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RiffTrax

Chad Vader: He had such a short life. There were so many more planets to destroy. So many more people to strangle.
— RiffTrax life
Mike Nelson: Lets meet your fighting fellowship: Magneto! Babyface! Grumpy! Kevin from Sin City! The guy from Lost and that other guy! Ubiquitous bad guy! And the History of Violence guy!
— RiffTrax history
Mike Nelson: Make way for the flame-broiled Whopper! I stopped at BK on the way. Also, look out, burnt Jedi!
— RiffTrax
Mr Ollivander: It seems like only yesterday your mother and father were here buying their first wands.
— RiffTrax mother
Mike Nelson: You know, Tor was the most famous Swedish export until ABBA came along, although he continued to outweigh the entire band by several hundred pounds.
— RiffTrax you
Narrator: Colonel Tom Edwards was to make the greatest decision of his career. He made that decision. He gave the signal to fire.
— RiffTrax war
Mike Nelson: Uh, Disembaudio do you subscribe to those Three Laws of Robotics where you cant hurt a human being?
— RiffTrax man
Professor Xavier: So, Id like your definitions of weak and strong anthropic principles on my desk on Wednesday, alright? Thatll be all.
— RiffTrax you
Pappas: Listen you snot-nose little shit, I was takin shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crappin in your hands and rubbin it on your face.
— RiffTrax you
Agent Smith: Ill make you a deal. Were willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start. All that were asking for in return is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice.
— RiffTrax art
Kevin Murphy: Wicka-chicka-wicka-chicka Whos the empty space through which an elevator travels through its cables thats a sex machine to all the girls?
— RiffTrax sex
Kevin Murphy: All right, young man. This has been your third trip to the principals office in a month. Youre failing soc, algebra and Christian lifestyles. Were gonna have to call your parents.
— RiffTrax life
Morpheus: Your appearance is what we call residual self image. Its the mental projection of you digital self.
— RiffTrax men
Agent Smith: We know youve been contacted by a certain individual. A man who calls himself Morpheus.
— RiffTrax self
Agent Smith: Whatever you think you know about this man is irrelevant. Hes been considered by many to be the most dangerous man alive.
— RiffTrax hate
Mike Nelson: Its How rude! Its supposed to endear him to us. It makes me want to take a section of rebar to his skull.
— RiffTrax want
Mike Nelson: Three hundred guys worked two years on a thousand computers -- and the result? Utterly boring.
— RiffTrax work
Mike Nelson: Tatooine: Where the Jetsons and the Flintstones co-mingle and raise their bastard children.
— RiffTrax children
Kevin Murphy: Yeah, I did see the small boy open his mouth. But is he scaring people to death, or eating them?
— RiffTrax death
Kevin Murphy: Yeah, thats just a very clever tagline for the movie poster, but how did it suffocate Jen while sitting under her bed?
— RiffTrax cat
Mike Nelson: Yeah. Even more so, perhaps. After thirty minutes of this movie, Ive actually forgotten my middle name.
— RiffTrax
Mike Nelson: Ah! Someone gave him a head with hair, long beautiful hairlong, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty, oily, greasy, fleasy, shinning, gleaming, streaming, flaxin, waxin, knotted, poka-dotted, twisted, beaded, braided, powdered, flowered and confettied, bangled, tangled, spangled and spaghettiedum, hair.
— RiffTrax beautiful
Bill Corbett: So theyre just going to sit alone in those theater seats and make wisecracks about the show? What jerks!
— RiffTrax alone
Mike Nelson: You know, if you pick up your TV right now and shake it like youre trying to erase an Etch A Sketch, you can then tell people youve seen Transformers.
— RiffTrax people
Bill Corbett: If this slowly rotates him face-down into a pie, the entire journey will have been worth it.
— RiffTrax journey
Bill Corbett: Im trying to imagine a creature that I would like to see doing that less. A diseased goat with five legs, maybe?
— RiffTrax sea
Bill Corbett: Meanwhile, Vice Chancellor Ugga Bugga and Darth Buttcrack are rendezvousing on the planet Ovaltine, where the rebel leader B.B. Snausageberry is fighting the dreaded Camel Toe-ians. Hows that?
— RiffTrax art
Bill Corbett: Well! Lame as it may be, I have absolutely no problem with whatever it is theyre doing to him here!
— RiffTrax hate
Fudge: The Ministry of Magic is pleased to announce the appointment of Dolores Jane Umbridge as High Inquisitor, to address the falling standards at Hogwarts School. Having already revolutionized the teaching of Defense Against the Dark Arts-
— RiffTrax war
Gimli: Soon, master elf, you will enjoy the fabled hospitality of the dwarves! Roaring fires! Red meat off the bone!
— RiffTrax war
Kevin Murphy: Im now being told that rather than a quiet independent, this is an ear-shattering hell-stew of confusing images
— RiffTrax sin
Kevin Murphy: See? You guys laugh at it now, but if he had a snuggie, this wouldnt be such a problem.
— RiffTrax you
Kevin Murphy: singing The Summer Wind/Came blowing in/So I killed myself/It lingered there/So I took a hatpin from my hair/And plunged it into my jugular vein Take it Mike!
— RiffTrax self
Kevin Murphy: You know, Eragon sounds awfully like Aragorn. You dont think the guy who wrote this was cribbing on The Lord of the Rings, do you?
— RiffTrax you
Kevin Murphy:singing Oh, yeah, give me some of that funky Spock, yall. Hes the Vulcan that was born to rock yall. Playin harp and a crunking on the tranya. Dont let him go all Pon Farr on ya!
— RiffTrax ya
Mike: In his enraged state, hes able to lift the 65-pound CRT TV as if it were a hollow prop of some sort!
— RiffTrax age
Mike Nelson: This is almost like Shakespeare. never existed and instead we got the lady who wrote Twilight.
— RiffTrax light
Mr Filch: Youll be serving detention with Hagrid tonight. Hes got a little job to do inside the Dark Forest.
— RiffTrax dark
Padme: Wed be living a lie, one we couldnt keep even if we wanted to. I couldnt do that. Could you, Anakin, could you live like that?
— RiffTrax living
Richard Cheese: Ah, memories of Vegas: arriving at the airport, waking up on the plane home good times.
— RiffTrax time
Sam Witwicky: Fifty years from now, when youre looking back at your life, dont you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?
— RiffTrax life

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