Woody Allen (Film Director)

#3681 Woody Allen

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. .

Woody Allen Quotes about sleep
#3683 Woody Allen

Rabbi Raditz of Poland was a very short rabbi with a long beard, who was said to have inspired manywith his sense of humor. One of his disciples asked, "Who did God like better,or ?" "Abraham," the Zaddik said. "But Moses led the Israelites to the Promised Land," said the disciple. "All right, so Moses," the Zaddik answered. .

Woody Allen Quotes about humor
#3684 Woody Allen

It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. .

Woody Allen Quotes about travel
#3685 Woody Allen

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought — particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. .

Woody Allen Quotes about art
#3686 Woody Allen

More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. .

Woody Allen Quotes about wisdom
#3687 Woody Allen

Woody Allen as Socrates... .

Woody Allen
#3688 Woody Allen

Of all the famous men who ever lived, the one I would most like to have been was . Not just because he was a great thinker, because I have been known to have some reasonably profound insights myself, although mine invariably revolve around a Swedish airline stewardess and some handcuffs. .

Woody Allen Quotes about war
#3689 Woody Allen

Death is a state of non-being. That which is not, does not exist. Therefore death does not exist. Only truth exists. Truth and beauty. Each is interchangeable, but are aspects of themselves. Er, what specifically did they say they had in mind for me? .

Woody Allen Quotes about truth
#3690 Woody Allen

Hey listen — I've proved a lot of things. That's how I pay my rent. Theories and little observations. A puckish remark now and then. Occasional maxims. It beats picking olives, but let's not get carried away. .

Woody Allen Quotes about live
#3691 Woody Allen

Agathon: But all that talk about death being the same as sleep.Socrates: Yes, the difference is that when you're dead and somebody yells, "Everybody up, it's morning," it's very hard to find your slippers. .

Woody Allen Quotes about death
#3692 Woody Allen

Taste my tuna casserole — tell me if I put in too much hot fudge. .

Woody Allen
#3693 Woody Allen

What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause! .

Woody Allen Quotes about men
#3694 Woody Allen

I bought her this handkerchief... and I didn't even know her size. .

Woody Allen
#3695 Woody Allen

I can't listen to that much Wagner, ya know ? I start to get the urge to conquer Poland. .

Woody Allen Quotes about art
#3696 Woody Allen

[about his daughter] I'd rather she grew up here than grew up as an orphan, you know I can tolerate anybody's orphans but my own. .

Woody Allen Quotes about body
#3697 Woody Allen

...years of insanity have made this guy crazy! .

Woody Allen Quotes about insanity
#3698 Woody Allen

Harry: Between the Pope and air conditioning, I'd choose air conditioning. .

Woody Allen
#3700 Woody Allen

Harry: The most beautiful words in the English language aren't "I love you" but "it's benign." .

Woody Allen Quotes about love
#3702 Woody Allen

Cookie: What are you sad about?Harry: I'm spiritually bankrupt. I'm empty.Cookie: What do you mean?Harry: I'm frightened. I got no soul, you know what I mean? Let me put it this way: when I was younger it was less scarythan it is .Cookie: You lost me!Harry: You know that the universe is coming apart? You know about that? You know what a black hole is?Cookie: Yeah. That's how I make my living. .

Woody Allen Quotes about art
#3703 Woody Allen

Burt: Do you care even about the Holocaust or do you think it never happened?Harry: Not only do I know that we lost six million, but the scary thing is that records are made to be broken. .

Woody Allen Quotes about you
#3704 Woody Allen

Harry: No, I don't think you're paranoid. I think you're the opposite of paranoid. I think you walk around with the insane delusion that people like you. .

Woody Allen Quotes about people
#3705 Woody Allen

Harry: Tradition is the illusion of permanence. .

Woody Allen Quotes about man
#3706 Woody Allen

Harry: (On being called a self-hating Jew) Hey, I may hate myself, but not because I'm Jewish. .

Woody Allen Quotes about self
#3707 Woody Allen

Doris: You have no values. With you it's all nihilism, cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.Harry: Hey, in France I could run for office with that slogan, and win! .

Woody Allen Quotes about sarcasm
#3709 Woody Allen

Harry: All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it. .

Woody Allen Quotes about truth
#3710 Woody Allen

A CD compilation of Allen comedy routines from 1964-1968 .

Woody Allen Quotes about comedy
#3711 Woody Allen

A lot of things have happened in my private life recently that I thought we could review tonight. .

Woody Allen Quotes about life
#3712 Woody Allen

I feel sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic. .

Woody Allen Quotes about people
#3713 Woody Allen

A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said "no." .

Woody Allen Quotes about good
#3714 Woody Allen

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. .

Woody Allen Quotes about sin
#3715 Woody Allen

I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss. .

Woody Allen Quotes about self
#3716 Woody Allen

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. .

Woody Allen Quotes about soul
#3717 Woody Allen

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. .

Woody Allen Quotes about wife
#3718 Woody Allen

I'm not a drinker — my body will not tolerate spirits. I had two Martinis on New Year's Eve and I tried to hijack an elevator and fly it to Cuba. .

Woody Allen Quotes about art
#3719 Woody Allen

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. .

Woody Allen Quotes about action
#3720 Woody Allen

How could I not have known that there are little things the size of "" in the universe, which are a millionth of a billionth of a billionth of a centimeter? .

Woody Allen Quotes about time
#3721 Woody Allen

How could I not have known that there are little things the size of "" in the universe, which are a millionth of a billionth of a billionth of a centimeter? Imagine if you dropped one in a dark theater how hard it would be to find. .

Woody Allen Quotes about time
#3722 Woody Allen

And how does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket? .

Woody Allen Quotes about work
#3723 Woody Allen

With that, he scribbled in an additional ninety thousand dollars on the estimate, which had waxed to the girth of the Talmud while rivaling it in possible interpretations. .

Woody Allen Quotes about possible
#3724 Woody Allen

I have also reviewed my own financial obligations, which have puffed up recently like a hammered thumb. .

Woody Allen
#3725 Woody Allen

She quarreled with the nanny and accused her of brushing Misha's teeth sideways rather than up and down. .

Woody Allen Quotes about wit
#3726 Woody Allen

As we know, for centuries Rome regarded the Open Hot Turkey Sandwich as the height of licentiousness. .

Woody Allen
#3727 Woody Allen

I was supremely confident my flair for atmosphere and characterization would sparkle alongside the numbing mulch ground out by studio hacks. Certainly the space atop my mantel might be better festooned by a gold statuette than by the plastic dipping bird that now bobbed there ad infinitum. .

Woody Allen Quotes about man
#3728 Woody Allen

Bidnick gorges himself on Viagra, but the dosage makes him hallucinate and causes him to imagine he is . .

Woody Allen Quotes about self
#3729 Woody Allen

To a man standing on the shore, time passes quicker than to a man on a boat — especially if the man on the boat is with his wife. .

Woody Allen Quotes about time
#50736 Woody Allen

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. .

Woody Allen Quotes about love
#50737 Woody Allen

The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have. .

Woody Allen Quotes about happy
#50738 Woody Allen

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. .

Woody Allen Quotes about loneliness
#50739 Woody Allen

Eighty percent of success is showing up. .

Woody Allen Quotes about success
#50740 Woody Allen

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. .

Woody Allen Quotes about you

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