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Gabriel Iglesias

The cop comes up all mean and says, You know why I stopped you? I looked at him with a straight face and said, Cause Im BLACK! Ha ha, hell yeah, man; wazzup playa? He turns on the flashlight; Get the hell out of here, stupid. Yea-yea!
— Gabriel Iglesias light
Im gonna tell you something right now, Indian people in the United States are the hardest working people Ive ever seen, and thats coming from a Mexican, okay?
— Gabriel Iglesias people
I usually travel with a posse. I roll deep. I travel like a rapper, but without the artillery. We dont carry guns, we carry cookies.
— Gabriel Iglesias art
Im all about showing people that Im a little messed up, I have a lot of the same problems you have. By exposing myself and putting myself out there, people can relate to me and my act wont grow stale. I mean, nobody wants to hear a comedian say, Life is great.
— Gabriel Iglesias life
I started riding the whole fluffy train, and its a cute word and socially a lot more acceptable than someone saying is fat or obese. If you call a girl fat, yo, shell raise hell, but if you say, Aw girl, look at you, youre fluffy, theres almost a sexy appeal to it.
— Gabriel Iglesias art
Comedy is my passion. Im going to do this until I drop.
— Gabriel Iglesias passion
Connecting with people is not hard. I love the interaction and the feedback after shows. It does take some time, but the fans appreciate it which makes it worth it.
— Gabriel Iglesias love
Comedy is my passion. Im going to do this until I drop.
— Gabriel Iglesias passion
Im all about showing people that Im a little messed up, I have a lot of the same problems you have. By exposing myself and putting myself out there, people can relate to me and my act wont grow stale. I mean, nobody wants to hear a comedian say, Life is great.
— Gabriel Iglesias life
I usually travel with a posse. I roll deep. I travel like a rapper, but without the artillery. We dont carry guns, we carry cookies.
— Gabriel Iglesias art
I started riding the whole fluffy train, and its a cute word and socially a lot more acceptable than someone saying is fat or obese. If you call a girl fat, yo, shell raise hell, but if you say, Aw girl, look at you, youre fluffy, theres almost a sexy appeal to it.
— Gabriel Iglesias art
Connecting with people is not hard. I love the interaction and the feedback after shows. It does take some time, but the fans appreciate it which makes it worth it.
— Gabriel Iglesias love
I never go perform somewhere alone. Ive done that since day one. Ive always taken other comics with me.
— Gabriel Iglesias sin
I learned early on, stay away from politics, stay away from religion and dont talk about sports. Those three right there will get you in trouble.
— Gabriel Iglesias religion
Some comics dont like it when people talk during the set, and it does get a little bit annoying after awhile, but I basically let people dictate what jokes Im going to do.
— Gabriel Iglesias people
I found that laughter was a form of acceptance, and I really enjoyed that and I just - I crave it.
— Gabriel Iglesias joy
Im a comedian who happens to be Latino. Whats the difference? The difference is, my special will air on Comedy Central, not Telemundo.
— Gabriel Iglesias comedy
I just know you can not be on top forever. Theres always going to be the next guy, and if Im going to go down, Id like to know I helped the next guy take my spot. You cant prevent the inevitable, but you can join the ship.
— Gabriel Iglesias you
You gotta live life before you can talk about it. Sometimes when things dont work out in life, they work out on stage.
— Gabriel Iglesias life
You wonder why I only talk about my personal life. But thats all Ive ever done.
— Gabriel Iglesias life
Comedians do movies and TV so that when they tour, they sell out. Thats the goal: To get popular enough so the place is packed.
— Gabriel Iglesias media
I dont get controversial, I dont get political and I dont tell you what to do with your life. I just go out there and tell some stories, and people can relate.
— Gabriel Iglesias life
In the beginning, when I was doing my shows, I was incorporating a lot of Spanish, just trying to be a Latino comic instead of just a comic. Now I try to make the show as broad as possible... I dont want to alienate people. I want to make it so everybody can follow along and everybody can relate.
— Gabriel Iglesias people
Believe it or not, Ive got a really bad metabolism. One burger and Im done. Im not a guy that puts away 10 burgers.
— Gabriel Iglesias believe
I want to get so famous that I dont have to wake up in the morning. Itll probably never happen.
— Gabriel Iglesias want
Im always very happy to talk to people. I relate to people, and the guy on stage is very much the guy thats off stage. People know when its fake.
— Gabriel Iglesias people
Being on TV sucks. Its a lot of work. You memorize scripts and then you show up and they change everything. Im a control freak. When Im doing stand-up, I say what I want and then I get instant feedback.
— Gabriel Iglesias change
The Ford Flex is a really, really cool car. You get inside and you have so much headroom and its really comfortable to drive and its real techy inside. You look at the screen and its blue and youve got all kinds of controls. Everything is digital.
— Gabriel Iglesias control
I wanted to be a comedian, and this is what Im doing. If I can keep this going, Im happy.
— Gabriel Iglesias happy
I dont have to worry about writing jokes. I just tell stories about things that have happened to me. As long as Im alive and Im living and Im experiencing different things every day, the show will always change.
— Gabriel Iglesias writing
I get a lot of influence from pro wrestling. People are like, Oh, its fake. But its not about whether the guy wins or loses, its about how he entertains you the whole time youre watching.
— Gabriel Iglesias time
I almost bought a DeLorean the other day just because. If I see something that I think is cool and I like it, Ill go for it.
— Gabriel Iglesias think
As far as guys who perform onstage, I love Chris Rock. Im kind of jaded on everyone else.
— Gabriel Iglesias love
When you leave, you basically want to go eat, because I talk a lot about food in my act. So when you leave, you leave hungry.
— Gabriel Iglesias food
I dont want to die tomorrow knowing I couldve had a piece of cake tonight.
— Gabriel Iglesias night
You know, a lot of people think that just cause you work out, lift weights, eat right, and do what people tell you to do that youll live a long live, maybe you will. But, why do people measure life by the years instead about how good the years were.
— Gabriel Iglesias life
Im a big boy, but I can get jiggy with it. Ladies, I will go to dance clubs, and I will tear it up hardcore for a good 30 seconds.
— Gabriel Iglesias good
Theres 5 levels of fatness! Fluffy is one of the levels. Theres big, healthy, husky, fluffy and damn.
— Gabriel Iglesias health
I had to travel half way across the world to be called an American.
— Gabriel Iglesias world
When you have nothing but big friends, you never get into arguments - except one. And that is, who is the biggest? Ill let you know right now, theres only one way to settle this. We all get in a bus and we go to Disney and we get on a roller coaster - whoever gets the least amount of clicks on the safety bar is the big one.
— Gabriel Iglesias men
Why do people measure life by the years instead of how good the years were?
— Gabriel Iglesias life
Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.
— Gabriel Iglesias hate
Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.
— Gabriel Iglesias life
If Im drinking I can either be the nicest guy ever or Im the guy you should leave alone.
— Gabriel Iglesias alone
Some people can handle alcohol. You know who you are. Some people cant handle alcohol. The police know who you are.
— Gabriel Iglesias people
I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.
— Gabriel Iglesias die
Anything is possible as long as youre focused, determined and you really want to do it.
— Gabriel Iglesias focus
I got off the plane - I was walking and cooking at the same time.
— Gabriel Iglesias time
Wearing a Hawaiian shirt, you dont ever come across as offensive. Nobody sees you as a threat. You see someone in a Hawaiian shirt, and you are like this guy is ready to party.
— Gabriel Iglesias art
Walgreens, Rite Aid, CVS and Wal-Mart have all figured out the evolution of life and they grabbed all the products that are necessary for a life. And they stuck them in one aisle and they put them in order according to how you mess up... First thing youre going to see: condoms. Next to that: lubricant. Next to that: pregnancy test. Next to that: Pampers. Next to that: formula. And at the end of the aisle they sell beer.
— Gabriel Iglesias life
You cant be bad ass in a car that kills gas like I kill tacos.
— Gabriel Iglesias you
Ill walk up to a woman, Ill say the first thing that comes to mind: Hey, you hungry?
— Gabriel Iglesias mind
You live by the cake, you die by the cake.
— Gabriel Iglesias live
With all the classes they offer at school, how come they dont have one for common sense?
— Gabriel Iglesias school
Every night, its a bakery on the bus. Its a curse, because I talk about how much I love cake, people bring me cake. And now I just found out Im diabetic, so Im like, are you kidding me?!
— Gabriel Iglesias love
Understand that you dont know it all. You dont know anything yet. What youve been taught is great, but always go with common sense. And dont marry your first love.
— Gabriel Iglesias love
TV shows really quick. Youre in, youre out. A film usually takes a lot longer. However, a voiceover is very much like TV in the sense that its really quick. For example, I did the movie Planes in one day.
— Gabriel Iglesias you
A lot of the comedians nowadays just do comedy as a stepping stone. Take for example Dane Cook. The guy is huge. The main reason he got into it is to do what he is doing now: film and television work.
— Gabriel Iglesias work
I bought a Hummer before I bought a house, and then I bought a house. Every year, everything doubled. The work was doubling. The money was doubling. The popularity was doubling.
— Gabriel Iglesias money
I just like The Little Mermaid cartoon. Say what you want. I have a fish tank, its a long story. I have a fascination with the ocean, and you put a hot chick in there, it just adds more to it! I liked The Little Mermaid. Its a cool movie. Its one of those I watch over and over again.
— Gabriel Iglesias art
Now I understand why people do drugs, why people drink, and why people go crazy. As the success level goes up and up and up, the further detached I get from everybody else. Luckily, with my girlfriend, everything is gravy because I brought her into it. I brought her in and shes very hands on with my career.
— Gabriel Iglesias success
My material never comes out verbatim every time. I always tweak in a line, or tweak away a line, gain a couple tags or lose a couple tags. The timing is always off.
— Gabriel Iglesias time
For about three years I was performing at one bar in East Los Angeles that was like a mean dive bar. Youre in there performing for drunks or bikers, not the most flattering people. I think it helped build my confidence, because you have to get their attention, then make them laugh.
— Gabriel Iglesias people
Finding places to perform was definitely the biggest challenge. Trying to find my voice over the years was a big thing because when I started I was just doing characters and impressions and that was it.
— Gabriel Iglesias art
Early on when I started talking about my weight, it was self-deprecating; everything was a joke.
— Gabriel Iglesias art
I go on the road all the time, but Im only performing for two hours a night, and then Ill do a meet-and-greet, and then Ill get a bite to eat, get drunk, pass out, wake up the next day, sleeping the next day, sleeping off the hangover, and then Im in the next city.
— Gabriel Iglesias time
Drama is not my passion. If I do it, its for a check. Its not what I want to do. Comedys my thing. Stand ups my thing. Everything that comes from that is frosting on the cake.
— Gabriel Iglesias passion
When you go to Hawaii, its all about Aloha. It means hello, goodbye and I love you.
— Gabriel Iglesias love
TV and film for me are not as exciting as the live stand-up show and getting the immediate reaction of the crowd. TV is a lot of hurry up and wait for your shot and less immediate reaction from people.
— Gabriel Iglesias people
Im always ready for TV. I dont have to edit my jokes - when you work clean, you can work anywhere.
— Gabriel Iglesias work
I dont even have a clue as to where to find a pregnancy test. Im looking at all the aisles... they dont have one that says oops.
— Gabriel Iglesias
Honestly, you got to take care of the people that take care of you. I know that sounds like cliche, or borderline phony, but thats the case. The reason Ive had the fans that I have is because Ive been consistent over the years and kept coming back and doing the same runs. Im never going to stop doing the cities Ive gone through. Im only going to add.
— Gabriel Iglesias people
When I first got to St. Louis, I saw the arch and I said, I want to go to that McDonalds.
— Gabriel Iglesias want
I got a brother who calls me Hollywood. Sisters kind of keep their distance. Even my mom is kind of like ahhh with me. Yeah dude, it really sucks. And I wish things were different. Unfortunately, they dont understand everything I go through on a day to day basis to be able to maintain what Im doing.
— Gabriel Iglesias wit
Thats one thing about my shows. I tell people, Im not a comedian, Im just a really funny reporter. I put my life out there and make it entertaining. By putting it out there, it helps me to deal with it, you know, so I dont snap and so I dont go off the handle when I get home.
— Gabriel Iglesias life
My favorite people to have fun with are police officers cause theyre so serious, you know.
— Gabriel Iglesias people
I see a Latino comic as someone who can only perform for Latino audiences. I cross the board.
— Gabriel Iglesias die
And I dont want you thinking that my girlfriend is a bad person. She is an amazing woman, the fact that I only have seven stories about her in eight years, says a lot. You know, dont get me wrong, five of them happened this year, but thats still way below the bar, you know what I am saying.
— Gabriel Iglesias thinking
The only way I will do a sitcom is if its hurled at me, and I dont have to work for it.
— Gabriel Iglesias work
When I go to dance clubs, I always dance with big girls, so we finish at the same time.
— Gabriel Iglesias time
Im not on a diet. And its funny cause people go Well, then why do you drink diet soda? So I can eat regular cake.
— Gabriel Iglesias funny
Im not fat. Its just my awesomeness swelling up inside of me.
— Gabriel Iglesias men
You know what I learned about Hawaiians? Theyre just blown up Mexicans!
— Gabriel Iglesias you
I know enough football to know thats funny!
— Gabriel Iglesias funny
When I was a kid I did impressions and funny voices a lot. When I was telling a story I would use the voices to make it more entertaining.
— Gabriel Iglesias funny
We can choose our family. We cant choose our relatives.
— Gabriel Iglesias family
Hanging out with comics, all they did was make fun of me.
— Gabriel Iglesias fun
I have always been told that I was a funny, entertaining person and have always been told to give comedy a try.
— Gabriel Iglesias funny
As a comedian, especially one that works as much as I do, there is a lot of sacrifice. People dont see that Im away from my family 46 weeks out of the year. I miss all the birthdays and anniversaries and holidays.
— Gabriel Iglesias people
Home in bed listening to the rain getting ready to order a pizza. Sounds like a song til the last part.
— Gabriel Iglesias art
Social media has definitely changed the game for me. I am able to connect to my fans on twitter and interact with them, daily. YouTube has been a game changer as well - people around the world have been exposed to my comedy through my YouTube channel.
— Gabriel Iglesias change
Stand-up is not just an American thing anymore. Its global. In some places, stand-up comedy is brand new. South Africa has only had a scene for 15 years.
— Gabriel Iglesias comedy
I want to be known as a funny comic not just a funny Latino comic. I want to be able to go everywhere and anywhere.
— Gabriel Iglesias funny
I know what its like to have a family and not have insurance and really need it. As a comic, insurance was one of those sacrifices I made early on until I could afford it.
— Gabriel Iglesias family
I was not the popular kid in school.
— Gabriel Iglesias school
Im a big guy, but Im really simple with the food. Ill hit the In-N-Out or just the regular buffets.
— Gabriel Iglesias food
When youre a comedian, the Holy Grail is an hour long HBO special.
— Gabriel Iglesias you
Its because you alienate half the room talking about sports. Half the crowd will be against you no matter what you say.
— Gabriel Iglesias you
Honestly, I really dont like acting. I dont enjoy it. What I do like is going to a movie theatre and seeing my face on a poster. I like seeing my name on a poster. That is cool.
— Gabriel Iglesias joy
Im never home. I miss birthdays. I miss holidays. I miss anniversaries. I miss special moments. Im not always there for important times, because Im out on the road trying to make people laugh. I give up my privacy. I give up the ability to walk somewhere and relax.
— Gabriel Iglesias time

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