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Jerky Boys

You know how when a dog is crippled you put his back legs in a wheelchair? I think Willie the Jackass really puts a smile on kids faces. I drag the ass-end of the costume around the park cause I aint got nobody to fill that spot. The back legs are crippled. from Willie the Jackass

— Jerky Boys smile

Me, I dont give a fuck. You know, a holes a hole. As long as theres a little heat in there I dont give a fuck. from Testing for Jeopardy

— Jerky Boys you

You sound like you got a nice pair of them fuckin balogna tits on ya, huh Willy? from Testing for Jeopardy

— Jerky Boys ya

How many pits are in a pear? Aah, two. You know damn well theres much more than 2 pits in a pear. from Testing for Jeopardy

— Jerky Boys man

If you cant whip out answers like that, that man Alex Trebeck is liable to, during a commercial break, punch your fuckin mouth loose! from Testing for Jeopardy

— Jerky Boys man

Whatever you need sold Ill sell it. Bring in a tank and Ill sell the fuckin thing. from Car Salesman

— Jerky Boys hate

How the hell am I gonna see the company name when Im busy rolling underneath the fucking truck? I can give you serial numbers, thats the best I can do for you, for christ sakes, the goddamn gear box crushing me in the ground, and youre asking me for the fuckin-the name of the business? What do I look like, a a tomcat? a nightcrawler? from 1-800-Hows My Driving

— Jerky Boys god

Why dont I come down there and read that book with you? I can pet you, feel you up like youre my little turtle. from Super Gay

— Jerky Boys book

My wifes up there on the roof poking around like she knows what the fuck shes doing, I fired her ass off onto the fuckin car. from Roofing

— Jerky Boys fire

Some guy told me I parked to sic? close to his car - I busted his jaw for him. from Drinking Problem

— Jerky Boys drinking

to receptionist I got a little side job for you, honey. Get me someone I can talk to. Im a very busy man! from Diamond Dealer

— Jerky Boys man

to a diamond dealer I got some stones I wanna get rid of. I whacked a fucker out last night and I need to get rid of these stones.from Diamond Dealer

— Jerky Boys night

And hes got this silly looking Santa hat on, next thing hes down at my pants. Hes trying to pull the fuckin, the balls outta my pants! from Santas Delivery

— Jerky Boys live

We call her Gimpy. Thats not very nice butwhats she gonna do about it? from Sols Turnstile

Its not right what you did to my beautiful horse-faced boy! Im gonna come down there and kick you in your cunt you sick bitch! from Bright

— Jerky Boys beautiful

I fill balloons up with deadly poison gas and then float them out over the audience. from Stop That

— Jerky Boys dead

I need you to come RIGHT NOW and sweep all these beer bottles, all from my floor. from Little Elf

— Jerky Boys you

Tarbash: What does iconoclast mean? Diane the Flower Lady: I dont know. Tarbash: Then I speak English better than you. It means breaker of idols, icons. Iconoclast. Diane the Flower Lady: Its not a word.

— Jerky Boys you

Tarbash: You know when you get out of the bath and your skin is nice andopen? You ever feel that way? I feel very open today, very much open. Diane the Flower Lady: Ill tell you whats open is your ASS! Tarbash: That is open, too.

— Jerky Boys you

We have a little emergency here.We were boiling some potatoes and we dip them in vaseline, and shoot them at each other, and Peter was looking back making sure it was lined up with his ass, and it shot him right in the fucking eye!! from Tennis Ball Machine

— Jerky Boys right

I put a little ballerina skirt on the monkey and I beat him into oblivion. The crowd seems to love this. from The Gay Model

— Jerky Boys love

Im also known for pulling large pieces of furniture from my ass. Im the best. from The Gay Model

— Jerky Boys gay

I need to dance, you fucker, dont you see it? I need to dance. And Ill tell you, Im gonna dance all over you, you scumbag. Im gonna do a dance right in your fucking ass. Are you crazy? You fuck. from The Need to Dance

— Jerky Boys you

Theyre very, very small, almost microscopic. You can barely see them with the naked eye. As a matter of fact you may need a penis pump to see these damn things. from I Pickle They

— Jerky Boys you

Im only scarred about the face, breast, chest, neck, and head. Its not too bad, but other than that I look fine - a little makeup conceals everything. from The Gay Model

— Jerky Boys gay

I wanted to move my penis around to the back side of my ass, because I dont know which way Im swinging just yet. But Id like to keep it just in case. from Breast Enlargement

— Jerky Boys men

Im his partner, Im his lover for three years, dont you think I would know about the wedding? I mean whats the story? from Flower Lady #2

— Jerky Boys love

Harry loves schmaltz, is there something wrong with that? He makes perhaps the best schmaltz Ive ever had. from Flower Lady #2

— Jerky Boys love

Listen, he carved out a hole in the middle of the floor and hes building you a volcano. Thats all I know. And youre supposed to come down with your flowers and make sacrificial offerings. And hes supposed to throw you into the volcano. This is all I understand. from Flower Lady #2

— Jerky Boys you

talking to a man in Florida, New York Shit, I didnt know New York had a Florida. That doesnt sound right. I dont think you know geography very well, youre being silly. from Florida, the Tropical State

— Jerky Boys man

What I would do was Id shoot peoples heads up with Novocaine and carve grooves in their skulls. from The Gay Hairdresser

— Jerky Boys people

This one time I gave this guy a haircut he didnt like, he kicked my fucking ass all over. from The Gay Hairdresser

— Jerky Boys time

As long as my appearance wouldnt startle you- Im carved from head to toe. from The Gay Hairdresser

— Jerky Boys art

Ill bring my children over, I carved the shit outta their heads too, but it looks good. from The Gay Hairdresser

— Jerky Boys children

My lover fell asleep with a cigarette in the bed and burned up all my ass and legs. from The Mattress King

— Jerky Boys love

I heard that they hang you upside down and kick your face out the back of your ass. I also heard theres a little room where they heat up hot bacon grease and fire it all over the face from Facelift Without Surgery

— Jerky Boys fire

I dont even eat that shit, I lick that shit, and then I slappeded that shit right off my table. from Rosine Like Balloons when referring to the lobsters

— Jerky Boys sin

Hey Baba stop playing you break-a the window! Go play down the block!. Motherfucker! SAM! from Bad Tomatoes

— Jerky Boys mother

He try to sell-a me the corn on the cock, I dont know dis son-a-bitch es talkingabout!! from Bad Tomatoes

— Jerky Boys bad

I drive them big eighteen-wheelers, thats all. Im an old cattle rustler Im an old dancing boy.

— Jerky Boys dancing

You know I got a parrot, a bird, this fuckin bird says hi to me all the time. More than youre doing. Fuckin bird says, Hi there, sir, hello. Had a nice day? Wanna fuck me in the ass a little? I dont know where he picks up that bad language from. from Hello Ray

— Jerky Boys time

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