Family Guy/Season 10

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Meg: Oh, my problems? Oh, I see. Is this coming from my role-model mother? The shoplifter, the drug addict, the porn star, the whore who let Gene Simmons and Bill Clinton go to town on her?

— Family Guy/Season 10 mother

Lois: Oh, so what? Aall of those things are behind me now. Im a better person now because of those experiences.

— Family Guy/Season 10 experience

Meg: My point is with all that irresponsible, reckless, idiotic behavior in your past, that somehow, heh, somehow you have the nerve, the arrogance to consistently and ruthlessly point out my shortcomings.

— Family Guy/Season 10 past

Lois: Ugh, youre right. Youre right, Im a terrible mother! Im so sorry. Im so, so sorry Meg! Can you ever forgive me? Oh God!

— Family Guy/Season 10 god

Meg Griffin: God, if someone in the outside world could see the way you treat me, you would be in jail!

— Family Guy/Season 10 god

Meg Griffin: Youre a fat, lazy, abusive, blue-collar, Irish-Catholic dad who drinks WAY too much, and barely makes enough to support his family! Youve lived half your life, and you have nothing to show for it! Your only arguable accomplishments are your kids, and look at us! Were a disaster!

— Family Guy/Season 10 life

Meg Griffin: Youre a total and complete embarrassment in every possible way! Take a good look at yourself Peter Griffin! Youre a waste of a man!

— Family Guy/Season 10 men

Peter Griffin: I was thinking about getting a fancy cane, maybe getting more attention from strangers.

— Family Guy/Season 10 thinking

Meg Griffin: Have either of you guys been listening to me? Do you both just have your heads up your asses?

— Family Guy/Season 10 you

Lois Griffin: Well, I dont like having to literally empty the farts out of your pockets whenever I do your laundry!

— Family Guy/Season 10 art

Chris Griffin: Youre the one whos always cooking Brussels sprouts and broccoli! Its like an Irish bar fight down there!

— Family Guy/Season 10 fight

Lois Griffin: Well, then go live at Bonnies house! Then I could finally sleep in and not have to answer your stupid questions at 5 a.m.!

— Family Guy/Season 10 sleep

Lois Griffin: You know, Ive never confronted you on it, but Ive often thought the same thing, Peter

— Family Guy/Season 10 thought

Brian Griffin: Hey. Whats goin on? You know, that was, uh, that was pretty cool the way you finally stood up to everybody.

— Family Guy/Season 10 body

Meg Griffin: Do you think its possible that that this family cant survive without some sort of lightning rod to absorb all the dysfunction?

— Family Guy/Season 10 family

Meg Griffin: I mean its not ideal, but its an important piece that maybe its just my lot in life to provide. Maybe if I feel bad, they dont have to.

— Family Guy/Season 10 life

Brian Griffin: Wow. You know, thats incredibly noble and mature, Meg. You know, I think you might be the strongest person in this house.

— Family Guy/Season 10 you

Quagmire: to Jeffrey Jeff Fecalman pointing his finger at Jeff Fecalman Listen up, you bully, for your information, Brenda just agreed to leave you!

— Family Guy/Season 10 man

Stewie: About what? What a beautiful day - Oh my God, that is surprising! I had to stop the last sentence in the middle because I was so surprised. What happened?

— Family Guy/Season 10 god

Brian: Huh. Didnt think anybody heard that. Wish you laughed at the time, but what the hell happened to my car?!

— Family Guy/Season 10 time

Stewie: Brian, Ive decided to run away. Dont come looking for me. And definitely dont chase me to the airport and catch me at the gate just before Im about to get on a plane with, like, an emotional speech and possibly flowers. For instance, it would be awful if all the TSA people were gathered around watching this emotional moment, even the older black female carry-on scanner who initially stopped you at the baggage check, but after you told her of your intentions said, Go get him, child, in flagrant disregard for all newly-implemented post 9/11 security measures. And if you were bringing a boombox to play music, I would suggest any one of the six songs:

— Family Guy/Season 10 music

Stewie: Brian, you shouldnt have done that. Who knows what unforseen consequences are awaiting us? Saddam Hussein could be president. Mexico could be the worlds dominant super power. Cookie Monster could have invented Facebook!

— Family Guy/Season 10 power

Kevin: Wow! Hey, little sis. I guess we got some catching up to do, huh? Hope you didnt get scared when I scream and have night terrors.

— Family Guy/Season 10 hope

West: None of my grand children have ever disliked one of my stories before; from then on, he was my favorite.

— Family Guy/Season 10 children

Peter: Dont worry about it, guys. I read nowhere that southern sheriffs really wanna be talked down to by big-shot northerners.

— Family Guy/Season 10 read

Brian: Well, I was just finishing Jonathan Franzens book. Yknow, Ill admit, it has its moments, but its completely overrated. I mean, Im not saying I wrote something similar to it several years ago, but I am saying..

— Family Guy/Season 10 men

Joe: You got a lot of nerve driving around my town with a busted headlight, and a busted windshield, and an untreated flesh wound!

— Family Guy/Season 10 light

Tom Tucker: Good morning, Im Tom Tucker. Coming up, we talk to a man on the street while another man further back on the street flips you off.

— Family Guy/Season 10 man

Joyce Kinney: But first, Quahog was hit by a major blizzard last night. Here, with more details on the snowstorm is Asian correspondent Tricia Nakahoma.

— Family Guy/Season 10 joy

Tricia Takanawa: Im standing here surrounded by snow tourists, stalled cars and the one douchebag that wears a tank top everytime there is a blizzard.

— Family Guy/Season 10 time

Douchebag: Yeah, this is nothin. Guys at work drank a quart o motor oil once and didnt even die from it. Put that on the news, but you wont.

— Family Guy/Season 10 art

Peter: Wait a minute, Christian Science? Is that—Is that that thing all them gaybo Hollywood actors do to keep their stuff away from other guys butts?

— Family Guy/Season 10 science

Lois: Upside-down Peter who isnt revealed to upside-down until the camera spins around and shows that he is.

— Family Guy/Season 10

Peter: Oh, the hell with this Lois, get the ruler. Were measuring again, and this time, I decide where the base is.

— Family Guy/Season 10 time

Billy: Im just making a comment ummm need to know something. Do you hear the word Morbidly a lot?

— Family Guy/Season 10 men

Billy: Anyway, Im off to read Megs diary. Ive only been here one night, but I get the sense we all dislike Meg.

— Family Guy/Season 10 night

Billy: Yeah. A lot better than the floor. And I should know because I went down on the floor, thinking it was gonna be a lot better than the couch.

— Family Guy/Season 10 thinking

Peter: I get this weird cyst things right on the fringe of my sac. I want to get it checked, but Im afraid of what theyre gonna tell me.

— Family Guy/Season 10 weird

Peter: I put our family on the map tonight. No longer will we be just those faceless nobodys who brought the bird flu to Quahog.

— Family Guy/Season 10 family

Lois: You know, theres something seriously wrong with the man who always puts his friends over his family.

— Family Guy/Season 10 family

Brian: Come on, Lois. I think youre over reacting. Whats so wrong about a guy hanging out with his buddies?

— Family Guy/Season 10 you

Lois: Oh, please, Brian. Youre just two people living in the same house. If you didnt, youd never hang out with each other in a million years. He owns you. Youre his property.

— Family Guy/Season 10 people

Mr. Kingman: Believe me Neil, its no thrill for the pig to touch a Jew, either. Okay, how about you, Meg? How are you doing?

— Family Guy/Season 10 man

Stewie: I know. Which is why I just planted another bomb thats set to go off every time he burps into his hand.

— Family Guy/Season 10 time

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