Margaret Cho

#22307 Margaret Cho

Whenever anyone has called me a bitch, I have taken it as a compliment. To me, a bitch is assertive, unapologetic, demanding, intimidating, intelligent, fiercely protective, in control — all very positive attributes. But it’s not supposed to be a compliment, because there’s that stupid double standard: When men are aggressive and dominant, they are admired, but when a woman possesses those same qualities, she is dismissed and called a bitch. These days, I strive to be a bitch, because not being one sucks. Not being a bitch means not having your voice heard. Not being a bitch means you agree with all the bullshit. Not being a bitch means you don’t appreciate all the other bitches who have come before you. Not being a bitch means since Eve ate that apple, we will forever have to pay for her bitchiness with complacence, obedience, acceptance, closed eyes, and open legs. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about men
#22309 Margaret Cho

On , interview with .

Margaret Cho Quotes about wit
#22310 Margaret Cho

Something traumatic happened to me when I was younger. I was with this old black woman, and she was very wise, very , The Color Purple...she looked at me and she says, " know I used to be able to fly but I can't fly no more, baby. But baby, you...? You too fat to fly." .

Margaret Cho Quotes about man
#22311 Margaret Cho

I was working on this movie and the makeup artist was just so ugly! I just wanted to say "Physician, heal thyself!" She looked exactly like Aaron Neville, and she was trying her hardest to make me look exactly like Aaron Neville. This one time, she leaned into my face with the mascara wand almost touching my eye and she says, "Whass my name?" .

Margaret Cho Quotes about time
#22313 Margaret Cho

So I was drinking tequila, and I was drinking grappa, which is Italian for gasoline, and I was drinking J .

Margaret Cho Quotes about drinking
#22314 Margaret Cho

And I got so drunk, I got so drunk that I actually woke up thinking, "Should I get up and pee, or just pee in the bed?" Actually weighing the pros and the cons. "Well, it'll be warm for a's a big bed, I'll just roll over...I'll just blame it on that guy!" .

Margaret Cho Quotes about war
#22315 Margaret Cho

This old fellow came up to me and asked, "Excuse me, are you Japanese?" No, I'm Korean. "Oh, really, that's very interesting, because I was looking at you and I knew you were not Filipino. I have many Filipino friends and you do not look like them because you're very HUSKY!!" Is that supposed to be some kind of a compliment? "Oh, no, it's not bad, you're very strong, very HUSKY!" .

Margaret Cho Quotes about men
#22316 Margaret Cho

[An article about Cho] started out, "Funny, sexy, zaftig Margaret Cho..." What is "zaftig?" Isn't that German for "big fat pig?" I guess I was lucky- "zaftig" is kind of a nice word. It could have been, "Funny, sexy, OBESE Margaret Cho." .

Margaret Cho Quotes about art
#22319 Margaret Cho

I love the word "faggot," because it describes my kind of guy! You see, I am a fag hag. Fag hags are the backbone of the gay community. Without us, you're nothing! We have been there all through history guiding your sorry ass through the underground railroad! We went to the prom with you! .

Margaret Cho Quotes about love
#22320 Margaret Cho

I love my gay male friends, but when I was a little girl, I always used to wish that I would be constantly surrounded by gorgeous guys, and I am, and I should have been more specific. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about love
#22321 Margaret Cho

Thank God for gay men. Thank God for gay men, because if it were not for gay men, I would not talk to men at all. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about men
#22322 Margaret Cho

If I'm talking to a guy who's straight and cute and single, I'm like, "Are you a unicorn?" .

Margaret Cho Quotes about sin
#22324 Margaret Cho

The Chippendale's dancers are gay. They're gay. Because there is no such thing as a straight man with visible abdominal muscles. You have to suck cock to get that kind of muscle definition. It doesn't work for women. You know, I tried, OK? .

Margaret Cho Quotes about women
#22326 Margaret Cho

One of my first jobs was on a lesbian cruise. I was the ship comedian for the Lesbian Love Boat. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about media
#22328 Margaret Cho

So I was on the ship, with 800 lesbians. We can't get off. So much drama. "Were you looking at her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her or her? WELL, WERE YOU?!" We all got on the same cycle. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about you
#22329 Margaret Cho

There was this really prim and proper British woman who used to run horse races for the lesbians on the ship, and the lesbians would get to name the horses, and the really prim and proper British woman would have to read out the names. "Horse number one, Galloping...Clitoris. Horse number one, Galloping Clitoris. Very well, carry on. Horse number two...No Dick for Me. Horse number two, No Dick for Me. Rather a rude name, don't you think? No Dick for Me? Should be, No Dick for Me, Thank You." .

Margaret Cho Quotes about man
#22330 Margaret Cho

I slept with a woman on the ship, and afterwards I was thinking, "Am I gaaaay? Am I straaaaight?" And then I realized: I'm just slutty. Where's my parade? .

Margaret Cho Quotes about war
#22331 Margaret Cho

My mom used to give me messages like this: "Ummmmmmm...Scott called...IS HE THE GAY??!!" "Well, God, mom, I don't know if he's the gay...that's a lot of pressure on just one guy. He has to do the parade all by himself! 'I'm here! I'm queer!...I guess I'm the only one.'" .

Margaret Cho Quotes about self
#22332 Margaret Cho

A Korean reporter once asked me, "Do you think your Korean parents are ashamed because you talk about what you talk about on stage?" I said, "I don't think they're ashamed because they're Korean. I think any parents would be ashamed." .

Margaret Cho Quotes about age
#22333 Margaret Cho

published this thing called the "Chow like Cho Diet," which was this fake diet that I never went on, with all these fake quotes from me, like "When I was a little girl, I was raised on rice and fish. So when I get heavy, I go back to that natural Asian way of eating." That is so Mulan. You can almost hear the mandolin in the background. "When I was a little girl, I grow up on the rice paddy... and although we have no food, I have a tendency to put on weight." .

Margaret Cho Quotes about quotes
#22335 Margaret Cho

It was hard for me to do the show () because a lot of people didn't even understand the concept of Asian-American. I was on a morning show and the host said, "Awright, Margaret, we're changing over to an ABC affiliate! So why don't you tell our viewers in your native language that we're making that transition?" So I looked at the camera and said, "Um, they're changing over to an ABC affiliate." .

Margaret Cho Quotes about people
#22336 Margaret Cho

[quoting her producer] "The network is concerned. They're concerned about the fullness of your face. They think you're really overweight and you're going to have to do something about it." I didn't know what to say to that. I always thought I was decent looking; I had no idea that I was a giant face taking over America! HERE COMES THE FACE!! .

Margaret Cho Quotes about work
#22337 Margaret Cho

We were taping the episodes of the show. I guess they had decided they could now fit my face onto a TV screen, and they wouldn't have to letterbox it. .

Margaret Cho
#22338 Margaret Cho

I was on the floor in the emergency room, and the woman came up to me and said "Hi, my name is Gwen and I'm here to wash your vagina!" .

Margaret Cho Quotes about man
#22339 Margaret Cho

The first thing that you lose on a diet is brain mass. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about you
#22340 Margaret Cho

I knew I was crazy because I was watching Jesus Christ Superstar and the part where Jesus carries the cross up the mountain, I actually said to myself, "Wow! That must be a really good workout! Yeah, because you're doing arms and cardio!" .

Margaret Cho Quotes about art
#22342 Margaret Cho

I stood in front of a hundred and one critics at a critic's convention and a critic asked me, "Miss Cho, isn't it true that your management asked you to lose weight to play the part of yourself in your own TV show?" Gail [the producer] grabbed the mike from me and said, "There is no truth in that whatsoever." I...was so...hungry. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about truth
#22343 Margaret Cho

So they cancelled our show, and gave the time slot to , because he's so skinny. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about time
#22344 Margaret Cho

I gave a LOT of unnecessary head. And I know that guys are going to argue with me about this. "Oh, Margaret, there's no such thing as unnecessary head! All head is necessary! All head is wanted and needed in the world. I run a home for unnecessary head." .

Margaret Cho Quotes about world
#22345 Margaret Cho

I am not gonna die because some network executive thought I was fat! It's so wrong! It's so wrong that women are asked to live up to this skinny ideal that is totally unattainable. For me to be ten pounds thinner is a full-time job, and I am handing in my notice and walking out the door!! .

Margaret Cho Quotes about women
#22346 Margaret Cho

I am not gonna die because I failed as someone else. I am gonna succeed as myself. And I'm gonna stay here and rock the mike until the next Korean-American, fag hag, shit starter, girl comic, trash talker comes up and takes my place! .

Margaret Cho Quotes about art
#22347 Margaret Cho

No matter what these terrorists do, I refuse to be terrorized. All this requires is just a few alterations in our day to day lives. For example, my first instinct when I receive an envelope full of white to snort it! I just won't do that this time! .

Margaret Cho Quotes about time
#22350 Margaret Cho

I had a colonic irrigation in this clinic in Santa Monica, because people in Los Angeles cannot do anything for themselves, much less take a shit. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about people
#22351 Margaret Cho

I didn't know if I was going to mention my period on stage, but then I figured, ifhad a period, he would talk about it. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about men
#22353 Margaret Cho

Quoting her friends from high school, Alan and Jeremy .

Margaret Cho Quotes about friends
#22355 Margaret Cho

It's just that it's been my experience in having sex with some straight men that the sex is over when he gets off. And I don't accept that. I want to have an orgasm. Not right now! This is the Isaac Stern Auditorium! No, I want to have one. I'll put a chalk board over the bed. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about sex
#22357 Margaret Cho

I can't even look at those "women's magazines" anyway. I love fashion, but I look at the pictures of the skinny models, and they're wearing clothes I can't even fit on my fingers. And I look at that and I think, if that is what a woman is supposed to look like, then I must not be one. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about love
#22360 Margaret Cho

I urge you all today, especially today in these times of terrorism and chaos to love yourselves without reservation and to love each other without restraint. Unless you're into leather; then by all means, use restraints. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about love
#22361 Margaret Cho

This is a very strange time we're living in, and I would feel a little bit better if George W. Bush could say the word "nuclear" correctly. You would have thought somebody would have said something by now. At the very least,would have got up in his face, "Foo', it's NU-CLE-AR! Imma have'ta write it down fo'ya!...I'm makin' flash cards for the President. This is...[shaking her head] mm-mmmm." .

Margaret Cho Quotes about time
#22362 Margaret Cho

Monogamy is so weird. Like when you know their name and stuff. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about weird
#22363 Margaret Cho

I helped deliver one of my best friend's children. I just was so amazed by my friend, because she was not just a woman, she was not just a mother. At that moment she was creation; she was life; she was God. And as I looked in her eyes, BOOM! Her pussy exploded. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about life
#22364 Margaret Cho

I am secretly a costume drama queen. Oo, I love me some Merchant Ivory films! I do! If there is a petticoat and Helena Bonham Carter, already I can feel the tears well up in my eyes. I love me some period films! And I know that I will never be in them. I will never be in any of these movies, unless I am laying down on my side smoking some opium. And I get offered movie roles all the time, but I say, "No! No! I don't want to play a manicurist. I don't want to play a really pissed-off liquor store owner. I don't want to go nowhere with a chicken under my arm. I don't want to play an exceptionally good student, I do not want to get off a tour bus and take numerous photographs, I do not ever want to utter the phrase, 'Welcome to Japan, Mr. Bond'! I don't want to write down all my memoirs about being a geisha!" What it is, is that I cannot run up a wall!! .

Margaret Cho Quotes about love
#22365 Margaret Cho

The only thing that was sort of Asian [as a role model] was Hello Kitty. I don't want to model myself after Hello Kitty. She has no mouth. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about self
#22366 Margaret Cho

I get nervous when people say to me, "I just can't tell any of you Asians apart!" Um, why do you have to tell us apart? Are we gonna be separated for some reason? I can't tell us apart! I was not born with a chip in my neck that would automatically identify every Asiatic person that I would come across. "beebeebeebeebeep Filipino." .

Margaret Cho Quotes about art
#22367 Margaret Cho

I was on a plane, and the steward was coming down the aisle. "Asian chicken salad...Asian chicken salad...Asian chicken salad..." And he gets to me and he's like, "...chicken salad!" What does he think I'm gonna do? "Dis is not de salad of my people! In my homeland, dey use mandarin orange slices...and crispy wonton crunches!" .

Margaret Cho Quotes about war
#22368 Margaret Cho

Women and eating disorders have such a long history, but now I see it happening to gay men. And when it comes to anorexia, bulimia, body dysmorphia, gay men are far worse than women. They take it way more seriously. "Why diet when you can take crystal meth?" .

Margaret Cho Quotes about women
#22370 Margaret Cho

I'm very inappropriate, which makes me a problem dinner guest, because at some point during the evening someone inevitably says, "OK, heh heh heh, OK, too much information! Heh heh heh. Don't go there!" I live there. I bought a house there. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about live
#22371 Margaret Cho

[on reacting to racism] I don't wanna be the better person. I don't wanna rise above it. I do wanna sink down to their level. I am not gonna turn the other cheek. "I'mma gonna show you what cheek I'mma turn, OK!" .

Margaret Cho Quotes about sin
#22372 Margaret Cho

I got back from Toronto, where they had a severe outbreak of SARS- you know, Severe Asian Racism Syndrome. .

Margaret Cho Quotes about you
#22373 Margaret Cho

I was in the airport and there were these big snowboarder guys and they had white masks around their necks, and as soon as they saw me, they put their masks on. So I just went, "*cough, cough, cough* You wanna egg rorr?" .

Margaret Cho Quotes about snow

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