Mark Twain (Writer)

#5055 Mark Twain

Now what I contend is that my body is my own, at least I have always so regarded it. If I do harm through my experimenting with it, it is I who suffer, not the state. .

Mark Twain Quotes about men
#5056 Mark Twain

I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever. .

Mark Twain Quotes about art
#5057 Mark Twain

I'll risk forty dollars that he can outjump any frog in Calaveras county. .

Mark Twain Quotes about risk
#5058 Mark Twain

I don't see no p'ints about that frog that's any better'n any other frog. .

Mark Twain
#5059 Mark Twain

He was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie. .

Mark Twain Quotes about men
#5060 Mark Twain

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. .

Mark Twain Quotes about education
#5061 Mark Twain

Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience — 4000 critics. .

Mark Twain Quotes about time
#5062 Mark Twain

He is now fast rising from affluence to poverty. .

Mark Twain Quotes about sin
#5063 Mark Twain

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough. .

Mark Twain Quotes about man
#5064 Mark Twain

Formerly, if you killed a man, it was possible that you were insane—but now, if you, having friends and money, kill a man, it is evidence that you are a lunatic. .

Mark Twain Quotes about money
#5065 Mark Twain

did a great many notable things for his country, and made her young name to be honored in many lands as the mother of such a son. It is not the idea of this memoir to ignore that or cover it up. No; the simple idea of it is to snub those pretentious maxims of his, which he worked up with a great show of originality out of truisms that had become wearisome platitudes as early as the dispersion from Babel. .

Mark Twain Quotes about work
#5066 Mark Twain

This poor little one-horse town. .

Mark Twain Quotes about poor
#5067 Mark Twain

All men have heard of the Mormon Bible, but few except the "elect" have seen it, or, at least, taken the trouble to read it. I brought away a copy from Salt Lake. The book is a curiosity to me, it is such a pretentious affair, and yet so "slow," so sleepy; such an insipid mess of inspiration. It is chloroform in print. Ifcomposed this book, the act was a miracle — keeping awake while he did it was, at any rate. If he, according to tradition, merely translated it from certain ancient and mysteriously-engraved plates of copper, which he declares he found under a stone in an out-of-the-way locality, the work of translating was equally a miracle, for the same reason. .

Mark Twain Quotes about inspiration
#5068 Mark Twain

A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty. .

Mark Twain Quotes about money
#5069 Mark Twain

A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother. .

Mark Twain Quotes about sin
#5070 Mark Twain

The funniest things are the forbidden. .

Mark Twain Quotes about fun
#5071 Mark Twain

We haven't all had the good fortune to be ladies; we haven't all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast works down to the babies, we stand on common ground. .

Mark Twain Quotes about work
#5072 Mark Twain

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. .

Mark Twain Quotes about self
#5073 Mark Twain

Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any. .

Mark Twain Quotes about respect
#5074 Mark Twain

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is really a large matter — it's the difference between a lightning bug and the lightning. .

Mark Twain Quotes about light
#5075 Mark Twain

When the doctrine of allegiance to party can utterly up-end a man's moral constitution and make a temporary fool of him besides, what excuse are you going to offer for preaching it, teaching it, extending it, perpetuating it? Shall you say, the best good of the country demands allegiance to party? Shall you also say it demands that a man kick his truth and his conscience into the gutter, and become a mouthing lunatic, besides? .

Mark Twain Quotes about truth
#5076 Mark Twain

Loyalty to petrified opinions never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul in this world — and never will. .

Mark Twain Quotes about soul
#5077 Mark Twain

He [George Washington Cable] has taught me to abhor and detest the Sabbath day and hunt up new and troublesome ways to dishonor it. .

Mark Twain Quotes about honor
#5078 Mark Twain

An experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite picturesque liar. .

Mark Twain Quotes about experience
#5079 Mark Twain

It does look as if Massachusetts were in a fair way to embarrass me with kindnesses this year. In the first place, a Massachusetts judge has just decided in open court that a Boston publisher may sell, not only his own property in a free and unfettered way, but also may as freely sell property which does not belong to him but to me; property which he has not bought and which I have not sold. Under this ruling I am now advertising that judge's homestead for sale, and, if I make as good a sum out of it as I expect, I shall go on and sell out the rest of his property. .

Mark Twain Quotes about kindness
#5080 Mark Twain

As I slowly grow wise I briskly grow cautious. .

Mark Twain Quotes about wise
#5081 Mark Twain

The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter—'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning. .

Mark Twain Quotes about light
#5082 Mark Twain

Weather is a literary specialty, and no untrained hand can turn out a good article on it. .

Mark Twain Quotes about art
#5083 Mark Twain

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. .

Mark Twain Quotes about anger
#5084 Mark Twain

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. .

Mark Twain Quotes about truth
#5085 Mark Twain

James Ross Clemens, a cousin of mine, was seriously ill two or three weeks ago in London, but is well now. The report of my illness grew out of his illness; the report of my death was an exaggeration. .

Mark Twain Quotes about death
#5086 Mark Twain

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. .

Mark Twain Quotes about time
#5087 Mark Twain

[Citing a familiar "American joke":] In Boston they ask, How much does he know? In New York, How much is he worth? In Philadelphia, Who were his parents? .

Mark Twain Quotes about parents
#5088 Mark Twain

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations and resentments flit away and a sunny spirit takes their place. .

Mark Twain Quotes about men
#5089 Mark Twain

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. .

Mark Twain Quotes about you
#5090 Mark Twain

Rudyard Kipling, An Interview with Mark Twain, p. 180, From sea to sea: letters of travel, 1899, Doubleday & McClure Company. .

Mark Twain Quotes about travel
#5091 Mark Twain

I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself. .

Mark Twain Quotes about men
#5092 Mark Twain

It is wonderful, the power of a faith like that, that can make multitudes upon multitudes of the old and weak and the young and frail enter without hesitation or complaint upon such incredible journeys and endure the resultant miseries without repining. It is done in love, or it is done in fear; I do not know which it is. No matter what the impulse is, the act born of it is beyond imagination marvelous to our kind of people, the cold whites. .

Mark Twain Quotes about love
#5093 Mark Twain

He had only one vanity; he thought he could give advice better than any other person. .

Mark Twain Quotes about advice
#5094 Mark Twain

It should, it seems to me, be our pleasure and duty to make those people [the Filipinos] free, and let them deal with their own domestic questions in their own way. And so I am an anti-imperialist. I am opposed to having the eagle put its talons on any other land. .

Mark Twain Quotes about people
#5095 Mark Twain

Definition of a classic — something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. .

Mark Twain Quotes about body
#5096 Mark Twain

The silent colossal National Lie that is the support and confederate of all the tyrannies and shams and inequalities and unfairnesses that afflict the peoples — that is the one to throw bricks and sermons at. .

Mark Twain Quotes about people
#5097 Mark Twain

Your race, in its poverty, has unquestionably one really effective weapon—laughter. Power, Money, Persuasion, Supplication, Persecution—these can lift at a colossal humbug,—push it a little—crowd it a little—weaken it a little, century by century: but only Laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of Laughter nothing can stand. .

Mark Twain Quotes about loss
#5098 Mark Twain

Whose property is my body? Probably mine. I so regard it. If I experiment with it, who must be answerable? I, not the State. If I choose injudiciously, does the State die? Oh no. .

Mark Twain Quotes about men
#5099 Mark Twain

...[H]eaven for climate, Hell for society. .

Mark Twain Quotes about society
#5100 Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy — when there is money in it. .

Mark Twain Quotes about money
#5101 Mark Twain

The Blessings-of-Civilization Trust, wisely and cautiously administered, is a Daisy. There is more money in it, more territory, more sovereignty, and other kinds of emolument, than there is in any other game that is played. But Christendom has been playing it badly of late years, and must certainly suffer by it, in my opinion. She has been so eager to get every stake that appeared on the green cloth, that the People who Sit in Darkness have noticed it -- they have noticed it, and have begun to show alarm. They have become suspicious of the Blessings of Civilization. .

Mark Twain Quotes about money
#5102 Mark Twain

Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. .

Mark Twain Quotes about people
#5103 Mark Twain

To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology. .

Mark Twain Quotes about man
#5105 Mark Twain

Man has been here 32,000 years. That it took a hundred million years to prepare the world for him is proof that that is what it was done for. I suppose it is, I dunno. If the Eiffel Tower were now representing the world's age, the skin of paint on the pinnacle-knob at its summit would represent man's share of that age; and anybody would perceive that the skin was what the tower was built for. I reckon they would, I dunno. .

Mark Twain Quotes about pain

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