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Dorothy Parker

There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.
Dorothy Parker truth
Excuse my dust.
Dorothy Parker
And she had It. It, hell; she had Those.
Dorothy Parker hell
Salary is no object: I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.
Dorothy Parker art
Well,has written a book. And were you to call it a little peach, you would not be so much as scratching its surface. It is the story of her life, and it is called In the Service of the King, which title is perhaps a bit dangerously suggestive of a romantic novel. It may be that this autobiography is set down in sincerity, frankness and simple effort. It may be, too, that theis situated in .
Dorothy Parker life
And it is that word 'hummy,' my darlings, that marks the first place in The House at Pooh Corner at which Tonstant Weader fwowed up.
Dorothy Parker
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
Dorothy Parker men
A lady ... with all the poise of the Sphinx though but little of her mystery.
Dorothy Parker mystery
The House Beautiful is, for me, the play lousy.
Dorothy Parker play
Drink and dance and laugh and lie, Love, the reeling midnight through, For tomorrow we shall die! (But, alas, we never do.)
Dorothy Parker night
The ones I like ... are "cheque" and "enclosed."
Dorothy Parker
And I'll stay away from Verlaine too; he was always chasing Rimbauds.
Dorothy Parker sin
I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound; if I can remember any of the damn things.
Dorothy Parker mind
I'm never going to accomplish anything; that's perfectly clear to me. I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of Those Who Do Things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.
Dorothy Parker sin
One more drink and I'd have been under the host.
Dorothy Parker
It's not the tragedies that kill us; it's the messes.
Dorothy Parker age
All those writers who write about their own childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't sit in the same room with me.
Dorothy Parker writers
[On being told of Calvin Coolidge's death] How do they know? (Coolidge was well-known for being a man of very few words.)
Dorothy Parker death
There is no such hour on the present clock as 6:30, New York time. Yet, as only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you'll live through the night.
Dorothy Parker time
You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.
Dorothy Parker tea
It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.
Dorothy Parker right
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
Dorothy Parker culture
What fresh hell can this be?
Dorothy Parker hell
Ballads of a Great Weariness
Dorothy Parker great
Scratch a lover, and find a foe.
Dorothy Parker love
Observation
Dorothy Parker
If I didn't care for fun and such, I'd probably amount to much. But I shall stay the way I am, Because I do not give a damn. First printed in New York World, (16 August 1925)
Dorothy Parker fun
Comment
Dorothy Parker men
Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, A medley of extemporanea, And love is a thing that can never go wrong, And I am . First printed in New York World, (16 August 1925)
Dorothy Parker love
Razors pain you, Rivers are damp, Acids stain you, And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful, Nooses give, Gas smells awful. You might as well live. First printed in New York World, (16 August 1925)
Dorothy Parker pain
News Item
Dorothy Parker
Men seldom make passes At girls who wear glasses. First printed in New York World, (16 August 1925)
Dorothy Parker girls
Unfortunate Coincidence
Dorothy Parker
By the time you swear you're his,Shivering and sighing,And he vows his passion isInfinite, undying,Lady, make a note of this —One of you is lying.First printed in Life, (8 April 1926) p. 11
Dorothy Parker time
Experience
Dorothy Parker experience
Some men tear your heart in two, Some men flirt and flatter, Some men never look at you, And that clears up the matter. First printed in Life, (8 April 1926) p. 11
Dorothy Parker art
Rainy Night
Dorothy Parker night
I am sister to the rain; Fey and sudden and unholy, Petulant at the windowpane, Quickly lost, remembered slowly. First printed in New Yorker, (26 September 1926) p. 10
Dorothy Parker lost
Inventory
Dorothy Parker
Four be the things I'd been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt. First printed in Life, (11 November 1926) p. 12
Dorothy Parker curiosity
They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm.
Dorothy Parker
Partial Comfort
Dorothy Parker art
Whose love is given over-well Will look on 's face in Hell; While they whose love is thin and wise May viewin Paradise. First printed in Life, 24 February 1927 p. 5
Dorothy Parker love
A Pig's-Eye View of Literature: Oscar Wilde
Dorothy Parker literature
If with the literate I am Impelled to try an epigram, I never seek to take the credit; We all assume thatsaid it. First printed in Life, (2 June 1927) p. 13
Dorothy Parker wit
Fair Weather
Dorothy Parker
They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm. First printed in New York World, (20 January 1928) p. 13
Dorothy Parker world
Thoughts for a Sunshiny Morning
Dorothy Parker thoughts
It costs me never a stab nor squirm To tread by chance upon a worm. "Aha, my little dear," I say, "Your clan will pay me back some day." First printed in New Yorker, (9 April 1927) p. 31
Dorothy Parker will
Quotes of Parker from 's biographical essay "Our Mrs Parker" in While Rome Burns (1934) which is the original published source for some of the most famous things she said at the Algonquin Round Table.
Dorothy Parker quotes
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say No in any of them.
Dorothy Parker language
And there was that wholesale libel on a Yale prom. If all the girls attending it were laid end to end, Mrs Parker said, she wouldn't be at all surprised.
Dorothy Parker girls
Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
Dorothy Parker soul
delivered a striking performance that ran the gamut of emotions, from A to B.
Dorothy Parker man
Dotty had Great Big Visions of Quietude. Dotty saw an Ad, and it Left her Flat. Dotty had a Great Big Snifter of Cyanide. And that (said Dotty) Is that.
Dorothy Parker ya
Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be.
Dorothy Parker you
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Dorothy Parker beauty
The cure for boredom is curiosity.There is no cure for curiosity.
Dorothy Parker curiosity
Almost overnight, Dorothy Parker was transformed from a woman of letters into a gin-soaked quote machine, with a martini in one hand and a dagger in the other. p. xiii
Dorothy Parker art
Sinbad is produced in accordance with the fine old Shubert precept that nothing succeeds like undress. p. 6
Dorothy Parker sin
I thought that was going to be a good song, too, and then they went and rhymed “time” and “Rhine,” and spoiled everything. p. 24
Dorothy Parker time
There is one thing about Fiddlers Three, though, that held my attention all through the evening: Try as I might I could only discern two fiddlers. p. 42
Dorothy Parker attention
To quote the only line of Gertrude Stein’s which I have ever been able to understand, “It is wonderful how I am not interested.” p. 64
Dorothy Parker quote
You know how a play in dialect is. At the first act, you think, “How quaint!”; at the second act, you wish they would either stop using dialect or keep quiet; and at the third act, you wish you hadn’t come. And Tillie, may I mention in passing, has four acts. p. 64
Dorothy Parker men
If the English version is in what, in our youth, we used to speak of affectionately as dear old iambic pentameter, the actors mercifully abstain from reciting it that way; they speak their lines as good, hardy prose. p. 76
Dorothy Parker youth
The musical comedies of the month are She’s a Good Fellow and The Lady in Red, both of which owe their book and lyrics to Anne Caldwell—evidently a native of New York, judged by the casualness with which she rhymes “teacher” and “reach a.” p. 82
Dorothy Parker music
And you remember, Rabbi Wise has declared, in a heated moment, that our plays seem to be written for the hosiery buyers. If Dr. Wise had only witnessed our new summer reviews, he doubtless would have amended his statement to read “by the hosiery buyers.” p.89
Dorothy Parker men
This use of soldiers to make a play popular seems too much like taking an unfair advantage of the uniform—hitting below the Sam Browne belt, as it were. p. 93
Dorothy Parker age
In short, there is everything about this season’s entertainment to make the Hippodrome what it always is—a Temple of the Arts to all those who hang pennants on their automobiles, use “Shake hands with my friend” as a formula for introduction, and sprinkle powdered sugar on their sliced tomatoes. p. 106
Dorothy Parker art
The play holds the season’s record, thus far, with a run of four evening performances and one matinée. By an odd coincidence, it ran just five performances too many. p. 121
Dorothy Parker man
Writing a book for the Follies seems to be about as profitable an occupation as furnishing flannel petticoats for the showgirls. p. 151
Dorothy Parker writing
The management’s method of procedure is evidently to hire some well-known man to write the book, and then, as soon as it is written, to give it away to some deserving family, and go out and engage an assortment of specialty acts. p. 151
Dorothy Parker family
Van and Schenck put their songs over so skillfully that it isn’t until their act is all done that you realize what extremely indifferent songs they are. Now, when John Steel is singing, on the other hand, you are never fooled for a moment. p.153
Dorothy Parker men
Mr. Hodge plays with his accustomed ease, even carrying the thing so far as to repat many of his lines with his eyes shut; and in a pretty spirit of reciprocity, many members of the audience sit through the play with their eyes shut. p. 175
Dorothy Parker man
Of course, there are many things to be said for the afternoon performance, chief among them being that it cuts in so generously on one’s work. p. 201
Dorothy Parker work
Naturally, you know how you would feel on setting out to see a performance of Ausassin and Nicolette done by a company of little ones; you would strive to hurl yourself beneath the wheels of a friendly truck, on your way to the theatre. p. 233
Dorothy Parker self
Bringing in a wounded soldier is getting to be rather like waving an American flag at the end of an act. One cannot harbor feelings of unmixed admiration for the playwright who will hide behind either of them. p. 250
Dorothy Parker feelings
So seeing that there is nothing further to say, I shall go right on talking about The Circle, thus proving that I am a born reviewer of plays. p. 256
Dorothy Parker right
Rockliffe Fellowes gives a likable performance of the secondary crook’s rôle, and there are some decidedly agreeable-looking doughnuts consumed in the first act. And that is about all one can say for Pot Luck. p. 260
Dorothy Parker man
If you arrive late, you won’t know what anything is about, and if you are there all the way from the beginning, you won’t care. p. 277
Dorothy Parker you
There is one thing that appreciably eases the strain for the plays that arrive at this time of year, and that is that practically nothing is expected of them. p. 306
Dorothy Parker time
The murdered man meets his death in an intriguing and novel manner, which the management asks its customers, as a personal favor, not to reveal to possible future audiences. It remains a secret, chummily shared by those that have seen the play and the four or five million who read it in its original form as a Saturday Evening Post story a year or so ago. p. 320
Dorothy Parker death
It is advertised as “a seagoin’ comedy,” and anytime they go leaving off the final g that way, you know what to expect. p. 324
Dorothy Parker time
Two things made The Dice of the Gods, another play about drugs, seem much better than it had any real right to seem. One was that Morphia had come first, and once you had seen Morphia, nothing seemd so very terrible to you. p. 375
Dorothy Parker god
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.Widely attributed to Dorothy Parker and to Ellen Parr, but the origin is unknown.
Dorothy Parker curiosity
Upon my honor I saw a Madonna Standing in a niche Over the door Of the glamorous whore Of a prominent son of a bitch.Said to have been written in the guest-book of Hearst Castle, referring to the room occupied by Hearsts mistress, Marion Davies. Parker always denied it, pointing out that she would never have rhymed honor with Madonna. Since Parker didnt write it, there are many different versions of this, including ones where the word describing the whore is favorite or famous, and ones where son of a bitch is modified by the worlds worst instead of a prominent.
Dorothy Parker world
Said to have been written in the guest-book of Hearst Castle, referring to the room occupied by Hearsts mistress, Marion Davies. Parker always denied it, pointing out that she would never have rhymed honor with Madonna.
Dorothy Parker book
Since Parker didnt write it, there are many different versions of this, including ones where the word describing the whore is favorite or famous, and ones where son of a bitch is modified by the worlds worst instead of a prominent.
Dorothy Parker world
Note: A great many misquotations are attributed to Mrs. Parker. Please try to verify the provenance of any quotations you believe should be ascribed to her. Parker herself wrote about the perils of misquotation in A Pigs Eye Look At Literature
Dorothy Parker literature

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