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Evolution 2001

Harry Block: Hey, beneath this calm, sexy exterior beats the heart of a true scientist!
— Evolution 2001 art
Ira Kane: You wouldnt understand.Dr. Allison Reed: No, how could I? Im just a humorless ice maiden in desperate need of a good humping.Ira Kane: Oh... you heard that, huh?Dr. Allison Reed: Loud and clear.
— Evolution 2001 humor
[they see a dying monster coughing something up]Wayne Grey: Whoa! Its like a big lugie![the egg breaks, and another monster comes out]Harry Block: Mazel tov! Its a boy!
— Evolution 2001 dying
[Dr. Paulson is going to pull the alien bug out through Harrys rectum]Nurse Tate: Ill get the lubricant...Dr. Paulson: Theres no time for lubricant!Harry Block: Theres ALWAYS time for lubricant!
— Evolution 2001 time
Ira Kane: If I was a giant nasty alien bird in a department store, where would I be?Harry Block: Lingerie.Ira Kane: Not you, the bird.Harry Block: Lingerie.
— Evolution 2001 art
[Harry has just had an alien removed rectally]Dr. Allison Reed: Its over, its over. You did great! Do you need anything? Can we get you anything?Harry Block: Ice cream... Id like an ice cream please.Dr. Allison Reed: Okay, what flavor?Harry Block: It doesnt matter. Its for my ass.
— Evolution 2001 you
[an alien bug is crawling inside Blocks leg]Dr. Allison Reed: What are you gonna do?Dr. Paulson: We might have to amputate.Harry Block: Whoa, Doc! Dont take the leg! Ira, dont let them take my leg.Ira Kane: Isnt there anything else you can do? He thinks hes an athlete.Nurse Tate: Doctor, look!Dr. Paulson: Its headed for his testicles.Harry Block: Take it! Take it! Take the leg!
— Evolution 2001 you
Harry Block: Great googa-mooga!
— Evolution 2001 great
[after an alien bug crawls into his body]Harry Block: For the love of everything good and holy, get this goddamn thing out of me!
— Evolution 2001 love
Dr. Allison Reed: Theres something I feel I should tell you, but I dont know exactly how.Ira Kane: Well, just say it. Were adults and were all about to die a very horrible death soon anyway, so?Dr. Allison Reed: I wouldve rocked your world.Ira Kane: You already have.
— Evolution 2001 death
Ira Kane: Ira Kane, head of the science department, Glen Canyon Community College.Harry Block: Harry Block, United States Geological Survey.Wayne Grey: Wayne Grey. I took some chemistry in high school.
— Evolution 2001 science
Harry Block: Im no biologist, but how many cells do single-celled organisms have?Ira Kane: Harry, if were going to be big important scientists you have to start to act the part.
— Evolution 2001 art
Ira Kane: Allow me to share something with the entire class. Last night as I was grading papers, I came across two gems both entitled Cells are Bad and both with just one paragraph which I unfortunately committed to memory: Cells are bad. My uncle lives in a cell. Its ten foot by twelve and he has to read the same boring, old magazine everyday. The end. Although my standards are nowhere near where they used to be I could not bring myself to put As atop those beauties.Deke: [points to his brother and himself as he slowly realizes] Youre... talking... about our papers!
— Evolution 2001 memory
Ira Kane: Give me back my friend, you big sphincter!
— Evolution 2001 you
[the heroes just killed a dinosaur-like creature]Ira Kane: So, what do you want? Light meat, or dark?Harry Block: You have to ask?
— Evolution 2001 light
[as Allison introduces herself, she trips and falls, and her skirt rides up]Ira Kane: A garter belt? At a day function?
— Evolution 2001 art
Ira Kane: [after an alien fly is pulled out of Harrys rectum] You should have seen the size of that thing you had inside you, it was like this![measures with his hands]Ira Kane: You took it like a man.
— Evolution 2001 man
Nadine: I really need these credits to get into nursing school.Harry Block: Nursing school? Dont you think youd be happier in a different profession, one where peoples lives were NOT dependent on you?
— Evolution 2001 people

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