Woody Allen (Film Director)

#3624 Woody Allen

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. .

Woody Allen Quotes about ya
#3625 Woody Allen

Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown. .

Woody Allen Quotes about universe
#3626 Woody Allen

Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement! .

Woody Allen Quotes about life
#3627 Woody Allen

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you meet a lot of interesting people, you travel a lot. .

Woody Allen Quotes about people
#3628 Woody Allen

Allen: That's quite a lovely , isn't it?Woman: Yes, it is.Allen: What does it say to you?Woman: It restates the negativeness of the universe. The hideous lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness. The predicament of man forced to live in a barren, godless eternity like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void with nothing but waste, horror, and degradation, forming a useless, bleak straitjacket in a black, absurd cosmos.Allen: What are you doing Saturday night?Woman: Committing suicide.Allen: What about Friday night? .

Woody Allen Quotes about love
#3629 Woody Allen

On bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. .

Woody Allen Quotes about sex
#3630 Woody Allen

Love is the answer. But while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. .

Woody Allen Quotes about sex
#3631 Woody Allen

There have been times when I've thought of suicide but with my luck it'd probably be a temporary solution. .

Woody Allen Quotes about time
#3632 Woody Allen

The difference between sex and death is, with death you can do it alone and nobody's going to make fun of you. .

Woody Allen Quotes about death
#3634 Woody Allen

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. .

Woody Allen Quotes about love
#3635 Woody Allen

It figures you’ve got to hate yourself if you’ve got any integrity at all. .

Woody Allen Quotes about self
#3636 Woody Allen

Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the only answer. .

Woody Allen Quotes about love
#3637 Woody Allen

I should stop ruining my life searching for answers I'm never gonna get, and just enjoy it while it lasts. .

Woody Allen Quotes about life
#3638 Woody Allen

What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people. .

Woody Allen Quotes about people
#3639 Woody Allen

[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent. .

Woody Allen Quotes about universe
#3640 Woody Allen

Change is death. .

Woody Allen Quotes about death
#3641 Woody Allen

I can't listen to that much . I start getting the urge to conquer Poland. .

Woody Allen Quotes about art
#3642 Woody Allen

Some guy hit my car fender the other day, and I said unto him, "Be fruitful and multiply." But not in those words. .

Woody Allen Quotes about words
#3643 Woody Allen

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment. .

Woody Allen Quotes about art
#3644 Woody Allen

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? .

Woody Allen Quotes about believe
#3645 Woody Allen

We're worth a lot of dough. Whatever you see is antiques. This thing here. This is from — I don't remember exactly. I think it's the Renaissance or the Magna Carta or something. But that's where it's from. .

Woody Allen Quotes about art
#3646 Woody Allen

I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't. .

Woody Allen Quotes about joy
#3647 Woody Allen

As a filmmaker, I'm not interested in[...] it's too small, history overwhelms it. The history of the world is like: He kills me, I kill him, only with different cosmetics and different castings. So in 2001, some fanatics killed some Americans, and now some Americans are killing some Iraqis. And in my childhood, some Nazis killed Jews. And now, some Jewish people and some Palestinians are killing each other. Political questions, if you go back thousands of years, are ephemeral, not important. History is the same thing over and over again. .

Woody Allen Quotes about history
#3649 Woody Allen

I made the statement years ago which is often quoted that 80 percent of life is showing up. People used to always say to me that they wanted to write a play, they wanted to write a movie, they wanted to write a novel, and the couple of people that did it were 80 percent of the way to having something happen. All the other people struck out without ever getting that pack. They couldn’t do it, that’s why they don’t accomplish a thing, they don’t do the thing, so once you do it, if you actually write your film script, or write your novel, you are more than half way towards something good happening. So that I was say my biggest life lesson that has worked. All others have failed me. .

Woody Allen Quotes about life
#3650 Woody Allen

To me there's no real difference between a fortune teller or a fortune cookie and any of the organized religions. They're all equally valid or invalid, really. And equally helpful. .

Woody Allen Quotes about religion
#3651 Woody Allen

This is my perspective and has always been my perspective on life: I have a very grim, pessimistic view of it. I always have, since I was a little boy. It hasn’t gotten worse with age or anything. I do feel that it’s a grim, painful, nightmarish, meaningless experience, and that the only way that you can be happy is if you tell yourself some lies and deceive yourself. .

Woody Allen Quotes about life
#3652 Woody Allen

My relationship with death remains the same - I'm strongly against it, All I can do is wait for it, .

Woody Allen Quotes about death
#3654 Woody Allen

The film studios learned to our dismay but to their pleasure that if they spent $200 million making a film they could make half a billion on it. So they were not interested anymore in quality films… They can’t afford to be that risky at those prices. Consequently you’re getting a lot of remakes, sequels, dopey comedies full of toilet jokes… .

Woody Allen Quotes about you
#3655 Woody Allen

I don't believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. .

Woody Allen Quotes about life
#3657 Woody Allen

It is impossible to experience one's own death objectively and still carry a tune. .

Woody Allen Quotes about death

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