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Miss Congeniality 2000

Gracie Hart: You think Im gorgeous, you want to kiss me...[singsonging]Gracie Hart: You want to hug me... You want to love me... You want to hug me... You want to smooch me... You want to...
— Miss Congeniality 2000 love
[after Eric pulls Gracie into the pool]Gracie Hart: Oh, Vics gonna kill you. You in big trouble.Eric Matthews: You look good wet.Gracie Hart: Shut up!
— Miss Congeniality 2000 art
Stan Fields: Miss Rhode Island, please describe your idea of a perfect date.Cheryl Rhode Island: Thats a tough one. Id have to say April 25th. Because its not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.
— Miss Congeniality 2000 light
Gracie Hart: I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I havent slept all night, Im starved, and Im armed! Dont *mess* with me!
— Miss Congeniality 2000 art
[after getting a pint of Ben and Jerrys chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream]Gracie Hart: Im going to get chip-faced.
— Miss Congeniality 2000 art
Gracie Hart: The last time I was this naked in public I was coming out of a uterus!
— Miss Congeniality 2000 time
[a dentist is cleaning Graces teeth, and a barber is untangling her hair]Gracie Hart: Cant I get some Novocain?Dentist: Its only a cleaning.Gracie Hart: No, Im talking about Sweeney Todd back here.
— Miss Congeniality 2000 art
[as they get dressed before the ceremony]Miss Hawaii: No insults today?Karen New York: [pathetic] Youre a Don Ho.
— Miss Congeniality 2000 path
Eric Matthews: Operation Thong has commenced.Gracie Hart: Why dont you stun-gun yourself?Eric Matthews: I knew shed like that one.
— Miss Congeniality 2000 art
Gracie Hart: Enjoy running the Miss San Antonio Womens Correctional Facility Pageant, huh, huh?[chuckles to herself, then turns to Matthews]Gracie Hart: Get it, the Womens Correctional Facility Pageant...?
— Miss Congeniality 2000 women
Gracie Hart: Oh my gosh, its the crown!Victor Melling: Yes, it is! You can taste it now, cant you?[Gracie is taken to the stage, wildly pointing at her head while she stutters about the crown]Victor Melling: Yes, yes. You *wear* the crown, *be* the crown, you *are* the crown!
— Miss Congeniality 2000 art
Gracie Hart: Ok, with all due respect here, why did Miss Morningside suggest you?Victor Melling: Because I am the best... they had their Southern belles, their Midwestern farmers daughters, spunky western cowgirls, and I have... dirty Harriet!
— Miss Congeniality 2000 art
Gracie Hart: You ate pizza, you stole panties! Youre a wild woman!
— Miss Congeniality 2000 art
Karen New York: I just want to let all the lesbians out there know: if I can make it to the top ten, so can you! Big out to Brooklyn! Yo!Dave the Pageant Director: Get her off of there! Go to Stan!Karen New York: [to a girl in the audience] Tina, I love you, baby!Tina: Oh, Karen! I love you, Karen!Karen New York: Yo, Tina! I love you, baby![Gracie, watching the scene, applauds, whoops, and nods in approval]Stan Fields: And well be right back with our final five lesbians - interviews!Dave the Pageant Director: Bumper, commercial, can we say lesbians?Assistant Director: You got a problem with that?
— Miss Congeniality 2000 love
Kathy Morningside: I would much rather cancel the show than have my girls blown up.Stan Fields: Especially without their knowledge.
— Miss Congeniality 2000 knowledge
Mary Jo Wright, Miss Texas: Will you please go back to the mothership?Frank Tobin: Only if you go with me, Tex-ass.
— Miss Congeniality 2000 mother
Miss Hawaii: Oh I know and its an honor to have made it this far, I mean especially when you come from such a small state,Cheryl Rhode Island: Oh thats so true. Us Rhode Islanders...Miss Hawaii: Umm I wasnt finished. Did it sound like I was finished?Cheryl Rhode Island: Im sorry. I,Karen New York: Ay Dios, what are you apologizing to her for? Shes obviously been drinking too much Coppertone.
— Miss Congeniality 2000 honor
Victor Melling: Ten out of eleven years my girls were crowned. The year we lost, the winner was a deaf-mute. You cant beat that.
— Miss Congeniality 2000 you
Victor Melling: This woman has no talent!Eric Matthews: Geez Vic! You dont gotta shout it out in front of her!
— Miss Congeniality 2000 man
Victor Melling: Why is New Jersey called The Garden State?Gracie Hart: Because its too hard to fitOil and Petrochemical Refinery State on a license plate?
— Miss Congeniality 2000 art

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