Fight Club 1999

[after giving Marla a breast exam]Marla Singer: I wish I could return the favor.Narrator: Theres not a lot of breast cancer in the men in my family.Marla Singer: I could check your prostate.

— Fight Club 1999 family

[Of Marla]Tyler Durden: Shes a predator posing as a house pet.

— Fight Club 1999 sin

[Poem on Narrators computer]Narrator: Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave.

— Fight Club 1999 work

Narrator: Hello?Tyler Durden: [Eating breakfast cereal] Who is this?Narrator: Tyler?Tyler Durden: Who is this?Narrator: Uh... we met... we met on the airplane. We had the same suitcase. Uh... the clever guy?Tyler Durden: Oh yeah, right.[Snickers]Tyler Durden: Ok?Narrator: I called a second ago, th - there was no answer, Im at the payphone...Tyler Durden: yeah, I *69ed you, I never pick up my phone. [Crunch, crunch]Tyler Durden: So whats up, huh?Narrator: Uh, well... Youre not gonna believe this...

— Fight Club 1999 believe

Narrator: I had it all. Even the glass dishes with tiny bubbles and imperfections, proof they were crafted by the honest, simple, hard-working indigenous peoples of... wherever.

— Fight Club 1999 people

Narrator: I wrote little haiku poems. I emailed them to everyone.

— Fight Club 1999 poem

Narrator: Marla... the little scratch on the roof of your mouth that would heal if only you could stop tonguing it, but you cant.

— Fight Club 1999 you

Tyler Durden: Something on your mind, dear?

— Fight Club 1999 mind

Tyler Durden: The things you own end up owning you.

— Fight Club 1999 you

Tyler Durden: Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men whove ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we dont need. Were the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great Wars a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. Weve all been raised on television to believe that one day wed all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we wont. And were slowly learning that fact. And were very, very pissed off.

— Fight Club 1999 god

Tyler Durden: Its only after weve lost everything that were free to do anything.

— Fight Club 1999 lost

Narrator: This is your life and its ending one minute at a time.

— Fight Club 1999 life

[last lines]Narrator: You met me at a very strange time in my life.

— Fight Club 1999 life

Tyler Durden: Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club! Third rule of Fight Club: someone yells stop!, goes limp, taps out, the fight is over. Fourth rule: only two guys to a fight. Fifth rule: one fight at a time, fellas. Sixth rule: No shirts, no shoes. Seventh rule: fights will go on as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight.

— Fight Club 1999 time

Tyler Durden: Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. Youre the same decaying organic matter as everything else.

— Fight Club 1999 beautiful

Narrator: I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.

— Fight Club 1999 hope

Tyler Durden: Now, a question of etiquette - as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?

— Fight Club 1999 you

Tyler Durden: Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Dont you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly cant think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything youre supposed to read? Do you think every thing youre supposed to think? Buy what youre told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove youre alive. If you dont claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned- Tyler.

— Fight Club 1999 life

Narrator: [about the soap] Tyler sold his soap to department stores at $20 a bar. Lord knows what they charged. It was beautiful. We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them.

— Fight Club 1999 women

Tyler Durden: [pointing at an emergency instruction manual on a plane] You know why they put oxygen masks on planes?Narrator: So you can breathe.Tyler Durden: Oxygen gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, youre taking giant panicked breaths. Suddenly you become euphoric, docile. You accept your fate. Its all right here. Emergency water landing - 600 miles an hour. Blank faces, calm as Hindu cows.Narrator: Thats, um... Thats an interesting theory.

— Fight Club 1999 fate

Narrator: Youre making a big mistake, fellas!Police Officer: You said you would say that.Narrator: Im not Tyler Durden!Police Officer: You told us youd say that, too.Narrator: All right then, Im Tyler Durden. Listen to me, Im giving you a direct order. Were aborting this mission right now.Police Officer: You said you would definitely say that.

— Fight Club 1999 you

Narrator: A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now, should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we dont do one.Business woman on plane: Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents?Narrator: You wouldnt believe.Business woman on plane: Which car company do you work for?Narrator: A major one.

— Fight Club 1999 time

Narrator: When you have insomnia, youre never really asleep... and youre never really awake.

— Fight Club 1999 sleep

Narrator: On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

— Fight Club 1999 time

Narrator: If I did have a tumor, Id name it Marla.

— Fight Club 1999

Tyler Durden: Were a generation of men raised by women. Im wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.

— Fight Club 1999 women

Narrator: [while brutally beating Angel Face] I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldnt screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches Id never see. I wanted to breathe smoke.

— Fight Club 1999 mother

Doctor: You wanna see pain? Swing by First Methodist Tuesday nights. See the guys with testicular cancer. Thats pain.

— Fight Club 1999 pain

[First lines. Tyler points a gun into the Narrators mouth]Narrator: [voiceover] People are always asking me if I know Tyler Durden.Tyler Durden: Three minutes. This is it - ground zero. Would you like to say a few words to mark the occasion?Narrator: ...i... ann... iinn... ff... nnyin...[voiceover]Narrator: With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels.[Tyler removes the gun from the Narrators mouth]Narrator: I cant think of anything.[voiceover]Narrator: For a second I totally forgot about Tylers whole controlled demolition thing and I wonder how clean that gun is.

— Fight Club 1999 people

Lou: [Lou hits Tyler in the face] Do you hear me now?Tyler Durden: No, I didnt quite catch that, Lou.[Lou hits Tyler again]Tyler Durden: Still not getting it.[Lou hits Tyler a few more times]Tyler Durden: Okay, I got it. Shit, I lost it.[Lou continues to beat up Tyler]

— Fight Club 1999 time

Marla Singer: [after taking a bottle of sleeping pills] This isnt a real suicide-thing. This is probably one of those cry-for-help things.

— Fight Club 1999 sin

Marla Singer: Ive got a stomachful of Xanax. I took what was left of a bottle. It might have been too much.

— Fight Club 1999 sin

Marla Singer: There are things about you that I like. Youre smart, youre funny, youre... spectacular in bed... But youre intolerable! You have very serious emotional problems. Deep seated problems for which you should seek professional help.Narrator: I know, and Im sorry...Marla Singer: Yeah, youre sorry, Im sorry, everybodys sorry, but... I cant do this anymore. I cant. And I wont. Im gone.

— Fight Club 1999 funny

Narrator: [being embraced by Bob at the group therapy session for Testicular Cancer] Strangers with this kind of honesty make me go a big rubbery one.

— Fight Club 1999 anger

Narrator: I am Jacks inflamed sense of rejection.

— Fight Club 1999

Narrator: Its called a changeover. The movie goes on, and nobody in the audience has any idea.

— Fight Club 1999 change

Narrator: [to Tyler, while looking at a Calvin Klein-esque ad on the bus] Is that what a real man is supposed to look like?

— Fight Club 1999 man

Narrator: [voiceover] It mustve been Tuesday. He was wearing his cornflower-blue tie.

— Fight Club 1999 day

Narrator: Was it ticking?Airport Security Officer: Actually throwers dont worry about ticking cause modern bombs dont tick.Narrator: Sorry, throwers?Airport Security Officer: Baggage handlers. But, when a suitcase vibrates, then the throwers gotta call the police.Narrator: My suitcase was vibrating?Airport Security Officer: Nine times out of ten its an electric razor, but every once in a while...[whispering]Airport Security Officer: its a dildo. Of course its company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.Narrator: I dont own...[Officer waves Narrator off]

— Fight Club 1999 time

Narrator: We have just lost cabin pressure.

— Fight Club 1999 lost

Narrator: What do you want me to do? You want me to hit you?Tyler Durden: Come on, do me this one favor.Narrator: Why?Tyler Durden: Why? I dont know why, I dont know. Never been in a fight, you?Narrator: No, but thats a good thing.Tyler Durden: No, man its not. How much can you know yourself if youve never been in a fight? I dont wanna die with out any scars.

— Fight Club 1999 self

Narrator: When people think youre dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just...Marla Singer: instead of just waiting for their turn to speak?

— Fight Club 1999 people

Robert Bob Paulson: Go ahead, Cornelius, you can cry.

— Fight Club 1999 you

[to the Narrator who has just fired a warning shot into the window of an explosives filled van]Tyler Durden: WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! Ok, you are now firing a gun at your imaginary friend near 400 GALLONS OF NITROGLYCERINE!

— Fight Club 1999 war

Tyler Durden: Its getting exciting now, two and one-half. Think of everything weve accomplished, man. Out these windows, we will view the collapse of financial history. One step closer to economic equilibrium.

— Fight Club 1999 history

Tyler Durden: Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

— Fight Club 1999 you

Tyler Durden: [the Narrator is trying to disarm a car bomb of nitroglycerin] You dont know which wire to pull.Narrator: I know everything you do, so if you know I know.Tyler Durden: Or maybe, since I knew youd know I spent all days thinking about the wrong wires.[Narrator pauses]

— Fight Club 1999 thinking

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