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Milton Berle

Id rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. Id rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
— Milton Berle
Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.
— Milton Berle marriage
If opportunity doesnt knock, build a door.
— Milton Berle opportunity
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasnt for him, wed be watching television by candlelight.
— Milton Berle light
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
— Milton Berle
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
— Milton Berle time
Experience is what you have after youve forgotten her name.
— Milton Berle experience
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabors sixth husband. I know what Im supposed to do, but I dont know how to make it interesting.
— Milton Berle
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you cant get killed by a blank?
— Milton Berle you
I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.
— Milton Berle live
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
— Milton Berle work
Laughter is an instant vacation.
— Milton Berle laughter
Poverty is not a disgrace, but its terribly inconvenient.
— Milton Berle grace
The company accountant is shy and retiring. Hes shy a quarter of a million dollars. Thats why hes retiring.
— Milton Berle art
A man is hit by a car while crossing a Beverly Hills street. A woman rushes to him and cradles his head in her lap, asking, Are you comfortable? The man answers, I make a nice living.
— Milton Berle living
Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?
— Milton Berle man
The best ears of our lives.
— Milton Berle live
Theyve finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.
— Milton Berle wit
A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step?No, he answers, I hit every one of them!
— Milton Berle light
I know why Superman left Krypton. Earth was the only place he could get steroids!
— Milton Berle art
Folk who dont know why America is the Land of Promise should be here during an election campaign.
— Milton Berle america
You can lead a man to Congress, but you cant make him think.
— Milton Berle man

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