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Jonathan Swift (Writer)

When I behold this I sighed, and said within myself, "Surely mortal man is a broomstick!" Nature sent him into the world strong and lusty, in a thriving condition, wearing his own hair on his head, the proper branches of this reasoning vegetable, till the axe of intemperance has lopped off his green boughs, and left him a withered trunk; he then flies to , and puts on a periwig, valuing himself upon an unnatural bundle of hairs, all covered with powder, that never grew on his head; but now should this our broomstick pretend to enter the scene, proud of those birchen spoils it never bore, and all covered with dust, through the sweepings of the finest lady's chamber, we should be apt to ridicule and despise its . Partialthat we are of our own excellencies, and other men's defaults!
Jonathan Swift art
is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own.
Jonathan Swift body
Instead of dirt and poison we have rather chosen to fill our hives with honey and wax; thus furnishing mankind with the two noblest of things, which are sweetness and .
Jonathan Swift man
are like cobwebs, which may catch small flies, but let wasps and hornets break through.
Jonathan Swift lies
There is nothing in thisconstant, but inconstancy.
Jonathan Swift
There are few, very few, that will own themselves in a mistake, though all the World sees them to be in downright nonsense.
Jonathan Swift will
And surely one of the bestinis, never to say a thing which any of the company can reasonably wish had been left unsaid…
Jonathan Swift reason
'Tis very warm weather when one's in bed.
Jonathan Swift war
We are so fond of one another, because our ailments are the same.
Jonathan Swift men
I creditable acquaintance; I love to be the worst of the company.
Jonathan Swift love
…one enemy can do more hurt, than ten friends can do good.
Jonathan Swift friends
But nothing is so hard for those who abound in riches, as to conceive how others can be in want.
Jonathan Swift rich
'Tis an old maxim in the schools, That flattery's theof ; Yet now and then your men ofWill condescend to take a bit.
Jonathan Swift men
Properin proper places, make the true definition of a .
Jonathan Swift true
will never make a man correct an ill , which by reasoning he never acquired...
Jonathan Swift man
Ifhad looked upon riches to be a valuable thing, it would not have given them to such a scoundrel.
Jonathan Swift rich
Sothou art, that fools thydespise; And yet so , thou triumph'st o'er the .
Jonathan Swift art
For, in , allwithout the consent of the governed is the very definition of : but in , eleven men well armed will certainly subdue one single man in his shirt.
Jonathan Swift men
Libertas et natale solum: Fine ! Iwhere you stole 'em.
Jonathan Swift you
A set of phrases learnt by rote; A passion for a scarlet coat; When at a play to laugh, or cry, Yet cannot tell the reason why: Never to hold her tongue a minute; While all she prates has nothing in it.
Jonathan Swift passion
For conversation well endued; She calls it witty to be rude; And, placing raillery in railing, Will tell aloud your greatest failing.
Jonathan Swift you
Those dreams that on the silent night intrude, and with false flitting shapes our minds delude ... are mere productions of the brain. And fools consult interpreters in vain.
Jonathan Swift dreams
This evil fortune, which generally attends extraordinary men in the management of great affairs, has been imputed to divers causes, that need not be here set down, when so obvious a one occurs, if what a certain writer observes be true, that when a great genius appears in the world the dunces are all in confederacy against him.
Jonathan Swift men
Not die here in a rage, like a poisoned rat in a hole.
Jonathan Swift age
I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout.
Jonathan Swift food
A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends; and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter.
Jonathan Swift art
Yetnever was his aim; He lashed the vice but spared the . No individual could resent, Where thousands equally were meant. His satire points at no defect But what all mortals may correct; For he abhorred that senseless tribe Who call itwhen they gibe.
Jonathan Swift satire
Then gave him some familiar Thumps, A College Joke to cure the Dumps.
Jonathan Swift college
Conversation is but carving! Give no more to every guest Than he's able to digest. Give him always of the prime, And but little at a time. Carve to all but just enough, Let them neither starve nor stuff, And that you may have your due, Let your neighbor carve for you.
Jonathan Swift time
Under an oak, in stormy weather, I joined this rogue and whore together; And none but he who rules the thunder Can put this rogue and whore asunder.
Jonathan Swift sun
Good manners is the art of making those people easy with whom we converse. Whoever makes the fewest persons uneasy is the best bred in the company.
Jonathan Swift art
Pedantry is properly the over-rating of any kind of knowledge we pretend to.
Jonathan Swift knowledge
Pride, ill nature, and want of sense, are the three great sources of ill manners.
Jonathan Swift nature
I can discover no political evil in suffering bullies, sharpers, and rakes, to rid the world of each other by a method of their own; where the law hath not been able to find an expedient.
Jonathan Swift world
Nothing is so great an instance of ill manners as flattery. If you flatter all the company, you please none; if you flatter only one or two, you affront the rest.
Jonathan Swift man
It is impossible that any thing so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death, should ever have been designed by Providence as an evil to mankind.
Jonathan Swift death
I shall be like that tree; I shall die from the top.
Jonathan Swift die
Reason is a very light rider and easily shook off.
Jonathan Swift light
It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into.
Jonathan Swift man
Ubi saeva indignatio ulterius cor lacerare nequit
Jonathan Swift
Hail fellow, well met.
Jonathan Swift
I 've often wish'd that I had clear, For life, six hundred pounds a year; A handsome house to lodge a friend; A river at my garden's end; A terrace walk, and half a rood Of land set out to plant a wood.
Jonathan Swift life
How we apples swim!
Jonathan Swift
It is a maxim, that those to whom everybody allows the second place have an undoubted title to the first.
Jonathan Swift body
Seamen have a custom, when they meet a whale, to fling him out an empty tub by way of amusement, to divert him from laying violent hands upon the ship.
Jonathan Swift men
There are certain common privileges of a writer, the benefit whereof, I hope, there will be no reason to doubt; particularly, that where I am not understood, it shall be concluded, that something very useful and profound is couched underneath; and again, that whatever word or sentence is printed in a different character, shall be judged to contain something extraordinary either or wit of sublime.
Jonathan Swift hope
Bread is the staff of life.
Jonathan Swift life
I have one word to say upon the subject of profound writers, who are grown very numerous of late; and I know very well the judicious world is resolved to list me in that number. I conceive therefore, as to the business of being profound, that it is with writers as with wells - a person with good eyes may see to the bottom of the deepest, provided any water be there: and often when there is nothing in the world at the bottom besides dryness and dirt, though it be but a yard and a-half under-ground, it shall pass, however, for wondrous deep upon no wiser reason than because it is wondrous dark
Jonathan Swift world
Books, the children of the brain.
Jonathan Swift children
As boys do sparrows, with flinging salt upon their tails.
Jonathan Swift wit
He made it a part of his religion never to say grace to his meat.
Jonathan Swift religion
We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.
Jonathan Swift love
Every man desires to live long, but no man would be old.
Jonathan Swift desire
A nice man is a man of nasty ideas.
Jonathan Swift man
Vision is the art of seeing things invisible.
Jonathan Swift art
What they do in heaven we are ignorant of; what they do not we are told expressly: that they neither marry, nor are given in marriage.
Jonathan Swift marriage
The Stoical scheme of supplying our wants by lopping off our desires, is like cutting off our feet when we want shoes.
Jonathan Swift desire
The power of fortune is confessed only by the miserable; for the happy impute all their success to prudence or merit.
Jonathan Swift success
The latter part of a wise man’s life is taken up in curing the follies, prejudices, and false opinions he had contracted in the former.
Jonathan Swift life
Positiveness is a good quality for preachers and orators, because he that would obtrude his thoughts and reasons upon a multitude, will convince others the more, as he appears convinced himself.
Jonathan Swift thoughts
Politics, as the word is commonly understood, are nothing but corruptions, and consequently of no use to a good king or a good ministry; for which reason Courts are so overrun with politics.
Jonathan Swift politics
Men are contented to be laughed at for their wit, but not for their folly.
Jonathan Swift wit
Although men are accused of not knowing their own weakness, yet perhaps as few know their own strength. It is in men as in soils, where sometimes there is a vein of gold, which the owner knows not of.
Jonathan Swift time
Ambition often puts men upon doing the meanest offices; so climbing is performed in the same posture with creeping.
Jonathan Swift men
The reason why so few marriages are happy is because young ladies spend their time in making nets, not in making cages.
Jonathan Swift time
Censure is the tax a man pays to the public for being eminent.
Jonathan Swift man
Invention is the talent of youth, and judgment of age…
Jonathan Swift men
I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed.
Jonathan Swift men
No wise man ever wished to be younger.
Jonathan Swift man
The Bulk of mankind is as well equipped for flying as thinking.
Jonathan Swift thinking
Complaint is the largest tribute heaven receives, and the sincerest part of our devotion.
Jonathan Swift art
When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign; that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.
Jonathan Swift world
The two maxims of any great man at court are always to keep his countenance and never to keep his word.
Jonathan Swift man
He gave it for his , that whosoever could make two ears of corn or two blades of grass to grow upon a spot of ground where only one grew before, would deserve better of mankind, and do more essential service to his , than the whole race ofput together.
Jonathan Swift man
I said the thing which was not. (For they have noin theirto express lying or .)
Jonathan Swift lying
He is taller by almost the breadth of my nail, than any of his court, which alone is enough to strike an awe into the beholders.
Jonathan Swift alone
Big-endians and small-endians.
Jonathan Swift end
It is allowed on all hands, that the primitive way of breaking eggs, before we eat them, was upon the larger end; but his present majesty’s grandfather, while he was a boy, going to eat an egg, and breaking it according to the ancient practice, happened to cut one of his fingers. Whereupon the emperor his father published an edict, commanding all his subjects, upon great penalties, to break the smaller end of their eggs. The people so highly resented this , that our histories tell us, there have been six rebellions raised on that account; wherein one emperor lost his life, and another his crown.
Jonathan Swift life
I cannot but conclude the bulk of your natives to be the most pernicious race of little odious vermin that nature ever suffered to crawl upon the surface of the earth.
Jonathan Swift art
And he gave it for his , that whosoever could make two ears of corn or two blades of grass to grow upon a spot of ground where only one grew before, would deserve better of mankind, and do more essential service to his , than the whole race ofput together.
Jonathan Swift man
He had been eight years upon a project for extracting sunbeams out of cucumbers, which were to be put in vials hermetically sealed, and let out to warm the air in raw inclement summers.
Jonathan Swift war
I said the thing which was not. (For they have noin theirto express lying or falsehood.)
Jonathan Swift lying
Poorare hungry, and rich Nations are proud, andandwill ever be at Variance.
Jonathan Swift will
A soldier is a Yahoo (man) hired to kill in cold blood as many of his own species, who have never offended him, as possibly he can.
Jonathan Swift man
I told him...that we ate when we were not hungry, and drank without the provocation of thirst.
Jonathan Swift wit
So geographers, in Afric maps, With savage pictures fill their gaps, And o'er unhabitable downs Place elephants for want of towns.
Jonathan Swift age
Where Young must torture his invention To flatter knaves, or lose his pension.
Jonathan Swift you
clearly proves that every creature Lives in a state ofby .
Jonathan Swift live
So, naturalists observe, a flea Hath smaller fleas that on him prey; And these have smaller still to bit 'em; And so proceed ad infinitum. Thus every poet, in his kind, Is bit by him that comes behind.
Jonathan Swift poet
A penny for your thoughts.
Jonathan Swift thoughts
Do you think I was born in a wood to be afraid of an owl?
Jonathan Swift you
Theof you is good for sore .
Jonathan Swift good
'Tis as cheap sitting as standing.
Jonathan Swift
Inobody: I am inwith the .
Jonathan Swift body
I won't quarrel with my bread and butter.
Jonathan Swift read
She's no chicken; she's on the wrong side of thirty, if she be a day.
Jonathan Swift day
She looks as if butter wou'dn't melt in her mouth.
Jonathan Swift
If it had been a bear it would have bit you.
Jonathan Swift you
She wears her clothes, as if they were thrown on her with a pitchfork.
Jonathan Swift wit
Promises and pie-crust are made to be broken.
Jonathan Swift broken

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