Leela: I'm sure this must be very upsetting for you. Fry: Y'know, I guess it should be but, actually, I'm glad. I had nothing to live for in my old life. I was broke, I had a humiliating job and I was beginning to suspect my girlfriend might be cheating on me. Leela: Well, at least here you'll be treated with dignity. Now strip naked and get on the probulator. .
Fry: Are we going to fly all over space, fighting monsters and teaching alien women how to love? Farnsworth: If by that you mean delivering cargo, then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Fry: Cool. What's my job gonna be? Farnsworth: You're gonna make sure the cargo reaches its destination. Fry: So, I'm a delivery boy? Farnsworth: Exactly. Fry: All right! I'm a delivery boy! .
Craterface: Hi, I'm Craterface. Welcome to Luna Park. I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir. Bender: Better mascots than you have tried. (takes a swig of booze and jams the bottle in Craterface's eye) Craterface: At least I have my self-respect. (laughs, then sobs quietly) .
Zoidberg: Now open your mouth and lets have a look at that brain. [Fry opens his mouth] Zoidberg: No, no, not that mouth. Fry: I only have one. Zoidberg: Really? Fry: Uh... is there a human doctor around? Zoidberg: Young lady, I am an expert on humans. Now pick a mouth, open it and say "brglgrglgrrr"! Fry: Uh... brglgrglgrglgrrr! Zoidberg: What? My mother was a saint! Get out! .
[Fry and Leela are taking a ride on the Moon Park] Moon Rover Ride Narrator: The story of lunar exploration started with one man - a man with a dream. Animatronic Ralph Kramden: One of these days, Alice-- Bang, zoom, straight to the moon! Leela: Wow! I never realized the first astronauts were so fat. Fry: That's not an astronaut, it's a TV comedian! And he was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife .
Fry: Hey, I got everyone magnets. [puts one on Bender's head] Bender: Get it off! Get it off! [singing] How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a... [Fry removes magnet] Bender: Don't ever do that! Magnets interfere with my inhibition unit. Fry: So you flip out and start acting like a folk singer? Bender: Yes. Although a robot would have to be crazy to be a folk singer... .
[In their search for a new apartment, Fry, Bender and Leela check out a "suspiciously fantastic apartment"] Fry: I don't get it. What's the catch? Salesman: Oh, no catch. Although we are technically in New Jersey. [cut to Fry, Bender and Leela at the Planet Express employee lounge] Fry: Not one place even remotely liveable. .
Bender: [in his sleep] Kill all humans, kill all humans, must kill all humans... : Bender, wake up! Bender: Wh-uh? I was having the most wonderful dream. I think you were in it. Fry: Where's the bathroom? Bender: The bath what? Fry: Bathroom. Bender: The what room? Fry: Bathroom! Bender: The what what? Fry: Never mind. [Bender goes back to sleep.] Bender: Hey, sexy mama, wanna kill all humans? .
Calculon: I've been processing this for quite sometime, Monique, will you marry me? Monique: Oh, Calculon! Yes! [Calculon fits the ring on Monique's finger] Monique: It fits! Then you must know I'm... Calculon: Metric? I've always known, but for you I'm willing to convert .
Prof. Farnsworth: Oh, fuff! Fry's not causing any trouble. Now, if you don't mind, I'm rather busy. I seem to have mislaid my alien mummy. This sarcophagus should contain the remains of Emperor Nimballa, who ruled Zuban 5 over 29 million years ago. [Fry walks past the lab eating the mummy.] Fry: Hey, Professor, great jerky! Farnsworth: My God, this is an outrage! I was going to eat that mummy! .
Zapp Brannigan: We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? [Short pause] Zapp Brannigan: Kif, I'm asking you a question. [Kif groans] .
Leela: Look, I'm going down to Vergon 6 to save those animals whether you like it or not. Zapp Brannigan: Go ahead. I won't stop you. Leela: Threaten all you-- Wait. What? Zapp Brannigan: We both know you won't make it halfway to Vergon 6 before the craving sets in. Then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet, sweet candy... bam! .
Zapp Brannigan: Captain's journal. Star date; 3000.3. Kif: Who are you talking to, sir? Zapp Brannigan: You! Aren't you getting this? We have detected a vessel attempting to break the security cordon around Vergon 6. I'm anticipating an all-out tactical dogfight, followed by a light dinner... ravioli, ham, sundae bar. .
Farnsworth: It's a sunny little doomed planet, inhabited by a number of frisky little doomed animals. Leela: Animals? Farnsworth: That's right. Animals in desperate need of rescue. You see, Vergon 6 was once filled with a super-dense substance known as dark matter, each pound of which weighs over ten thousand pounds. Leela: Wait! What about the animals? Farnsworth: Well, dark matter is extremely valuable as starship fuel. That's why it was all mined out, leaving the planet completely hollow. Leela: Yes, but what about the animals? Farnsworth: The wha? Leela: The animals. Farnsworth: I didn't say anything about animals. Now it seems that the planet will collapse within three days. Incidentally, this will kill all the animals. .
Robot #1: Administer the test. Robot #2: Which of the following would you most prefer? A: a puppy, B: a pretty flower from your sweetie, or C: a large properly formatted data file? Robot #1: Choose! [Fry and Leela confer for a bit.] : Uh, is the puppy mechanical in any way? Robot #2: No, it is the bad kind of puppy. : Then we'll go with that data file! Robot #2: Correct! Robot #1: The flower would also have been acceptable. .
Bender: Well I'm not doing it! It's a robot holiday. Fry: Really? Which one? Bender: Only Robannukah, the holiest two weeks on the robot calendar. Leela: Oh, come on, Bender. Last month it was "Robomadom" and before that "Robonza". Fry: Man, that one was a blast! Bender: It wasn't just "a blast". It was a sacred tribute to my ancestral prototypes which happened to take the form of a drinking contest. .
Robot Mayor: Welcome to a very special human hunt! We have with us today a guest whose irrational hatred for humans makes me look like a human sympathizer! [The robots in the crowd laugh] Robot Mayor: A newly-arrived refugee from Earth, let's hear it for... Bender! Fry: It's him! He's OK! Bender: Death to humans! [The robots in the crowd cheer] Fry: Aww... It's good to hear his voice. .
Bender: Now Wireless Joe Jackson - there was a blern-hitting machine. Leela: Exactly! He was a machine designed to hit blerns. Wireless Joe Jackson was nothing but a programmable bat on wheels. Bender: Oh, and I suppose Pitch-o-Mat 5000 was just a modified howitzer! Leela: Yep. .
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