: So they're showing me on television the detergent for getting out blood-stains...Is this a violent image to anybody? Blood-stains? I mean, I, come on, you got a T-shirt with blood-stains all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem right now...Maybe you oughtta get the harpoon out of your chest first. .
: All right, if she puts the bags down before she greets you, that's a good sign. Jerry: Right. George: You know, anything in the, in the lip area is good. Jerry: Lip area. George: You know, a hug: definitely good. Jerry: Hug is definitely good. George: Sure. Jerry: Although what if it's one of those hugs where the shoulders are touching, the hips are eight feet apart? George: That's so brutal, I hate that. Jerry: You know how they do that? George: That's why, you know, a shake is bad. Jerry: Shake is bad, but what if it's the two-hander? The hand on the bottom, the hand on the top, the warm look in the eyes? George: Hand sandwich. Jerry: Right. George: I see, well, that's open to interpretation. Because so much depends on the layering and the quality of the wetness in the eyes. .
: There's something about a check that, to a man, is not masculine. I don't know exactly what it is... I think to a man, a check is like a note from your mother that says "I don't have any money, but if you'll contact these people, I'm sure they'll stick up for me... If you just trust me this one time I don't have any money but I have these... I wrote on these; is this of any value at all?" .
Jerry: [while playing Scrabble] "Quone"? Helen: ...30...31... Jerry: "Quone"? No, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to challenge that. [Jerry picks up the dictionary] Helen: ...32... : No, you don't have to challenge that. That's a word. That's a definite word. Jerry: I am challenging. Kramer: Quone. To quone something. Jerry: Uh-huh. [Jerry looks up the word] Helen: I'm not playing with you anymore. Morty: Quone's not a word. Jerry: [showing the dictionary] No good. Sorry. There it is. Get it off. Helen: [to Kramer] Why did you make me put that down? Kramer: Nah, we need a medical dictionary! If a patient gets difficult, you quone him. .
: [Realizing that the robbery was his fault] Look, Jerry, I'm sorry, I'm uh, you have insurance, right buddy? : No. Kramer: How can you not have insurance? Jerry: Because...I spent my money on the Clapgo D. 29, it's the most impenetrable lock on the market today...it has only one design flaw:the door... [closing door] must be closed! Kramer: Jerry! I'm gonna find your stuff. I'm gonna solve it, I'm on the case, buddy, I'm on the case! Jerry: Yeah, don't investigate, don't pay me back, it was an accident. Kramer: I made a mistake. : These things happen. Kramer: I'm human Jerry: In your way. .
: Come on. Let's go do something. I don't want to just sit around here. Wanna get something to eat? Jerry: Where? Elaine: I don't care. I'm not hungry. Jerry: We could go to one of those cappuccino places. They let you just sit there. Elaine: What are we gonna do there, talk? Jerry: We can talk. Elaine: I'll go if I don't have to talk. Jerry: Then we'll just sit there. .
: I think Superman probably has a very good sense of humor. : I never heard him say anything really funny. Jerry: But it's common sense. He's got super strength, super speed.. I'm sure he's got super humor. George: You would think that, but either you're born with a sense of humor, or you're not. It's not going to change even if you go from the red sun of Krypton all the way to the yellow sun of the Earth. Jerry: Why? Why would that one area of his mind not be affected by the yellow sun of Earth? George: I don't know but he ain't funny. .
: What evidence is there that cats are so smart, anyway? Huh? What do they do? Because they're clean? I am sorry. My Uncle Pete showers four times a day and he can't count to ten. So don't give me hygiene. Jerry: So what are you gonna do? Elaine: I don't know. I can't think of any solution, unless of course they should meet with some unfortunate accident. What do you think a hit man would charge to rub out a couple of cats? Jerry: Well, it couldn't be too expensive. Thirteen, fourteen bucks a cat? Elaine: What do you think, Jerry? You wanna make twenty-eight bucks? Jerry: I'm no cat killer. .
Jerry: Theres something about a check that, to a man, is not masculine. I dont know exactly what it is I think to a man, a check is like a note from your mother that says I dont have any money, but if youll contact these people, Im sure theyll stick up for me If you just trust me this one time I dont have any money but I have these I wrote on these; is this of any value at all? .
Jerry: I didnt know she had a pony. How was I to know she had a pony? Who figures an immigrants going to have a pony? Do you know what the odds are on that? I mean, in all the pictures I saw of immigrants on boats coming into New York harbor, I never saw one of them sitting on a pony. Why would anybody come here if they had a pony? Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country? It doesnt make senseam I wrong? .
Jerry: This jacket has completely changed my life. When I leave the house in this, its with a whole different confidence. Like tonight, I mightve been a little nervous. But, inside this jacket, I am composed, grounded, secure that I can meet any social challenge. .
Jerry: I had a leather jacket that got ruined. Now, why does moisture ruin leather? I dont get this. Arent cows outside most of the time? I dont understand it. When its raining do cows go up to the farmhouse, Let us in, were all wearing leather. Open the door! Were gonna ruin the whole outfit here! Is it suede? I am suede, the whole thing is suede, I cant have this cleaned. Its all I got! .
Jerry: The bad thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what youre doing. Did you ever see anybody on TV like just sliding off the front of the sofa with potato chip crumbs on their face? Some people have a little too much fun on television: the soda commercial people - where do they summon this enthusiasm? Have you seen them? We have soda, we have soda, we have soda, jumping, laughing, flying through the air - its a can of soda. Have you ever been standing there and youre watching TV and youre drinking the exact same product that theyre advertising right there on TV, and its like, you know, theyre spiking volleyballs, jetskiing, girls in bikinis and Im standing there - Maybe Im putting too much ice in mine. .
George: When I was ten years old, my parents had this very same statue on the mantle of our apartment. Exactly, and, one day, I grabbed it, and I was using it as a microphone. I was singing, MacArthur Park, and I got to the part about, Ill never have that recipe again, and it slipped out of my hand and it broke. My parents looked at me like I smashed the Ten Commandments. To this day, they bring it up. It was the single most damaging experience in my life, aside from seeing my father naked. .
George: Okay, go ahead. Call her, get married, have babies, have a great life.. What do I care? Im finished. Its all over for me. In fact, lets end it right now. Jerry, kill me, kill me now. Im begging you. Lets just get it over with. Be a pal.. Just take the pillow and put it over my face. .
Jerry: Now heres another little rule. When we see each other now, we retire to our separate quarters. But sometimes, when people get involved with that, they feel pressure to sleep over. When that is not really sleep. Sleep is separate from that. And I dont see why sleep got all tied up and connected with that. .
George: You ask me to have lunch, tell me you slept with Elaine, and then say youre not in the mood for details. Now you listen to me. I want details and I want them right now. I dont have a job, I have no place to go. Youre not in the mood? Well you get in the mood! .
George: Well, its this little place with this little bathroom. Its like right there, you know, its not even down a little hall or off in an alcove. You understand? Theres no buffer zone. So, we start to fool around, and its the first time, and its early in the going. And I begin to perceive this impendingintestinal requirement, whose needs are going to surpass by great lengths anything in the sexual realm. So I know Im gonna have to stop. And as this is happening Im thinking, even if I can somehow manage to momentarilyextricate myself from the proceedings and relieve this unstoppable force, I know that that bathroom is not gonna provide me with the privacy that I know Im going to need. .
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