Discworld

43 Video Games43.1 Discworld Trouble With Dragons43.1.1 Rincewind 43.1.2 Conversations 43.1.3 Palace Guards 43.2 Discworld II Missing presumed?!aka Mortality Bites!43.2.1 Rincewind 43.2.2 Death 43.2.3 Others 43.2.4 Conversations 43.3 Discworld Noir

If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then hed be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting All gods are bastards.

— Discworld god

What he didnt like about heroes was that they were usually suicidally gloomy when sober and homicidally insane when drunk.

— Discworld hero

The Watch were always careful not to intervene too soon in any brawl where the odds were not heavily stacked in their favour. The job carried a pension, and attracted a cautious, thoughtful kind of man.

— Discworld man

Thats whats so stupid about the whole magic thing, you know. You spend twenty years learning the spell that makes nude virgins appear in your bedroom, and then youre so poisoned by quicksilver fumes and half-blind from reading old grimoires that you cant remember what happens next.

— Discworld reading

At the back of his mind a bad feeling began to grow. He thought about how it might be to be, say, a fox confronted with an angry sheep. A sheep, moreover, that could afford to employ wolves.

— Discworld mind

Picturesque meant - he decided after careful observation of the scenery that inspired Twoflower to use the word - that the landscape was horribly precipitous. Quaint, when used to describe the occasional village through which they passed, meant fever-ridden and tumbledown. Twoflower was a tourist, the first ever seen on the Discworld. Tourist, Rincewind had decided, meant idiot.

— Discworld world

It was all very well going on about pure logic and how the universe was ruled by logic and the harmony of numbers, but the plain fact of the matter was that the Disc was manifestly traversing space on the back of a giant turtle and the gods had a habit of going round to atheists houses and smashing their windows.

— Discworld god

You know, I never imagined there were he-dryads. Not even in an oak tree. One of the giants grinned at him. Druellae snorted. Stupid! Where do you think acorns come from?

— Discworld ya

Weve strayed into a zone with a high magical index, he said. Dont ask me how. Once upon a time a really powerful magic field must have been generated here, and were feeling the after-effects. Precisely, said a passing bush.

— Discworld time

It is forbidden to fight on the Killing Ground, he said, and paused while he considered the sense of this. You know what I mean, anyway

— Discworld fight

He wondered what kind of life it would be, having to keep swimming all the time to stay exactly in the same place. Pretty similar to his own, he decided.

— Discworld life

Some pirates achieved immortality by great deeds of cruelty or derring-do. Some achieved immortality by amassing great wealth. But the captain had long ago decided that he would, on the whole, prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.

— Discworld wealth

It was octarine, the colour of magic. It was alive and glowing and vibrant and it was the undisputed pigment of the imagination, because wherever it appeared it was a sign that mere matter was a servant of the powers of the magical mind. It was enchantment itself. But Rincewind always thought it looked a sort of greenish-purple.

— Discworld power

We dont have gods where I come from, said Twoflower. You do, you know, said the Lady. Everyone has gods. You just dont think theyre gods.

— Discworld god

Don’t ask me how I knew—I suppose it was because it was just about the worst possible thing that was likely to happen.

— Discworld possible

A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been universally established as the amount of magic needed to create one small white pigeon or three normal-sized billiard balls.Pratchett here draws upon the Greek thauma or marvel in creating the name of this basic unit.

— Discworld strength

The disc, being flat, has no real horizon. Any adventurous sailor who got funny ideas from staring at eggs and oranges for too long and set out for the antipodes soon learned that the reason why distant ships sometimes looked as though they were disappearing over the edge of the world was that they were disappearing over the edge of the world.

— Discworld funny

There had been an unseen observer of all this. It was of course entirely against the rules, but Trymon knew all about rules and had always considered they were for making, not obeying.

— Discworld rules

He wanted to say all this, and couldn’t. For a man with an itch to see the whole of infinity, Twoflower never actually moved outside his own head. Telling him the truth would be like kicking a spaniel.

— Discworld truth

Dead? said Rincewind, In the debating chamber of his mind a dozen emotions got to their feet and started shouting. Relief was in full spate when Shock cut in on a point of order and then Bewilderment, Terror and Loss started a fight which was ended only when Shame slunk in from next door to see what all the row was about.

— Discworld art

Ankh-Morpork! Pearl of cities! This is not a completely accurate description, of course — it was not round and shiny — but even its worst enemies would agree that if you had to liken Ankh-Morpork to anything, then it might as well be a piece of rubbish covered with the diseased secretions of a dying mollusc.

— Discworld dying

The voice didn’t believe in gods, which in Rincewind’s book was fair enough, but it didn’t believe in people either.

— Discworld god

The death of the warrior or the old man or the little child, this I understand, and I take away the pain and end the suffering. I do not understand this death-of-the-mind.

— Discworld death

Madmen, he said. They say I should do no work because the star comes. I tell them stars have never hurt me, I wish I could say the same about people.

— Discworld people

Here is the blackness of space, the myriad stars gleaming like diamond dust or, as some people would say, like great balls of exploding hydrogen a very long way off. But then, some people would say anything.

— Discworld people

- If youre going to suggest I try dropping twenty feet down a pitch dark tower in the hope of hitting a couple of greasy little steps which might not even still be there, you can forget it, said Rincewind sharply. - There is an alternative, then. - Out with it, man. - You could drop five hundred feet down a pitch black tower and hit stones which certainly are there, said Twoflower.

— Discworld hope

Radiating from the book was the light that lies on the far side of darkness, the light fantastic. It was a rather disappointing purple colour.

— Discworld light

This is a story about magic and where it goes and perhaps more importantly where it comes from and why, although it doesnt pretend to answer all or any of these questions. It may, however, help to explain why Gandalf never got married and why Merlin was a man. Because this is also a story about sex, although probably not in the athletic, tumbling, count-the-legs-and-divide-by-two sense unless the characters get totally beyond the authors control. They might.

— Discworld sex

A world like that, which exists only because the gods enjoy a joke, must be a place where magic can survive. And sex too, of course.

— Discworld god

It wasnt a large village, and wouldnt have shown up on a map of the mountains. It barely showed up on a map of the village.

— Discworld age

Theyre both magic. If you cant learn to ride an elephant, you can at least learn to ride a horse. Whats an elephant? A kind of badger, said Granny. She hadnt maintained forest-credibility for forty years by ever admitting ignorance.

— Discworld magic

“Do you think I used magic?” Esk looked down at the queen bee. She looked up at the witch. “No,” she said, “I think you just know a lot about bees.” Granny grinned. “Exactly correct. That’s one form of magic, of course.” “What, just knowing things?” “Knowing things that other people don’t know,” said Granny.

— Discworld people

“Gods are all right,” said Granny, as they ate their lunch and looked at the view. “You don’t bother gods, and gods don’t come bothering you.”

— Discworld god

There would be a price. And Granny knew enough about wizardry to be certain that it would be a high one. But if you were worried about the price, then why were you in the shop?

— Discworld you

They say a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it is not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance.

— Discworld knowledge

You mean its my destiny? she said at last. Granny shrugged. Something like that. Probably. Who knows?

— Discworld destiny

Although his body had been around quite a lot, his mind had never gone further than the inside of his own head.

— Discworld mind

He had the kind of real deep tan that rich people spend ages trying to achieve with expensive holidays and bits of tinfoil, when really all you need to do to obtain one is work your arse off in the open air every day.

— Discworld people

She liked it because it offered privacy, always appreciated by, as she put it, “my more discerning clients who prefer to make their very special purchases in an atmosphere of calm where discretion is ever the watchword.”

— Discworld lie

A hint was to Esk what a mosquito bite was to the average rhino because she was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they dont apply to you.

— Discworld time

It is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what youre attempting cant be done. A person ignorant of the possibility of failure can be a halfbrick in the path of the bicycle of history.

— Discworld success

One reason for the bustle was that over large parts of the continent other people preferred to make money without working at all, and since the Disc had yet to develop a music recording industry they were forced to fall back on older, more traditional forms of banditry.

— Discworld art

The Shades, in brief, were an abode of discredited gods and unlicensed thieves, ladies of the night and peddlers in exotic goods, alchemists of the mind and strolling mummers; in short, all the grease on civilization’s axle.

— Discworld god

Granny had counted the temples with a thoughtful look in her eyes; gods were always demanding that their followers acted other than according to their true natures, and the human fallout this caused made plenty of work for witches.

— Discworld god

Granny had nothing against fortune-telling provided it was done badly by people with no talent for it.

— Discworld people

Cant you read, Esk? The astonishment in his voice stung her. I expect so, she said defiantly. Ive never tried.

— Discworld men

Hmm. Granpone the White. Hes going to be Granpone the Grey if he doesnt take better care of his laundry. Aye tell you, girl, a white magician is just a black magician with a good housekeeper.

— Discworld magic

“Who says that?” said Cutangle. “Generally people who are wrong.” said Granny. “I makes a note in my Almanack, see. I checks. Most things most people believe are wrong.”

— Discworld people

She told me that if magic gives people what they want, then not using magic can give them what they need.

— Discworld people

This is the Death whose particular sphere of operations is, well, not a sphere at all, but the Discworld, which is flat and rides on the back of four giant elephants who stand on the shell of the enormous star turtle Great A’Tuin, and which is bounded by a waterfall that cascades endlessly into space. Scientists have calculated that the chance of anything so patently absurd actually existing are millions to one. But magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.

— Discworld death

It wasn’t that he was unhelpful, but he had the kind of vague, cheerful helpfulness that serious men soon learn to dread.

— Discworld men

In short, Mort was one of those people who are more dangerous than a bag full of rattlesnakes. He was determined to discover the underlying logic behind the universe which was going to be hard, because there wasnt one.

— Discworld people

His father regarded him critically. “Very nice,” he said, “for the money.” “It itches,” said Mort, “I think there’s things in here with me.” “There’s thousands of lads in the world’d be very thankful for a nice warm — “ Lezek paused, and gave up — “garment like that, my lad.” “I could share it with them?” Mort said hopefully.

— Discworld hope

What is your name? ’Uh,’ said Mort. ‘Mortimersir. They call me Mort.’ What a coincidence, said the skull.

— Discworld time

“Where did you say your business was?” said Lezek. “Is it far?” No further than the thickness of a shadow, said Death. Where the first primal cell was, there was I also. Where man is, there am I. When the last life crawls under freezing stars, there will I be.

— Discworld life

The only things known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Weedle. He reasoned like this: you can’t have more than one king, and tradition demands that there is no gap between kings, so when a king dies the succession must therefore pass to the heir instantaneously. Presumably, he said, there must be some elementary particles — kingons, or possibly queons — that do this job, but of course succession sometimes fails if, in mid-flight, they strike an anti-particle, or republicon. His ambitious plans to use his discovery to send messages, involving the careful torturing of a small king in order to modulate the signal, were never fully expanded because, at that point, the bar closed.

— Discworld success

There were temples, their doors wide open, filling the streets with the sound of gongs, cymbals and, in the case of some of the more conservative fundamentalist religions, the brief screams of the victims.

— Discworld religion

What do you think, said Death. Am I really here, boy? “Yes,” said Mort slowly. “II’ve watched people. They look at you but they don’t see you, I think. You do something to their minds.” Death shook his head. They do it all themselves, he said. There’s no magic. People can’t see me, they simply won’t allow themselves to do it. Until it’s time, of course. Wizards can see me, and cats. But your average humanno, never. He blew a smoke ring at the sky, and added, Strange but true.

— Discworld death

Death was standing behind a lectern, poring over a map. He looked at Mort as if he wasn’t entirely there. You haven’t heard of the Bay of Mante, have you? he said. “No, sir,” said Mort. Famous shipwreck there. “Was there?” There will be, said Death, if I can find the damn place.

— Discworld death

Albert grunted. “Do you know what happens to lads who ask too many questions?” Mort thought for a moment. “No,” he said eventually, “what?” There was silence. Then Albert straightened up and said, “Damned if I know. Probably they get answers, and serve ’em right.”

— Discworld men

“I’ve never seen Death actually at work.” “Not many have,” said Albert. “Not twice, at any rate.”

— Discworld death

That’s mortals for you, Death continued. They’ve only got a few years in this world and they spend them all in making things complicated for themselves.

— Discworld death

“And he goes around killing people?” said Mort. He shook his head. “There’s no justice.” Death sighed. No, he said, there’s just me.

— Discworld death

“My granny says that dying is like going to sleep,” Mort added, a shade hopefully. I wouldn’t know. I have done neither.

— Discworld hope

“Look, I’ll be frank,” he said. “I could point you in the direction of a great brothel.” “I’ve already had lunch,” said Mort, vaguely.

— Discworld you

“He doesn’t like wizards and witches much,” Mort volunteered. “Nobody likes a smartass,” she said with some satisfaction. “We give him trouble, you see. Priests don’t, so he likes priests.” “He’s never said,” said Mort. “Ah. They’re always telling folk how much better it’s going to be when they’re dead. We tell them it could be pretty good right here if only they’d put their minds to it.”

— Discworld art

“I’ve — we’ve got a special on Cutwell’s Shield of Passion ointment,” said the face, and winked in a startling fashion. “Provides your wild oats while guaranteeing a crop failure, if you know what I mean.” Keli bridled. “No,” she lied coldly, “I do not.”

— Discworld art

“You’re dead,” he said. Keli waited. She couldn’t think of any suitable reply. “I’m not” lacked a certain style, while “Is it serious?” seemed somehow too frivolous.

— Discworld you

That was a cinematic trick adapted for print. Death wasn’t talking to the princess. He was actually in his study, talking to Mort. But it was quite effective, wasn’t it? It’s probably called a fast dissolve, or a crosscut/zoom. Or something. An industry where the senior technician is called a Best Boy might call it anything.

— Discworld death

The thing between Death’s triumphant digits was a fly from the dawn of time. It was the fly in the primordial soup. It had bred on mammoth turds. It wasn’t a fly that bangs on window panes, it was a fly that drills through walls.

— Discworld death

The world’s greatest lovers were undoubtedly Mellius and Gretelina, whose pure, passionate and soul-searing affair would have scorched the pages of History if they had not, because of some unexplained quirk of fate, been born two hundred years apart on different continents.

— Discworld love

History has a habit of changing the people who think they are changing it. History always has a few tricks up its frayed sleeve. It’s been around a long time.

— Discworld time

“What do people like to drink here, then?” The landlord looked sideways at his customers, a clever trick given that they were directly in front of him.

— Discworld people

“You like it?” he said to Mort, in pretty much the same tone of voice people used when they said to St George, “You killed a what?”

— Discworld people

Go away, Mort thought. His subconscious was worrying him. It appeared to have a direct line to parts of his body that he wanted to ignore at the moment.

— Discworld art

Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.

— Discworld men

“I’m sure it’s not wizardly to be alone in a lady’s boudoir.” “Hmm? But I’m not alone, am I? You’re here.” “That,” she said, “is the point, isn’t it?”

— Discworld alone

I ushered souls into the next world. I was the grave of all hope. I was the ultimate reality. I was the assassin against whom no lock would hold. ”Yes, point taken, but do you have any particular skills?”

— Discworld hope

It struck Mort with sudden, terrible poignancy that Death must be the loneliest creature in the universe.

— Discworld death

“Sodomy non sapiens,” said Albert under his breath. “What does that mean?” “Means I’m buggered if I know.”

— Discworld

Resolution was good for the moral fiber; the only trouble was the fiber didn’t appreciate the sacrifices he was making for it.

— Discworld good

Women’s clothes were not a subject that preoccupied Cutwell much — in fact, usually when he thought about women his mental pictures seldom included any clothes at all — but the vision in front of him really did take his breath away.

— Discworld women

Only one creature could have duplicated the expressions on their faces, and that would be a pigeon who has heard not only that Lord Nelson has got down off his column but has also been seen buying a 12-bore repeater and a box of cartridges.

— Discworld art

What’s the use of having the power if you don’t wield it? Man doesn’t show you respect, you don’t leave enough of his damn inn to roast chestnuts on, understand?

— Discworld power

He was suddenly aware that he had made some lifelong enemies, and it was no consolation to know that he probably wouldn’t have them for very long.

— Discworld life

There were more than nine hundred known gods on the Disc, and research theologians were discovering more every year.

— Discworld god

“You won’t get away with this,” said Cutwell. He thought for a bit and added, “Well, you will probably get away with it, but you’ll feel bad about it on your deathbed and you’ll wish — “ He stopped talking.

— Discworld death

What are you going to do when we get there?” “I don’t know,” he said. “I was sort of hoping something would suggest itself at the time.”

— Discworld time

“Am I going to be crowned or not?” she said icily. “I’ve got to die a queen! It’d be terrible to be dead and common!”

— Discworld dead

Although the scythe isn’t preeminent among the weapons of war, anyone who has been on the wrong end of, say, a peasants’ revolt will know that in skilled hands it is fearsome. Once its owner gets it weaving and spinning no one—including the wielder—is quite certain where the blade is now and where it will be next.

— Discworld fear

He sighed again. People were always trying this sort of thing. On the other hand, it was quite interesting to watch, and at least this was a bit more original than the usual symbolic chess game, which Death always dreaded because he could never remember how the knight was supposed to move.

— Discworld death

The vermine is a small black and white relative of the lemming, found in the cold Hublandish regions. Its skin is rare and highly valued, especially by the vermine itself; the selfish little bastard will do anything rather than let go of it.

— Discworld self

This was the type of thief that could steal the initiative, the moment and the words right out of your mouth.

— Discworld words

These werent the normal city watch, cautious and genially corrupt. These were walking slabs of muscle and they were absolutely unbribable, if only because the Patrician could outbid anyone else.

— Discworld walking

After that one thing sort of led to another and pretty soon everyone was fighting to get something — either away, out or even.

— Discworld fight

Sourcerer, n. mythical A proto-wizard, a doorway through which new majik may enter the world, a wizard not limited by the physical capabilities of hys own bodie, not by Destinie, nor by Deathe. It is written that there once were sourcerers in the youth of the world but not may there by now and blessed be, for sourcery would mean the Ende of the World . . . If the Creator hadd meant menne to be bee as goddes, he would have given them wings. SEE ALSO: thee Apocralypse, the legende of thee Ice Giants, and thee Teatime of the Goddes.Definition in Casplocks Compleet Lexicon of Majik with Precepts for the Wise

— Discworld god

The current PatricianHe did of course sometimes have people horribly tortured to death, but this was considered to be perfectly acceptable behaviour for a civic ruler and generally approved of by the overwhelming majority of citizens. †

— Discworld death

He had the unique opportunity to watch Conina fight. Not many men ever got to see it twice. Her opponents started off grinning at the temerity of a slight young girl attacking them, and then rapidly passed through various stages of puzzlement, doubt, concern, and abject gibbering terror as they apparently became the center of a flashing, tightening circle of steel.

— Discworld art

Share your thoughts on Discworld quotes with the community: