Arthur: All my life Ive had this strange feeling that theres something big and sinister going on in the world.Slartibartfast: No, thats perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe gets that. .
The Book: The Encyclopedia Galactica, in its chapter on Love states that it is far too complicated to define. The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of love: Avoid, if at all possible. Unfortunately, Arthur Dent has never read the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. .
The Book: What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue: Consider yourself lucky that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasnt been good to you so far, which given your present circumstances seems more likely, consider yourself lucky that it wont be troubling you much longer. .
Arthur Dent: Just wait a sodding minute! You want a question that goes with the answer for 42? Well, how about whats six times seven? Or how many Vogons does it take to change a lightbulb? Heres one! How many roads must a man walk down?Lunkwill: Hey, thats not bad!Arthur Dent: Fine. Fine, take it. Because my head is filled with questions and I can assure you no answer to any one of them has ever brought me one iota of happiness. Except for one. The one. The only question Ive ever wanted an answer to - is she the one? The answer bloody well isnt forty-two, its yes. Undoubtedly, unequivocally, unabashedly yes. And for one week, one week in my sad little blip of an existence, it made me happy.Trillian: Thats a good answer...Lunkwill: Rubbish, we dont want to be happy, we want to be famous!Fook: Yeah! What is all this is she the one tripe?Lunkwill: Take his brain! .
Trillian: Who are you?Arthur: Er, Dent, Arthur Dent.Trillian: No, I mean *who* are you?Arthur: Oh, the costume. Er, Livingston I presume. Yeah. Not as good as Darwin I know but the best I could manage at short notice.Trillian: Youre the first person whose gotten that right. Everyone keeps calling me Santa.Arthur: Really?Trillian: Yeah, and I thought the beagle made it a dead giveaway.Arthur: Well, I suppose most of the people who come to these parties are drunken idiots.Trillian: What?[the record player is bumped, the music stops]Arthur: I said all these people are idiots![everyone stares at him]Arthur: Oh god... .
Lunkwill: Do you...Deep Thought: Have an answer for you? Yes. But youre not going to like it.Fook: Please tell us. We must know!Deep Thought: Okay. The answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything is...[wild cheers from audience, then silence]Deep Thought: 42. .
Slartibartfast: Perhaps Im old and tired, but I think that the chances of finding out whats actually going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say, Hang the sense of it, and keep yourself busy. Id much rather be happy than right any day.Arthur Dent: And are you?Slartibartfast: Ah, no.[laughs, snorts]Slartibartfast: Well, thats where it all falls down, of course. .
Marvin: I think you ought to know Im feeling very depressed.Trillian: Well, we have something that may take your mind off it.Marvin: It wont work, I have an exceptionally large mind.Trillian: Yeah, we know. .
Trillian: You idiot! You signed the order to destroy Earth!Zaphod: I did?Arthur: He did?Trillian: Love and kisses Zaphod? You didnt even read it, did you?Zaphod: Well, Im president, I dont have a lot of time for reading.Trillian: My whole planet destroyed because you thought someone wanted your autograph! .
Arthur: [Trillian has been captured by Vogons][bursts into a random Vogon building with Marvins arm, hoping they think its a gun]Arthur: All right! Where is she![sees hes in a waiting room]Vogon Secretary: Who? The Director of Robot Arm Repair? .
Marvin: You can blame the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation for making androids with GPP...Arthur: Um... whats GPP?Marvin: [despondently] Genuine People Personalities. Im a personality prototype. You can tell, cant you...? .
The Book: The best drink in existance is the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which, is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon... wrapped around a large gold brick. .
The Book: The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy is a wholly remarkable book. More popular, certainly more successful than the Celestial Home Care Omnibus, better selling than Fifty-Three More Things to do in Zero Gravity, and more controversial than Oolon Colluphids trilogy of philosophical blockbusters Where God Went Wrong, Some More of Gods Greatest Mistakes and Who is this God Person Anyway? .
Ghostly Image: It is most gratifying that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated. As a token of our appreciation, we hope you will enjoy the two thermonuclear missiles weve just sent to converge with your craft. To ensure ongoing quality of service, your death may be monitored for training purposes. Thank you. .
Slartibartfast: [talking about the Earth] Best laid plans of mice.Arthur: And men.Slartibartfast: What?Arthur: Best laid plans of mice and men.Slartibartfast: Oh. No, I dont think men had much to do with it. .
Humma Kavula, Congregation: [singing] Oh mighty Arkleseizure, thou gazed from high above. And sneezed from out thy nostrils, a gift of bounteous love. The universe around us emerged from thy nose. Now we await with eager expectation, thy handkerchief, to bring us back to thee.[End singing]Zaphod: Hello Humma.Humma Kavula: Let us pray. Oh mighty one, we raise our noses to you blocked and unblown, send the handkerchief O blessed one that we may be wiped clean.[Everyone in the congregation sneezes simultaneously]Humma Kavula: Bless you. .
Slartibartfast: You must come with me.Arthur Dent: Who are you?Slartibartfast: What? No. My names not important. You must come with me, or youll be late.Arthur Dent: Late for what?Slartibartfast: Well, um, whats your name, Earthman?Arthur Dent: Dent. Arthur Dent.Slartibartfast: Well, late as in *the late* Dentarthurdent. Its a sort of threat. You see?Arthur Dent: No.Slartibartfast: Your friends are safe, you can trust me.Arthur Dent: Trust a man who wont even tell me his name?Slartibartfast: Well, um, my name is, um, its[hurriedly]Slartibartfast: Slartibartfast.Arthur Dent: What?Slartibartfast: I *said* it wasnt important. .
The Book: [voice-over while Arthur and Ford are being tortured by being read Vogon poetry] Vogon poetry is the third worst in the Universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poetmaster, Grunthos the Flatulent, of his poem Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning four of his audience members died of internal hemorrhaging, and the President of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. The absolute worst poetry in the universe was written by Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Sussex. Thankfully it was destroyed when the earth was. .
Marvin: [as Vogons fire at the group] Dont see what the big deal is... Vogons are some of the worst shots in the galaxy...Marvin: [one hits Marvin, leaving a smoking hole in his head. he turns] Now Ive got a headache! .
[deleted scene]Questular Rontok: [runs to the demolished caravan to find Zaphod unconcious inside] Mr President! Oh, thank god. I tried to prevent all this from happening, but forces beyond my control made it impossible for me to stop them. And even stronger forces are making it impossible for me to stop doing this right now![kisses Zaphod, waking him up]Zaphod: [throws Questular off him] Zarquon, woman! Are you insane? Youre my vice-president! In the name of liberty, and freedom, and people, and... stuff... lets do that again![they kiss passionately] .
News Reader: Humma Kavula is best known for his slanderous Dont vote for stupid campaign and claimed that most people thought they were voting for the worst dressed sentient being in the universe contest. .
Barman: Did you say the world is coming to an end? Shouldnt we all lie on the floor or put paper bags over our heads?Ford: If you like.Barman: Will it help?Ford: Not at all.[Ford runs out of the pub]Barman: Last orders, please! .
[Marvin, Trillian, Ford, Arthur and Zaphod are being fired upon by Vogons - the others flee as Marvin only very slowly walks away]Marvin: I dont know what youre all worried about. Vogons are the worst marksmen in the galaxy.[he is shot in the back of the head]Marvin: Now Ive got a headache. .
The Book: Vogons. They are one of the most unpleasant races in the galaxy. Not actually evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious, and callous. They wouldnt even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the ravenous Bug-Blatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, lost, found, queried, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighter. On no account should you allow a Vogon to read poetry to you. .
Ghostly Image: We are pleased to see that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated, and would like you to know that the two thermonuclear missiles currently converging upon your vessel are merely a courtesy we extend to all prospective customers. .
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