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Mr Mrs Smith 2005

John Smith: Sweet Jesus! Mother of God!
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 god
John Smith: The first time we met, what was your first thought?Jane Smith: You tell me.John Smith: I thought... I thought you looked like Christmas morning, I dont know how else to say it.Jane Smith: And why are you telling me this now?John Smith: I guess in the end you start thinking about the beginning... so there it is, I thought you should know.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 time
John Smith: [during a car chase] I never told you, but I was married once before.Jane Smith: [slams on the brakes]John Smith: Whats wrong with you?Jane Smith: [hitting John] Youre whats wrong with me John.John Smith: It was just a drunken Vegas thing.Jane Smith: Oh, thats better. Thats *much* better.[pause]Jane Smith: Whats her name and social security number?John Smith: No, youre not gonna kill her.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 you
[about the new curtains Jane bought]Jane Smith: If you dont like them we can take them back.John Smith: All right, I dont like them.Jane Smith: [pause] Youll get used to them.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 you
Jane Smith: Happy endings are just stories that havent finished yet.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 stories
Jane Smith: Any last words?John Smith: The new curtains are hideous.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 words
John Smith: Your aims as bad as your cooking sweetheart... and thats saying something!
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 art
John Smith: I guess thats what happens in the end, you start thinking about the beginning.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 art
Jane Smith: Wait, why do I get the girl gun?John Smith: Are you kidding me?
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 you
John Smith: You looked like Christmas morning.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 christ
Eddie: You gotta take this bitch out!John Smith: Dont tell me how to handle my wife.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 you
Jane Smith: My parents died when I was five. Im an orphan.John Smith: Who was that kind fellow who gave you away at our wedding?Jane Smith: Paid actor.John Smith: I said, I said I saw your dad on Fantasy Island!
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 fantasy
John Smith: Dance with me.Jane Smith: You dont dance.John Smith: It was just my cover, sweetheart.Jane Smith: Was sloth your cover, too?
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 art
John Smith: Thats the second time youve tried to kill me today.Jane Smith: Oh, come on, it was just a little bomb.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 time
John Smith: We have an unusual problem here, Jane. You obviously want me dead, and Im less and less concerned for your well-being.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 you
[last lines]John Smith: [at marriage counseling] Ask us the sex question.Jane Smith: [whispers] John.John Smith: [softly with his fingers out for ten] Ten.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 marriage
Jane Smith: [after shooting through a wall at John] Still alive, baby?
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 live
Jane Smith: That vacation in Aspen, you left early, why?John Smith: Jean-Luc Gespar.Jane Smith: Damn, I wanted him.John Smith: I got it.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 you
John Smith: [after Jane accidentally throws a knife that punctures his leg] Well talk about this later.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005
Jane Smith: [referring to the pursuing cars] Theyre bulletproof!John Smith: [having not heard and shot at the cars] Theyre bulletproof!
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005
John Smith: [after Jane escapes on a high wire] Chicken shit!Jane Smith: Pussy!
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 escape
John Smith: I cant believe I brought my real parents to our wedding.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 believe
Eddie: Tell me you got smart and that you killed that lying bitch.Jane Smith: This lying bitch?Eddie: Guess that was just wishful thinking.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 art
[John has just returned from shooting Lucky at the bar]Jane Smith: Hey baby. I didnt hear you downstairs.John Smith: I went down to the sports bar. Put a little money on the game.Jane Smith: Howd you do?John Smith: I got Lucky.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 money
John Smith: Come to Daddy.Jane Smith: [after she bashes him with a teapot and headbutts him] Whos your Daddy now?
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 you
John Smith: [after having accidentally shot at his wife, Mr. Smith is on the roof of her car while shes trying to throw him off] Come on, lets talk about this! You dont want to go to bed angry!
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 you
Jane Smith: I thought I told you not to bother me at the office, honey.John Smith: Well, you are still Mrs. Smith.Jane Smith: Well, so are a lot of girls.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 thought
John Smith: [angry that Benjamin had blown their cover] You burn the picture after you get the assignment! Its the first thing you learn!Benjamin: Oh, I must have missed that day. Just like you missed the one about not marrying the enemy.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 men
John Smith: Option A: You talk, we listen, no pain. Option B: You dont talk, I remove your thumbs with my pliers, it will hurt. Option C: I like to vary the details a bit but the punchline is... you die.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 pain
John Smith: Hiya, stranger.Jane Smith: Hiya back.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 anger
Benjamin: [while being interrogated and tortured by John Smith] Can I have a soda or a juice or...Benjamin: [Jane hits him with the telephone] A! A! Option A! Ow, that hurt.John Smith: Ok, that was a nice shot.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 hurt
Eddie: Did you get a look at him?John Smith: Little thing. Buck ten, buck fifteen tops.Eddie: Maybe he was Filipino!John Smith: Im not even sure it was a him.Eddie: You saying you had your ass handed to you by some girl?John Smith: I think so. A pro.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 you
John Smith: [while dancing, after Jane asked what had happened to their marriage] I have a theory, newly developed.Jane Smith: Im breathless to hear it.John Smith: I think you killed us.Jane Smith: Provocative.John Smith: Why do you care? I was just a coverJane Smith: Who says you were just a cover?John Smith: [pauses] Wasnt I?
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 marriage
Eddie: [at the diner] Well this shouldnt be that difficult, I mean how many chicks are hitters out there? Ya know what I mean?Breakfast Diner Waitress: You guys want any dessert?Eddie: What do ya have honey?Breakfast Diner Waitress: Ice cream...Eddie: Ice cream? That sounds delicious, what flavors dya have?Breakfast Diner Waitress: Chocolate and Vanilla...Eddie: I dont like either of those, separately, but maybe mixed together, that could be... a nice lil dish, you know what I mean? And not just a little pink spoon, a like the whole sundae...[winks to the waitress]Breakfast Diner Waitress: Could be arranged...[walks off]Eddie: Perfect...[to John]Eddie: Could be arranged, dya hear that? Like to have her kick my ass... dya know what I mean?
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 man
Jane Smith: Have you been selling big guns to bad people?
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 people
Jane Smith: I was never in the peace corps.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 peace
Jane Smith: Theres this huge space between us, and it just keeps filling up with everything that we *dont* say to each other. Whats that called?Marriage Counselor: Marriage.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 marriage
John Smith: [comparing injuries with Jane] Im slightly colorblind. Retinal scarring.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 light
John Smith: Whats new?Eddie: Same old. People need killing.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 people
John Smith: You a vegan?Gwen: No. My girlfriend is.
— Mr Mrs Smith 2005 you

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