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Laurence J. Peter

Dont believe in miracles - depend on them.
— Laurence J. Peter believe
Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.
— Laurence J. Peter time
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
— Laurence J. Peter art
Going to church doesnt make you any more a Christian than going to the garage makes you a car.
— Laurence J. Peter christian
If you dont know where youre going, you will probably end up somewhere else.
— Laurence J. Peter you
Its better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.
— Laurence J. Peter love
Speak when you are angry - and youll make the best speech youll ever regret.
— Laurence J. Peter regret
Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.
— Laurence J. Peter patience
If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?
— Laurence J. Peter mind
Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.
— Laurence J. Peter man
If two wrongs dont make a right, try three.
— Laurence J. Peter right
Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.
— Laurence J. Peter truth
A pessimist is a man who looks both ways when he crosses the street.
— Laurence J. Peter man
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didnt happen today.
— Laurence J. Peter will
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
— Laurence J. Peter work
Lead, follow, or get out of the way.
— Laurence J. Peter
Some problems are so complex that you have to be highly intelligent and well informed just to be undecided about them.
— Laurence J. Peter problems
When in doubt or danger, run in circles, scream and shout.
— Laurence J. Peter anger
You cant cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water. Dont let yourself indulge in vain wishes.
— Laurence J. Peter self
A man doesnt know what he knows until he knows what he doesnt know.
— Laurence J. Peter man
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
— Laurence J. Peter ignorance
Early to bed, early to rise, work like hell, and advertise.
— Laurence J. Peter work
A censor is an expert in cutting remarks. A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
— Laurence J. Peter man
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.
— Laurence J. Peter man
Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.
— Laurence J. Peter change
Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.
— Laurence J. Peter time
Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.
— Laurence J. Peter opportunity
Democracy is a process by which people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.
— Laurence J. Peter people
There are two kinds of egotists: Those who admit it, and the rest of us
— Laurence J. Peter ego
An intelligence test sometimes shows a man how smart he would have been not to have taken it.
— Laurence J. Peter intelligence
America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.
— Laurence J. Peter america
Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work.
— Laurence J. Peter work
The great question is not whether you have failed, but whether you are content with failure.
— Laurence J. Peter failure
Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.
— Laurence J. Peter age
As a matter of fact is an expression that precedes many an expression that isnt.
— Laurence J. Peter man
Nobody can be perfect unless he admits his faults, but if he has faults how can he be perfect?
— Laurence J. Peter body
A man convinced against his will is not convinced.
— Laurence J. Peter man
America is a country that doesnt know where it is going but is determined to set a speed record getting there.
— Laurence J. Peter america
Men now monopolize the upper levels... depriving women of their rightful share of opportunities for incompetence.
— Laurence J. Peter women
Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form
— Laurence J. Peter power
There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, andthose who did and never thought.
— Laurence J. Peter failure
Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than going to the garage makes you a car.
— Laurence J. Peter christian
If you dont know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else.
— Laurence J. Peter you
Prejudice is one of the worlds greatest labor-saving devices; it enables you to form an opinion without having to dig up the facts.
— Laurence J. Peter world
. . . if you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you dont need advice.
— Laurence J. Peter advice
A true friend will see you through when others see that you are through.
— Laurence J. Peter true
In spite of warnings, nothing much happens until the status quo becomes more painful than change.
— Laurence J. Peter war
Noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog; it feeds the hand that bites it.
— Laurence J. Peter dogs
Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.
— Laurence J. Peter
Would the boy you were be proud of the man you are?
— Laurence J. Peter man
In a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence ... in time every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties ... Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.
— Laurence J. Peter time
Middle age is when anything new in the way you feel is most likely a symptom.
— Laurence J. Peter age
A lawyer is a man who helps you get what is coming to him.
— Laurence J. Peter man
Before publishers blurbs were invented, authors had to make their reputations by writing.
— Laurence J. Peter writing
The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it.
— Laurence J. Peter wit
My problem is I say what Im thinking before I think what Im saying.
— Laurence J. Peter thinking
A rut is a grave with the ends knocked out.
— Laurence J. Peter wit
Two can live as cheaply as one - if they both have good jobs.
— Laurence J. Peter good
The reason crime doesnt pay is that when it does, it is called a more respectable name.
— Laurence J. Peter reason
Computers can solve all kinds of problems except the unemployment problem they create.
— Laurence J. Peter men
Its strange that men should take up crime when there are so many legal ways to be dishonest.
— Laurence J. Peter men
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
— Laurence J. Peter work
Real, constructive mental power lies in the creative thought that shapes your destiny, and your hour-by-hour mental conduct produces power for change in your life. Develop a train of thought on which to ride. The nobility of your life as well as your happiness depends upon the direction in which that train of thought is going.
— Laurence J. Peter life
Two things reduce prejudice: education and laughter.
— Laurence J. Peter education
The man who believes he can do it is probably right, and so is the man who believes he cant.
— Laurence J. Peter man
Reality is for people who cant face drugs.
— Laurence J. Peter people
You shouldnt punish others for your own choices.
— Laurence J. Peter choices
Scientists are still trying to produce life in the laboratory, but it shouldnt be difficult if the laboratory assistant is pretty and willing.
— Laurence J. Peter life
A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isnt there. A theologian is the man who finds it.
— Laurence J. Peter man
I inherited my ability from both parents; my mothers ability for spending money, and my fathers ability for not earning it.
— Laurence J. Peter money
The unexpected always happens.
— Laurence J. Peter unexpected
Lead, follow or get of the way
— Laurence J. Peter
Egypt: Where the Israelites would still be if Moses had been a bureaucrat.
— Laurence J. Peter
When a New Yorker looks like he has a suntan, its probably rust.
— Laurence J. Peter sun
Middle age is when the best exercise is one of discretion.
— Laurence J. Peter age
Ignorance once dispelled is difficult to reestablish.
— Laurence J. Peter ignorance
You could generally inform a real close friend: when you have manufactured a idiot of on your own he does not truly feel youve finished a long lasting job.
— Laurence J. Peter man
Many live by their wits but few by their wit.
— Laurence J. Peter man
No committee could ever come up with anything as revolutionary as a camel - anything as practical and as perfectly designed to perform effectively under such difficult conditions.
— Laurence J. Peter evolution
In the country of the blind, the one-eyed king can still goof up.
— Laurence J. Peter country
If we lacked imagination enough to foresee something better, life would indeed be a tragedy.
— Laurence J. Peter life
The cave-dwellers wife complained that he hadnt dragged her anywhere in months.
— Laurence J. Peter wife
Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence.
— Laurence J. Peter
An optimist is one who makes the best of it when he gets the worst of it.
— Laurence J. Peter best
Everyone is in awe of the lion tamer in a cage with half a dozen lions-everyone but a school bus driver.
— Laurence J. Peter age
A free press is one that prints a dictators speech but doesnt have to.
— Laurence J. Peter free
do it now. There may be a law against it tomorrow.
— Laurence J. Peter law
The habitually punctual make all their mistakes right on time.
— Laurence J. Peter time
He laughs best whose laugh lasts.
— Laurence J. Peter best
We hate to have some people give us advice because we know how badly they need it themselves.
— Laurence J. Peter people
Bore : A fellow who can change the subject back to his topic of conversation faster than you can change it back to yours.
— Laurence J. Peter change
Poetry is that which is lost in translation.
— Laurence J. Peter poetry
We are members of a strange species that devotes its energies to climbing the ladder of success in order to make money to buy things we dont like.
— Laurence J. Peter success
All science is concerned with the relationship of cause and effect. Each scientific discovery increases mans ability to predict the consequences of his actions and thus his ability to control future events.
— Laurence J. Peter science
The machinery of government is a vast series of interlocking hierarchies riddled through and through with incompetence.
— Laurence J. Peter men
There are more pretty photographs of women than there are photographs of pretty women.
— Laurence J. Peter women
When a person puts his best foot forward and gets it stepped on, thats life.
— Laurence J. Peter life
Give a child enough rope and he will trip you up.
— Laurence J. Peter you
Marriage is a good deal like taking a bath-not so hot once you get accustomed to it.
— Laurence J. Peter marriage
Home is where the college student home for the holidays isnt.
— Laurence J. Peter home

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