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The Longest Yard 2005

Cheeseburger Eddy: I knew you couldnt resist my shit! I got the shakes thatll make you quake. I got the fries thatll cross your eyes. I got that burgers thatll... I just got burgers.
— The Longest Yard 2005 you
Deacon Moss: This is baby-back bullshit!
— The Longest Yard 2005
Guard Lambert: [Walks in and yells] Everybody stand for the warden!Warden Hazen: [Walks in and sees how fat Tony is] Anthony wow! You can sit down!Joey Battle: Thank God!
— The Longest Yard 2005 god
Switowski: He broke-ded my nosePaul Wrecking Crewe: Let me try to fix that.[Crewe fixes his nose]Switowski: How do I look?Caretaker: Much better, like a young Michael Jackson.Switowski: I love little Michael.
— The Longest Yard 2005 love
Caretaker: Who we gonna crush?(prisoners team): The guards!Caretaker: Who we gonna kill?(prisoners team): The guards!Caretaker: Who we gonna kiss?Brucie: [shouting out loud all alone] The guards!Caretaker: [smile] Gotcha.
— The Longest Yard 2005 kiss
Brucie: [Brucie is about to kick off] Jesus Christ my saviour,if you help me out with this one I promise to stop cheating on my wife with black guys, Amen.
— The Longest Yard 2005 men
Brucie: How come I cant be kicker? I was all state!Paul Wrecking Crewe: All right lets see what you got.Paul Wrecking Crewe: [kicks ball along the ground] ... thats why you dumbass.
— The Longest Yard 2005 you
Guard Engleheart: [the guards are picking on Megget in the library] Bet youd like to hit us, huh?Earl Megget: [smiling] Hit you, sir? Nah. Yall my friends!
— The Longest Yard 2005 art
Ms. Tucker: [to Brucie] You wish Id kiss you cos your breath smells like eight cans of shark shit.
— The Longest Yard 2005 kiss
[after Crewe decides to come back to the game]Turley: Im glad youre back, now I dont have to stab you.
— The Longest Yard 2005 you
[after inmates score touchdown on trick play]Guard Lambert: Is that legal?Paul Wrecking Crewe: Yes, it is.Guard Lambert: Is that a touchdown?Paul Wrecking Crewe: Yes, it is.Guard Lambert: Oh, goddamn it!
— The Longest Yard 2005 god
Cheeseburger Eddy: [to Megget] You acting like a real Mcasshole?
— The Longest Yard 2005 you
Cheeseburger Eddy: You gotta always protect the McNuggets!
— The Longest Yard 2005 you
Deacon Moss: The only game Ill play with you... is slap the point shaving white boy, til he cries like a baby back bitch.Cheeseburger Eddy: baby back bitch, baby back bitch, baby back bitch, baby back bitch.Caretaker: Thats a big ass robot
— The Longest Yard 2005 you
Guard Dunham: [rock music on in locker room acting like hes playing a guitar] This is how a white man plays a guitar.
— The Longest Yard 2005 music
[last lines]Deacon Moss: [Deacon and Battle pour Gatorade on Warden Hazen] Good game, sir!Warden Hazen: Thats a week in the hotbox!Joey Battle: Who gives a shit!
— The Longest Yard 2005 war
Baby Face Bob: [after the game, to Chris Berman] Remember Chris, criminals are people too...[suddenly appears aggressive]Baby Face Bob: Now give me your wallet!Chris Berman: [Backs down a little and looks frightened]Baby Face Bob: [laughs] Just kidding.
— The Longest Yard 2005 people
Captain Knauer: [after Crewe starts fight in lunch room] Stand up Crewe! You think you can do anything dont you... well youre no different than any other piece of shit that calls this place home...Paul Wrecking Crewe: Really they all think youre a dumb redneck too?Paul Wrecking Crewe: [Knauer takes a swing at Crewe with his night-stick amd Crewe catches it] You should really start cutting that shit out its gettin old...Captain Knauer: Thats gonna cost ya...Paul Wrecking Crewe: Looking forward to it...
— The Longest Yard 2005 war
Caretaker: Look in your toilet, I left you a surprise.Paul Wrecking Crewe: You took a shit in my toilet?Caretaker: No, thats what I left in Bruceys toilet.
— The Longest Yard 2005 you
Caretaker: Stop the violence! Cant we all just get along?
— The Longest Yard 2005 violence
Caretaker: That boys got slave feet.
— The Longest Yard 2005 care
Caretaker: [to an exceptionally fast runner] Run, Forest, run!
— The Longest Yard 2005 care
Con Transvestite: Whats wrong with you? Jealous because I dont cheer for you anymore?Brucie: I dont know what youre talking about, Freak show!Con Transvestite: Whatever, back freckles!
— The Longest Yard 2005 hate
[first lines]Lorenzo: I love that dress.Lena: Of course you do, Lorenzo, you made it.
— The Longest Yard 2005 love
Guard Lambert: Crewe! Ill see you on the field.[bangs his head on a locker]Coach Nate Scarborough: [to Crewe] I think hes in love with you.
— The Longest Yard 2005 love
Joey Battle: Wow no bullshit! Real football, against the guards?Coach Nate Scarborough: Full contact.Joey Battle: Captain Knauer is the quarterback?Caretaker: Yep.Joey Battle: So I get to tackle him?Paul Wrecking Crewe: Yeah, you can either tackle him or you can hit him over the head with that *hammer*.Joey Battle: [looks down at his crotch] I wanna hurt him, not kill him.Caretaker: Lets get outta here before that thing bites someone!Paul Wrecking Crewe: Alright well see you and your pet iguana at practice.
— The Longest Yard 2005 art
Ms. Tucker: Do the girls get to play?Caretaker: No, were playing football, not balls-balls
— The Longest Yard 2005 girls
Switowski: Will you teach me to football?Paul Wrecking Crewe: Sure, Ill teach you to football.Caretaker: Ill teach you anything. Just dont eat me.
— The Longest Yard 2005 you
Unger: The blood of the guards is gonna flow like the rivers of ancient Babylon!Paul Wrecking Crewe: Thats good news.
— The Longest Yard 2005 good

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