Snatch 2000

Policeman: So, what you doin here?Turkish: Im taking the dog for a walk. Whats the problem?Policeman: Whats in the car?Turkish: Seats and a steering wheel.

— Snatch 2000 man

Brick Top: Do you know what nemesis means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an orrible cunt... me.

— Snatch 2000 man

Avi: Should I call you Bullet? Tooth?Bullet Tooth Tony: You can call me Susan if it makes you happy.

— Snatch 2000 happy

Turkish: You take sugar?Brick Top: No thank you, Turkish; Im sweet enough.

— Snatch 2000 sweet

Mickey: Good dags. Dya like dags?Tommy: Dags?Mickey: What?Mrs. ONeil: Yeah, dags.Tommy: Oh, dogs. Sure, I like dags. I like caravans more.

— Snatch 2000 good

Turkish: Whats happening with them sausages, Charlie?Sausage Charlie: Five minutes, Turkish.Turkish: It was two minutes five minutes ago.

— Snatch 2000 age

Brick Top: In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary... come again?

— Snatch 2000 words

Bullet Tooth Tony: Boris the Blade? As in Boris the Bullet-Dodger?Avi: Why do they call him the Bullet-Dodger?Bullet Tooth Tony: Cause he dodges bullets, Avi.

— Snatch 2000

Tyrone: I dont want that dog dribbling on my seats.Vinny: Your seats? Tyrone, this is a stolen car, mate.

— Snatch 2000 you

Bullet Tooth Tony: You should never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.

— Snatch 2000 you

Brick Top: I dont care if hes Muhammad Im hard Bruce Lee. You cant change fighters.

— Snatch 2000 change

Boris The Blade Yurinov: [referring to Tommys gun] Heavy is good, heavy is reliable. If it doesnt work you can always hit them with it.

— Snatch 2000 work

Turkish: [looks at the caravan] Look at it. How am I suppose to run this thing from that? Well need a proper office. I want a new one, Tommy. Youre going to buy it for me.Tommy: Why me?Turkish: Well, you know about caravans.Tommy: Hows that?Turkish: You spent a summer in one, which means you know more than me. And I dont want to have my pants pulled down over the price.Tommy: Whats wrong with this one?Turkish: [Pulls the caravans door from its hinges] Oh, nothing, Tommy. Its tiptop. Its just Im not sure about the colour.

— Snatch 2000 you

Franky Four Fingers: So the Biblical scholars mis-translated the Hebrew word for young woman into the Greek word for virgin, which was a pretty easy mistake to make, since there is only a subtle difference in the spelling. But back then it was the virgin that caught peoples attention. Its not every day a virgin conceives and bears a son. So you keep that for a couple of hundred years, and the next thing you know, you have the Holy Catholic church.

— Snatch 2000 people

Vinny: Did he have four fingers?Sol: Im sorry, I couldnt get the bin-noc-u-lars out in time.

— Snatch 2000 time

[first lines]Turkish: [narrating] My name is Turkish. Funny name for an Englishman, I know. My parents to be were on the same plane when it crashed. Thats how they met. They named me after the name of the plane. Not many people are named after a plane crash. Thats Tommy. He tells people he was named after a gun, but I know he was really named after a famous 19th century ballet dancer.

— Snatch 2000 funny

Customs official: Anything to declare?Avi: Yeah. Dont go to England.

— Snatch 2000

Mickey: [roused from his drunken stupor] I need to have a shite.

— Snatch 2000 need

Avi: Tony.Bullet Tooth Tony: What?Avi: Look in the dog.Bullet Tooth Tony: What do you mean look in the dog?Avi: I mean open him up.Bullet Tooth Tony: Its not as if its a tin of baked beans! What do you mean open him up?

— Snatch 2000 you

Bullet Tooth Tony: Avi, pull your socks up.

— Snatch 2000 you

Turkish: I cant make him fight, can I?Brick Top: Youre not much good to me alive, are you, Turkish?

— Snatch 2000 good

Brick Top: What do you think, Errol?Errol: I think we should drip-dry them, Guvnor, while we have the chance.Brick Top: It was a rhetorical question, Errol. What have I told you about thinking?

— Snatch 2000 thinking

Mickey: Ill tell ya what. Ill do it for a caravan.Turkish: For what?Pikeys: For a caravan.Tommy: It was us who wanted a caravan.[looking around]Tommy: Anyway, whats wrong with this one?Mickey: Its not for me. Its for me ma.Turkish: Your what?Pikeys: His ma.

— Snatch 2000 ya

Brick Top: Do you know what nemesis means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent, personified in this case by a orrible cunt, me.

— Snatch 2000 man

Avi: Im gettin heartburn. Tony, do something terrible.

— Snatch 2000 art

Turkish: Im sorry, Mickey.Mickey: Did ya do it? Then why are ya sorry?

— Snatch 2000 ya

Sol: You aint from this planet are you, Vincent? Who is gonna mug two black fellas, holding pistols, sat in a car that is worth less than your shirt?

— Snatch 2000 you

Brick Top: [referring to Tommy] Turkish, put a lid on her.

— Snatch 2000

Turkish: I fail to recognize the correlation between losing ten grand, hospitalizing Gorgeous, and a good deal.

— Snatch 2000 good

[after cleaning out Turkishs Safe]Brick Top: Hes been a busy little bastard, that Turkish.Errol: I think youve let him get away with enough already, Guvnor.Brick Top: It can get you in a lot of trouble, thinking, Errol, I shouldnt do so much of it.

— Snatch 2000 thinking

[while robbing the bookies]Sol: Are you all right there Vincent?Vinny: I would be if you stopped using my name.

— Snatch 2000 book

Turkish: Its an unlicensed boxing match. Its not a tickling competition. These lads are out to hurt each other.

— Snatch 2000 hurt

Tommy: Are you sayin I cant shoot?Turkish: No Tommy, Im not saying you cant shoot. I know you cant shoot. Im saying that six-pound piece of shit stuck in your trousers would do more damage if you fed it to him.

— Snatch 2000 age

Doug the Head: [examining Frankys diamonds] Ah, from Russia with love, eh?Franky Four Fingers: I have stones to sell, fat to chew, and many different men to see about many different dogs, so if I am not rushing you...Doug the Head: Slow down, Franky, my son. When in Rome.Franky Four Fingers: I am not in Rome, Doug. I am in a rush. I got to make the bookies.Doug the Head: Bookies? What are you betting on?Franky Four Fingers: Bomber Harris.Doug the Head: Ah. The unlicensed boxer, eh? Do you know something that I dont?Franky Four Fingers: Bubbe, I probably know a lot you dont.

— Snatch 2000 love

Boris The Blade Yurinov: Give me the stone.Vinny: [pointing] Its in the case.Boris The Blade Yurinov: What?[takes out his earplugs]Vinny: Its in the case!Boris The Blade Yurinov: You put the stone in the case? Then open the case and give me the stone.Sol: The only man who knew the combination... you just shot.

— Snatch 2000 man

Turkish: [voice over] Boris the Blade, or Boris the Bullet Dodger. As bent as the Soviet sickle, and as hard as the hammer that crosses it. Apparently, its just impossible to kill the bastard.

— Snatch 2000 voice

Gorgeous George: This will get messy.

— Snatch 2000 will

Turkish: You arent exactly Mister Current Affairs are you, Tommy? Mad Fist went mad, and The Gun, shot himself.

— Snatch 2000 self

Franky Four Fingers: Where is the stone?

— Snatch 2000

Avi: Tony, there is a man Id like you to find.Bullet Tooth Tony: Well, that depends on all the elements in the equation. How many are there?Avi: Forty thousand.Bullet Tooth Tony: Where was he last seen?Doug the Head: At a bookies.Bullet Tooth Tony: A bookies... pass us the blower, Susi.

— Snatch 2000 men

Vinny: The dog. The dog must have ate it.

— Snatch 2000

Mickey: I bet ya can box a little, cant ya sir? Aye, you look like a boxer.

— Snatch 2000 ya

[after hearing about Bullet-Tooth Tony surviving after being shot six times]Cousin Avi: Six times?Doug the Head: In one sitting.

— Snatch 2000 time

Turkish: That six pound piece of shit stuck in your trousers would do more damage if you fed it to him.

— Snatch 2000 age

Bullet Tooth Tony: Im driving down the road with your head stuck in my window. What does it look like Im doin?

— Snatch 2000 you

Turkish: [Tommy has a gun in his trousers] Whats to stop it blowing your bollocks off every time you sit down?

— Snatch 2000 time

Vinny: Bad Boy, I keep telling you: Stick to being a gangster. Leave this game to me n Sol.

— Snatch 2000 you

Bullet Tooth Tony: All right, Mullet?[Mullet freezes, then swallows and turns around]Mullet: How you doin, Tony? You all right, mate?Bullet Tooth Tony: Ooh, nice tie.Mullet: I heard you werent about much these days, Tony.Bullet Tooth Tony: What do you know? Still warm, the blood that courses through my veins. Unlike yours, Mullet.

— Snatch 2000 war

Brick Top: [Into cell phone] Pete, talk to me.Darren: [Into cell phone] If ya want yer friend to hear ya, youll have to talk a lot louder than that.

— Snatch 2000 ya

Turkish: Well, why didnt you just[American accent]Turkish: bust a cap in his ass, Tommy?

— Snatch 2000 america

Brick Top: Are you taking the piss?

— Snatch 2000 you

[standing over Frankys body]Bad Boy Lincoln: What has he got a tea cozy on his head for?Sol: [sarcastic] To keep his head warm.Bad Boy Lincoln: Well, whats the matter with him?Vinny: Hes been shot in the face, Lincoln. I wouldve thought that was obvious.

— Snatch 2000 war

Sol: You are a bad-boy yardie, and bad-boy yardies are supposed to know how to get rid of bodies.Bad Boy Lincoln: I create the bodies. I dont erase the bodies.

— Snatch 2000 ya

Errol: Looks like were in, guvnor.Brick Top: Goody gumdrops. Get us a cup of tea, would you, Errol?

— Snatch 2000 good

[last lines]Turkish: [narrating] Tommy persuaded me to keep the dog. I eventually agreed, as long as he took it to a vet. I couldnt stand that squeaking any more. The vet found half an undigested shoe, a squeaky toy, and an 84-carat diamond lodged in its stomach. Its quite amazing what can happen in a week. Still didnt shut it up though. So what do you do? You go to see the man that knows about these sort of things.Turkish: So what do you think? Do you know anyone whod be interested?Doug the Head: I might.

— Snatch 2000 man

[Police are watching Tommy chase the dog]Turkish: He loves that dog. Always playing silly games.

— Snatch 2000 love

Avi: [in Dougs office while trying to find Boris] Russians.[he chuckles]Avi: Russians. I shouldve known. Anti-Semite, slippery Cossack sluts. What do you know about this goyim?Bullet Tooth Tony: Ex-KGB cancer. He was a highly trained undercover agent. Hell be impossible to track down.Doug the Head: [the phone rings and Doug picks it up] Yeah.Susi Denovitz: Dad, theres a strange man down here who wants to sell us an 84-carat stone.Doug the Head: Where does he come from?Susi Denovitz: I dont know, its hard to tell. Hes got a thick Russian accent.[cut to a TV monitor as Boris stares suspiciously into the camera]

— Snatch 2000 man

Avi: How do you wanna get rid of him?Bullet Tooth Tony: Well, do you want to shoot him?Avi: Thats a little noisy, isnt it?Bullet Tooth Tony: Well, do you want to stab him?Avi: Well, thats a little cold-blooded, isnt it?Bullet Tooth Tony: Do you want to kill him, or not?

— Snatch 2000 you

Franky Four Fingers: So... what do you want for it?Boris The Blade Yurinov: Nothing.Franky Four Fingers: OK... so, what do you want for it?

— Snatch 2000 you

Boris The Blade Yurinov: Drop the gun, fat boy.

— Snatch 2000

Errol: Oink oink!Turkish: Shit!Errol: So thats where you keep the sugar.

— Snatch 2000 you

Turkish: Bollocks! Im going for a walk.

— Snatch 2000

Sol: Oh, is that him?Vinny: I dont know, how many fingers did he have?Sol: Im sorry I couldnt get the bin-noc-u-lars out in time.Vinny: Look, well lets not stand in no ceremony mate, lets start the show.

— Snatch 2000 time

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