Monty Python's Flying Circus
Arthur Nudge: Eh? know what I mean? Know what I mean? Nudge, nudge! Know what I mean? Say no more! A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, say no more, say no more! Man: Look, are you insinuating something? Arthur Nudge: Oh, no no no no... yes. Man: Well? Arthur Nudge: Well, you're a man of the world, squire... you've been there, you've been around. Man: What do you mean? Arthur Nudge: Well, I mean, you've done it... you've slept... with a lady. Man: Yes. Arthur Nudge: What's it like? — Monty Python's Flying Circus world Teacher: [to a student] So, we want to learn about pointed sticks, do we? Feeling all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough, eh? Oh, oh, oh. Well, let me tell you something, my lad! When you're walking home tonight, and some homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don't come crying to me! — Monty Python's Flying Circus man Superintendant Praline: Now, this item, "Crunchy Frog". Am I to understand there's a real frog in here? Whizzo Chocolate Company owner: Yes, a little one. Superintendant Praline: What sort of frog? Whizzo Chocolate Company owner: A dead frog. Superintendant Praline: Is it cooked? Whizzo Chocolate Company owner: No. Superintendant Praline: What, a raw frog?! Whizzo Chocolate Company owner: We use only the finest baby frogs, dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose. Superintendant Praline: That's as may be — it's still a frog! Do you even take the bones out? Whizzo Chocolate Company owner: If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy, would it? — Monty Python's Flying Circus light Arthur Wilson: [talking to George Head about the trek to Mt. Kilinmanjaro, after he explains about the route] Does anyone speak Swahili? George Head: Oh, I think most of them do down there. Arthur Wilson: Does anyone in our party speak Swahili, sir? George Head: Well, the matron's got a smattering. Arthur Wilson: Apart from the two matrons. George Head: Good God! I forgot about that. Arthur Wilson: Apart from them, who else is coming? George Head: Well, we've got the Arthur Brown twins, two botanists called Maychen, the William Johnston brothers- Arthur Wilson: Two of them? George Head: No, four of them; pair of identical twins. And a couple of the Ken Zobana quads; the other four pulled out. And of course, you two. — Monty Python's Flying Circus art Kenny Lust: Now, every so often here in the Refreshment Room it is my honor, my privilege, to welcome some the truly great international artists. And tonight we have one such artist. Ladies and gentlemen, someone who've I've always personally admired. More deeply, more strongly, more abjectly than anyone before. A man, no, more than a man, a god! A great god whose personality is so totally and utterly wonderful, that my feeble words of welcome sound wretchedly and pathetically inadequate. Someone whose boots I would gladly lick clean, until holes wore through my tounge! A man who is so totally and utterly wonderful, that I would rather be sealed in a pit of my filth than dare tread on the same stage with him. Ladies and gentlemen, the incomparably superior human being, Harry Fink! [crowd applauds] Stage-hand: He can't come! Kenny Lust: Never mind. He's not all that's cracked up to be. — Monty Python's Flying Circus god Arthur Name: [at the door, greeting Victor] Hello! Remember me? In the pub; the tall thin one, with the moustache, about three years ago? Victor: Well, uh- Arthur Name: Ay, it's dark in here. [turns on the lights] That's better; you told me we must have a drink together sometime, so I decided to take you up on it, as the phone society meeting was cancelled. [turns towards Iris] 'Ello! I'm Arthur, Arthur Name. Name by name, but not by nature. I alsways say that, don't I Vicky boy? Is she your wife? Victor: Not really, but- Arthur Name: Oh, I get the picture. Don't mind me; I know all about one-night stands. Victor: [insulted] I beg your pardon?! — Monty Python's Flying Circus war Mr. Anchovy: I've been a chartered accountant for 20 years. I want a new job. Something exciting that will let me live! Counselor: Well, chartered accoutancy is a rather exciting job, isn't it? Mr. Anchovy: Exciting?! No, it's not! It's dull! Dull, dull, my God it's dull! It's so dull and tedious and stuffy and boring and desperately dull! Counselor: Well, er, yes Mr. Anchovy, but you see your report here says that you are an extremely dull person. You see, our experts describe you as an appallingly dull fellow, unimaginative, timid, lacking in initiative, spineless, easily dominated, no sense of humour, tedious company and irrepressibly drab and awful. And whereas in most professions these would be considerable drawbacks, in , they're a positive boon. — Monty Python's Flying Circus humour
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