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Rick and Morty

Rick: What do you— what do you think of this f-flying vehicle, Morty? I built it out of stuff I found in the garage.
— Rick and Morty age
Rick: Morty I had to— I had to do ih I had t— I had— I had to make a bomb, Morty. I had to create a bomb.
— Rick and Morty create
Rick: Were gonna drop it down there, just get a whole fresh start, Morty. Create a whole fresh start.
— Rick and Morty art
Rick: Come on, Morty, just take it easy, Morty, its gonna be good. Right now, were gonna go pick up your little friend Jessica.
— Rick and Morty good
Morty: No, you cant! J-Jessica doesnt even know I exist! But-but-but-but, forget about that because you cant blow up humanity!
— Rick and Morty humanity
Rick: I-I get what youre trying to say, M-Morty. Listen, Im not your— you dont gotta worry about me tryin to fool around w-with Jessica mess around with Jessica or anything, Im Im not that kinda guy, Morty.
— Rick and Morty you
Rick: You-you-you dont have to worry about me getting with Jessica or anything. She she-she-she-shes all for you, Morty.
— Rick and Morty you
Rick: Alright, alright, Morty! Alright, alright, Ill Ill land, Ill land, Ill land, Ill land the thing, Ill land the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden.
— Rick and Morty right
Rick: Its Dimension 35C, and its got the perfect climate conditions for a special type of— TREE, Morty! Called the Megatree! And theres fruit in those trees, and theres seeds in those fruits. Im talking about Megaseeds, th—ther—theyre incredib-bl-ly powerful and I need em to help them with my research, Morty.
— Rick and Morty power
Morty: Oh man, Rick! Im looking around this place and Im starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing!
— Rick and Morty art
Beth: I am not putting my father in a home! He just came back into my life, and you want to grab him and stuff him under a mattress like last months Victorias Secret?!
— Rick and Morty life
Davin: Okay, cool. Yknow, we did something great today. Theres nothing more noble and free than the heart of a horse.
— Rick and Morty art
Jerry: Since were fighting, if you ever have an affair with that guy, I will come to the hotel room and blow my brains out all over your naked bodies.
— Rick and Morty sin
Rick: Full disclosure, Morty — its not. Temporary superintelligence is just a side effect of the Megaseeds dissolving in your rectal cavity.
— Rick and Morty intelligence
Rick: Im sorry, Morty. Its a bummer. In reality, youre as dumb as they come. And I needed those seeds real bad and I have to give em up just to get your parents off my back! So now were gonna have to go get more! And then were gonna go on even more adventures after that, Morty. And youre gonna keep your mouth shut about it, Morty! Because the world is full of idiots that dont understand whats important, and theyll tear us apart, Morty! But if you stick with me, Im gonna accomplish great things, Morty, and youre gonna be part of em. And together were gonna run around, Morty, were gonna- do all of kinds of wonderful things, Morty. Just you and me, Morty.
— Rick and Morty art
Rick: Its a device, Morty, that when you put it in your ear, you can enter peoples dreams, Morty. Its just like that movie you keep crowing about!
— Rick and Morty dreams
Rick: Thats right, Morty! This is gonna be a lot like that, expect yknow, its gonna me-beh make sense.
— Rick and Morty right
Rick: Goldenfolds got more control than I anticipated! I mean, the guy teaches high-school math! Eurggh I-I-I-I didnt take him for an active dreamer! We gotta take him out so he wakes up, Morty! Be we cant get killed! If you get killed in someone elses dream, you die for REAL, Morty!
— Rick and Morty dream
Rick: Dont be a baby! You avoid getting shot in real life all the time, Morty! Just do the same thing here and well be fine!
— Rick and Morty life
Rick: Looks like some sort of legally safe knockoff of an 80s horror character with miniature swords for fingers instead of knives!
— Rick and Morty words
Rick: No, no, no, I was just playing dead. Good news though, Morty, this whole things gonna be over really soon.
— Rick and Morty good
Rick: Its a dream, Morty! Were in your dogs dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we-we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside Snuffles dream.
— Rick and Morty dream
Rick: Its been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So yknow, every day here is like a minute. Its like Inception, Morty, so if its confusing and stupid, then so is everyones favorite movie.
— Rick and Morty dreams
Bloom: I dont know why, but the entire security system has shut down, and Im afraid the exhibits are unlocked.
— Rick and Morty security
Bloom: Anatomy Parks greatest attraction, young man, isnt the music or the food or the Pirates of the Pancreas.
— Rick and Morty music
Jacob: He didnt make you anything, man. You are who you are. She is who she is. Now, you go to her brand-new.
— Rick and Morty man
Anchorman: Reports from all over the country have been coming in about what appears to be a giant naked man over the Continental United States. We now go to Tom Randolph in New York. Tom?
— Rick and Morty man
Tom Randolph: Well, the eyes arent twinkling and the dimples are merry, but Im standing over a nose like a 70-mile cherry!
— Rick and Morty eyes
Eric McMann: Weve got feet here on the West Coast, Bill! Giant feet, even relative to the giant mans size! And you know what they say about that!
— Rick and Morty man
Anchorman: Well, if the old adage is true, one can only wonder whats goin down in the Rocky Mountains.
— Rick and Morty man
Rick: Uhp-uhp-uhp! Morty, keep your hands off your ding-dong! Its the only way we can speak freely. Look around you, Morty. Do you really think this wuh-world is real? Youd have to be an idiot not to notice all the sloppy details. Look, that guys putting a bun between two hot dogs.
— Rick and Morty world
Morty: No, no, I havent seen that. I mean, why would a Pop-Tart want to live inside a toaster, Rick? I mean, th-that would be like the scariest place for them to live. Yknow what I mean?
— Rick and Morty art
Rick: Youre missing the point, Morty. Why would he drive a smaller toaster with wheels? I mean, does your car look like a smaller version of your house? No.
— Rick and Morty sin
Rick: Yeah, its a special fuel I invented to travel through space faster than anybody else. These Zigerions are always trying to scam me out of my secrets, but they made a big mistake this time, Morty. They dragged you into this. Now theyre gonna pay!
— Rick and Morty time
Rick: Why dont you ask the smartest people in the universe, Jerry? Oh yeah, you cant. They blew up.
— Rick and Morty art
Morty: Yknow what, Rick?! Thats it! Im done with these i-insane adventures! That was really traumatising! I quit! Im out!
— Rick and Morty adventure
Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Come on, Morty! Do-dont-dont be like that! The universe is a crazy, chaotic place!
— Rick and Morty universe
Rick: Oh yeah, Morty, yeah, re— Yeah, th-thats real easy to say from the sidekick position, but-but, uhh how about next time you be in charge, and then well talk about how simple and fun it is?
— Rick and Morty time
Rick: Okay, yeah, fine! But lets make it interesting, Morty. I-I-I-If your adventure sucks and we bail halfway through it, you lose the right to bitch about all future adventures. Plus, you have to do my laundry for a month.
— Rick and Morty future
Morty: Okay. All right, tough guy. But if my adventures good, I get to be in charge of every third adventure.
— Rick and Morty adventure
Rick: Trust me, theyre fine with it. Knock yourselves out. Just eh-keep your requests simple. Theyre not gahh-ods.
— Rick and Morty trust
Mr. Meeseeks: Im sorry, Jerry, but it doesnt work like that! Im Mr. Meeseeks! I have to fulfil my purpose so I can go away! Look at me!
— Rick and Morty work
Giant 1: Hey look, we get it. Youre little, youre down on your luck, you think Hey, hes a giant. Why dont we break into his home, rob him and murder him?!
— Rick and Morty home
Morty: Oh wow, Rick! This is more like it! Look! Theres little staircase-shaped people in here! A-a-all kinds of crazy characters! This place is great. Yknow, its whimsical and fun.
— Rick and Morty people
Meeseeks 1: EVERYBODY STO-O-O-OP!!! LOOK AT ME!!! MY BROTHERS, NOTHING WILL BE ACCOMPLISHED BY SHEDDING MEESEEKS BLOOD!! NONE OF US CAN DIE UNTIL OUR JOB IS DONE!!
— Rick and Morty body
Rick: Okay, well, sometimes, science is more art than science, Morty. A lot of people dont get that.
— Rick and Morty science
Jerry: Meh, try not to worry about it, Morty. Youre a good kid. And theres not a premium on that right now, but youll be getting girls sometime after Brads out of shape.
— Rick and Morty time
Jerry: Ah, well I remember feeling that way about a young lady named your mom. And thats not an urban diss—your mom was my Jessica. I remember the first time I saw her. I thought
— Rick and Morty time
Rick: Jerry, its your house. Whatever you say it is how it is, but I think a blind man could see that Beth is looking for the door. I barely have a reason to care and even I noticed.
— Rick and Morty hate
Rick: Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call love is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science.
— Rick and Morty love
Rick: Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? Im almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty. Its gonna be great.
— Rick and Morty great
Morty: Hey listen, Rick Y-you know how you said that, yknow, love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? Well, I was thinking, yknow w-w- could you make some sort of chemical thing happen inside of Jessicas mind — yknow, so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing? Yknow, like, maybe make some sort of love potion or something?
— Rick and Morty love
Morty: Yknow what?! No, Rick! Im not gonna hand you the screwdriver! I-Im not gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick! Im always helping you with this and that and the other thing! W-w-w-w-what about me, Rick? W-w-w-why cant you just help me out once- once- for once?
— Rick and Morty you
Rick: Ugh Youre growing up fast, Morty. Youre growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass.
— Rick and Morty you
Rick: Now Morty, whaddaya say, buddy? Will you hand me a screwdriver so I can fix my ionic dis- defibulizer?
— Rick and Morty ya
Rick: SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!! Its fine! Everything is fine! Theres an infinite number of realities, Morty! And a few dozen of those, I got lucky and turned everything back to normal! I just had to find one of those realities in which we also happen to both die around this time. Now we can just slip into the place of our dead selves in this reality, and everythingll be fine. Were not skipping a beat, Morty. Now help me with these bodies.
— Rick and Morty time
Rick: Look, Morty, Ill grab myself, you grab yourself, okay? I mean, t-th-that seems fair to me — I mean, that seems like a fair way to divvy it up.
— Rick and Morty self
Rick: Me, irresponsible?! Y— all I wanted you to do was hand me a screwdriver, Morty! Youre the one who wanted to be— wanted me to buckle down and make you up a roofie-juice serum so you could roofie that poor girl at your school! I mean— W-w-w-w Are you kidding me, Morty?! Youre gonna try to take the high road on this one?! Y-y-yo-youre a little creep, Morty! Youre a— Your-your-youre just a little creepy creep person!
— Rick and Morty school
Morty: All right, fine! I shouldve just listened to you when you refused to make the serum. Im willing to accept my part of the blame for this, Rick — but Ill tell you something, you know what?! You gotta accept your part of the blame! Im not the one who fouled up the serum! Im not the one who-who-who who haphazardly, yknow, mixed a bunch of nonsense together and created a bunch of Cronenbergs! You gotta fix this, Rick!
— Rick and Morty art
Cronenberg Rick: Here we are, Cronenberg Morty! A reality where everyone in the world got genetically Cronenberged. Well fit right in, Cronenberg Morty. Itll be like we never even left Cronenberg World.
— Rick and Morty reality
Cronenberg Morty: Yeah, Cronenberg Rick, but yknow, Im gonna miss Cronenberg World, because everyone was Cronenberged all along like us from the beginning, yknow I mean, I-I wish we hadnt genetically ruined Cronenberg World beyond repair like we did, yknow, and turned everyone into regular normal people just walking around?
— Rick and Morty people
Cronenberg Rick: Dont you worry about that sort of thing, Cronenberg Morty. Lets go make ourselves at home, huh?
— Rick and Morty home
Pawnbroker: Like you would even know dick about fraculation! Your planet just got cellphones, and the coverage still sucks!!
— Rick and Morty age
Rick: Yeah, yeah, and your species eat sulfur. So lets say 60 smidgens. I tell you what, Ill do you a favor. Ill throw in a fart.
— Rick and Morty art
Morty: Hey uh, Rick, um y-you think maybe I could get something from this place? L-l-like a souvenir? L-like just to have—like something cool, yknow?
— Rick and Morty you
Rick: Not here, Morty, well stop somewhere else, because you know, theres always another pawn shop.
— Rick and Morty you
Morty: Yeah, yknow! I mean, its different from the stuff on Earth. A-a-a-and yknow, y-you take me to all these crazy places across the galaxy and- yknow, I dont really have anything to- to remember all those trips by. Itd be kinda cool, like a souvenir. Yknow, like, what if you passed away or died or something? I wouldnt even have anything to remember all the cool stuff we did, yknow?
— Rick and Morty art
Gazorpian Aide: And within a day hell be an adult male Gazorpian, one of the most aggressively violent creatures in the universe.
— Rick and Morty universe
Morty: Oh, here we go again! Y-Yknow, who do you think is gonna love you if you conquer the planet, Morty Jr.?!
— Rick and Morty love
Morty Jr.: Love thats all you care about! What about weapons?! What about domination of the enemy?!
— Rick and Morty love
Leprechaun: Oh, I love me Strawberry Smiggles. Ooh, I hope nobody ever gets my hands on me and tries to steal my Strawberry Smiggles. Im gonna eat every last of them, because— and then theyll be in my stomach and nobody will ever be able to eat them. Except for me, because theyre gonna be all inside my stomach. Um, my name is Mr Tophat Jones, and God forbid anyone ever take my sner little-people Snibbles. Im keeping them all for me.
— Rick and Morty love
Rick: Well yknow, Morty — I mean, if want to sell boxes of cereal, you gotta— you gotta pump the gas a little. Pedal to the metal, Morty.
— Rick and Morty you
Rick: Hey, isnt Gazorpazorp wh-where uh, where those sex robots came from? Remember that whole thing?
— Rick and Morty sex
Gazorpazorpfield: You dumb, stupid, weak, pathetic, white, white uh-uhh guilt white-guilt, milquetoast piece of human garbage.
— Rick and Morty man
Rick: Yeah, Im pretty sure. He also did the voice of that one guy from Ghostbusters, which is really strange because its the same character Bill Murray played in the movie but then, when they made the movie, Bill Murray did the voice of uh Gazorpazorpfiel— uh, Garfield, I mean.
— Rick and Morty character
Rick: I dont know. Just making conversation with you, Morty. What do you think, I-I-I know everything about everything?
— Rick and Morty you
Narrator: Man. Woman. And now trunkmen?? We know scientists created men that have a trunk that allows them to have sex with both male and female partners. But we dont like the idea of these people getting married.
— Rick and Morty art
Trunk Person Spokesman: Hi, Im a trunk person and I want— I-I feel love in my heart too just like you. I want to be able to express that love with both a man and a woman. And I wont be able to if Denny and the Denny Singers get their way.
— Rick and Morty love
Summer: Morty, no offence, but a drawing of me you made when you were eight isnt gonna make me feel like less of an accident!
— Rick and Morty you
Morty: On one of our adventures, Rick and I basically destroyed the whole world, so we bailed on that reality and we came to this one. Because in this one, the world wasnt destroyed. And in this one, we were dead. So we came here, a-an-an-and we buried ourselves and we took their place. And every morning, Summer, I eat breakfast 20 yards away from my own rotting corpse!
— Rick and Morty reality
Morty: Im better than your brother. Im a version of your brother you can trust when he says, Dont run. Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybodys gonna die. Come watch TV?
— Rick and Morty purpose
Chief: Baby Legs and Regular Legs, Im proud of you two for working together. And Baby Legs, I know it was hard for you to come to the conclusion that you need a partner, but Im proud of you that you did it.
— Rick and Morty art
Jerry: Morty, Im not as smart as your Grandpa Rick, but I promise never to make that your problem again.
— Rick and Morty art
Jerry: Wow, thats humbling and flattering, son. Thank you. Whats say we finish ourselves an 8-planet solar system?
— Rick and Morty you
Morty: I mean one of these days, you know, youre gonna—youre gonna—youre gonna end up seeing something.
— Rick and Morty you
Rick Councillor: Earth Rick C-137, the Council of Ricks sentences you to the Machine of Unspeakable Doom, which swaps your conscious and unconscious minds, rendering your fantasies pointless while everything youve known becomes impossible to grasp. Also, every ten seconds, it stabs your balls.
— Rick and Morty art
Rick: Geez, youre easy to impress. Yeah, most timelines have a Rick, and most Ricks have a Morty. This place is a real whos who of whos you and me.
— Rick and Morty time
Rick Seller 1: Turn your boring, old Morty into a hot fashion statement with some Morty dazzlers!
— Rick and Morty men
Rick Insurer: Excuse me, sir, is your Morty insured? You know, every year, hundreds of Mortys are injured—
— Rick and Morty you
Rick Councillor: Twenty-seven Ricks brutally murdered in their own timelines. An unprecedented Rick-icidal epidemic. What say you, Earth Rick C-137?
— Rick and Morty time
Rick Councillor: Who else would you have us question? You fit the profile! Of all the Ricks in the central finite curve, youre the malcontent. The rogue.
— Rick and Morty you
Morty: You know, Rick, when I first saw all those Ricks and Mortys, I thought, Gee, that kinda devalues our bond. But then I realized it just means that our relationship must be pretty special to span over all those different timelines.
— Rick and Morty time
Rick Officer 1: Excuse me, we tracked a pair of dangerous criminals to this exact location. They look exactly like us, so in order to avoid confusion, Im gonna mark us each with a red X right now. That way, if someone has a gun and we both tell you to shoot the other one because theyre the evil one, youll know whos lying.
— Rick and Morty evil
Rick Officer 1: Ooh, is that the timeline where everybody eats poop? Jerry, you know this guy eats poop, right?
— Rick and Morty time
Jerry: According to who?! Other versions of you? If I learned one thing, its that before you get anywhere in life, you gotta stop listening to yourself.
— Rick and Morty life
Evil Rick: Ugh. Pathetic. We both know that if theres any truth in the universe, its that Ricks dont care about Mortys.
— Rick and Morty truth
Rick: Its not the same, Summer! Linclers a crazed maniac. Hes just a misguided effort of mine to create a morally neutral super-leader by combining the DNA of Adolf Hitler and Abraham Lincoln. Turns out that ehh-it just adds up to a lame, weird loser.
— Rick and Morty man
Rick: Lets see. Giant star in the sky, oxygen rich atmosphere, giant testicle monsters. Yeah were good; lets keep this party going!
— Rick and Morty art
Rick: Its like the N word and the C word had a baby and that baby was raised by every bad word for Jews.
— Rick and Morty bad
Bird Person: Its not nonsense at all. In my peoples tongue, it means, I am in great pain. Please help me.
— Rick and Morty pain

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