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Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001

Jay: Yo baby, you ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat? Yeah...
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 man
Miramax Security Guard Gordon: Echo Base, Ive got a 10-07: two unauthorized on the lot, requesting backup.Echo Base: [over Gordons walkie talkie] I thought that was a 10-82.Miramax Security Guard Gordon: No sir, a 10-82 is disappearing a dead hooker from Ben Afflecks trailer.Echo Base: [slightly amused] Oh, that Affleck! Backup on the way...
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 light
Tricia Jones: [on Bluntman and Chronic: The Movie] Well! That was just another paean to male adolescence and its refusal to grow up.Alyssa Jones: Yeah, sis. But it was better than Mallrats. At least Holden had the good sense to leave his name off of it.Tricia Jones: Why didnt Miramax option his other comic instead. You know, the one about you and him and your relationship?Alyssa Jones: Oh, Chasing Amy? That would never work as a movie.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 work
Jay: Affleck, you the *bomb* in Phantoms yo!
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 you
Missy: Oh my god, he just called Sissy Juggs.Chrissy: Im on it.[pulls out knife]Jay: Whats with the knife, we havin cake or something?Chrissy: Great, hes retarded to boot.Jay: [to Silent Bob] Dude, she called you retarded.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 god
[regarding the Bluntman and Chronic movie]Randal Graves: That was definitely worse than Clash of the Titans.Dante Hicks: I cant believe Judi Dench played me.Randal Graves: Remind me to renew that restraining order.Dante Hicks: Why?Randal Graves: Because Im going to blast that flick on the internet tonight.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 mind
[the C.L.I.T. is being discussed on TV]Holden: Nights like this... I miss dating a lesbian.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 dating
James Van Der Beek: [about Dawsons Creek] You actually watch that show?Jay: Yeah, for Joey, man. She is too fine. Did you ever get to 3rd base with her?James Van Der Beek: Well, actually there was this one time...
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 time
[several security guards, led by Gordon, have suddenly rushed onto the set of Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season]Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: Sorry to interrupt sirs, but weve got a 10-07 on our hands.Matt Damon: [exasperated] Oh Jesus, again Ben?Ben Affleck: [cocky] No, bullshit, because I wasnt WITH a hooker today, ha-HA!Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: There they are!Jay: Affleck, you the bomb in Phantoms, yo!
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 jesus
Jay: Yo lunchbox, hurry it up.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001
Ben Affleck: [ready to act but havent heard Action] So? Action, Gus or what?Gus Van Sant: Christ, Ben, I said Im busy.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 action
[Cock-Knocker has gotten his hand chopped off]Cock-Knocker: Not again.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001
Chakas Production Assistant: You the man.Chaka Luther King: No, you the man, and thats the problem.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 man
Chaka: Crazy crackers with guns. Its time I get my black ass out of here.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 time
Teen #1: Jay says you guys had a Star Wars themed wedding, and you tied the knot dressed as Storm Troopers.Teen #2: Yeah, and he says youre the bitch and youre the butch.Dante Hicks: Im the BITCH?Randal Graves: Well, if we were gay, thats certainly the way Id see it.Dante Hicks: Will you shut up!Teen #1: [to Teen #2] Holy shit, dude. The honeymoons over.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 war
Whillenholly: Remember, folks... stimulation of the C.L.I.T is not recommended.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 men
Whillenholly: The C.L.I.T. is an offshoot of the L.A.B.I.A.Reg Hartner: Oh, you mean the Liberate Apes Before Imprisoning Apes movement?
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 art
Jay: In a world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, but the monkey will spank us.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 world
Jay: Miramax? I thought they only did classy pictures, like The Piano and The Crying Game.Brodie: Yeah, but then they made Shes All That and it went downhill from there.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 thought
[the Scooby gang are arguing amongst themselves]Jay: Yo! You guys need to turn those frowns upside down. And I got just the thing for that.[pulls out a bag of rolled up joints]Jay: We call them... Doobie Snax.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 you
Chaka: Do you know that I came up with the idea for Sesame Street? I came up with it before PBS. The white man stole it. Thats right. I was gonna call it N.W.P. - Niggaz With Puppets. Catchy, aint it?
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 man
[after the Bluntman & Chronic premiere]Banky: God, Im so embarrassed.Hooper: You should be. They took your intellectual property and turned it into one 90-minute long gay joke. It was like watching Batman & Robin all over again.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 god
Whillenholly: We dont want to rub the C.L.I.T. the wrong way.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 wrong
Whillenholly: Wow. That was just an incredibly daring escape.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 escape
[to a customer at his comic shop, bending a comics spine]Brodie: It is a comic book, not your dick! Show some respect. Hold it like youd hold a woman.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 man
Whillenholly: Fire a warning shot into his bulbous ass.Sheriff: One rectal breach comin up.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 war
Assistant Director(GWH 2): Okay, you two. Just stand there, and react. Dont say anything![Points to Silent Bob]Assistant Director(GWH 2): Especially you.Jay: [to Silent Bob] Thats pretty funny.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 funny
Matt Damon: Just take it from Its a good course.Ben Affleck: Oh, now youre the director.Matt Damon: Hey shove it, Bounce-boy. Lets remember who talked who into doing this shit in the first place. Talking me into Dogma was one thing, but this...Ben Affleck: Hey look, Im sorry I dragged you away from whatever-gay-serial-killers-who-ride-horses-and-like-to-play-golf-touchy-feely-picture youre supposed to be doing this week.Matt Damon: I take it you havent seen Forces of Nature?Ben Affleck: Youre like a child. Whatve I been telling you? You gotta do the safe picture. Then you can do the art picture. But then sometimes you gotta do the payback picture because your friend says you owe him.[They both take a beat and look at the camera]Ben Affleck: And sometimes, you go back to the well.Matt Damon: And sometimes, you play Reindeer Games.Ben Affleck: See, thats just mean.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 time
Whillenholly: Why are you shooting at me? Im just a Federal Wildlife Marshall.Chrissy: Two reasons. One: were walking, talking, bad girl cliches.Missy: And two: because youre a man.Whillenholly: Only on the outside.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 life
Randal Graves: See? If you were funnier than that, ABC wouldnt have cancelled us.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 you
Willenholly: [while masturbating to donkey / girl porn] Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah! You chug that ass cock, baby. You need two hands. Oh, you like that, MULE. Mules are... GOOD!
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 good
Steve-Dave Pulasti: [at Brodies Secret Stash] Boy, Walt. This store sure does suck ass, doesnt it?Walt Fanboy Grover: Tell him, Steve-Dave.Brodie: Youre both banned.Steve-Dave Pulasti: Holy Shit. Un-ban us. This guyll suck your dick.Brodie: Im sure he will.Walt Fanboy Grover: [Steve-Dave is forcing him onto his knees] NO!
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 you
[singing outside the Stop N Go]Jay: Im gonna finger-bang her tight little asshole / Finger-bang and tea-bag my balls / Where, where, in her mouth / Balls a-plenty in her mouth / Balls Balls Sweaty Balls
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 sin
Steve Kmetko: Rumor is Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are working on a super secret project on the lot. Have you seen them roaming around?Jules Asner: No, Steve. But I did see Casey Affleck buying a soda from a concession stand.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 work
Clark: [during filming for Good Will Hunting 2] Youre just no longer any good, Will Hunting. Now how do *you* like *them apples*?Ben Affleck: [in huddle with Damon] I dont like the sound of them apples, Will. What are we gonna do?Matt Damon: Chucky, its hunting season.[Will pulls out his shotgun and blows the guy away]Ben Affleck: Applesauce. Bitch.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 good
Jay: Why do they call you Cock-Knocker?Cock-Knocker: Actually, theres a funny story behind that. Ha, ha, youre gonna love this. True story![punches Jay in the crotch]
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 love
Reg Hartner: And we do want to say to the people at home, the clit is not something to be played with.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 art
Brodie: Oh my God. Dont tell me you have no idea theres a movie being made of the comic you two were the basis for.Jay: What? Since when?Brodie: See, heres the pulse. And this is your finger, far away from the pulse, jammed straight up your ass. Say, would you like a chocolate covered pretzel?
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 god
Jay: Ladies, Ladies, Ladies, Jay and Silent Bob are in the hizzouse!
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 die
Jay: Zoinks, yo!
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001
Willenholly: Put the monkey down, and your hands up. Lets go, misters. Do you want to get shot? I didnt think so.Jay: Look, man. She doesnt want to go back to the lab. And for the record, I aint gay.Willenholly: And for the record, while were one the subject, I knew that wasnt a real little boy.Jay: And for one more record, he does love the cock.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 love
[Sniffing out white people]Chaka Luther King: Cra-cra-cracker?
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 people
Whillenholly: I dont get out to the movies that much, but Bluntman and Chronic was blunt-tastic.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 man
Customer at Quick Stop: Are you even supposed to be here today?Dante Hicks: Dont get me started.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 art
Justice: Wait for me.Jay: What, here?
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 justice
Jay: Dude, I think I just filled the cup.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 think
Chaka: Another white boy in this movie? Damn.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001
Jay: Tickets? Since when did they start charging for the bus? Didnt we used to ride that shit to school every morning for free?
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 art
Jason Biggs: No. I, I love gay people.James Van Der Beek: Yeah, Ill bet you do.Jason Biggs: No, Im fine with gay...[Jason Biggs notices the orangutan]Jason Biggs: Oh, look at the monkey.James Van Der Beek: Now youre gonna tell me the monkeys gay.Jason Biggs: Well, how do you know he doesnt smoke monkey pole?
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 love
[to Jay]Brent: Whats your damage, little boy? Youve got a sick and twisted world perspective.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 world
Willenholly: Oh my God. Im paralyzed! That monkey shot me in the ass and paralyzed me! Oh sweet irony!Justice: Youre not paralyzed. It was just a tranquilizer.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 god
[on his cell phone]Whillenholly: Plaschke, this is Willenholly. I need you to get me on the national news, pronto. Why? Because we may very well be dealing with the two most dangerous men on the planet.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 men
Brodie: And on that note, we cue the music.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 music
Jay: Just call me Darth Balls... Bong.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 art
Scooby Doo: Hi, Ray and Rirent Rob.[Scooby laugh]
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 laugh
[Bluntman and Cock-Knocker are fighting with bongsabers]Chaka: I think George Lucas gonna sue somebody.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 man
Justice: They didnt really steal the monkey. It was just a diversion so we could steal these.[showing a bag of stolen diamonds]Justice: And theyre not the leaders of the C.L.I.T. The C.L.I.T is not real.Whillenholly: No the clit is real. Its the female orgasm thats the myth.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 justice
[trying to compose a bad protest song]Brent: Hey Mr. Science Guy... dont spray that aerosol in my eye... for... for I... I dont really wanna die. Im a noble rabbit...
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 science
Sheriff: The hell with this. Lets go back to the station house, and cornhole us a drunk.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 hell
Whillenholly: Who let the cats out?
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 cats
Jay: [after pulling a very long pube out of his teeth] Eew, man, she had 70s bush. Damn second rule in that book should be: Trim that shit.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 man
Chaka: Do you think Fat Albert had an inker? No, Bill Cosby did the whole thing with a roller and it was EXCELLENT.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 you
[Silent Bob gets stuck in an open sewer pipe]Jay: Just like Winnie the Pooh.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 win
Ben Affleck: Are we gonna have a problem... again?
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001
[Walt and Steve-Dave leave the premiere of Bluntman & Chronic]Steve-Dave Pulasti: Why cant Hollywood make a decent comic book movie?Walt Fanboy Grover: Tell em Steve-Dave.Steve-Dave Pulasti: Would you stop saying that?
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 man
Daphne: I think they passed out.Fred: Great. What do we do with them now?Shaggy: Lets cut out their kidneys and sell them to the black market and leave them in a seedy motel bathtub full of ice.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 think
Jay: Hey, Ill make you a deal - this guy[points to Silent Bob]Jay: will suck your dick off if you let us go.Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: Contrary to what you believe, not everyone in Hollywood is a homosexual.Jay: How about this deal- hell suck my dick while you watch and jerk off.Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: Alright.[takes Jay and Silent Bob behind a wall, out of sight]Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: Make it fast and sexy.Jay: [to Silent Bob] Its either this or jail. And you know what they do to you in jail.Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: I was a guard. Alright, and after its all over, you say Ooh, what a lovely tea party.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 love
Randal Graves: See? I told you that restraining order was a good idea.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 good
Holden: Nothing. The Internet has given everybody in America a voice. For some reason, everybody decides to use that voice to bitch about movies.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 reason
Jay: [singing] I cant believe Im gonna get some pussy for stealin the monkey.[laughs]Jay: Stealin the little monkey. Man, if I woulda known that, I would have been stealin monkeys since I was like, seven and shit.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 man
Chakas Production Assistant: Heres your coffee sir.Chaka: Did you spit in it?Chakas Production Assistant: I didnt spit in it sir.Chaka: Any boogers in it?Chakas Production Assistant: Theres no boogers in it sir.Chaka: You went to film school didnt you? Must piss you off to see a black man runnin a big old production like this, huh? Went to film school. Does your daddy know you give a nigga his coffee? Must kill him, doesnt it!Chakas Production Assistant: Theres no boogers in it sir.Chaka: Then taste it. Taste the booger flavor. I know its in there!
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 man
Willam Black: [staring up at the Bluntman and Chronic marquee] Thats beautiful, man.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 man
Jay: And I cant believe fine-ass bitches like yourselves eat that shit. Dont you know fast food makes girls fart?Brent: [getting into the van] Say, whats all this talk about farting?
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 art
Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: Brenda?Shannen Doherty: Dick!
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 security
Brent: [to Jay] Hey, watch the language, little boy. Theres females present.[Brent chuckles]
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 language
Holden: This is a site populated by militant movie buffs: sad, pathetic little bastards living in their parents basement downloading scripts and what they think is inside information about movies and actors they claim to despise yet cant stop discussing.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 men
Jay: [to Silent Bob after being hit below the belt by Cocknocker] Whoaaa... avenge me... Hemp Knight.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 night
Whillenholly: [after Jay and Silent Bob struggle to escape through a sewer tunnel] Wow! That was an incredibly daring escape![takes his jacket off handing it to the Sheriff]Whillenholly: Okay, heres the deal. You and your men stay up here, when I corner them, Ill call for back up. Im counting on you, Sheriff.[hugs him]Whillenholly: Youve taught me so much.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 men
Whillenholly: [Jay and Silent Bob are hiding in the diner] Theyve got a monkey in there?Sheriff: An ape.Whillenholly: What?Sheriff: An orangutans a member of the great ape family, its not a monkey.Whillenholly: Look, whos the Federal Wildlife Marshal here, me or you? Thats what I thought.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 life
Whillenholly: [to Banky] Wow, theres a lot of love in the room.Banky: Regardless of what you may have heard, I do not kiss guys.Whillenholly: Okay, play it cool, hot shot.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 love
Ben Affleck: [to Gus Van Sant] Where we taking it from, Gus? Gus?Gus Van Sant: [counting his money] Im busy.Ben Affleck: You re a true artist, Gus.
— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 art

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