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Gavin & Stacey

Nessa: Oh thanks Stace, thanks a lot. Look, lets get one thing straight. I dont touch that shit no more, alright? I did and now I dont. So let that be an end to it!
— Gavin & Stacey right
Smithy drunk doing the pub quiz: Question 30 is, erm Oh, is, erm Is erm Oh! I know the answer. Kriss Akabusi.
— Gavin & Stacey drunk
Pam to Gavin and Stacey: Just to say, your Dads out for the count and Ill put me ear plugs in. So let yourselves go. Dont worry about a thing. Night.
— Gavin & Stacey night
Stacey: Should I tell Gav about the other engagements? Or should I just leave it? Thing is, things are going so lush and if I tell him I might just wreck everything. And its not that big a deal is it?
— Gavin & Stacey men
Nessa: That depends. This reminds me of a very similar situation I was in with my second husband, Clive. I was faced with a dilemma, whether to lie, or not to lie. And I chose to tell the truth.
— Gavin & Stacey truth
Nessa: He died. Firing squad. Terrible way to go Stace and I wouldnt like to see it happen to you. Smugglers we were. If it werent for my relationship with John Prescott Id still be in that jail right now. So yeah, in answer to your question, Id say no, dont tell him.
— Gavin & Stacey relationship
Pam holding shopping bags: Oh, by the way, this food isnt food food. Oh, God, no. Everyones catered for. Catered for everyone well in advance, no. Its just that this morning, before you arrived, I became a vegetarian. Yeah, veggie, so thats what this is. Out of interest, any one of you vegetarians? I mean, not that it makes any difference to me either way. I mean, were all adults.
— Gavin & Stacey god
Pam: But, I would ask you to respect my views. And all the little animals whove been needlessly murdered in the name of Western Civilised greed.
— Gavin & Stacey respect
Pam: Do you know, I said to Mick, if we had another son, Id have loved him to be a homosexual. You know, for fashion advice and emotional support.
— Gavin & Stacey love
Stacey: I know its white, right. But who can honestly say, hand on heart, theyre a virgin these days?
— Gavin & Stacey art
Nessa: Oh! Stace. Dont get me wrong, but to be honest, at the end of the day, when all said and donedyou know what I mean?
— Gavin & Stacey you
Bryn: On HTV Wales this morning, they said Cardiff town had been literally decimated by a group of unruly school girls. Joking I am! It wasnt on the news. Although, on the news, there was a story about a group of school girls who actually stabbed a teacher, which I think is disgusting.
— Gavin & Stacey story
Smithy: Look whos opened his mouth. Youre always first with the advice arent you Jesus? You know what? No-one even wanted you here tonight, I had to make that t-shirt last minute!
— Gavin & Stacey jesus
Smithy: It is true! I cant stand ya! And if Jesus wants me for a sunbeam, he can shove it up his arse.
— Gavin & Stacey jesus
Bryn to Gavin: I am picking you up at seven. Were going straight down the Dolphin for a right good knees-up. Me cockney sparr-ah!
— Gavin & Stacey good
Smithy: Ok, Im glad you brought it up. Cos, Ive got a girlfriend who a lot of people here know, so Id appreciate it
— Gavin & Stacey people
Smithy: Right, either speak English or learn Welsh. Cos that Where tos she? Do you mean where is she now?
— Gavin & Stacey you
Smithy: Sixth-formers netball tournament in Southend. She couldnt get out of it. Shes wing attack.
— Gavin & Stacey men
Doris: Well she lives for the day she change her name from West, what with all the connotations and what have you, and what does she become? A Shipman.
— Gavin & Stacey change
Bryn messing with his new digital camera: Ive got night mode. Black and white. Use that later, probably, for effect. Er Sepia, see-pia. I dont know how you say it. Got a feeling its faulty. Just makes everything go brown.
— Gavin & Stacey sin
Nessa talking about Smithy: I just cant believe this, Stace. Of all the people Ive slept with, its him that gets me pregnant. Not Nigel Havers, not John Prescott, not any of Goldie Lookin Chain. No, some knobhead from Essex.
— Gavin & Stacey people
Nessa: I used to drive the sets for The Who on their world tours. Great days. Till I found out some things about Pete Townshend that I didnt like. And all Ill say is - and I said it to his face - where is the book?
— Gavin & Stacey world
Smithy: Have you looked in the mirror recently? You look like you should be in Amsterdam doing tricks for Mars bars!
— Gavin & Stacey you
Stacey: Well, sort of. I had a brunch I did. Oh I got up so late cos i set the alarm for ten but I didnt get up till gone eleven and I thought well Im too early for lunch and Im too late for breakfast, so I just had a banana. But if anything that made me more hungry. So I ended up having a sandwich, some cereal and a yogurt, which is brunch innit? So I rang my mum and I said Ive just had my first ever brunch.
— Gavin & Stacey thought
Nessa seeing boys playing on slot machines: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! What does that sign say? points to Welsh-only sign Peidiwch â chyffwrdd ar peiriannau Do not touch the machines; now sling your hooks or Ill break your face.
— Gavin & Stacey you
Smithy: Ive been thinking about ending it all to be honest, suicidebigtime. How many Nurofen would I need to finish me off?
— Gavin & Stacey time
Doris to Gavin: Hey stop it you, youre a married man now! Although quieter and deadly serious, if you are interested in that sort of thing, you know, Im very open minded and discreet, OK?
— Gavin & Stacey mind
Smithy: Theres some graffiti on a toilet brush in the mens cubicle at the Rose and Crown which I reckon is aimed at me.
— Gavin & Stacey men
Bryn about Smithy: Hes a lovely looking boy. Not in the conventional sense, like Gavin or Enrique Iglesias, but hes got a lovely spirit. A confidence, if you will, that you rarely find in a fat man.
— Gavin & Stacey love
Smithy: Look, if shes serious, if she means it, which I dont think she does, then shes a fool. Cause theres no one else Id rather wake up next to than you. No one Id rather wanna look after me, hold me, cook for me, keep me warm at night.
— Gavin & Stacey war
Nessa: Hia, Stace, Pam, Mick. Im on the gas, I am. Its messing with my head, Im not gonna lie to you.
— Gavin & Stacey sin
Bryn: You think theyve thought of it all, you think Where can they go with this next? and then they hit you with it. I mean mint Baileys! Whatever will they think of next!
— Gavin & Stacey hate

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