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Ellen DeGeneres (Actor)

I think the hard thing about this job [stand-up] — I mean, I think this part is great — but that the traveling is y'know, 'cause — 'cause I'm gone a lot from home and this time I'm out for three-and-a-half weeks without going home, and that's hard, to be gone three-and-a-half weeks 'cause then I have to ask my friends, "Would you mind going to the house and watering the plants, and turn some lights on and make it look like somebody's home, and make sure that the mobile over the crib isn't tangled or the baby's gonna get bored..."
Ellen DeGeneres time
Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic." "Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?"
Ellen DeGeneres people
I'm a — I'm a, um, a godmother which is just, that's fun to be a godmother, she is so precious, she's the light of my life, she's two... or five or something, and she's, uh... I don't know, I've never seen her — the pictures are precious, she just seems so, y'know... She lives clear across town, I don't have that kind of time, but, um... Well, I send money and stuff, it's not like I don't have a connection....
Ellen DeGeneres life
I don't want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: "That's a cute baby, just keep walking, keep walking, keep going, keep going...."
Ellen DeGeneres people
If we don't want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we're stuck with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions, by what we do.
Ellen DeGeneres action
We're told to go on living our lives as usual, because to do otherwise is to let the terrorists win, and really, what would upset the Taliban more than a gay woman wearing a suit in front of a room full of Jews?
Ellen DeGeneres living
Yes, we're lazy. Yet we also can't seem to sit still. So we've started making things like GO-GURT. That's yogurt for people on the go. Let me ask you, was there a big mobility problem with yogurt before? How time-consuming was it, really? [pretending to be on the phone:] "Hello?...Oh, hi, Tom...oh, I've been dying to see that movie...Umm, no...I just opened up some yogurt...Yeah, I'm in for the night...No, not even later-it's the kind with fruit on the bottom. Well, have fun. Thanks anyway."
Ellen DeGeneres time
Now we have hands-free phones, so you can focus on the thing you're really supposed to be doing ... chances are, if you need both of your hands to do something, your brain should be in on it too.
Ellen DeGeneres focus
I have a terrible problem with procrastination... a friend told me, "Well, you should go to therapy. And I thought about it, but then I said, "Wait a minute. Why should I pay a stranger to listen to me talk when I can get strangers to pay to listen to me talk?" And that's when I got the idea of touring.
Ellen DeGeneres anger
With all of our differences, we [members of the audience] all have one thing in common, we’re all gay. Now there are people out there [in audience] going “Do they think we’re gay because we’re here? Do we look gay? I told you this would happen. We’re not going to understand a word of this.” Seriously, though, if you're here you're probably gay. I mean, you have tendencies, you've thought about it. Now there are people [in audience] going “I have thought about it. Does that mean I'm gay? I'm not gay. Is that how they get us?”
Ellen DeGeneres people
Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
Ellen DeGeneres
What could be going so wrong that they need to check on you that often....'My bra's in my ass!!'....'Rachel' (mouths pointing to her ass 'My bra's in my ass' and again 'My bra's in my ass' shakes head no and air spells out A-S-S and then motions her to come here). I'd like to see how far they'd go to help you when you tell them your bra's in your ass.' 'Oh my, it's in the ass...do you need a different size or color? I don't know what to do about the bra in the ass. I'll get the manager I don't know.
Ellen DeGeneres man
They say you just stand over there, he'll say thank you and you walk back off and that's what I thought was gonna happen, but in my head, I had for five or six years known that he was gonna call me over. Ellen DeGeneres, Commenting on being called over to sit with Johnny Carson back in 1986
Ellen DeGeneres men
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that. Ellen DeGeneres, My Point and I Do Have One
Ellen DeGeneres god
Sometimes when I am driving I get so angry at inconsiderate drivers that I want to scream at them. But then I remember how insignificant that is, and I thank God that I have a car and my health and gas. That was phrased wrong - normally you wouldn't say, thank God I have gas.
Ellen DeGeneres time
Ellen DeGeneres, My Point and I Do Have One
Ellen DeGeneres
You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.
Ellen DeGeneres funny
Ellen DeGeneres, US Magazine, January 1995
Ellen DeGeneres
What Ellen DeGeneres Knows for Sure (She Thinks)
Ellen DeGeneres think
1. My home address. But I'm not printing it here. Nice try, Oprah.
Ellen DeGeneres home
2. I know that "personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open." And I know that for sure because I read it on the sign at the dry cleaner's.
Ellen DeGeneres character
3. I forgot what number 3 is.
Ellen DeGeneres
4. Sometimes I forget things.
Ellen DeGeneres time
5. I'm sure I'm good at making lists.
Ellen DeGeneres good
By the way, I should point out that there are things I know for sure and things I don't know for sure. Also, there are things I wish I never knew. Like did you ever see that Primetime report about hotel rooms and what's on the bedspreads? Exactly.
Ellen DeGeneres time
Actually, there's nothing I know for sure because I know for sure that things change.
Ellen DeGeneres change
For a long time I thought I knew for sure who I was. I grew up in New Orleans and became a comedian. And there was everything that came along with that. The nightclubs. The smoking. The drinking. Then I turned 13.
Ellen DeGeneres time
While I was doing stand-up, I thought I knew for sure that success meant getting everyone to like me. So I became whoever I thought people wanted me to be. I'd say yes when I wanted to say no, and I even wore a few dresses.* And it worked. I got my own sitcom.**
Ellen DeGeneres success
The show was very successful. I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being…me.
Ellen DeGeneres love
I had a really tough time for a few years. My show was gone. My phone wasn't ringing. There wasn't one job offer. And at that point, I thought I knew for sure that I wouldn't work in Hollywood again.
Ellen DeGeneres time
Eventually, I decided to go back to how I started my career, and I wrote an HBO special. Then I got my talk show. And look at me now…I'm on the cover of O. And that's the highest honor we give in this country.
Ellen DeGeneres art
I know for sure I would never change any of the hard times I went through in my life. Because it was in those times that I grew the most and gained the most perspective.
Ellen DeGeneres life
It's our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they fun when they happen? No. But they are what make us unique. And that's what I know for sure…I think.
Ellen DeGeneres challenges
the December 2009 issue of 'O' magazine
Ellen DeGeneres
"I knew if I came out, there was a possibility I would lose my career. But I didn't do it for my career, I did it for me to live my truth," she says. "I thought, 'I don't want to live and have any shame whatsoever.' I should be proud of who I am, and I don't care if people approve or not. It is who I am." Ellen Degeneres talking about her coming out in 1997 with Oprah Winfrey , on the interview on 'Oprah' show on 9th of November 2009
Ellen DeGeneres truth
But I do believe that's when you do your soul-searching. I think when you have these trials that life gives you, it is an opportunity to find out who you are. Not just who you are when everything's great, but who are you when every thing is taken away from you and you have nothing." Ellen on Oprah show , 09th of November 2009
Ellen DeGeneres life
I learned compassion from being discriminated against. Everything bad that's ever happened to me has taught me compassion." Ellen on Oprah show , 09th of November 2009
Ellen DeGeneres passion
I think I'm healthier than I've ever been. I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm more myself. I can't stress that enough," Ellen says. "I think kindness is the key to yourself and to other people. ... I think I found out who I was, and I think I really try to be a better person every single day. And she [Portia deRossi , her wife ] makes me better." Ellen's interview on Oprah show , 09th of November 2009
Ellen DeGeneres people
I just like observing people-it`s something I`ve done ever since I was a kid, and I got really good at it. That`s a big part of why I became a comedian. My audience is filled with every kind of person you can imagine, and I love that. (Redbook, January 2006)
Ellen DeGeneres love
Ellen: I think one of the turning points in my life came a few years ago. I started going to sleep at night just talking to myself, saying, "You're perfect just the way you are," because I used to beat myself up about weight and working out, and no matter what I did I never felt good about myself. I decided to accept myself and know that I am good. Just those affirmations every night changed my belief in who I was because I had been told for so long, over and over, that I was something else. That brings us to another agreement: Don't make assumptions—because we assume that when people do something or say something to you, they mean just what we think they mean.
Ellen DeGeneres life
Ellen DeGeneres' interview with The Four Agreements Author don Miguel Ruiz which appeared in the October 2001 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
Ellen DeGeneres men
Ellen Degeneres :
Ellen DeGeneres
My name is Ellen and I'm a vegetarian . Just to add another label to me : I am a lesbian, aquarian and vegetarian . I've said it...
Ellen DeGeneres
I love animals ...well not in that way...but I love animals and I watch Discovery Channel , I watch Animal Planet . That crocodile guy is insane , isn't he? Whew...that almost got me ...He holds it in front of his eye , what is he expecting? You learn fascinating things watching that , I'm always amazed of all the animals . I mean... penguins ...I like animals that are monogamous...to me that's an amazing thing . Penguins are monogamous , they mate for life , which doesn't surprise me that much because they look exactly alike. It's not that they're gonna meet a better-looking penguin someday , you know...Even if they were cheating , how would they know? 'Is that me? That looks like me ...I think that's me she's with . I love her.'
Ellen DeGeneres love
Ellen Degeneres hosting Paul McCartney and Friends Live: PETA's Millennium Concert,1999
Ellen DeGeneres art
Everything Happens For a Reason
Ellen DeGeneres reason
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres art
If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one another and all that stuff, there's got to be a very powerful energy to fight that. I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that.
Ellen DeGeneres love
We focus so much on our differences, and that is creating, I think, a lot of chaos and negativity and bullying in the world. And I think if everybody focused on what we all have in common - which is - we all want to be happy.
Ellen DeGeneres world
Here are the values that I stand for: honesty, equality, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated and helping those in need. To me, those are traditional values.
Ellen DeGeneres people
I don't pay attention to the number of birthdays. It's weird when I say I'm 53. It just is crazy that I'm 53. I think I'm very immature. I feel like a kid. That's why my back goes out all the time, because I completely forget I can't do certain things anymore - like doing the plank for 10 minutes.
Ellen DeGeneres time
Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings.
Ellen DeGeneres funny
So many people prefer to live in drama because it's comfortable. It's like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship - it's actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect.
Ellen DeGeneres marriage
I'm not an activist; I don't look for controversy. I'm not a political person, but I'm a person with compassion. I care passionately about equal rights. I care about human rights. I care about animal rights.
Ellen DeGeneres passion
Find out who you are and be that person. That's what your soul was put on this Earth to be. Find that truth, live that truth and everything else will come.
Ellen DeGeneres truth
We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that.
Ellen DeGeneres joy
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
Ellen DeGeneres funny
I had everything I'd hoped for, but I wasn't being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly didn't like me for being... me.
Ellen DeGeneres love
It's our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they fun when they happen? No. But they are what make us unique. And that's what I know for sure... I think.
Ellen DeGeneres challenges
Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.
Ellen DeGeneres time
I was raised in an atmosphere of 'everything's fine.' But as I got older, I was like, 'Well no, everything's not fine. There is stuff that's sad.' I am a really sensitive person. I think I am too sensitive sometimes.
Ellen DeGeneres time
I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
Ellen DeGeneres think
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
Ellen DeGeneres people
I get those fleeting, beautiful moments of inner peace and stillness - and then the other 23 hours and 45 minutes of the day, I'm a human trying to make it through in this world.
Ellen DeGeneres peace
I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don't care if it's called marriage. I don't care if it's called, you know, domestic partnership. I don't care what it's called.
Ellen DeGeneres love
I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego. I believe we're all put on this planet for a purpose, and we all have a different purpose... When you connect with that love and that compassion, that's when everything unfolds.
Ellen DeGeneres love
We have two dogs, Mabel and Wolf, and three cats at home, Charlie, George and Chairman. We have two cats on our farm, Tom and Little Sister, two horses, and two mini horses, Hannah and Tricky. We also have two cows, Holy and Madonna. And those are only the animals we let sleep in our bed.
Ellen DeGeneres man
I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from... you heterosexuals.
Ellen DeGeneres people
The only thing I really recommend, if you're starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anybody else. You can be influenced by people. I was influenced by Steve Martin and Bob Newhart and Woody Allen, but I never tried to be someone else. I always tried to be myself. And the reason people are successful is they're unique.
Ellen DeGeneres success
I like being busy and juggling a lot of things at the same time. I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot.
Ellen DeGeneres time
Just go up to somebody on the street and say 'You're it!' and then run away.
Ellen DeGeneres body
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. Shes ninety-seven now, and we dont know where the hell she is.
Ellen Degeneres art
It’s failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.
Ellen DeGeneres success

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