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The Wedding Singer 1998

Petey: Hey Linda, youre a bitch.Robbie: Thanks Petey, go back into the house. He might have Tourette Syndrome. Were looking into it.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 you
Robbie: [singing] I wanna make you smile whenever youre sad / Carry you around when your arthritis is bad / All I wanna do is grow old with you. / Ill get your medicine when your tummy aches / build you a fire if the furnace breaks / Oh it could be so nice, growin old with you. / Ill miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold. / Need you, feed you, Ill even let you hold the remote control. / So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink / Put you to bed when youve had too much to drink. / Oh I could be the man to grow old with you. / I wanna grow old with you.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 art
Billy Idol: Good afternoon, everyone. Were flying at 26,000 feet, moving up to 30,000 feet, and weve got clear skies all the way to Las Vegas. Right now, were bringing you some in-flight entertainment. One of our first class passengers would like to sing you a song inspired by one of our coach passengers. And since we let our first class passengers do, pretty much whatever they want, here he is...
— The Wedding Singer 1998 men
Robbie: All right, remember - alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you!
— The Wedding Singer 1998 body
Father of the Bride: Hey, buddy, Im not paying you to hear your thoughts on life. Im paying you to sing.Robbie: Well, I have a microphone, and you dont, SO YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY DAMN WORD I HAVE TO SAY!
— The Wedding Singer 1998 life
Robbie: I dont even know your last name.Glenn: Its Guglia.[says it Gulia]Robbie: Guglia? Oh, so Julias last names gonna be Guglia. Julia Guglia! Thats funny!Glenn: [unamused] Why is that funny?Robbie: I - dont know.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 funny
Julia: [into the mirror in her wedding dress] Hi. Nice to meet you. Im Julia Guglia.[disgusted at the sound of it]Julia: Julia Guglia. Hi, its nice to meet you Im Julia Guglia...[breaks out in tears, pauses, then smiles]Julia: Hello, its nice to meet you. Im Mrs. Robbie Hart.[dreamily]Julia: Robbie and I are so pleased you could come to our wedding...
— The Wedding Singer 1998 art
Jimmie Moore: [after listening to Robbies song] Hes losing his mind.[Eyes widen]Jimmie Moore: And Im reaping all the benefits.[smiles and disappears behind the curtain]
— The Wedding Singer 1998 mind
Robbie: Are you drinking, too?Julia: No, its Coca-Cola.Robbie: Are you sure? Theres no rum in that Coca-Cola?Julia: Im not a big drinker. And if it was, Id probably be puking more than that kid!Robbie: Oh, I dont think anybody could puke more than than kid. I think I saw a boot come out of him.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 body
Rosie: Are you nervous?Robbie: Im actually not that nervous. Ive been around lots of weddings before, so I figure it wont be very different.Rosie: I didnt mean about the wedding. I meant about the wedding night. Will this be your first time with intercourse?Robbie: Uh...Rosie: Well, dont be ashamed. You know, when I got married, I wasnt a virgin. Id already had intercourse with eight men.Robbie: Now, thats something I didnt wanna know about.Rosie: That was a lot back then; itd be like two hundred today!
— The Wedding Singer 1998 time
Robbie: Can I borrow your credit card?Sammy: Youre gonna pay me back, right?Robbie: No. But if you dont give it to me, Im gonna tell everyone what you said at the bar.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 you
[at a job interview for a bank]Mr. Simms: Do you have any experience?Robbie: No, sir, I have no experience but Im a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. Id like to put more in that jar. Thats where you come in.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 money
Robbie: Hey, psycho - were not gonna discuss this, OK, its over. Please get out of my Van Halen t-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 you
[Rosie is trying to get Robbie to practice asking women out]Rosie: Ill be a beautiful young woman, and you be Robbie. Now, ask me out.Robbie: You know, Im really not comfortable...Rosie: [In character] Hello, sir. Was there something you wanted to ask me?Robbie: [sighs] Fine. Would you like to go out on a date with me?Rosie: [solemnly] No. Your penis is too small.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 women
Robbie: Hey, psycho, Im not gonna feel better about this, its over. Now please get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.Linda: Oh, okay, so youre still pissed about that wedding thing?[screen switches to Linda on the front porch with the door slamming behind her]
— The Wedding Singer 1998 you
Glenn: Hey, asswipe, dont go snitching to Julia about this. I know you got a little crush on her, but you gotta face the facts: shed rather go to bed with a REAL man. Not some poor singing orphan.Robbie: All right, shithead. I havent been in a fight since I was in the fifth grade, but I beat the shit out of that kid, so now Im going to beat the shit out of you.[Old guy throws a weak punch at Glenn and misses horribly]Robbie: Hey, what are you doing, man?Old Man in Bar: Im sorry. I used to be much stronger.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 man
David Dave Veltri: Little news flash, Pop. Ha. Harold aint so perfect. Remember that time in Puerto Rico when we picked up those two, uh... well, I guess they were prostitutes, but I dont remember paying.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 time
Robbie: You hit two cones back there. Those could have been people... they could have been guests at her wedding!Sammy: [exasperated] They were *cones*!
— The Wedding Singer 1998 people
Glenn: [after punching Robbie] You know, you should write a song about this. You could call it I got punched in the nose for sticking my face in other peoples business.[he and his friends walk off laughing]Old man in bar: Sounds like a country song!
— The Wedding Singer 1998 people
Old man in bar: You need a prostitute.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 man
Father of the Bride: You are the worst wedding singer in the world, buddy!Robbie: Sir, one more outburst, I will strangle you with my microphone wire. You understand me.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 world
[about women]Old Man in Bar: They rip your heart out of your ass!
— The Wedding Singer 1998 women
Glenns buddy: Robbie Hart? Oh, man, I heard what happened to you at your wedding, that was so cold! You mustve felt like shit!Robbie: No, it felt real good, thanks for bringing that up, man. Hey, my parents died when I was ten, would you like to talk about that?Glenns buddy: No, why would I wanna talk about that?Robbie: I dont know.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 art
Julia: I puked.Robbie: Okay. Dont worry.Julia: I vomited in my hair.Robbie: All right.Julia: Does my hair smell bad?[Robbie smells her hair]Robbie: No, it smells good, actually.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 good
Glenn: Who are you going out with?Holly: Robbie.Glenn: Oh good, that guy needs to get laid.Holly: Excuse me! Just because hes going out with me doesnt mean hes going to get laid.[Glenn and Julia look at her]Holly: ... All right, he probably will.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 good
Julia: May I ask what happened with Linda?Robbie: She wasnt the right one, I guess.Julia: Did you have any idea she wasnt the right one when you were together?Robbie: I should have. Uh, I remember we went to the Grand Canyon one time. We were flying there and Id never been there before and Linda had, so you would think that she would give me the window seat but she didnt and... not that thats a big deal, you know. Its just there were a lot of little things like that. I know that sounds stupid...Julia: Not at all. I think its the little things that count.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 time
Rosie: [rapping] I said hip hop, a hibbi to da hibbi da hip hip hoppin, ya dont stop-a rockin to da bang bang boogie say up jump da boogie to da rhythm to da boogie da beat!
— The Wedding Singer 1998 ya
Petey: [dressed as the Slasher] I made this for you, Uncle Robbie.Robbie: [takes it] Aw, thanks, Freddy Kruger.Robbie: [sees its the wedding photo of himself and Linda, who hes drawn red devils horns on] Thats not nice... Very creative, though.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 evil
Holly: How was your *bottle of rum* last night?Julia: Did I vomit on you?Holly: A little on my shoe, but luckily I was wearing your shoes.Julia: Good.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 good
Robbie: But the worst thing is: that Me, Fatty, Sideburns Lady, and the mutants over at Table 9, will never ever find a way to better the situation, because apparently we have nothing to offer the opposite sex.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 sex
Holly: [tosses a Rubiks Cube across the room] No one will ever solve that.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 will
Julia: Not porno tongue. Church tongue.Robbie: [laughing] Church tongue, I like that.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 church
Sammy: If you find somebody you can love, you cant let that get away.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 love
Andy: [watering plants as Sammy pulls up] About time his best friend showed up.Sammy: How is he?Andy: I dunno, man. He just stays down in the basement since it happened... Five days now. I think he might be having some kind of mental situation, or something.Sammy: Ill talk to him.Sammy: [the camera follows him as he walks to the house, singing to himself]Andy: [off camera] Hey, you better do something. I dont wanna be known as brother-in-law of the town nut job; I got enough problems already.Andy: [sound of water splosing]Andy: Oh, shit, I just got water all over myself.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 time
Robbie: [Glenn offers him a drink after Jason insults him] No, Im not a big drinker.Glenn: Well I am, how about an Alabama Slammer?Glenns buddy: Sounds like a plan.Robbie: Yeah, go ahead, have a few drinks and, you know, drive home.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 home
Julia: Can I get some more prime rib?Andre: Prime rib, always the prime rib. Make them eat the fish!Holly: Four more prime ribs.Andre: [bowing] Your wish is my command, my darling.Julia: How come hes so nice to you?Holly: I let him look at my boobs at the Christmas party last year. Not my finest half hour, but its been a pleasant working environment ever since.Julia: [he looks at Julia] No!
— The Wedding Singer 1998 art
Robbie: See? Billy Idol gets it!
— The Wedding Singer 1998
Robbie: Hey, the goofball brothers!Tyler: Is it true youre in the middle of a nervous breakdown?Robbie: What? No!Petey: Nervous breakdown! Nervous breakdown!Robbie: Who said that?Tyler: Everybodys been saying that.Robbie: Everybody? Youre eight years old... the only people you know are your parents!Tyler: Is it true youre going to end up in a mental institution?Petey: Cuckoos nest! Cuckoos nest!
— The Wedding Singer 1998 people
Holly: God, I love David Bowie. He is SO sexy.Glenn: You think the time to make the donuts guy is sexy.Robbie: Heh heh, that guy is funny.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 love
Robbie: Thats it, man, starting right now, me and you are going to be free and happy the rest of our lives!Sammy: Im not happy. Im miserable.Robbie: Wha - what?Sammy: See... I grew up idolizing guys like Fonzie and Vinnie Barbarino because they got a lot of chicks. You know what happened to Fonzie and Vinnie Barbarino?Robbie: Yeah, I read that Fonzie wants to be a director and Barbarino, I think... the mechanical bull movie? I didnt see it yet.Sammy: Their shows got canceled. Because no one wants to see a fifty-year-old guy hitting on chicks.Robbie: So what are you saying?Sammy: What Im saying is all I really want is someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be all right.Old man in bar: [Comes up behind him and hugs him] Everything is going to be all right.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 art
Kate: [ready to leave for a date] Come on, Andy! Move your ass!Andy: Hang on, hon! Im watching Dallas! I think J.R. might be dead or something - they shot him!
— The Wedding Singer 1998 you
Julia: You must be Linda.Linda: Yeah, thats me, Robbies fiance. Who are you?Julia: Im Julia Sullivan. Would you tell him that I came by to see him?Linda: Oh yeah, surely will, Jennifer.Julia: Hey, its Julia -[Door slams]
— The Wedding Singer 1998 you
Robbie: How did you know that Glenn was the right one?Julia: The right one, ah... I always just envisioned the right one being someone I could see myself growing old with.Robbie: Yeah.Julia: And... Glenn would *be* a really good-looking older man. Like Blake Carrington.Robbie: Im gonna probably look like Buddy Hackett.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 self
Robbie: Sleep it off, pal. All right.David Dave Veltri: [drunk] Hey, you know, wedding singer... Aroooo![trips and falls off the step]
— The Wedding Singer 1998 sin
Sammy: Hey, how do I look?Robbie: I dont know, man. I would lose that glove. You look nuts.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 love
Julia: Hey, Glenn, do you mind if we switch seats so I sat in the window seat?Glenn: Mmm. I hate the aisle seat. Every time that drink cart comes by it bangs me in the elbows.
— The Wedding Singer 1998 time

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101sharequotes Quotes Topics Famous Occupations Motivation Inspirational Life Love Funny Success Friendship