George of the Jungle 1997

NDugo: Bad guy falls in poop: Classic element of physical comedy. Now comes the part where we throw our heads back and laugh. Ready?Guides: Ready![they all throw their heads back and laugh]

— George of the Jungle 1997 art

Narrator: And so, onward and upward the tired trekkers trudged on feverished footsies over perilous paths. When they beheld the mighty Ape Mountain, the reacted with awe.Group: Awwww...Narrator: I said, Awe. A-W-E.Group: Ooh...Narrator: Thats better.

— George of the Jungle 1997 war

Ursulas mother: Arthur, I wish you would do something about all these monkeys. I feel like Jane Goodall.Ape: Madam, I knew Jane Goodall and you are no Jane Goodall.

— George of the Jungle 1997 art

Ape: Georges secrets. Theres the shortest book ever written.

— George of the Jungle 1997 book

Max: Lets take care of him.George: Huh?[Max and Thor pick George up and ram head into cage]Ape: Why didnt you come sooner?George: Why Ape have little stars around head?[Max and Thor pull George out, tickles him, and rams head back in]Ape: George, remember everything I told you about Queensbury rules and fighting fair?George: Uh-huh.Ape: Well, nows a good time to forget it.

— George of the Jungle 1997 time

Narrator: [after George is shot] Whew! Okay, kids, lets settle down and review the important information. Lyle is a big doofus. Poor George was really shot, but cant die because lets face it, hes the hero.

— George of the Jungle 1997 kids

Narrator: Twenty five years later, the bouncing baby boy has grown into a swinging jungle king. He is swift, he is strong, he is sure, he is smart...[George hits tree and falls down]Narrator: ...he is unconscious.

— George of the Jungle 1997 art

Narrator: Dont worry. Nobody dies in this story. They just get really big boo-boos.

— George of the Jungle 1997 story

George: Dog eat dog? Dog eat dog here?Ursula Stanhope: No, thats not what I meant.George: George never bringing Shep here. Uh uh. Never.

— George of the Jungle 1997 hope

Max: Thor, were you fighting with the Narrator?Thor: Well, he started it.Narrator: Did not.Thor: You did too.Narrator: Did not.Thor: You did too.Narrator: Did not.Thor: You did too!Max: Thor, stop it.

— George of the Jungle 1997 art

Narrator: The ape named ape was caged in a cage, hoping to hear the jungle kings awesome...[jungle call]Narrator: Hey, Im pretty good at that. And wondering if he would ever come. But the motion-sick mammal neednt have moaned, for that defender of the innocent, protector of the weak, and all around good guy George of the Jungle was closer than he knew.[noises come from crate and it opens with George in it]George: Next time George get bigger box.

— George of the Jungle 1997 time

Ursula Stanhope: [on George] Did you just say love?Ursulas mother: [alarmed] No...Ursula Stanhope: You did. Youre right...Ursulas mother: Ursula... Dont say it...Ursula Stanhope: I love him! Im out of here.Ursulas mother: Ursula! You cant love him! Arthur, say something!Arthur Stanhope, Ursulas Dad: Be careful out there, honey.Ursulas mother: [shouts] What?Ursula Stanhope: Goodbye, Daddy.[kisses him, then runs out of the room]Ursulas mother: Ursula, come back! Arthur, do something!Arthur Stanhope, Ursulas Dad: What would you have me do? Theres obviously no stopping her.Ursulas mother: Oh, God![she downs the rest of her drink, then goes running after Ursula]Ursulas mother: [shouts] Ursula!Arthur Stanhope, Ursulas Dad: [under his breath] God, that womans a pain in the ass.

— George of the Jungle 1997 love

[Translating with a Swahili phrasebook]Lyle: Pardon me, girls. I know youre feeling pretty hey sailor up here about now. But if you would just let me order a bowl of fried clams we can all have smallpox tomorrow morning.

— George of the Jungle 1997 book

George: To swing or not to swing?Man: Help!George: Swing.

— George of the Jungle 1997 man

Narrator: Later, in the Mens Department, after discovering his long lost brothers, the jungle king was pleased to find he looked pretty good in Armani.George: Pretty darn good.

— George of the Jungle 1997 art

[swinging a lion over his head while protecting Ursula]George: George not even trying hard.

— George of the Jungle 1997 win

Ursula Stanhope: So Ill tell my dad first thing in the morning.Betsy: Make that second thing. First thing, I suggest you buy jungle man some clothes.[George is wearing a dress]George: Nice butt flap.

— George of the Jungle 1997 hope

George: Sometime George smash into tree. And sometime...[George screams and falls out of treehouse]George: Sometime George fall out of treehouse. But not feel stupid.

— George of the Jungle 1997 time

[looks down Ursulas shirt]George: Something funny about this fella.

— George of the Jungle 1997 funny

Ape: George, what on earth are you doing?[George is wearing flower lei]George: George just feel like looking a little special today. That all

— George of the Jungle 1997 art

Ursula Stanhope: And you can watch TV, and eat, and relax, and Ill be back as soon as I can. Just stay here.Narrator: Stay here? George is king of the jungle. No four walls built by modern man can contain himGeorge: Not true. George have every intention of doing exactly what Ursula say.Narrator: Really? Is that so?George: For a while.[grins]

— George of the Jungle 1997 hope

Ursula Stanhope: [going crazy] Why wouldnt an ape read textbooks and why wouldnt I find myself in a treehouse with room service and a Tarzan wannabe wearing a... What do you call that thing?George: Buttflap.

— George of the Jungle 1997 hope

Narrator: Well, Ursulas fiancè is in prison, and theres a jungle man sleeping on her balcony. She could use a best friend right now.Betsy: Hi.Ursula Stanhope: Hi.Betsy: I got here as fast as I could. Where is he?Ursula Stanhope: Oh, hes in the waterf... hes in the shower.Betsy: Not anymore.Ursula Stanhope: Oh! George.[sees him naked]George: Bad waterfall. First water get hot, then George slip on this strange yellow rock.[sees Betsy]George: Oh. Hi, George of Jungle.Betsy: Charmed, Im sure.Ursula Stanhope: George, hold this big book.[he holds book covering his front part]Ursula Stanhope: Cover the booty.[puts bowl on behind]Ursula Stanhope: Lets get you some clothes. Sorry, Betsy.George: Bye.Betsy: No problem.[to herself]Betsy: Now I can see why they made him king of the jungle.

— George of the Jungle 1997 hope

Ursula Stanhope: And this is Neiman MarcusGeorge: Ooh! They have big shiny cave.

— George of the Jungle 1997 hope

Lyle: [to Max about George] Could you see if hes dangerous?George: [whiny voice] Here, boy. Wheres my little doggy?Max: Ive got a feeling hes not.

— George of the Jungle 1997 anger

Lyle: White ape. Sounds like a drink[mockingly]Lyle: Yes, bartender, Ill have two black russians and a white ape.Narrator: A drink the venal Van de Groot would be begging to imbibe, if he only knew how close the white ape was at that very moment. Flying through the foliage, surveying the scenery, and swinging on through the trees with effortless ease.George: [hits tree] Ow!

— George of the Jungle 1997 art

George: That close one, huh?[grins]Ursula Stanhope: Watch out for that tree![George looks up and Ursulas head hits branch, knocking her out]George: Oops.

— George of the Jungle 1997 hope

Thor: Im chafing, Max. Im chafing big-time.Max: Didnt I tell you not to wear twenty pounds of black leather in the jungle? Didnt I tell you? Cotton, I said. Cotton breathes.

— George of the Jungle 1997 time

Ursulas mother: When Lyle returns, this wedding will proceed as planned. If you do ANYTHING to upset that, Ill remove your reason for wearing a loincloth.

— George of the Jungle 1997 reason

George: [on Ursulas apartment balcony] This very high treehouse.Ursula Stanhope: Mmm-hmm.George: Good place to call friends from, sound carry.Ursula Stanhope: Oh, no...[George lets out jungle call]Ursula Stanhope: ...the neighbors.

— George of the Jungle 1997 hope

Ape: [after George has swung into a tree, knocking himself out] Ladies and Gentlemen; I give you the King of the Jungle.

— George of the Jungle 1997 men

[Max and Thor arrive at the tree house to capture a talking ape]Thor: Theres five stinking apes out there. Which one are we taking to Vegas?Max: The one whos playing chess!

— George of the Jungle 1997 play

[Ursula screams at the sight of Ape]George: No, no! Its all right! Ape friend! Ape make your breakfast!Ursula Stanhope: [panicky] What does it want? What does it want?Ape: It wants its Physicians Desk Reference, if you dont mind. Unless youd rather die of dengue fever, of course.Ursula Stanhope: [laughing hysterically] That is very funny!Ape: [sarcastic] Ha, ha, ha...Ursula Stanhope: I thought I heard the monkey talk!

— George of the Jungle 1997 hope

Lyle: Hey! The important thing, Kwame, is that I was outnumbered.NDugo: [in Swahili, subtitled] Its easy to be outnumbered when youre a zero.

— George of the Jungle 1997 you

[first lines]Narrator: Deep in the heart of Africa is a place no man has ever entered. The place that belongs to the lion, the elephant and the ape. A place known as the Bukuvu. Travellers flying overhead can only glimpse at its many marvels, its sparkling rivers, its lush veldts, its billowy cloud formations and its hidden mountains. Never fear, my friends. All was not lost. Scraped and boo-booed, they searched high and low, but they never recovered their most precious cargo.

— George of the Jungle 1997 fear

Lyle: No hard feelings, Stonebelly. The best man won, thats all. Or, I should say, the guy who brought mercenaries won; *thats* all.

— George of the Jungle 1997 man

Narrator: Meanwhile, at a very expensive waterfall set...

— George of the Jungle 1997 water

Thor: [discovering George through his telescopic sight] Hey, Its a dude.[to Max his sidekick]Thor: I told you there werent no white ape. You dragged me all the way up here to look at some guy in a leopard skin bikini. If I wanted to see that, I couldve stayed in Miami.

— George of the Jungle 1997 you

Narrator: Every story gets to have a really big coincidence, and heres ours:

— George of the Jungle 1997 story

Lyle: Ursula, I found your scrunchie.

— George of the Jungle 1997 you

George: So you no want Ursula to love George?Ursulas mother: Id rather have my tongue nailed to this table every morning at breakfast.George: That hurt.Ursulas mother: Not as much as you will if you do anything to screw up my daughters marriage to Lyle van de Groot.

— George of the Jungle 1997 love

[Ursula laughs]George: No people here to look stupid for. Just George.

— George of the Jungle 1997 people

[Monkey sees George being taken away]Monkey: Ooh ooh eee eee aah aah!Mercenary: Oh, see the monkey.

— George of the Jungle 1997 being

Max: 50 zamoles a man, what do you say?Kwame: They only speak Swahili.Swahili Guide: [in English] 100 zamoles a man and youve got a deal.Lyle: Wait a second...Max: Done.[guides laugh]

— George of the Jungle 1997 man

Thor: George of the Jungle must be halfway to Frisco by now.Narrator: But our plotting poachers were only half correct for at that very moment, our handsome hero was all the way to San Francisco.

— George of the Jungle 1997 men

[reaching the end of a long trail]Thor: Max, look! Were back at the tree house!Ape: Well, I tried, but you fellas are just too smart for me.Max: Oh, no!Narrator: Oh, no was right! Because even at that moment...Thor: [looking up] Hey! Why dont you say something constructive for a change, like what we should do now?Narrator: Because I dont like you.Thor: Well, I hate you, you snotty son of a...Narrator: Ill pretend I didnt hear that.[there is a thunderous bang, and both Thor and Max stagger, as though hit]Narrator: Having some fun now, huh?

— George of the Jungle 1997 art

Narrator: But his rapturous rendezvous with the urban heiress was to be short-lived, Kwame and his men were drawing dangerously close! That is, dangerously close to shoving a coconut up Lyles... sleeping bag.

— George of the Jungle 1997 men

Mercenary: [several mercenaries grab George] At ease, jungle boy!

— George of the Jungle 1997

George: Sleep sweet, Ursula.Ursula Stanhope: Sleep sweet, George.

— George of the Jungle 1997 hope

[as Thor takes aim at Shep, Ape jumps to the ground]Ape: Run, Shep! Run for your life!Max: Did that monkey just speak?Thor: That monkey just spoke!

— George of the Jungle 1997 life

[after returning from Africa, Ursula phones her mother from a limousine]Ursulas mother: Youre sure you did not catch dengue fever?Ursula Stanhope: No mother, I did not catch dengue fever.Ursulas mother: Well, hows your temperature?Ursula Stanhope: [puts a hand to her forehead] Normal.Ursulas mother: Color of your tongue?Ursula Stanhope: [checks it in the mirror] Pink.Ursulas mother: What about your, uh, mmm-mmm?Ursula Stanhope: [annoyed] Regular!

— George of the Jungle 1997 hope

Narrator: [on seeing Sheps trunk wrapped around a giant Milkbone.] Wait a second. The dog bone is too much. Lose it. Thats better.

— George of the Jungle 1997

Narrator: After a night of feverish fantasies, the perfectly permed heiress, Ursula Stanhope, awoke to the melodious music of the Bukuvu bird life, and found herself venturing forth in search of that defender of the innocent, protector of the weak and all-around good guy, George of the Jungle. But thats not who she saw first.

— George of the Jungle 1997 life

George: Here comes shep.

— George of the Jungle 1997

George: It dancin time. Ursula wanna dance?

— George of the Jungle 1997 time

Narrator: And so, jazzed on java, George of the Jungle made his way into the city by the way.

— George of the Jungle 1997 city

People of San Francisco: Watch out for that...![George swings and bangs into the boat]

— George of the Jungle 1997 people

Narrator: Meanwhile, back in the jungle...

— George of the Jungle 1997

George: George not feel so good.

— George of the Jungle 1997 good

[last lines]Ape: [sings] I aced it all and I stood tall, and did it my way.

— George of the Jungle 1997 sin

Narrator: When they approached it, they gazed in awe.Group: AaawwwwwwNarrator: I said *Awe* - A... W... E!Group: OooooohhhhNarrator: Thats better!

— George of the Jungle 1997

[Kwame and his comrades are visiting the African jail, identifying the person who shot George by accident]NDugo: No. Too short. Too sweaty.NDugo: [pause, he sees Lyle] Wait a second! Thats the guy. Thats the guy who shot him. I never forget a face.Lyle: Me?[Kwame and his comrades laugh]

— George of the Jungle 1997 africa

[after Lyle comes to take Ursla away]George: Now George really mad! George tear off your...[after this, Geroge gets caught by the German army men]Mercenary: At ease, jungle boy. Everybody freeze now!German Army Man: Operation completed as ordered, sir.Lyle: Thank you, Gunner, Gunter, Hans, Jan... and Phil.Entire Group: Thank you, sir!Lyle: No hard feelings, stone belly. The best man won thats all. Or I should say the guy who brought mercenaries on. Thats all.

— George of the Jungle 1997 men

[Lyle, Max, Thor, Kwame and his comrades are taking a walk on a trail]Lyle: Gosh, this trail is really rough.NDugo: [in Swahili, subtitled] Drop him! Youre not his donkey.[Lyle gets off one of Kwames comrades back]NDugo: [in Swahili, subtitled][mocking Lyle]NDugo: Ursula! Ursula! Next cliff we pass, hes history.[Kwames comrades have a conversation in Swahili and start walking without Lyle]Lyle: Hey, come back here.Max: Theyre not abandoning us, are they?Kwame: They are threatening.

— George of the Jungle 1997 art

[while seeing a footprint, the Swahili guides are speaking to Mr. Kwame in Swahili]Lyle: [pushes one of the Swahili guides] Let me through.Lyle: [then approaches Mr. Kwame] Whats happening?Kwame: This footprint does not belong to any of my men.Max: [to Thor] See? Theres your proof, the white ape does exist. Now all we have to do is track down the girl and the apes in the bag.

— George of the Jungle 1997 men

Ursula Stanhope: [semi-conscious] Mommy, make that monkey stop talking...

— George of the Jungle 1997 hope

Narrator: Meanwhile, at a very big and expensive waterfall set, Ursula was amazed that she was lost in the wilderness with a jungle man.Ursula Stanhope: ...and here I am lost in the wilderness with a jungle man.

— George of the Jungle 1997 hope

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