NCIS season 5

McGee: Well technically, Ziva, I think that if we were to put that to the test youd find that it was too close to call. But, since my parents raised a gentleman and yours raised a killer, I was defragging my computers.

Ziva: Tony, even if by some miracle Jeanne did forgive you, would you be willing to be Tony DiNardo full-time, to leave your entire life behind for her? You did not think this through.

— NCIS season 5 life

Abby: The prints were made by a residue of polysaccharide dust derived from belta-glucose. What makes it interesting, is the backbone of D-xylopyranose, linked with eight xylose units Panda poop.

— NCIS season 5 wit

McGees iPod: Becoming an alpha male means that without saying a word, youre able to project confidence and sexuality simply through your body language.

— NCIS season 5 sex

Abby: Yes, because neither rain nor sleet nor any class of simple atomic substance will keep me from my appointed duty, sir!

— NCIS season 5 rain

Ducky: You know, a mans heart often tells us how he lived. Sometimes, it might even tell us how he died, but contrary to popular myth, it never tells us how he loved.

— NCIS season 5 love

Abby: Gibbs has this uncanny ability to know when Ive found something. I dont even know what Ive found yet.

— NCIS season 5

Abby: Oh, no, no, no. He never is. Even when he is happy, and I doubt hes happy right now. But, you know, I am his favorite, so hes usually pretty good with me.

— NCIS season 5 good

McGee: Yeah, Im not twelve, alright. I work hard. I deserve someone who will jump up, all excited when I get home, you know. Lay on the couch, watch TV. Maybe lick my face a little bit

— NCIS season 5 work

Tony: Yeah, well they are quite rare. Sort of a cross between a Pegasus and a unicorn. So, whos the favorite?

— NCIS season 5

Tony: Yeah, that makes sense for you, actually. Not really for McGee. Hes more like a Spaniel kind of guy. Cocker, maybe?

— NCIS season 5 you

Tony: Highland Beach in October. Not much of a tourist draw. Soft-shelled crab seasons almost over. People really like boats that much?

— NCIS season 5 people

Abby: This is why I love you guys. You bring me hair, you bring me blood, you bring me fluids and mercury.

— NCIS season 5 love

Tony: Disoriented? You had your panties in a twist. Tears in your eyes. Oh, wait. I couldnt see your eyes because they were shut so tight! You were hysterical like a little girl!

— NCIS season 5 you

McGee: Oh, yeah, were peachy. I am dealing with my boat phobia, Tony is dealing with his rat phobia and Zivas dealing with her ghost phobia.

— NCIS season 5 wit

Tony: I knew it. Im gonna die. I inhaled it. God! Definitely didnt picture my demise like this. I always figured Id go out like Cagney in White Heat. Fiery explosion. Or Redford and Newman. Butch Cassidy. Hail of bullets.

— NCIS season 5 god

McGee: So pirates that werent really pirates were actually Russian sailors who were on a covert mission to steal a Navy research ship that wasnt actually a Navy research ship in order to get back nuclear weapons that we thought they didnt think we had retrieved?

— NCIS season 5 thought

Ziva: Sergeant Haas comes back from Iraq, and the first thing he does is try to move in with a girl hes dated twice. Why?

— NCIS season 5 wit

Ziva: That was my Aunt Nettie from Tel Aviv. She was trying to stop seeing her eighty-six-year-old mah jong partner.

— NCIS season 5 art

Tony: Im not Xena-phobic. Its one of my favorite shows. Leather skirts, lesbian sword-fighting, female empowerment. But maybe Im a little Ziva-phobic.

— NCIS season 5 power

Tony: They were on Decca, right? Big hit, mid-70s? Sort of a disco thing? Sing a few bars, Ill get it.

— NCIS season 5 sin

McGee: She does this for fun! Shes been arrested twice! She steals peoples money, she buys things

— NCIS season 5 people

Abby: Okay, love is never having to read her her Miranda rights, but shes gonna do this to somebody else. Throw her psycho ass in the brig. I love you, McGee. That should be enough.

— NCIS season 5 love

Tony: No, abdominals. No more beer gut for me. Ive been training hardcore. Hitting the core hard. Carved. Hard as wood.

— NCIS season 5 rain

Tony: What I need from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in the area. Our fugitive has a name. And it is

— NCIS season 5 war

Tony: When youre dealing with a guy on the run, you gotta climb inside his head, think his thoughts. What would he do? Where would he go?

— NCIS season 5 thoughts

Tony: Would he dress up like a clown and join a traveling circus, like Jimmy Stewart in The Greatest Show on Earth?

— NCIS season 5 war

Tony: Considering the dude skipped the looney bin, maybe a little bit of non-linear fuzzy logic is the key to tracking him.

— NCIS season 5 logic

McGee: Maybe he was accused of a crime he didnt commit and is trying to promptly escape to the Los Angeles underground.

— NCIS season 5 crime

Tony: Dont change the subject with your big words, McNerd. Ziva says she had a feeling. Tell us about this feeling. What was this feeling?

— NCIS season 5 change

Ziva: No I am saying he is stronger than any man I have encountered. But strength should not decide a battle. There is a weapon for every fight.

— NCIS season 5 strength

Tony: You had a moment. A moment and a feeling. And a smack to the head, broken nose, dislocated shoulder. Its been a banner day.

— NCIS season 5 men

Gibbs: Courage doesnt have anything to do with medals. Its simple. You run to the gunfire, not away from it.

— NCIS season 5 courage

Ziva: When you grow up in Israel, most of your neighbors as Muslim, my best friend was a Muslim Arab. He was a young boy, we were very close.

— NCIS season 5 you

Tony: Yes you did! That is a book about movies! I bet you never saw all those movies. You just read the book.

— NCIS season 5 book

Tony: Were here to find out who stole Navy radar. Stash kid across the street, hes not our problem unless hes pushing steak and cheese hoagies.

— NCIS season 5 tea

Nikki Jardine: Um, Ziva? I dont know if I should say anything or not, but I saw Tony putting something under your car --

— NCIS season 5 you

Abby: seeing McGee drive in Hey McGee! seeing the bandage on his neck and hand Oh my god! What happened to you?

— NCIS season 5 god

Abby: What? gasps, opens the back door and sees the dog muzzled with his legs tied McGee! Poor thing!

— NCIS season 5 poor

McGee: as she un-clips the ties and takes off the muzzle Abby? Abby! Careful that is one vicious dog!

— NCIS season 5 care

McGee: as Abby whips his jacket off his shoulders Thats my Hugo Boss! Hey! Dont you think that youre compromising the evidence with my $500 jacket?

— NCIS season 5 sin

Tony: Boss, weve already been through all of this. I mean, I got no leads, Zivas flirted with every seaman on the base, and McGees watched a hundred hours of Petty Officer Junction.

— NCIS season 5 man

Abby: Dont be mad, be flattered. Hes just so strong and handsome and quiet, so I decided to call him Jethro.

— NCIS season 5 strong

Ducky: Only if he was a cannibal, Jethro. as Jethro, the dog, barks twice, Ducky turns to him I wasnt talking to you. And you may want to cover your eyes. to Gibbs Whats here is not human, its canine. Jethro whines pitifully and Abby covers his eyes

— NCIS season 5 man

Abby: You think its because he knows hes on death row? That would put a damper on anyones spirits.

— NCIS season 5 death

Abby: Um, maybe because dog is mans best friend. Or maybe because I am a forensic scientist and I can boil you from the inside out and never leave a trace.

— NCIS season 5 man

Abby: I have to find Jethro a good home. Hes a distinguished veteran. He deserves to be happy, McGee.

— NCIS season 5 good

Abby: Okay, sometimes you have to look at the reality in front of you and just accept it. You are taking Jethro. Accept it. McGee, Jethroshake. neither moves Okay Jethro youll have to be the bigger man. Jethro puts his paw in McGees hand and as McGee smiles, Jethro growls at him

— NCIS season 5 time

Vance: Under the authority of the Secretary of the Navy, as acting director of NCIS, I hereby relieve you of your duties. Im sorry, Jenny, youre suspended.

— NCIS season 5 author

Ziva: whispering furiously Either they are sharing a room, or not sharing a room, I do not see what is so exact or not exact about it!

— NCIS season 5

Gibbs: But you didnt. You have got to trust your judgment, Ziva. Moment you dont, it wont be almost.

— NCIS season 5 men

McGee: Officer David and I are engaged in a linguistic developmental exercise intended to bolster her English vocabulary.

— NCIS season 5 men

Palmer: I couldnt catch him. Now I cant even identify him. Sure Gibbs thinks Im completely useless.

— NCIS season 5 think

Tony: She doesnt want us involved. If theres one thing I learned about the Directors private wars, its that its best to stay away -- for her and for us! Shes a big girl, she can take care of herself. Besides, probably is a coincidence anyway, and shes behind one of those expensive windows munching on over-priced cashews courtesy of Mr. Out-of-Town.

— NCIS season 5 war

Tony: The needle is below E, E stands for empty, we have less than empty, and we dont even know where it is!

— NCIS season 5 need

Franks: Might be hard to believe, but I was in love once. Her name was Maggie. She had it all, quick as a fox, great curves, trusted her with my life.

— NCIS season 5 love

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