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The Mummy Returns 2001

Jonathan: Step aside, Alex... Im a professional.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 alex
Lock-Nah: [about Alex] NOW may I kill him?
— The Mummy Returns 2001 alex
Rick: Go to hell and take your friends with you.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 friends
Anck Su Namun: [Evies flashback; Princess Nefertiri falls during her duel with Anck Su Namun and lifts her mask][lifts her own mask]Anck Su Namun: Put your mask on! Lets not scar that pretty face.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 you
Meela: [interrogating Jonathan] Wheres your wife?Jonathan: My wife? Oh you mean Evie, I think she went off to Baden-Baden or Tibet or something, the girl is a free spirit, did I mention I was single now?Meela: [pulls a snake out of a basket] Egyptian Aps are quite poisonous[one of her men holds a knife to Jonathans throat]Jonathan: [about the bracelet] Its downstairs in the safe the combination is 3,20,58,3,9,3 something, its the safe downstairs I told you, I told you.Meela: [pets and kisses the snake] And your point is?[walks towards him and points the snake at his throat]Jonathan: [backs away] I told you, I told you so you wouldnt kill me!Meela: When did we make that arrangement?[Rick enters and interrupts]Rick: Oh hello[sees Jonathan tied up and Meela and her men surrounding him]Rick: Jonathan I thought I told you no more wild parties.Jonathan: You know when youre popular.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 war
Ardeth Bay: [to Alex] By putting this on, you have started a chain reaction that could bring about the next apocalypse.[Alex gasps]Rick: [to Ardeth] You, lighten up.[to Alex]Rick: You, big trouble.[to Jonathan]Rick: You, get in the car.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 art
Rick: [Evelyn drags a bench to block the museums entrance] Honey, what are you doing? These guys dont use doors.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 you
Evelyn: [about Ahm Shere] Alexander the Great sent troops in search of it.Rick: Great for him.Evelyn: So did Caesar.Rick: Yeah, look what happened to his career.Evelyn: And Napoleon.Rick: Yeah, but, were smarter than him. And taller, too.Evelyn: Exactly. Thats why were the ones who are gonna find it.Rick: Because were taller?
— The Mummy Returns 2001 art
Evelyn: No harm ever came from opening a chestRick: Yeah, right, and no harm ever came from reading a book. You remember how that one went?
— The Mummy Returns 2001 reading
Alex: Are we there yet?Lock-Nah: No.Alex: Are we there yet?Lock-Nah: No.Alex: Are we there yet?Lock-Nah: No.Alex: Are we...[Lock-Nah stabs his knife right between Alexs fingers]Alex: Whoa, that was amazing! Perfect aim.Lock-Nah: What are you talking about? I missed.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 you
Rick: Alex Ive got a big job for you. I want you to stay here and protect the car.Jonathan: I can do that!Alex: Protect the car? Come on, dad. Just because Im a kid doesnt mean Im stupid.Rick: I know.Alex: [ruffles his hair] Dad!Rick: Ehh...Jonathan: If you see anyone come running out screaming, its just me.Rick: [to Jonathan about Alex] Maybe you should stay here and watch him.Jonathan: Yes, now youre talking.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 you
Alex: [as Evy fights Imhoteps followers with a sword] Whoa, mom! When did you learn to do that?Evelyn: [surprised look on her face] I have no idea.[a thug grabs her by the throat and pushes her against the wall. She knees him in the groin, and decks him with a right hook]Evelyn: That I learned from your father!
— The Mummy Returns 2001 fight
Rick: Right, shes a reincarnated princess and Im a warrior for God?Ardeth Bay: And your son leads the way to Ahm Shere. Three sides of the pyramid. This was all preordained thousands of years ago.Evelyn: But how does the story end?Ardeth Bay: Only the journey is written, not the destination.Rick: Convenient.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 god
Izzy: [on seeing Izzys dirigible, Rick draws his gun] Whoa, whoa, whoa! Shes faster than she looks. And shes quiet, real quiet. Perfect for sneaking up on people, which is a very good thing.[lowers voice]Izzy: Unless of course we go with your approach: barging in face-first, guns blazing, and getting your friends shot in the ass!
— The Mummy Returns 2001 people
Rick: [witnessing Imhoteps resurrection] You know, a couple of years ago, this would have seemed really strange to me.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 strange
Rick: [talking about Alex] I swear that kid gets more and more like you every day.Evelyn: You mean more attractive, sweet and devilishly charming?Rick: No. Hes driving me crazy.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 evil
Alex: [trying to start the car] Come on, come on![Johnathan turns the key and breaks it off]Alex: You broke it, you broke it, you broke it!Jonathan: Be quiet Alex! If theres going to be any hysterics, theyll come from me!
— The Mummy Returns 2001 art
Rick: Let me guess, it was commanded by this Scorpion King guy?Evelyn: Yes, but he only awakens once every 5,000 years.Rick: Right. And if someone doesnt kill him, then hes gonna wipe out the world.Evelyn: How did you know?Rick: I didnt, but thats always the story.Evelyn: The last known expedition to actually reach Ahm Shere was sent by Ramses the Fourth over 3,000 years ago. He sent over a thousand men.Rick: And none of them was ever seen again.Evelyn: How did you know?Rick: I didnt, but thats always the story.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 men
Rick: Where the hells Jonathon?Evelyn: [Jonathon drives up in a double-decker bus] Alex.Rick: Whats the matter with my car?Jonathan: Well, I was forced to find an alternative means of transportation.Rick: A double-decker bus?Jonathan: [pointing to Alex] It was his idea.Alex: Was not!Jonathan: Was too!Rick: Just go!Alex: Was not!Jonathan: Was too!
— The Mummy Returns 2001 hell
Jonathan: What are we going to do? WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?Alex: Youre asking me? Im only 8 years old, for Christs sake!
— The Mummy Returns 2001 christ
Izzy: [to Rick] Whatever it is, whatever you need, I dont care. Forget it, OConnell. Every time I hook up with you, I get shot. Last time I got shot in the ass. Im in mourning for my ass!
— The Mummy Returns 2001 time
Evelyn: Jonathan.Jonathan: Yes?Evelyn: Thats my husband and my son down there. Make me proud.Jonathan: Todays that day, Evy.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 day
Ardeth Bay: There is a fine line between coincidence and fate.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 fate
Rick: Okay - youre here, the bad guys are here, Evys been kidnapped. Let me guess...Ardeth Bay: Yes, they once again removed the creature from his grave.Jonathan: I dont mean to point fingers, but isnt it your job to make sure that doesnt happen?
— The Mummy Returns 2001 you
Izzy: [after their narrow escape, Izzy cheers wildly, then rounds on OConnell][furious]Izzy: OConnell, you almost got me killed!Rick: [shrugs weakly] At least you didnt get shot.Evelyn: [Izzy is about to say more, when Evie grabs him and smothers his face with kisses] Izzy, thank you! Thank you!Izzy: [considerably more mellow] OConnell, who the hell you been messing with this time, huh?Rick: Oh, you know, the usual. Mummies, pygmies, big bugs.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 time
Jonathan: I say chaps, look at this. Shrunken heads. Id love to know how they do that.[Everybody looks strangely at Jonathan]Jonathan: Just curious.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 love
Ardeth Bay: I am sorry if I alarmed your son. But you must understand, now that the bracelet is on his wrist, we have only seven days before the Scorpion King awakens!Rick: We? What we?Ardeth Bay: If he is not killed, he will raise the Army of Anubis!Jonathan: I take it thats not a good thing?Rick: Oh, hell wipe out the world.Jonathan: Ah, the old Wipe-Out-The-World ploy.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 world
Rick: [Evelyn has just kicked a poisonous snake towards Rick] Those are poisonous, you know.Evelyn: Only if they bite you.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 war
Izzy: Remember that bank job in Marrakesh?Evelyn: Bank job?Rick: Its not like it sounds.Izzy: Oh its exactly how it sounds. Im flying high, hiding in the sun, the white boy here flags me down so I fly in low for the pickup. The next thing I know, I get shot! Im lying in the middle of the road with my spleen hangin out and I see him waltzing up with some belly dancer girl.Evelyn: Belly dancer girl? Izzy, I think you and I should talk.Izzy: As long as I dont get shot.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 you
Izzy: Isnt she beautiful?Rick: Its a balloon!Izzy: Ach, its a dirigible.Rick: Wheres your airplane?Izzy: Hah, airplanes are a thing of the past.Rick: Izzy, you were right.Izzy: I was?Rick: Yeah.[draws pistol]Rick: Youre gonna get shot.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 past
Lock-Nah: When the time comes I shall truly enjoy killing you.Alex: But until that time, you better be a *little* nicer to me. Now wheres my water?[Lock-Nah shoves a pitcher of water into Alexs hands]Alex: No ice?
— The Mummy Returns 2001 time
Ardeth Bay: Wherever this man is, your wife will surely be.Alex: [Alex rips the picture out of Ardeths hands] Hey, I know him. Hes the curator. He works at the British Museum.Ardeth Bay: Are you sure?Rick: You better believe him, he spends more time there then he does at home.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 time
Alex: Hey. The Book of the Dead.Meela: What a bright little child. Your mother must be missing you terribly. If you wish to see her again, you better behave.Alex: Lady, I dont behave for my parents, what makes you think Im going to do it for you?Lock-Nah: Silence!Meela: Because your parents wouldnt slip poisonous snakes in your bed while you were sleeping.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 silence
Jacques: This place... is cursed.Red: What is it with you and curses?Spivey: He aint happy without a good curse.[mockingly]Spivey: This is cursed. That is cursed.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 good
Izzy: This thing was filled with gas. Not hot air - gas. I need gas to get this thing off the ground. Where am I gonna get gas from around here? Huh? Bananas? Mangos? Tarzans ass? Well maybe I can finagle it to take hot air. But do you know how many cubic meters Id need? I mean, its too big!Rick: If anybody can fill this thing up with hot air, Izzy... its you.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 man
Rick: [Rick comes in and sees Jonathan being interrogated by thugs] Uh, hello. Jonathan, I thought I said no more wild parties.Jonathan: Well, when youre popular...
— The Mummy Returns 2001 art
Jonathan: Pull me up. Pull me up.[he sees the huge diamond on top of the pyramid]Jonathan: Wait, wait. Let me down. Let me down.Rick: Its not worth your life, you idiot.Jonathan: Yes, it is. Yes, it is.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 life
Jonathan: [Jonathan and Shafek are being chased by pygmies and are running into the burial ground] Look! Theres a burial ground. Were safe! Were safe! See those sacred stones? Theyll never cross those.Shafek: You are sure?Jonathan: Yes, of course Im sure.[a pygmy runs past and stabs Shafek. Jonathan screams]Jonathan: Sorry. My mistake.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 past
[last lines]Izzy: Uh, thats half mine, you know.Jonathan: What?Izzy: [indicating the diamond] Thats half mine.Jonathan: I have no idea what youre talking about.Izzy: What? You took my gold stick! I know you took my gold stick!Jonathan: No, I have no id- I swear on the head of my wife I have no idea what youre talking about.Izzy: You havent - you aint got a wife!Jonathan: I havent got your gold stick either![they keep arguing and their voices fade as the ship sails off into the sunset]
— The Mummy Returns 2001 you
Evelyn: [Evie is trying to bribe Rick into checking out the Oasis of Ahm Shere] I think the bracelet is some sort of guide to the lost oasis of Ahm Shere.Rick: Evy, I know what youre thinking and the answer is no. We just got home.Evelyn: Thats the beauty of it, were already packed.Rick: Why dont you just give me one good reason.Evelyn: Its just an oasis. Darling. A beautiful, exciting, romantic oasis.Rick: The kind with the white, sandy beach and the palm trees and the cool, clear, blue water and - we could have some of those big drinks with the little umbrellas.Evelyn: Sounds good.Rick: Sounds too good. Whats the catch?Evelyn: Supposedly its the resting place of Anubiss army.Rick: Ah, ya. see. I knew theres a catch. Theres always a catch.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 beauty
Alex: [while Jonathan is fighting Meela] Efday shokran... efday shokran... Uncle Jon! I dont know what this last symbol is!Jonathan: What does it look like?Alex: Its a bird - a stork!Jonathan: [ecstatic] I know that one! I know that one!Alex: Then what is it?Jonathan: [struggling with Meela] Ah... Ah...![throws her off]Jonathan: [triumphantly] Amenophus!
— The Mummy Returns 2001 men
Rick: Knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever youre about to do to him. But this is my house. I have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 men
Alex: My dad is going to kick your ass.Imhotep: I do not think so.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 you
Rick: [about the fire torch Evie is holding] You know if you move that fast enough, you can almost write your name?
— The Mummy Returns 2001 fire
Alex: Sucker weighs a goddang ton.Evelyn: Alex, watch your language!Alex: Rather weighty, this.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 god
Izzy: OConnell, if you give me that gold stick there, you can shave my head, wax my legs, and use me for a surfboard.Rick: Didnt we do that in Tripoli?
— The Mummy Returns 2001 you
Ardeth Bay: If a man does not embrace his past, he has no future.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 future
Baltus Hafez, the Curator: [after the Scorpion King grabs him] My lord, save me. Save me.Imhotep: Why?
— The Mummy Returns 2001
Ardeth Bay: [as Jonathan loads his rifle] You any good with that?Jonathan: Five times Fox and Hounds Grand Champion, Ill have you know![nods at Ardeths scimitar]Jonathan: You any good with that?Ardeth Bay: Well know soon enough.[in a flash, the scimitar is in his hand, out of his belt, and the blade rests against Jonathans neck]Ardeth Bay: Because the only way to kill an Anubis warrior is by taking off its head.Jonathan: [swallows] Ill remember that.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 war
Ardeth Bay: [on seeing Ricks tattoo] If I were to say to you that, I am a stranger traveling from the East, seeking that which is lost...Rick: Then I would reply that, I am a stranger traveling from the West, it is I whom you seek.Ardeth Bay: Then it is true. You have the sacred mark.Rick: What, that? No, that got slapped on me when I was in an orphanage in Cairo.Ardeth Bay: That mark means you are a protector of man. A warrior for God. A Medjai.Rick: Im sorry. Youve got the wrong guy.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 god
Imhotep: [Imhotep is being attacked by the Scorpion King] I am your servant. I am your servant.The Scorpion King: We shall see.Imhotep: [points at Rick] But *he* was sent to kill you!
— The Mummy Returns 2001 you
Red: Get out of my way. Get out of my way. Get out of my way, or Im gonna shoot you in the face.Spivey: He means it. He shot someone before!
— The Mummy Returns 2001 you
Rick: [Rick opens up his trunk] You want the shotgun?Ardeth Bay: No, I prefer the Thompson.
— The Mummy Returns 2001 you

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