The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 tears

Marvin: [Trillian, Ford, and Zaphod have gone through the portal and left Arthur and Marvin behind] I told you this would all end in tears.Arthur: Did you? Did you?

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 art

Fook: We dont want to be happy, we want to be famous.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 happy

Marvin: Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to take you to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction, cause I dont.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 action

Zaphod: Hey! Is this guy boring you? Why dont you come talk to me instead? Im from a different planet. Seriously![laughs]Zaphod: You want to see my spaceship?

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 you

Ford: [talking about Zaphod] Hes my semi half brother.Zaphod: He shares three of the same mothers as me.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 mother

The Book: [about the Point of View Gun] The Point of View gun conveniently does precisely what its name suggests. That is if you point it at someone and pull the trigger, they instantly see things from your point of view. It was designed by Deep Thought, but commissioned by a consortium of intergalactic angry housewives, who after countless arguments with their husbands were sick to the teeth of ending those arguments with the phrase You just dont get it, do you?

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 men

Trillian: So much for the laws of physics.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 law

Humma Kavula: Even an improbability drive needs coordinates which I happen to have.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 need

Humma Kavula: What does Zaphod Beeblebrox treasure most?

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005

Ford: Whats with the whole two-head thing?Zaphod: Oh, yeah, apparently you cant be president with a whole brain.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 you

Arthur: So youre not from Guildford. Which would explain the accent.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 art

Gag Halfrunt: Zaphods just zis guy, ya know?

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 ya

Zaphod: This is it. I have a hunch.Ford: His hunches are good.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 good

Ford: [as they are about to be shot into space, he dabs Arthurs face with a towel] Youre sweating.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 art

Lunkwill: Drink up.Arthur: Thank you.Fook: Now, to business.Ford, Zaphod: [drunkenly toasting] To business!Lunkwill, Fook: Eat!Zaphod: [quietly] Sorry.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 art

Zaphod: You Zarkin Frood!

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 you

Trillian: We dont know why were here. We were trying to get to Magrathea and our ship brought us here.Humma Kavula: How very... improbable.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005

Zaphod: Oh Deep Thought! We have travelled long... and far. Have you calculated the ultimate question?Deep Thought: [yawns] No. Ive been watching the TV.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 travel

Zaphod: Circus! Circus!

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005

Zaphod: Hes a guest on my ship! Hes a guest on my shiiiip!Ford: I thought you said you stole it.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 thought

Ford: [watching the Magrathean recording of Deep Thought] Is that it?Zaphod: No, theres more. They go back.Arthur: What, seven and a half million years later?Zaphod: Yeah, they do.[Cuts to 7.5 million years later and the answer being received]

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 art

Trillian: How badly does it hurt?Arthur: It doesnt feel great.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 art

Arthur: She was amazing though, Ford. Beautiful, witty, mad as a balloon.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 art

Ford: [about Vogons] They dont think, they dont imagine, most of them cant even spell, they just run things. And if we dont hitch a ride soon, you wont need the guide to tell you just how unpleasant they can be. They already destroyed a planet today, and that always makes them a little... eeee!

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 you

Arthur: I think that door just sighed.Marvin: Ghastly, isnt it? All the doors on this spaceship have been programmed to have a cheery and sunny disposition.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 art

Zaphod: He did say the gray building, right?Ford: All the buildings are gray.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 right

Marvin: I have a million ideas, but, they all point to certain death.Arthur: Thanks very much, Marv!

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 death

Ghostly Image: Greetings. This is a recorded announcement as we are all out at the moment. The Commercial Council of Magrathea thanks you for your esteemed visit but regrets that the entire planet is temporarily closed. If you would like to leave your name and a planet where you can be contacted, kindly do so at the tone.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 men

Eddie the Computer: Engaging Infinite Improbability Drive...Ford: No, no, no... Zaphod, buttons arent toys! What did you do?

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 aging

The Book: The Infinite Improbability Drive is a wonderful new method of crossing interstellar distances in a few seconds, without all that tedious mucking about in hyperspace. As the Improbability Drive reaches infinite improbability, it passes through every conceivable point in every conceivable universe almost simultaneously. So youre never sure where youll end up or even what species youll be when you get there. Its therefore important to dress accordingly. The Drive was invented following research into finite improbability often used to break the ice at parties by making all the molecules in the hostesss undergarments leap one foot to the left in accordance with the theory of indeterminacy. Many physicists said they wouldnt stand for that sort of thing, partly because it debased science, but mostly because they didnt get invited to those sort of parties.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 science

Zaphod: Far out!

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005

Zaphod: [everything appears to be made of yarn] WOW! Is this gonna happen every time we hit that button?Trillian: Very probably, yes.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 time

Jeltz: Either die in the vacuum of space, or tell me what you thought of my poem.[other Vogons chuckle]Arthur: A... a... actually, I rather liked it.Jeltz: Hmm?Ford: Yeah. Thats good. Run with it.Jeltz: Hmmm?Arthur: Uh, some of the words I didnt understand, but I found the imagery quite effective.Jeltz: Continue...Arthur: Well, uh, yes, interesting rhythmic devices, which seemed to counterpoint the underlying metaphor of the humanity of, of the poets soul.Jeltz: So what youre saying is, I write poetry because underneath this mean, callous, heartless exterior, I just want to be loved?Ford: [whispers] Yes, yes, yes.Arthur: Yes, yes, yeah, please.[other Vogons ooh-ing and aah-ing]Jeltz: Throw them off the ship!

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 love

Humma Kavula: Zaphod Beeblebrox, our infamous President. What brings you to our humble planet?Zaphod: Oh, I think you know why Im here.Humma Kavula: No, I dont think I do.Zaphod: I think you think you dont. But we both know, you do.Humma Kavula: Eloquent as always. Your ability to articulate never ceases to amaze.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 art

Zaphod: Have you calculated the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything?Deep Thought: No. Ive been watching TV. I built another computer to do that.Zaphod: Oh, right, I forgot. Is it here?Deep Thought: No, its not here. Its another world.Zaphod: Its on another world...Deep Thought: It *is* another world, stupid. Or it was until the Vogons destroyed it for a hyperspace expressway.Zaphod: Well, Okay. You sure you dont have the question, or a way to, you know, access it or something? Cause I think Ive done a lot to get here.Deep Thought: [TV lights up again] Oh, shh, shh. The shows back on.Zaphod: Well, I dont wanna bother you, so Im gonna... Good stuff. Great.[backing away]Zaphod: Im gonna go and find something else for my entire life to be about.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 life

Slartibartfast: Earthman, you must realize that the planet you lived on was commissioned, paid for and run by mice.Arthur: When you say mice, do you mean the little furry white creatures with whiskers, ears, cheese?Slartibartfast: Yeah, but theyre protrusions into our dimension of hyper-intelligent beings. I dont know this cheese of which you speak, but they were there on Earth as mice experimenting on you.Arthur: I see where youve become confused now. You see, *we* were experimenting on *them*.Slartibartfast: Ah, no, well, yeah, no. Thats what they wanted you to think, but you were actually elements in their computer program.Arthur: Actually, this explains a lot. All my life Ive had this strange feeling theres something big and sinister going on in the world.Slartibartfast: No, thats normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe gets that.

— The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy 2005 life

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