m going to use your good china for take out food. Yeah. pizza, spare ribs

— Desperate Housewives food

Susan harshly: Thank you, Zach. You have just made this really easy for me. You are now forbidden from seeing or talking to my daughter ever again. And if you come within ten feet of her, I will call the police, and I will have you arrested! Now get out!

— Desperate Housewives you

Gabrielle: John, youre a toy. A sweet dumb toy. So you might as well go to college, because me and you? No future!

— Desperate Housewives future

Bree: Well its just that my Aunt Fern lives in Philadelphia and I don’t want to be thinking about her while I’m spanking you with a leather strap.

— Desperate Housewives thinking

Rex: Were going to be doing psychological role playing here, Bree, and a funny word like Boise would ruin the mood. We need something that sounds serious.

— Desperate Housewives funny

Bree: Well, Ill tell you. My daughter is planning on giving you her virginity and I would consider it a personal favor if you wouldnt take it.

— Desperate Housewives you

Rex: For Gods sake Bree, what do you want me to say? Hes a teenage boy, we could cut off his penis and hed still try to have sex.

— Desperate Housewives god

Lynette: Guys, we should be ashamed of ourselves for reveling in that womans misery. That being said, Edie, please continue.

— Desperate Housewives man

Edie: My necklace! Oh, you know, I lent this to Martha three months ago, and she said that it went down the drain. Oh, I miss how we used to steal things from one another.

— Desperate Housewives art

Bree: Oh sweetie, they didnt abandon you because youre a whore. They abandoned you because you werent that nice to begin with.

— Desperate Housewives sweet

Gabrielle: As I see it, good friends avoid each other after being humiliated, but great friends pretend nothing happened in the first place.

— Desperate Housewives friends

Bree: No, I think theyre laughing at you. I think they feel sorry for me which is, just as mortifying.

— Desperate Housewives you

Bree: Oh. Were going to act like nothing is happening, and then, when we finish eating, were going to walk out of here with all the dignity that we can muster.

— Desperate Housewives wit

Bree: I will scream about your cruelty. Then I will scream about your infidelity. And just to make sure it really hurts, I will scream about your distasteful sexual habits. You want to know what true humiliation is, you just take one step.

— Desperate Housewives sex

Susan: No, of course I dont believe that, but I also didnt believe that Karl was going to cheat on me, and I didnt believe that Mary Alice was gonna kill herself. I mean, lets face it, Mike. Blind faith is not my friend.

— Desperate Housewives faith

Susan: Every time we went out for pizza, you could have said, oh, by the way, I once killed a man. Or when you said, hey, lets go jogging, you could have said, well, by the way, I once killed a man. Every time we went to the movies and the hero shot the bad guy, you could have turned to me and said, oh, by the way, I did that once You didnt.

— Desperate Housewives time

Edie: Susan, you know I try. I try to look past your flaws, your klutziness, that, that faux vulnerability, your hair, but you look for ways to push my buttons.

— Desperate Housewives past

Gabrielle: Because, one day, when the time is right, were gonna tell him how he drove me right into your arms, and thats gonna kill him. And tonight, just whatever you do, dont call me beautiful.

— Desperate Housewives time

Tom: Lynette, the kids are getting older, and they are getting smarter. Soon, theyre going to realize that they outnumber us, and then

— Desperate Housewives art

Lynette: Please hear me out. This is important. Today I have a chance to join the human race for a few hours. Theyre actual adults waiting for me with margaritas. Look, Im in a dress. I have make-up on.

— Desperate Housewives man

Bree: ignoring him A good mother is supposed to know her kids inside and out, but I dont know that.

— Desperate Housewives good

Bree: Yours is blue, and Danielle loves pink. But II cant remember Andrews. Should I wear the brown, or the green

— Desperate Housewives love

Andrew: You know what my mom said to me last night? She said she doesnt think Im going to Heaven. Can you believe that?

— Desperate Housewives believe

Reverend Sikes: Im sure she didnt mean to hurt your feelings, but the only way you can know Paradise is by repenting your sins.

— Desperate Housewives feelings

Andrew: When she said that to me, suddenly it hit me how I was gonna get back at her. From now on, Im going to be so good. Im gonna eat my vegetables, Im,Im gonna get good grades, Im gonna say yes, maam and no, maam. Im gonna make her believe that God has delivered her this little miracle. Until one day, when she least expects it, Im gonna do something so awful, it is going to rock her world. I mean, it is really going to destroy her. And when that day comes, trust me. Ill know Paradise.

— Desperate Housewives god

Gabrielle: Carlos cut up all my credit cards. Im married and I cant shop which is the worst of all of all possible worlds.

— Desperate Housewives world

Bree: Your father is into S&M. He makes me beat him with a riding crop. No wonder youre perverted. Look who your parents are.

— Desperate Housewives parents

Felicia: Dont look shocked, Martha. It makes your face look fat. The biological mother was a drug addict. If Angela is your neighbor, which I doubt, then that child was very lucky.

— Desperate Housewives art

Father Crowley: Gabrielle, what brings you down here? she looks concerned Oh, sweet mother of God what have you done this time?

— Desperate Housewives god

Tom: It seems like youre not going to be happy until you drive me out of this marriage just to prove yourself right PauseYou know what, forget I said that.

— Desperate Housewives marriage

Gabrielle: I feel a wave of morning sickness coming on, and I want to be standing on your mothers grave when it hits.

— Desperate Housewives mother

Carlos: Before the accident I told her how much I wanted a child and she said that she would take care of it. I just thought that she would talk to you. Baby, I am so sorry.

— Desperate Housewives thought

Felicia: I hid the originals in a safe place. It seemed like a reasonable precaution seeing as you murdered Martha and all. Would you like a cookie?

— Desperate Housewives art

Edie: to Bree You could have an affair with anyone and you choose the pharmacist? You are such a Republican.

— Desperate Housewives you

John: to Carlos Just so you know, you beat up the wrong guy. Didnt you think it was strange that your lawn was the only one that needed to be mowed three times a week?

— Desperate Housewives time

Bree: I will have security guards at the door of the church with sticks and they will be assigned to beat you with those sticks if you do so much as enter.

— Desperate Housewives church

Andrew: Look, Im sure she was a real bitch, but shes family, so that makes her our bitch. Let her say goodbye to Dad.

— Desperate Housewives family

Andrew:to Danielle Did I ask for your help? back to Bree Im sure Dad wouldve wanted her there.

— Desperate Housewives you

Gabrielle: Be careful, Carlos. Up until now, Ive been really lonely in that big bed of ours, but when youre rude to me, it makes me wanna be not so lonely.

— Desperate Housewives you

Susan: What are you saying, that your father actually told you he was gonna be having a one night stand with Edie Britt?

— Desperate Housewives night

Julie: Uh, mom, this wasnt a one night stand. Hes been going out with Mrs. Britt for a few months now.

— Desperate Housewives night

Susan: What?! How could you not tell me that? We share everything. Thats what were known for. Thats our thing.

— Desperate Housewives you

Julie: Because I knew youd wig out. Besides, havent you always told me to respect peoples privacy?

— Desperate Housewives people

Susan: No! I have not even begun ripping into Edie Britt yet. Oh, that peroxide vulture. As know as sure as I am standing here that she went after your father just to tick me off.

— Desperate Housewives you

Susan: Oh, um Your father just came over that day and told me some stuff. You know, some stuff that I havent, and cant tell you.

— Desperate Housewives you

Julie: Wait, whatever happened to We share everything? Isnt that our thing, what were known for?

— Desperate Housewives hate

Susan: Um, actually, I think what were known for is sharing clothes. Yeah, I think thats our thing.

— Desperate Housewives think

Gabrielle: heard from Carlos about a guy demanding money Honey, I think this is a mistake. If we give in to extortion, the guys just gonna keep coming back for more money.

— Desperate Housewives money

Susan: But hes with Edie! I mean, shes not exactly the maternal type. I wouldnt be a good mother if I wasnt concerned. I mean, who knows what passes for a kid-friendly, good time in there? Drugs? Porn? Smoking?

— Desperate Housewives time

Gabrielle: Say what you want, but John Rowland loved me like no one ever has. Not as a trophy or as a possession, but for me. He loved me.

— Desperate Housewives love

Gabrielle: No, he really did. Let me count the ways. Um, gently, savagely, frequently, upside down

— Desperate Housewives age

Bree: Would you two please stop looking at me like that?! Obviously, I did not kill your father. I loved him deeply.

— Desperate Housewives love

Susan: Yeah, well weve all seen your talent, which is a nice way of telling you, why dont you put some curtains on your bedroom window?

— Desperate Housewives you

Edie: Oh, come on. Be honest, you didnt want any part of this until you found out that I was involved.

— Desperate Housewives art

Susan: She did not pick you. It just didnt occur to her that I would agree to do it. Well, now she knows, and she had it to do over again, shed pick me.

— Desperate Housewives you

Edie: Yes, who do you want with you in front of all of those people? And remember, its a church. They are going to be judging you.

— Desperate Housewives people

Julie: Ohh okay. Well, first of all, you both suck, but if I had to choose I guess Id pick my mom. Sorry, Edie.

— Desperate Housewives you

Lynette: And you dont find it odd that Parkers new friend made her appearance right at the time I went back to work?

— Desperate Housewives time

Lynette: Ill agree with you to a point, when theyre flying kangaroos or giant robots, not surrogate mommies.

— Desperate Housewives you

Tom: Hey. Parker is having a little trouble adjusting. Thats all. Apparently, so are you. Honey, dont be so sensitive.

— Desperate Housewives you

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