Oceans Twelve 2004

Linus Caldwell: Hey, can I ask you something? You ever notice that...Rusty Ryan: If youre gonna ask if you can ask me a question, give me time to respond. Unless youre asking rhetorically, in which case the answer is obvious - yes.Linus Caldwell: Okay, can I ask you...Rusty Ryan: Yes.Linus Caldwell: Thanks. You ever notice that Tess looks...Rusty Ryan: Ooh, dont ever ask that. Ever. Seriously. Not to anyone, especially not to her.Linus Caldwell: Wait, why not?Rusty Ryan: Look, its not in my nature to be mysterious. But I cant talk about it and I cant talk about why.[walks off]Linus Caldwell: Oooooooooo.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 time

Turk Malloy: Its ridiculous, I mean this is a moral issue were dealing with here. Not to mention we dont have a grease man anymore, because hes in a bag somewhere. We dont know.Virgil Malloy: We got a bag man.Turk Malloy: Such an ape, an animal, with no feelings you are.Virgil Malloy: I have feelings.Turk Malloy: No, you dont.Virgil Malloy: Look, yeah, I do I feel bad for the guy. Hes a human being in a piece of luggage, but you got water, hes got air. What did you want them to do?Turk Malloy: Oh my God they should have gotten off the bus, get off the bus and pick up the bag with our friend in it.Virgil Malloy: Get off the bus, they were trying to be inconspicuous. How many soccer teams do you know that are fielding 50 year-old men?Danny Ocean: Rustys not 50 years old.Turk Malloy: Yeah, dude, we know Rustys not 50.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 god

Linus Caldwell: [Linus is trying to convince everyone that Danny was actually the leader of The Benedict Job] Well, if any of you had a problem, who did you go to?Basher Tarr, Turk Malloy, Virgil Malloy, Reuben Tishkoff, Livingston Dell, Yen, Frank Catton: [simultaneously] Rusty.Danny Ocean: Thanks, Linus.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 living

Danny Ocean: What are you doing?Rusty Ryan: Sleeping. Why are you dressed?Danny Ocean: Its 5:30, day of. Gotta go, lets go!Rusty Ryan: Its 11:30. The night before.Danny Ocean: [realizes he was given a prank wake-up call by Toulour]Rusty Ryan: Oh! Oh hes mean. Hes just mean spirited. All right, how many espressos have you had?Danny Ocean: Five.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 man

Linus Caldwell: Um, all right, lets go over the list again. Ah, Swinging Priest?Basher Tarr: Not enough people.Linus Caldwell: Crazy Larry?Turk Malloy: Not enough people.Linus Caldwell: Soft shoulder?Basher Tarr: Not enough people.Linus Caldwell: Bakers dozen?Basher Tarr: No woman[pause]Basher Tarr: and not enough people.Turk Malloy: Hell in a Handbasket?Linus Caldwell: [sigh] We cant train a cat that quickly[pause]Linus Caldwell: and...Linus Caldwell, Basher Tarr, Turk Malloy: Not enough people.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 people

Tess Ocean: This is just wrong.Linus Caldwell: You mean like... morally?Tess Ocean: Well... yeah I guess.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 you

Reuben Tishkoff: [banging on the bathroom door] Frank come on let me in.Turk Malloy: How do you think it feels when youre sitting down on the toilet and someones banging on the door?Reuben Tishkoff: Well, I gotta sit down on the toilet or else Im gonna shit on your feet.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 you

Molly Star: I hope Danny And Rusty appreciate the fine job you did - in a tight jam? Im really proud of you.Linus Caldwell: Thanks.Molly Star: We both are.Linus Caldwell: [pauses and looks at Star]Linus Caldwell: [revealing that Molly Star is actually Mrs. Caldwell, his mother] You told Dad? You told Dad?Molly Star: I had to sweetheart, We were on vacation.Linus Caldwell: [shaking his head, looks away from his mom]Molly Star: [smiling] Im sorry.Linus Caldwell: Great. you guys are gonna be dining out on this one for months! Hey, you remember the time your mom had to go to Rome, Blah, Blah,blah? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?

— Oceans Twelve 2004 hope

Terry Benedict: The last time we talked, you hung up on me.Rusty Ryan: You used nasty words.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 time

[first lines]Rusty Ryan: Hi.Isabel Lahiri: Howd it go?Rusty Ryan: Lousy.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 ya

Tess Ocean: [while trying to get through a crowd of fans thinking shes Julia Roberts] How is this going to get Danny out?Linus Caldwell: We need someone famous.Tess Ocean: Why didnt you get someone famous?Linus Caldwell: Just think Four Weddings and a Funeral.Tess Ocean: [rather bewildered] She wasnt in Four Weddings and a Funeral.Linus Caldwell: I. I wasnt in Four Weddings and a Funeral! Just protect your fake baby!

— Oceans Twelve 2004 thinking

Assistant Manager: After the second call, I tried knocking, but he wont open up.Rusty Ryan: Ill handle it; I know him[bangs on hotel room door]Topher Grace: [from inside] Jesus Christ, are you people retarded? It says Do Not Disturb!Rusty Ryan: Its me.Topher Grace: [opens the door] Hey. Come on in.Rusty Ryan: [looks around the trashed hotel room] Jeez, Topher, you didnt have to go all Frankie Muniz on me.Topher Grace: Im sorry. Russ, look, I know this is your joint. I just... theres this girl. I love her, man. I love her, but she is driving me crazy! I cant sleep. I cant work. I quit the show. I totally phoned in that Dennis Quaid movie. I mean, its like...Assistant Manager: [answers phone] Hello?Topher Grace: [rips off a bracelet] God, its almost like this Kabbalah crap doesnt even work!Assistant Manager: Rusty, call for you.Topher Grace: Dude, dont leave!

— Oceans Twelve 2004 love

Linus Caldwell: What did I say?Danny Ocean: You called his niece a whore.Rusty Ryan: A very cheap one.Danny Ocean: Shes seven.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 ya

Danny Ocean: Do I look 50 to you?Basher Tarr: Yeah.Danny Ocean: Really?Basher Tarr: Well, I mean, you know, only from the neck up.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 you

Danny Ocean: How much is everyone short?Turk Malloy: 14.Virgil Malloy: Youre kidding me! You spent all but 5 million?Turk Malloy: Yes! Are you going to start on me with that too? You dont know what its like starting something from scratch!Virgil Malloy: Well, with interest, Im short 7.Frank Catton: Eight.Linus Caldwell: Well, I spent a million on talent development, so I guess that leaves me at 7. Boy, that interest just kills you, man!Basher Tarr: Im light 9.Livingston Dell: Whats the interest?Reuben Tishkoff: 6.Livingston Dell: Then I owe 6.Turk Malloy: What?Livingston Dell: Ive been living with my parents.Rusty Ryan: I owe 25.[everyone looks at him, he chuckles wryly]Rusty Ryan: Hotels, man.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 art

[on the Night Fox]Turk Malloy: Come on, hes one guy, and hes French.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 night

Linus Caldwell: I blew the meet with Matsui.Molly Star: Let me guess. He pulled a lost in translation on you?Linus Caldwell: [shocked] Why dont I see these things?

— Oceans Twelve 2004 you

Rusty Ryan: Of course, we havent considered the most obvious solution.Danny Ocean: Oh yeah?Rusty Ryan: We could turn ourselves in. Go to jail. Nothing Benedict could do to us there.Danny Ocean: Yeah, good idea. We all go to the cops and confess to the Bellagio robbery. That averages twenty years for grand larceny for each of us. Yeah, thatd teach him.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 good

Linus Caldwell: So we do a Lookie-Loo... its actually a Lookie-Loo with a Bundle of Joy!Basher Tarr: A Lookie-Loo... with Tess... and a Bundle of Joy?Linus Caldwell: Yeah!Basher Tarr: Youve gone right out of your tree, my son.[looking at Turk]Basher Tarr: Hes mad. Its madness.Turk Malloy: Yeah, its crazy. Its Italian television crazy, and, were still one short.Linus Caldwell: No no, but think about it. She can get near the egg, during daylight hours, with at least half the system down! Well thats a trifecta!Basher Tarr: You might be right. Make the call.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 joy

Roman Nagel: And tell him he dresses like a gigolo!

— Oceans Twelve 2004 man

Turk Malloy: Ill give you a million dollars if you dont speak for a month.Virgil Malloy: I wanna eat your whole head.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 you

Tess Ocean: Ma Marcus?Julia Roberts: Um... No its Julia.Tess Ocean: um... oh... Hello Julia... its ah... Julia.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 hell

Danny Ocean: How old do you think I am?Virgil Malloy: 48?Danny Ocean: You think Im 48 years old?Virgil Malloy: 52?

— Oceans Twelve 2004 you

Turk Malloy: [to Linus] Who died and made you Danny?

— Oceans Twelve 2004 you

Tess Ocean: Youre doing recon work on our anniversary?Danny Ocean: Tess...

— Oceans Twelve 2004 work

Reuben Tishkoff: [to a fortune teller. As he is having his palm read by her, he turns around to see Terry Benedict with two enforcers] This? You couldnt see *this*?

— Oceans Twelve 2004 you

Saul Bloom: Youre all aces in my book, butI want the last check I write to bounce.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 book

Livingston Dell: [Linus, Basher and Turk are escorted into a jail cell already holding the rest of the gang] So, howd it go?Linus Caldwell: Hehehehehe.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 living

Virgil Malloy: Doesnt this guy believe in fresh air?Rusty Ryan: He opens the second floor window every now and then.Virgil Malloy: What does that mean?Rusty Ryan: It means he opens the second floor window every now and then.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 believe

Danny Ocean: [watching Happy Days dubbed in Italian] That guy doing Potsie is unbelievable.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 happy

[to Danny on the phone]Tess Ocean: Theres water in the basement, and the pilot light is out.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 men

Rusty Ryan: Anybody remember that scene in Millers Crossing when John Turturro begs for his life?Reuben Tishkoff: Sure, Look into your heart.[pause]Reuben Tishkoff: I cry every time.Danny Ocean: What?Rusty Ryan: We have no line of sight.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 life

Bruce Willis: Youd better call the rice paddy.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 you

[to Tess while she is pretending to be Julia Roberts and is surrounded by photographers]Linus Caldwell: Protect your fake baby, protect your fake baby!

— Oceans Twelve 2004 you

Frank Catton: Let me break it down for you like a fraction.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 action

Reuben Tishkoff: [after Linus complains about the freak] Are you hosting a telethon we dont know about?

— Oceans Twelve 2004 you

Danny Ocean: [from the trailer] How are you feeling?Basher Tarr: Great... for a dead guy!Danny Ocean: [pauses] Good.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 good

Rusty Ryan: [seeing Topher Grace] Gee Topher, you didnt have to go all Frankie Muniz on me.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 grace

Terry Benedict: Id like to say a few words... about commitment. About honor. About responsibility. About a very special someone and admitting to her...Terry Benedict: [hits Virgil] Get up. Pull the chair out.Terry Benedict: ...admitting her in front of everybody that her wedding... and that very special honeymoon trip to Epcot Center... will have to be postponed.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 words

Reuben Tishkoff: Terry, I cant predict the future. I pay professionals to do that, and even they get it wrong sometimes.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 time

Virgil Malloy: [At an engagement dinner][clinks his glass]Virgil Malloy: All right, I know Im just the groom, and Im not supposed to say anything, like uh, a speech. But I dont care what the rules are, because I really wanna thank my family. My mom and dad, my Uncle Gary and Aunt Grace. Uncle Ted, Aunt Celeste, and their children Denise and Jessica. My Bishop Tom and his wife, Helen. My neighbor, John, and his new girlfriend, Tanya. And all the guys at Lean Machine Inc., Bobo, Mullethead, Big Sam.[His brother is not mentioned]Virgil Malloy: And everyone else whos just been great in welcoming Sara into the family. Thank you.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 family

Saul Bloom: Do you have any idea how vulnerable a fetus brain is to the electromagnetic field created by your cell phone? You might as well point a gun at her stomach!Bruce Willis: Im Bruce Willis.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 you

[last lines]Reuben Tishkoff: If, God forbid, anything does happen to you, we will not be involved.Terry Benedict: You better not be, Reuben. You better not be.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 god

Danny Ocean: You know, I was once in a vault while it was being robbed.Bank Officer: [pause] that must have been quite an experience...Danny Ocean: [pauses, thinks for a while] Yeah...

— Oceans Twelve 2004 experience

Danny Ocean: So how much do we all owe, each?Reuben Tishkoff: $17.34 million. Assuming Benedict gives us Prime Plus One, which I doubt. Figure 19 to be safe.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 doubt

Shop Owner: [Inquiring about his purchase] What is it - a special occasion?Danny Ocean: Its our second third anniversary.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 ocean

Linus Caldwell: Can I talk to you for a second?Rusty Ryan: What is it?Linus Caldwell: This might not be the perfect time or whatever to talk about it but Ive been doing my homework and Id really like to play a more central role this time aroundRusty Ryan: RightLinus Caldwell: Im ready for that and I wanted to know if I could maybe come to the meeting and help you guys negotiateRusty Ryan: Its just a sit down with Matsui hes got his own languageLinus Caldwell: I watched you and Danny really closely last time aroundRusty Ryan: In my professional opinion youre not ready but if youre convinced that you are ready, I can speak with Danny we can make this happen, but youve got to be sure

— Oceans Twelve 2004 time

Tess Ocean: Linus Caldwell junior varsity you are not following any of the procedures that Danny and I talked about if Terry Benedict shows up, so something is wrong, what is wrong?

— Oceans Twelve 2004 you

François Toulour: The egg left Paris this morning on its way to Rome, it travels with heavy security and usually with one or more replicas, sometimes they even show the replica without anybody knowing, when the egg goes on display Monday morning youll have forty eight hours to steal it before your deadline is up of course when the deadline passes, you dont have the egg LeMarque will whos the best

— Oceans Twelve 2004 time

Saul Bloom: Tess is with Benedict now? Shes too tall for him!

— Oceans Twelve 2004 wit

Terry Benedict: [on the cell phone, talking to Baron Francois Toulour] Who do you think youre dealing with? Nothing costs nothing.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 you

Linus Caldwell: Oh let the sun beat down upon my face, stars to fill my dream. I am a traveler in both time and space, to be where I have been.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 time

Rusty Ryan: A doctor who specializes in skin diseases will dream that he has fallen asleep in front of the television. Later, he will wake up in front of the television, but not remember his dream.Matsui: [to Linus Caldwell] Would you agree?

— Oceans Twelve 2004 dream

Danny Ocean: If all the animals on the equator were capable of flattery, then Thanksgiving and Halloween would fall on the same date.

— Oceans Twelve 2004 animals

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