The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6

Nostalgia Critic: So I think in the end, it is a love story, and a damn good one, too. It just may take looking at it from a more adult standpoint as opposed to a young standpoint in order to figure that out. So its a very strong possibility that Shakespeare did know what he was doing, and was still the master that we always thought he was before, and not even all the Claire Danes, Leonardo DiCaprios or Baz Luhrmanns of the world could diminish it. Though granted, it was a pretty good try.

Voiceover: when the women leave the counsellor to be eaten by a tiger How will the counsellor get out of this one? Will he be the main course for our ferocious feline? Will he be ripped to shreds and left for tiger chow? counsellor is shown just sitting up and walking away throwing his ropes aside Will his body be gnawed until the gnawer can gnaw no more? Will he be next weeks kitty litter? Will tiger digestion be his new iPod playlist? Will he have to spend the rest of his life as a kitty kebab? he is now driving to a Subway snack bar Can the counsellor stand being part of a g-g-g-r-reat balanced breakfast? Is there any escape from his delicious decadent doom? TUNE IN TOMORROW! Same Bat time, same Bat site!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 life

How to Train Your Catwoman manual by Mark Gough: Try playing to the Catwomans duality, it often wins them critical praise./A Catwoman can never resist a romantic dance sequence./If you are confronted by Halle Berry you are doomed for she clearly has no idea of what makes a good Catwoman.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 man

Nostalgia Critic: This really was a rare person who changed more than even I think hes aware of, and it really really breaks my heart that hes gone. But what I do know is that what he has left us is a great education about movies -- about understanding movies, about the passion of loving movies -- and thats a greater education that I know I couldnt teach, I know so many other critics couldnt teach. But he found a way and he did it so unbelievably well and I can say very honestly so many people got it, we heard it and we loved it and we loved you, Roger Ebert. Im the Nostalgia Critic, and you will always be remembered.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 love

Nostalgia Critic: Its not the funniest episode. Its not the smartest episode. Its not even the best written episode. But it came at a time when America needed South Park. It had been 3 months since the previous South Park episode and in that time, not only did 9/11 happen, but a series of anthrax attacks that was being sent through the mail was putting the country in a state of absolute fear. Security tightened everywhere, our country was on the brink of war, America was changed forever. Nobody knew how or what to feel. So when the news that South Park was going to return to TV was announced, a lot of people were wondering what are they gonna do? What could they do? Would it be a touching episode? An in-depth episode? What side would they pick? What issues were they going to tackle? What the hell was South Park going to do? Literally, the first frame set the mood

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 fear

Nostalgia Critic: Well, I guess since last weekend, we all know what the next blockbuster to be this year is: Thats right, Scary Movie V, the fifth and the record-breaking saga that seems to bring in less and less money every single time ones released! Wait a minute, how can that be when other spoof movies have been doing so well, like Haunted House, and Vampires Suck, and Stan Helsing and- In utter disbelief My god, what the hell happened!? What the hell happened to good spoof movies!?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 god

Nostalgia Critic: about Jeff Goldblum But its alright. To account for that, they make the characters motivations and identities disgustingly simple, even down to dressing them in Care Bear colours. Which one is Grant? Hes the one in blue. Which one is Hammond? Oh, hes the one in white. Which is the a-hole who everyone will love until they realize hes always going to do that one note for the rest of his life so theyll have to dig their brains out with a fork because hes so goddamn irritating?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 love

The Nostalgia Critic: Thats the darkly-dressed evil one known as Jeff Goldblum! close-up of his mouth SHOOT HIM! Goldblum laughs SHOOT HIM! SHOOT HIM! A gun is shot at Goldblum but the bullets bounce off his laughing face Yea Goldblum, or, the Wizard of Uhs, as I like to call him, wasnt a complete unknown before this flick, but he became a household name after this flick and people fell in love with his performance. And at the time, it was kind of charming. People had never seen this kind of performance in a blockbuster film before.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 love

Ian Malcolm: Were going to conduct an experiment, we, should uh, be still, but, uh, thats OK, cos, uh, the cars moving up and down.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 men

Nostalgia Critic: So, Kubricks to blame for that ending? The Stanley Kubrick? The Shining, A Clockwork Orange, Paths of Glory? Hes the one that put together that incredibly sappy ending? Wow. Maybe in the end, Kubrick was trying to make that Spielberg movie he never could, which ironically resulted in Spielberg making that Kubrick movie he never could. The film is so disjointed and all over the place, and clearly not one vision. But at the same time, bringing that vision to life, even though so many people were against it, just to make a close friends dream come true. Maybe he Spielberg understood Kubrick better than we thought he did. Maybe he understood him better than any of us did. Maybe representing a persons work and representing a person himself are more similar than we realized.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 life

Nostalgia Critic: So, in answer to Are Video Games Art? or high art I would make the argument that if people dont see that the answer is yes they will.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 art

Nostalgia Critic: on the films flatulence jokes Its like for all the terrible humor going on in this movie, theres a fascinating journey of this one joke, and like the peaks and valleys its taking in the evolution! Thats actually kind of fascinating! Fart joke, how do you do it?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 humor

Nostalgia Critic: Next, Ill explain how Care Bears is related to our current economic downward spiral or maybe I should just stop there?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 war

Nostalgia Critic: on Gimli Number 9: Gimlis Idiot Moments. So yeah, when making an adaptation as big as Lord of the Rings you cant go into quite as much detail as the books can, so I guess, some times, characters have to be simplified, thats understandable enough. But good God, what did you do to Gimli?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 god

Nostalgia Critic: At first, he started off OK, he was simple and emotional, but still had a sense of honour and dignity.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 art

Gimli: from Fellowship of the Ring Let them come, there is one Dwarf yet in Moria, who still draws breath!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 war

Nostalgia Critic: Yet, as the movies went on, he just got goofier and goofier. Gimli belches And goofier.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 nostalgia

Gimli: from Extended version What do trees have to talk about, except the consistency of squirrel droppings!?!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 trees

Nostalgia Critic: And goofier. Gimli passes out drunk He went from being his own unique flavor of badass Gimli is shown fighting Orcs to just being silly comic relief!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 fight

Nostalgia Critic: Even he seemed to realize his race only existed to get a chuckle out of the real heroes!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 nostalgia

Gimli: from Extended Its true you dont see many Dwarf women this has given rise to the belief, that there are no Dwarf women, and that Dwarves just spring out of holes in the ground! Eowyn laughs hysterically

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 war

Nostalgia Critic: Dont believe me? Just watch this scene and tell me if the punchline music doesnt write itself! He plays Gimli falling off his horse with the Mwa-mwa-mwaaaaaa music playing Its odd that we had to wait a whole prequel to see a dignified Dwarf character, and until then we only had Gimli as the representation of dignified Dwarfs. Gimli belches

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 war

Nostalgia Critic: Thank God he had his bad-ass moments in there too, because If not, this wouldve been a representation of Dwarf lack-face.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 god

Nostalgia Critic: on the ending Even How It Should Have Ended had this in their version! cut to the Eagles throwing the Ring into the volcano

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 nostalgia

Nostalgia Critic: And dont get me wrong, I have nothing against them being gay, in fact it would have been cool if theyd been the first openly gay characters in fantasy.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 fantasy

Nostalgia Critic: You can see every wrinkle on his face! I know close-angle shots were meant to be impressive but how would you like it if I filmed all my conversations in close-up!?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 you

Nostalgia Critic: Valjean then sings about how important it is to protect Marius, describing him like a son. A son hes only known for a few minutes.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 sin

Nostalgia Critic: Meanwhile, Commander Zhao I guess, is talking to this other guy who puckers his lips so much, I swear hes waiting to be kissed by him.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 man

Nostalgia Critic: Alright, nothing like moving into a new place: Doing some heavy lifting, stretching the muscles, alright guys?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 nostalgia

Rachel: He has been watching The Shining and he is going to go crazy just like Jack Nicholson does! Weve got to go and stop him!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 crazy

The Nostalgia Critic: Oh wow its snowing its amazing tee hee ha de haar Satan and his demon army can wait its SNOWING! Oh my God, I cant take any more of this shit!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 god

Nostalgia Critic: Oh, look! A commercial! I do hope theyre still talking when they come back from it!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 hope

Georges Méliès: So they got in this very flat, strange looking device that kind of looked like a penis and launched it into the moon. Oh, the moon, by the way, has a face on it, and it actually hits the face in the eye. Ho, ho! This would be rather unbelievable if we were to see this visually, but NAH!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 strange

The Nostalgia Critic: Oh my God I need a drink. God, I need a drink. I would sell my damn soul for just a shot of vodka. Looks up at the previously empty bar Oh hi. Smiles manically Pretty dead tonight, isnt it?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 god

The Nostalgia Critic: You know, Dominic, its funny, I didnt even think this place had any alcohol, or a bar.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 funny

Rachel: In the Kubrick version Jack was just scary from the start. But in this version he was a three-dimensional character who you could actually sympathize with.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 art

Malcolm: I guess the idea of Stephen King doing something better than Kubrick has destroyed his mind!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 mind

Nostalgia Critic: If youre even remotely interested in seeing a film with a title as stupid as this, youre pretty much gonna get what you expect. Its lame, its crazy, its completely over-the-top. What else can you say? Its called Sharknado.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 you

Nostalgia Critic: This seems like a very colorful group of characters to randomly be on an elevator with.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 character

The Nostalgia Critic: So, we start off our film with a logo which reads Night Chronicles and then the number one, eh?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 art

Santa Christ: Oh yeah, I remember this - this is the series of films Shaymalan was supposed to direct.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 christ

The Nostalgia Critic: And because Shaymalan can never start a movie without some important-looking text; heres some important-looking text.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 art

Movie text: Be watchful; be vigilant, because your adversary the Devil walks about as a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 evil

The Nostalgia Critic: Ah, now this is especially essential, because, without it, we could never have come to the conclusion, that the Devil is bad!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 evil

Nostalgia Critic: Really? Just like that, Devil? Youre not leaving it open for more reasonable explanations; like the Great Pumpkin or the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 evil

The Nostalgia Critic: But thats nothing - what proof does he have that the Devil is near? Oh, turn up the volume for this one - maximize the frame, draw all of your attention to the screen! He looks around Get close, get closer. He pulls in Santa Christ and Rita Get close, get real close, this has to be seen and heard with the utmost clarity to be believed! OK MOVIE, whats your proof?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 evil

Satan: Well how do you know that I did it? You both have your own reasons, you could both be as guilty. Nostalgia Critic, you hate the Power Rangers!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 power

Superman: I lost my parents in childhood, grew up a loner that no-one understood, and spent years brooding as an aimless drifter. But through the inspiring words of my father, Ill become a symbol, an icon, a savior to restore hope to those who have none

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 hope

Nostalgia Critic: Superman gets him in a headlock, but Zod vows to make what he supposedly cares for most suffer.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 man

Nostalgia Critic: Im the Nostalgia Critic, and I have just seen the absolute worst holiday special that I have ever witnessed in my entire life!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 life

Nostalgia Critic: So Mrs. Mavilda bets all the money she has on poker games with her friends, and the kids continue to suffer for it. She doesnt even let them feed the street dog named Licorice, as she tries to have the pound take him away.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 money

Nostalgia Critic: But they come across some troubles on their search, like Baloo from the Jungle Book.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 book

Rafe McCauley: I was doing it to try and inspire the men, sir. In the way youve inspired me. I believe the French even have a word for that, when the men get together and honor their leaders, its called an homage, sir!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 men

Nostalgia Critic: Mocking Doolittle Dont throw your million-dollar words around me! What complicated French phrases are next!? Baguette!? Croissant!? Gérard Depardieu!?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 words

Nostalgia Critic: But meanwhile, our Japanese enemies plot their surprise attack, led by God on high treasure to the entire world and whatever parts of the universe are left undiscovered Mako.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 god

The Nostalgia Critic: But, I have to admit, the action for the most part is pretty well done. I mean, you can see whats going on, the acts intense, the effects are pretty impressive. But, even Bay couldnt let this pass without some bullshit moments! For example

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 art

Kim: Look, all I know is that all that TV youve been showing her has resulted in her spinning her head and puking Ecto Cooler.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 you

Satan: You WHORE of no virtue! One more outbreak like this and Ill take away your artificial husband.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 art

Satan: Cerberus nine balls! You threw it into the human world?! Mankind is not ready for something so depraved. God help the poor soul who comes across that nightmare of sadism!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 god

Nostalgia Critic: It wasnt hated, but it wasnt loved, either. People just didnt know what to think of it. My opinion, personally? Not only do I think it was an incredible movie, but I think its one of the best films to come out of the past few decades. Why? Because I think it best understands more than any other film the dramatic and potent mindset of a childs psychology.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 love

Russell Crowe: All the critics praised me. They said theyd never heard anything like it. If Anne Hathaway didnt get the Academy Award, Id be the one who won that Best Supporting Actress. Now rewrite the music before I punch you. Violently.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 war

Nostalgia Critic: You could make the argument that this is totally spitting in the face of history, but the other versions seemed to do that already. This is more a scrotum shaving of history: painful, insulting and not nearly short enough.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 history

Nostalgia Critic: Okay, look, lady um, Im not gonna act like there isnt some double standard bullshit going on in the world. Uh, women getting paid less than men? Thats bullshit. Uh, men sleeping around with women being called a player, but a woman sleeps around with men, shes called a slut? Thats bullshit. But when you go around with your theories that there are in fact catwomen who exist today, and have existed years in the past because the spirits of the Egyptian gods are in these little tiny felines going around who breathe on dead women, bringing them back to life -- a sort of catwoman zombie, if you will -- who now exist and fight crime even to this day why do you think nobody believed you again?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 life

Nostalgia Critic: If you havent noticed, Ive babysitting this weekend because I owe a certain someone a certain favour. phones somebody Hello, Mr Zebub, are you done?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 hell

Satan: Almost I am just wrapping up the plans for my next movie deal! triumphant smirk - holding a binder with what is supposedly movie art for Planes

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 art

The Nostalgia Critic: This is what I get for trading my soul for good Zod impersonation. he sees Evilina smiling unnervingly at him So, what do kids normally do? They make tofu or something?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 soul

Evilina: No, he only supposed to rhyme once in a while. And wheres all the subplots and in-jokes and advertisements and forced morals and penis innuendos?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 men

Nostalgia Critic: This isnt Dr. Suess! Its not even close! Its evil corporate pandering, with freaky imagery thats promoting everything wrong with humanity. This was next to Son of the Mask, wasnt it?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 humanity

Nostalgia Critic: No, I got it! I know what this is! This is one of those fake trailers before Tropic Thunder. The one that looks real but is so goddamn stupid it couldnt possibly exist, except this one actually exists, and you should cry because of it.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 god

Nostalgia Critic: I mean, does it make any sense at all? Cat gets hit in the balls, hes in a dress and on a swing

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 nostalgia

Nostalgia Critic: I have nothing for it, I have no jokes at all. Have I lost my mind, Evilina? Could it be that Ive lost my touch in making fun of scenes like this? Could it be that The Cat in the Hat has broken me?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 mind

Nostalgia Critic: Yes, you just saw that. He literally, directly advertised to you, Universal Studios. I dont think the entire running time of The Wizard is as big a sell-out as that mere couple of seconds of Mike Myers winking! In fact, I think every Dr. Seuss movie can be summed up in that one gesture! Painfully obvious references?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 time

Nostalgia Critic: Appealing desperately to the lowest common denominator the same way Michael Bay does to penises and Stephanie Meyer appeals to vaginas?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 nostalgia

Nostalgia Critic: But, if you know the story, oh, lets face it, doesnt matter if you do, they followed it so *rarely*, the Cat comes in and fixes everything. And it wouldnt be a shitty Dr. Seuss movie if it didnt have a shitty pop song for the soundtrack. And youre not gonna believe it, but they literally reference that selling point too!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 believe

Peter Soulless: Well, its Hip Writing Fact #1 - If you say youre doing something painful and stupid, its immediately no longer painful and stupid.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 writing

Peter Soulless: No! No, youre wrong! YOURE ALL WRONG! Im gonna show you ALL the Seuss movies until you appreciate them!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 soul

Nostalgia Critic: Well, maybe theres some hope after all. Im the Nostalgia Critic; I remember it

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 hope

Nostalgia Critic: This is what we needed. We needed a good laugh at the whole thing and we needed it to be done by South Park.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 good

Zordon: STOP IT! I have brought you here because Rita — our oldest and most embarrassing enemy — has returned. She wishes to foil the Power Rangers 20th Anniversary!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 power

Zordon: Because shes the most pathetic villain weve ever had, and resents the show for it, and she wants to see everything connected to the Power Rangers destroyed.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 power

Zordon: Thats precisely why we need you. Rita has taken over every screen in the world and shown one of the Power Rangers most despised projects!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 power

Zordon: Very well. You will have to use hand-to-hand combat. Fight him off with all your martial arts skills and maybe we wont have to use the giant robot.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 art

Nostalgia Critic: You got a problem? Take it up with the flour tortilla that used to be your monster. And just to pour more salt in the wound, Im gonna keep reviewing the movie. Think of it as a victory lap for those who know how to use their giant robots.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 you

Nostalgia Critic: speaking really close to camera Hey, Malcolm, I heard they are getting a new judge for American Idol.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 america

A hand clamps down on his shoulder, spinning him round, and Santa Christ comes right out of a closet into a close-up of his face

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 christ

Nostalgia Critic: However, thats only sex. Groping, blow jobs, hand jobs and whatever else your perverted imagination can come up with is all perfectly legal.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 sex

Nostalgia Critic: However, they have cracked down on human trafficking, forced prostitution and other illegal acts endangering people in that age range.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 people

Nostalgia Critic: But that doesnt stop people creating kinky establishments like the Sexual Harassment Corporation where you pay to molest girls in school and business sets and is totally, 100% legal.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 people

Young Nostalgia Critics penis: All penises can talk around this age. Its the greatest secret no woman knows about, but wouldnt be in the least bit shocked to discover.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 man

Nostalgia Critic: Actually, things got interesting when they came along, because they were cousins in the show, but not in the Japanese version. No, no: in the Japanese version, they were a couple. Thats right, straight up lesbians.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 sin

Nostalgia Critic: Oh, come on! I thought this was supposed to be the musical of emotion and feelings!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 music

Nostalgia Critic: Well, how? Its passing over all of the essential relationships and transformations that create drama. You can do whole entire musicals based on one of the changes these characters go through. But instead, they squeeze each change into one song and dump in more characters and stories not needed. Why cant they just focus on the already heavy characters and stories that they have?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 relationships

Nostalgia Critic: Four more characters? With four more storylines to add to the jumble? Next, youll be telling me theyre bringing back characters they already got rid of!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 character

Kyle: Critic does bring up a good point. Doing a film adaption is tricky enough already, but this is a medium transfer, from a medium transfer. You go from a book, which an audience usually allows to be as long as it wants, to a Broadway show, which audiences usually allow for 3 hours, with an intermission, to a movie, which audiences usually allow 2 and a half hours at most, with no intermission.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 book

Nostalgia Critic: Exactly. If they wanted this adaption to work, they had to make bigger changes, without being afraid of the purest fan-base. Whenever confrontation pops up, they shouldnt be expected to run and hide.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 change

BrentalFloss: Hey you guys! You were right! It is easy to become a doctor! I got my medical certification in one day!

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 loss

Oancitizen: This is especially disrespectful to the original as the song was supposed to be sung quietly and soothing. Here he belts it out.

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 respect

Nostalgia Critic: But waitjust because I know about it doesnt mean the people at home know about it. How are we gonna catch them up to speed?

— The Nostalgia Critic/Season 6 people

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