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Superhero Movie 2008

Uncle Albert: [to Rick about a book on puberty] There are mood swings, fluid retention, and once a month youll bleed from your vagina.[awkward pause]Uncle Albert: This may be the wrong book.
— Superhero Movie 2008 war
Dr. Stephen Hawking: If there is one lesson my life can teach, is it that the spirit is stronger than the body. The hero comes from within.Dragonfly: Those are Celine Dion lyrics.
— Superhero Movie 2008 life
Rick Riker: Now Im never gonna know the secret to becoming a superhero.Mrs. Xavier: You wanna know the secret? Come close.[smacks Rick]Mrs. Xavier: Make a costume, shithead!
— Superhero Movie 2008 you
Uncle Albert: Remember, with great power comes...Rick Riker: Great responsibility?Uncle Albert: Well, I was gonna say bitches, but if you want to be a virgin for the rest of your life...
— Superhero Movie 2008 life
Rick Riker: [opening the front door] Uncle Albert![Albert turns and shoots a nail from a nail gun; Rick catches the nail]Uncle Albert: [amazed] How did you do that?Rick Riker: Its... easier than it looks.Uncle Albert: [shoots Trey in the hand] Nope. I dont think so.
— Superhero Movie 2008 you
[after Aunt Lucille farts through Rick and Jills conversation, Hourglass breaks through the window]Hourglass: Sorry to drop in uninvited.Rick Riker: Its okay. We were hoping someone would open a window. It was getting stuffy in here.
— Superhero Movie 2008 art
Dr. Whitby: So, what brings you here?Rick Riker: My uncle.Dr. Whitby: Your uncle brought you here?Rick Riker: No, hes gravely injured.Dr. Whitby: Well, he shouldnt be driving, then.
— Superhero Movie 2008 you
Dr. Stephen Hawking: My nurse is a lesbian and not the hot kind.
— Superhero Movie 2008
Professor Xavier: But pumpkin, I dont see nobody.Mrs. Xavier: Dont call me pumpkin. It aint Halloween.
— Superhero Movie 2008 body
Uncle Albert: How can you say that? Ive been like a father to you! I raised you, just like your father did! I believed in you, just like your father did! I slept with your mother, just like your father did!
— Superhero Movie 2008 believe
Uncle Albert: With great power comes... ow!Rick Riker: Great responsibility? Try to breathe!Uncle Albert: I cant. Youre kneeling on my balls!
— Superhero Movie 2008 power
Rick Riker: Im not wearing any diamonds.
— Superhero Movie 2008
Uncle Albert: God, Lucille! How could you take her away from me! I cant live without her! Lucille! Snookie lumps!Undertaker: Im sorry, theres been a terrible mistake. This is your wife.Uncle Albert: [sees Lucille in other casket] Ah!Undertaker: She is this mans wife.Uncle Albert: Give me five minutes.
— Superhero Movie 2008 god
Uncle Albert: [lovingly] Your thighs look like warm cottage cheese someone threw up on a hot sidewalk.Aunt Lucille Adams: And youve always had a tiny penis.Uncle Albert: Well, what does it matter when youre in love?
— Superhero Movie 2008 love
Jills Mother: [shouting from a window] Youre a whore, just like your mother![Jills mother goes back inside]Rick Riker: Who was that?Jill Johnson: My mother.
— Superhero Movie 2008 mother
King of Sweden: Ladies and gentlemen, our first award is for the medical breakthrough of the year. For his companys pioneering work in the field of feminine hygiene, I award Lou Landers douche bag of the year.
— Superhero Movie 2008 war
Young Rick Riker: [Blaine laying on the ground before death] Dad!Blaine Riker: Oh Rick, Im dying...Young Rick Riker: No...Blaine Riker: Dont worry, my brother Albert will take you in. Rick, the money, its all yours now. Sell all shares in a small company called Google, pfft, worthless. Invest heavily in Enron.
— Superhero Movie 2008 death
Rick Riker: See, youre not even in my top five!
— Superhero Movie 2008 you
Rick Riker: [Rick sees that Lou is coughing blood] Are you okay, Mr. Landers?Lou Landers: Oh, Im fine, son. This is just healthy cough-blood!
— Superhero Movie 2008 health
Undertaker: This is gonna be difficult for you but youve got to identify the body.Rick Riker: This isnt my aunt.Undertaker: Yes. Thats why its going to be difficult.
— Superhero Movie 2008 body
Dr. Strom: Unless you add some serelium! Then you could create a device powerful enough to draw the lifeforce out of thousands of people and enhance your own cellular capacity!Lou Landers: Strom, youre a genius!Dr. Strom: [being modest] Wikipedia
— Superhero Movie 2008 life
Lou Landers: [Lou Landers plots to steal cerillium from Hawkings lab] I could just walk right in.Dr. Strom: Youre going to steal cerillium?Lou Landers: No, not me. But perhaps theres someone inside me. Someone who will at any cost... survive![evil laugh, Lou picks up an hourglass and breaks it]Lou Landers: Ow, ow! Glass in my eye! Glass in my eye!
— Superhero Movie 2008 evil
Rick Riker: [during a prolonged conversation with Jill while plummeting from a rooftop] This is a really tall building.
— Superhero Movie 2008 conversation
Tom Cruise: [clapping with each syllable to emphasize his point] Old MacDonald had a farm and Bingo was his name - o.
— Superhero Movie 2008 wit
Priest: We are gathered today to say goodbye to Lucille Adams.Mourners: Goodbye!
— Superhero Movie 2008 good
Lance Landers: [to Rick] Watch where youre going in slo-mo, dipshit.
— Superhero Movie 2008 you
Uncle Albert: And maybe your father shouldnt have given you this afterall, look at the words your ancestors incribed in that ring: honor, valor, sacrifice, duty, commitment, bravery, justice, integerity, brotherhood, self-esteem, low prices, affordable housing, loose fitting pants, cheap internet porn, the rest is in Latin.
— Superhero Movie 2008 words
Lunatic Editor: [Gently carried away] I know the Mayor of Venus! Hamburgers can see the Future!
— Superhero Movie 2008 future
Lou Landers: Ive never been married.Jill Johnson: [hold up fruitcake] Fruitcake?Lou Landers: No. Just havent met the right woman.
— Superhero Movie 2008 man

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