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George Lopez TV series

George: imitating Ernie: You hide things you buy from your wife?! Dude, you really need to get a woman, Im tired of explaining these things to you!
— George Lopez TV series man
Benny: as Rosie the Robot in the Jetsons sketch Here I am Mrs. J. I was just watching my favorite soap opera, The Young and the Rustless. laughs
— George Lopez TV series you
George: Sweetheart. That was the blade we used to shave grandpa right before we put him in the coffin.
— George Lopez TV series art
George: Look. Where I come from we werent ever allowed in the room with a girl. And Im gonna tell you straight, I dont like it. And I want you to know Im watching you. Even when you dont think Im around. Im watching you. When youre sleeping in your little race car bed. Im watching you. Even if you start to think Hey! Maybe hes not watching me. Im watching you. Pop quiz, what am I doing right now Duncan?
— George Lopez TV series art
Benny: George, if you expect a dog to bite you, youll be happy if all he does is poop on your shoes.
— George Lopez TV series happy
Claudia: Look. Nobody is judging you. You are a good man, and you made a horrible mistake! You know maybe it was for love, maybe it was the drink, I dont know! Look! Seriously man just tell me what you did so I can help you. I will shred files, I will lie, I will do anything!
— George Lopez TV series love
George: Okay, heres the plan. Ill go talk to the cop. You go back to your desk and pretend nothings wrong, do some work. Okay? But dont pretend, actually do some work!
— George Lopez TV series work
Angie: George, you know what my favorite part of the play was? When you walked up to the teacher afterwards and demanded your tax dollars back.
— George Lopez TV series war
George: Alright, this movie might be a little mature for you, but I think its more important that you learn that not everyone out there is a nice person.
— George Lopez TV series you
George: Oh. See that only make sense because youre using teenager logic. Its the same kind of logic that gets your kind killed in horror films.
— George Lopez TV series horror
Angie: Look, honey I know what youre going through. There was a time when I had to choose between the popular crowd and a sweet pudgy kid eating all by himself.
— George Lopez TV series time
Mrs. Wilder: Mr. and Mrs. Lopez, thank you for coming down. Let me start by saying Max is a joy to have in class.
— George Lopez TV series art
Angie: You know, kids need to be kept busy, or sooner or later they get into trouble. Theres a report out that says that most underage sex, drinking, and hooliganism happens between 3:00 and 6:00 PM.
— George Lopez TV series sex
George: Well, Im still trying to find my dad. So Im gonna run an ad in all the newspapers up in Northern California. What do you think? I lost my father as a boy, mother told me he was dead. Found out hes alive, am now seeking to re-unite with him. Manny Lopez, 510, latino male, mid-50s. Will pay for any information leading to contact.
— George Lopez TV series man
Ernie: Hey, take a little advice from somebody whos written more than his fair share of personal ads. They charge you by the word. You can say the same thing with a lot less.
— George Lopez TV series advice
George: Alright. I dont want anyone making fun of Max. But this has gotten way out of hand. Not to mention, 500 bucks down the drain. Thats a month of groceries. Couple months of gas, a new set of tires. 500 items from the 99 Cents store.
— George Lopez TV series men
George: Oh, Im trying to find my father. It turns out hes alive, man, my moms lied to me my whole life.
— George Lopez TV series life
George: The towers are moving and blowing the heating The Powers are moving the Boeing meeting!
— George Lopez TV series power
Benny: Like, um, I lied to him and told him that his dad died when he was four. That probably didnt help.
— George Lopez TV series help
Benny: I said no. I said, when you grow up, they will have cured all of the diseases, and youre gonna live forever. Now, that one wasnt my fault, science let me down.
— George Lopez TV series science
Ernie: Im sorry, George. I didnt know Marisol was coming back. I tried to paint it myself, but halfway through it started looking like a monkey with boobs.
— George Lopez TV series art
George: Im not gonna kill you. Back in the zoo, the bears dont kill their prey. They play with them a little first, then kill them. So come on, lets play!
— George Lopez TV series you
George: You realize that if I ever catch you around here again, Ill have to bury you next to Justin.
— George Lopez TV series you
Benny: In that case, they were a handful. You owe me twenty bucks. Benny walks out of the kitchen and Carmen comes downstairs
— George Lopez TV series men
George: You can go back to school, and Mr. Durango will make sure none of the kids will ever mess with you again.
— George Lopez TV series school
George: You went on the internet, got my information and stole my identity. You ruined my credit. What the hell is your real name?
— George Lopez TV series identity
George II: Look, I dont know how this makes up happening. I got some credit problems, but Im not a thief, man.
— George Lopez TV series man
George: Okay, heres what youre gonna do. Be at my work tomorrow at 9:00 AM. I wanna see your birth certificate, or Im calling the cops. And if the cops dont find you, I will, and Ill kick your ass.
— George Lopez TV series work
Max: In her nightgown. The red one, not the black one! Dad said we should wait til she left to tell you.
— George Lopez TV series night
Jack: Thats cause I dont let you in. You know, George, sometimes late at night, Im balled up in the fetal position, Im naked, Im holding a double bourbon and I am crying like a baby. But you will never see that.
— George Lopez TV series time
Max: No way. Vegetarians are left-wing nutjobs. They undermine the beef industry and put a lot of good, hard-working Americans out on their butts.
— George Lopez TV series work
George: Man, what are they teaching you over there? Youre supposed to be learning about knots and wood carving.
— George Lopez TV series learning
Benny: You know what I hate? You cant smoke in restaurants, but a mother can pull out her chi-chis to feed a baby.
— George Lopez TV series hate
George: Answer a question for us. Your mom and I are both drowning and theres only one life preserver.
— George Lopez TV series life
Benny: Hey, so who are they firing? If its Crazy Carlos, Im not coming in tomorrow, because hes a shooter.
— George Lopez TV series crazy
Angie: Come on you guys, lets just try to forget about the money and have some breakfast. How about some scrambled eggs, well call my dad for a loan and maybe some french toast?
— George Lopez TV series money
Angie: Okay, okay. Then how about some waffles, please just swallow your pride, and maybe some orange juice?
— George Lopez TV series pride
George: Alright mom, were all alone. Lets clear the air. Are there any more lies I should know about?
— George Lopez TV series lies
Benny: Well theres a bunch of things. But Im gonna space em out so I wont look like such a bad person.
— George Lopez TV series space
Max: to Benny after she threw his ball away from him: You know, I got a better idea. Why dont you take your tired ass home?! Benny slaps Max on his face in front of his friends
— George Lopez TV series friends
George: The fake, gay, cover boyfriend, or the boyfriend youve been seeing behind our backs for a month?
— George Lopez TV series you
George: I know! Its written on every page in here. reads the diary I hate Dad! God, I hate Dad! Hey, old lady! Hang up the miniskirt! Youre not 15 anymore! to Angie Oh, that ones about you.
— George Lopez TV series god
Angie: Youve lost all your rights by lying to us, and if we have to look in your diary to find the truth about Zack, well do it.
— George Lopez TV series truth
Carmen: Oh, you wanna know the truth?! Well, here it is! Im dating Zack because I love him and he loves me too!
— George Lopez TV series love
Carmen: No, no, no. You guys dont understand Zack. His dad was never there for him, and his moms a bitter, old drunk. You have no idea what thats like.
— George Lopez TV series men
George: to Benny You wanna field that one? to Carmen Okay, you know what? End of discussion, okay? We did not raise you this far so you can screw up your life with Zack, so there is no way in hell that you are ever gonna see him again!
— George Lopez TV series life
George: Not as long as you live in this house. Okay, if you dont like it here, go live somewhere else.
— George Lopez TV series live
George: Im not gonna calm down! Im tired of her disrespecting us! to Carmen Go see what its like out there! Send us a postcard!
— George Lopez TV series men
Carmen: I get it, its too soon. Ill just go to bed, but I want you to know things arent the same. I partied with Chingy and I shared a sandwich with a homeless guy. Ive done it all. So no more curfews, no more rules, Im an adult, and tomorrow night, Im going out.
— George Lopez TV series art
Carmen: Yeah, you were, and every time Zack tried to get me to do something with him, I heard you tell me, Dont do anything youd be embarrassed to tell me or your mother about.
— George Lopez TV series time
Carmen: Well, Zack broke up with me in a club and I was crying in the bathroom and one of Chingys dancers was there to cheer me up, so we just started hanging.
— George Lopez TV series art
George: Youre damn right I have issues. Look, I tried to give you everything I never had, and you run away from it.
— George Lopez TV series you
Carmen: Oh, yeah. I have everything. I have a father and a mother who treat me like a baby and control everything I do.
— George Lopez TV series men
George: Carmen, youre lucky you have parents who care. Look, I didnt have a dad, and I pray that my mom would come home at 6 so I can see her before bedtime. If I was lucky, she came home drunk with the spins so shed have to hold on to me! That was my hug!
— George Lopez TV series time
George: Look, Angie, dont try to pretend like everythings alright. Okay, it wasnt alright when last night you were crying.
— George Lopez TV series night
Carmen: Fine, then Ill just get pregnant and move to Georgia breaks into a Southern accent cuz I dont need yalls consent down there.
— George Lopez TV series men
Doctor: in the Munsters sketch, listening to Georges heart Your heart is as healthy as a horses.
— George Lopez TV series art
Ernie: first letter You had it coming. second letter You deserve it. third letter What the hell does God have to do to finish you off. fourth letter I hope you get another house
— George Lopez TV series god
George: after Ernies attempts to seduce the predator fails Hey, man, dont worry. Im sure somewhere starts laughing I cant say it with a straight face. You got rejected by a sexual predator!
— George Lopez TV series art
George: Okay, now that were all here, were gonna start with a different game tonight. Its called Bombshells. In the suburbs, its called You Might Wanna Sit Down For This, Its a SHOCKER. In the hood, its called, Oh, No You DI-NT!.
— George Lopez TV series art
Vic: So, what are you gonna do nine months from now? Wrap a basketball in a blanket and say Look, hes got your head?
— George Lopez TV series you

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